By Chris Vetter, ProWrestling.net Contributor (@chrisvetter73)
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GCW “Clusterf*ck Forever”
Streamed on TrillerTV+
April 6, 2024 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at The Auditorium at Penns Landing Caterers
The Collective is a series of about a dozen indy shows held in Philadelphia between Thursday and Saturday. The final event was “Joey Janela’s Clusterf*ck Forever.” It began at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, after the first night of WrestleMania. Dave Prazak and Veda Scott provided commentary. Even with the lateness of the time, we have 500-700 fans on hand.
* They wisely have the Punjabi Prison set up as the show goes live! I assume it takes a while to erect. It is an elaborate structure made of bamboo or kendo sticks; we’ll see how sturdy it is.
1. “Violence is Forever” Kevin Ku & Dominic Garrini defeated “Los Macizos” Ciclope & Miedo Extremo and “The Bollywood Boyz” Harv Sihra & Gurv Sihra and “South Pacific Savages” Zilla Fatu & Juicy Finau to retain the GCW Tag Titles in a Punjabi Prison match at 14:22. It’s worth pointing out that Juicy Finau was in this match rather than Jacob Fatu. Prazak noted that ViF now has the most successful title defenses in GCW history. Finau and Garrini immediately brawled to the floor, so I guess they don’t all have to stay in the ring. There are additional bamboo sticks on the floor, which Juicy used on Dominic’s back. Miedo slammed Ciclope on Ku. Several guys suplexed the massive Finau onto Ku at 2:30.
Harv climbed the structure (so it holds his weight!) and hit a flying elbow drop. This is a match where everyone is taking turns whacking each other with chairs or bamboo sticks. Ku threw a chair at Juicy’s head at 4:30; I really hate that. Harv Sihra was bleeding heavily from his forehead. Garrini was bleeding above his eye, too. (The matches in this building have not been too bloody of what I’ve seen so far, so I’m surprised at the level of bloodloss so early.) One of the Sirhas and Zilla climbed up the outside of the cage, with Zilla hitting a Samoan Drop through a table on the floor at 8:30!
Los Macizos hit a LOT of chairshots on Juicy’s head and I hate that. Ciclope climbed to the very top of the Punjabi Prison, but Zilla met him on top! Zilla hit a Samoan Spike to the throat, and Ciclope crashed through a series of tables on the floor at 10:30. ViF hit a spike piledriver on Zilla at 12:30 but he popped to his feet. ViF hit the Chasing the Dragon kick-and-brainbuster combo on Zilla but Juicy made the save. Just too many unprotected chairshots to the head. Ku leapt off the top of the structure and hit a doublestomp on a board over Juicy’s head. ViF then climbed on Juicy for the pin. I’ve registered my objections, but this was a cool visual, and the structure was much more sturdy than I would have guessed.
* Blake Christian and Shane Mercer hit the ring and the fans booed, as the announcers discussed how Blake retained his title a day ago against Joey Janela. “Finish the story,” Blake said to open his comments but the crowd shouted him down. “Joey Janela did not finish his story; his story is just f—ing over.” He said it is a “clear road to being GCW champion for a full year.” The crowd chanted “Raddy Daddy,” as Cole Radrick won a Brass Ring match to earn a title shot. Janela snuck into the ring and powerbombed Blake, then he hit a package piledriver, and he brawled to the back with Mercer! Blake is knocked out on the mat! Mance Warner hit the ring! He also previously earned a title shot! He was about to cash it in, but Effy showed up and he fought Mance to the back. (Effy wasn’t saving Blake, he’s just in this heated rivalry with Mance.)
2. Microman won the Clusterf*ck battle royal in 1:57:36. No idea how many people will be in this match. FIVE ways to be eliminated: You can be eliminated by pin, submission, being thrown over the top rope, leaving the building, or death. The crowd loves being told “Death!” is an option. Jimmy Lloyd is No. 1 but he has a neck collar on and Prazak wondered if he’s in any shape to compete. Shane Douglas is No. 2, showing that just about anyone can be in this match! Shane hit a belly-to-belly suplex and pinned Lloyd at 0:08! Shane got on the mic and said all the Philly-based promotions, including ECW “can kiss my ass!” Shota is No. 3; he is much smaller than Douglas. Shota hit a dropkick and Shane took a bump! Douglas pinned Shota after a belly-to-belly suplex.
Bam Sullivan is No. 4 at 2:30, but Shane quickly pinned him too. (This is not a gauntlet; eventually the ring will fill up!) Lindsay Snow is No. 5, and she hit several low blows on Shane. Jason Knight is No. 6 and he tossed Snow. California-based Rob Shit is No. 7, but Knight eliminated him quickly. “The Carnage Crew” Loc and Devito are No. 8 and No. 9; They were on some of the very first ROH shows I watched circa 2002, but they got eliminated within seconds. Tommy Dreamer is No. 10! This got a nice pop. He got in the ring and glared at Shane and the crowd chanted “holy shit!” Dreamer hit a DDT and pinned Shane. Everyone else has eliminated themselves so Dreamer is the only one left at this point.
