8/30 Impact Wrestling TV Results: Moore’s review of Ken Shamrock responding to Moose, Michael Elgin vs. Rhino in a Falls Count Anywhere match, Taya Valkyrie defending the Knockouts Championship, Trey Miguel vs. TJP vs. Taurus vs. Golden Magic in a four-way

By John Moore, ProWrestling.net Staffer (@liljohnm)

Impact Wrestling on Pursuit (simulcast on Twitch TV)
Taped August 15-16, 2019 in Mexico City, Mexico at Fronton Mexico

Highlights from last week’s Impact Wrestling show aired followed by the intro theme…

Josh Mathews and Don Callis were on commentary as Josh welcomed viewers to the Fronton Mexico Entertainment Center in Mexico City, Mexico…

1. TJP vs. Golden Magic vs. Trey Miguel vs. Taurus. Before the match, Golden Magic carried around a toy sword for some reason (maybe he should get in a sword fight with Daga, except Daga carried around a giant ass real sword as opposed to this toy). Josh refered to the luchadores as a “cast of characters”. Josh Mathews said the two men to hold both the WWE Cruiserweight Championship and Impact X Division Championship are TJP and Rich Swann. TJP went for his signature headscissors twist but Trey landed on his feet. TJP and Trey then traded counters. Perkins offered to help Trey off the ground and gave him a dab instead.

Wale’s Thoughts: Nobody dabs anymore, bro.

Josh noted that TJP is a huge basketball fan (a Lakers fan I believe? Go Lakers!!!). Golden Magic flew in the ring and gave TJP and Trey cutters. Golden Magic Frankensteiner’d TJP into Trey. Taurus broke up Magic’s pin on Trey. Trey gave Magic a headbutt. Taurus made weird noises. Taurus body slamed Trey into Golden Magic and gave TJP a discus lariat. Taurus gave Trey a Bitter End. Perkins broke up the subsequent pin. TJP gave Taurus an armdrag and gave Magic a huracanrana at the same time. TJP did his signature multi-person submission on Magic and Trey. Taurus broke it up. TJP and Magic tried to team up on Taurus but Taurus suplexed both of them by himself.

Trey gave Taurus a cool CQC double stomp combo. Trey did a matrix dodge and double Pele kick on Magic and TJP. TJP caught Trey with a Rolling Sobat. Trey hit TJP with a Scorpion Kick and used a cutter on TJP. TJP gave Taurus a DDT in turn. The crowd chanted “Este Lucha” (This is wrestling). Magic hit Trey with a twisting crossbody and a Final Cut. Taurus broke up the pin attempt. Taurus did a cool tightrope whisper of the wind of Magic. Taurus hit Magic with a backbreaker. TJP broke up the pin.

TJP hit Taurus with a Tornado DDT. Perkins went for a superplex but Trey escaped, hit Perkins with Cheeky Nandos and a Tiger Feint Kick. Trey also kicked Magic off the top rope. Magic dodged a double stomp. TJP lifted and hit Trey with a Bennadryller. TJP escaped a Taurus suplex. TJP locked Taurus in a kneebar. While this was happening, Magic hit Trey with a 450 to pick up the pinfall win.

Golden Magic defeated Trey Miguel, TJ Perkins, and Taurus via pinfall in 9:04.

Golden Magic’s funky music played as he struck a superhero pose in front of TJP. Josh implied that this might lead to a future encounter between Perkins and Magic…

John’s Thoughts: A fun X Divison spotfest. Same problem as MLW, when the Luchadores show up, it’s hard to get behind them when you don’t know why you should get behind them. It didn’t help that Josh threw out the Michael Cole like line of calling the luchadores a “cast of characters”. Lucha Underground is the best US based company to handle introducing the Lucha talent to US viewers, so companies should look at what they did. Anyway, this was a