Rina Yamashita is No. 11; this is fun because she’s the ultra-violent champion, and she applied the testicular claw, which Dreamer exaggerated in selling. Tony Deppen is No. 12 at 13:30. 1 Called Manders is No. 13. Charlie Tiger is No. 14, so we have five in the ring. Geoffrey John is No. 15. Indy legend Facade is No. 16. Masha Slamovich is No. 17, and she choked out John, who tapped out. She then choked out Tiger to eliminate him. She tossed out Facade. Dreamer tossed out Deppen at 21:00. Trevor Outlaw (w/Frank the Clown) is No. 18. Masha tossed Dreamer, and she pinned Outlaw! Marcus Mathers is No. 19. Veda said this is Mathers’ 10th match of the week. Rina applied the testicular claw on him.
Parrow is No. 20 at 24:00. Mike Bailey is No. 21 and the crowd popped when his music came on. Parrow tossed Bailey almost immediately and that shocked everyone! Parrow slammed Masha and pinned her too! Prazak said it shows Parrow’s strength! Pollo Del Mar is No. 22! Pollo and Parrow have apparently been feuding. Parrow yanked off Pollo’s wig and tossed them. Transgender stars Dark Sheik, Edith Surreal and Jamie Senegal all came in No. 23-25 together, and they circled Parrow. “To Infinity and Beyond” Cheech (No. 26) and Colin Delaney (No. 27) entered together at 30:00. “The Mane Event” Jay Lyon (28) and Midas Black (29) are next. Southern tag team “The Ugly Sucklings” Rob Killjoy (No. 30) and White Mike (31) join.
Chicago’s Davey Bang (32) and August Matthews (33) entered together at 34:00, so we’ve had a lot of teams enter in a row. Lyon hit a double back suplex on Bang & Matthews. A whole bunch of Southern-based guys came out together: Ariel Van Go (34), Mr. Danger (35), Bobby Flaco (36), and Terry Yaki (37). Danger hit an impressive top rope splash and they pinned both Cheech and Delaney. Midas Black was pinned. Lyon was pinned too. Bang and Matthews tossed White Mike and Rob Killjoy. Fuego Del Sol (38) and Samuel Stackhouse (39) entered together at 40:00, as they’ve also been teaming. They pinned both Bang and Matthews.
Stackhouse did a moonsault on Flaco and Yaki and pinned them both! Danger and Van Go fipped off a ladder to the floor onto a group of wrestlers and were both eliminated. Green Phantom is No. 40 at 44:00. Sexxy Eddie is No. 41; these two compete regularly in IWS in Canada. Mathers and Manders got back in the ring to fight the Canadians; they’ve been on the floor for so long you forget they were still in the match. Tara Zep from the Pacific Northwest is No. 42; she has scary white makep and is covered in tattoos. Green Phantom slammed her onto a folded chair and pinned her at 48:00. Tank is No. 43, and he traded forearms and headbutts with Manders. CPA is No. 44 at 53:00; Veda wondered how he has time to be here with tax day coming next week. He did his comedy 619 on Tank.
Alex Zayne is No. 45 and he traded offense with Mathers. (Hey GCW, give me this as a singles match!) Philly Mike is No. 46; if I’ve seen him before I don’t recall. Wheatus’ hit “Teenage Dirtbag” hit and the crowd popped for the Nate Webb (47) sing-along at 59:00. I want to point out it must be about 2 a.m. there and everyone is being goofy, as all the wrestlers still in the match are singing along, too, as they did the full song. Right on cue, Veda said the clock has struck 2 a.m. as the fans insisted “Teenage Dirtbag” is played a second time! Philly Mike attacked Webb from behind to end the fun. Philly Mike and Nate Webb fought to the floor and “left the builidng” and were eliminated.
Emil Jay is in the match at No. 48, but then Tank walked up behind him, and Emil eliminated himself! Cheeseburger (49) is in at 67:00 and he eliminated Green Phantom. Cheeseburger removed Sexxy Eddie’s thong and Eddie was naked in the ring, clutching his hands over his groin! Cheeseburger tossed Eddie. Man Like Dereiss is No. 50, as CPA tossed Cheeseburger. Dereiss was still rapping on the mic as he tossed CPA. Manomoth, the smiling angel, is No. 51; I don’t know this person, but Veda and Prazak said Manomoth debuted at the Big Gay Brunch show earlier in the day. Manomoth got a jackknife cover to pin Zayne! Mercedes Martinez is No. 52 at 74:00 and this drew a “holy shit!” chant. She hit a fisherman’s buster to pin Marcus Mathers (who has spent nearly the whole match on the floor.)
Senegal, Dark Sheik, and Edith Surreal also hopped back in the ring and attacked Mercedes; I thought they had been eliminated as it had been so long since I’d seen them. Mercedes tossed Dark Sheik. Mercedes then pinned both Surreal and Senegal. The camera showed Rina Yamashita eating food on the floor, no rush to get back into the match. Kaplan is No. 53. Stackhouse and Fuego Del Sol brawled with Manders; there are so many wrestlers in this match who have barely been in the ring. Sawyer Wreck, her broken right arm heavily bandaged, is No. 54 at 79:00! Manders tossed Kaplan to the floor, through a board bridge. Sawyer and real-life boyfriend squared off; they did this at a recent show, too.
Out came Brandon Kirk (55) and Casey Katal (56), another real-life couple. (Prazak is acknowledging this, so I am too.) The women chokeslamed the men and tossed their boyfriends! Casey and Sawyer then kissed and that got a pop. The women then “left the building” and eliminated themselves together. Jordan Oliver is No. 57 at 83:00, and he tossed Tank. Parrow got back in and chokeslammed Oliver. Parrow tossed Manomoth. Beast Man is No. 58 and squared off with Parrow. Stackhouse got in the ring and traded chops with Beast Man! Both of these two have to be at or near 400 pounds. As those two fought along the ropes, Dereiss was able to push them over and to the floor!
Viva Van is No. 59 at 88:00 and she squared off with Dereiss. They had a hilarious spot where she was going to do the “Rikishi butt rub” on his face in the corner, and he was welcoming it! However, Fuego Del Sol stopped her from doing it, which angered Dereiss. He scooped up Viva and tossed her. Gringo Loco is No. 60 as we’ve hit the 90:00 mark and he traded offense with Oliver. Grim Reefer is No. 61, and he almost immediately pulled out a joint. However, Parrow took the marijuana from him and tossed Reefer! Cole Radrick (62) and Alec Price (63) entered together. They worked together to eliminate Fuego Del Sol at 94:00.
Johnny Kashmere is No. 64! (Kashmere was the Backseat Boys tag partner with the late Trent Acid; Acid helped train Oliver, so this is cool.) Oliver and Kashmere did the “Dream Sequence” and they eliminated Radrick, then Price. Big Vin (65) and two of his minions (66-67) entered; I don’t know them. The American Giant is No. 68. He shoved Big Vin to the floor to eliminate him! He then pinned both of Vin’s minions. American Giant eliminated Man Like Dereiss. He squared off with Parrow as we have two big men in the ring. Guns N’ Roses “Welcome to the Jungle” played! Everyone knows that means Microman is in at No. 69, and he stood between these two towering men. Cheaton, a large kitten mascot, is in at No. 70. Prazak said this character debuted on one of the Collective shows I haven’t seen yet.
Parrow tossed American Giant, and he kicked Microman! A big stuffed chicken, Benny St. Guievere is No. 71. Yes, we have two big stuffed mascots in the ring. (Promoter Brett Lauderdale wasn’t kidding when he said he’s going to take on the sports entertainment branding.) Three masked guys, one with a square box on his head, are No. 72-74. Aja Kong is No. 75 and this got a massive pop; Prazak said he thought she had already gone back to Japan. She eliminated all the Kaiju Crew, then she pinned the chicken. She hit a spinning back fist and pinned the kitten. She squared off with Parrow; he hit a clothesline and pinned her at 108:00. He tossed Gringo Loco, too! Yoshihiko, the mannequin, is No. 76. Yoshihiko hit a stunner on Kashmere that sent him flying ove the top rope. Yoshihiko then tossed Oliver, then Rina Yamashita.
We have Parrow, Yoshihiko and Microman in the ring. Yoshihiko threw Parrow to the floor! We have just Microman and Yoshihiko left. But, out came Nick Gage (No. 77) at 113:00, and he’s the final participant. He kicked Microman! He grabbed Yoshihiko, whipped the mannequin around, and kicked it. He pulled out a pizza cutter and the crowd reacted in horror! He used it on the mannequin’s forehead then tossed it. Microman hit a back suplex on Gage, and he used the pizza cutter on Gage! Gage charged into a corner but Microman moved, and Gage wound up flipping to the floor! The crowd went nuts as Microman is our winner!
Final Thoughts: As I noted midway through the match, promoter Brett Lauderdale said he was willing to take up the branding of “sports entertainment” as WWE is now downplaying it. This battle royal showed why. It was absurd and crazy and fun. From humongous mascots to the Dereiss-Viva Van spot, this had plenty of comedy, some raunchiness, and of course, the absurdity of everyone selling for a mannequin and a two-foot-tall luchador. You knew what you were getting going in.
The Punjabi Prison match was fine. They clearly spent a lot of money to make sure it was well constructed and it looked good.
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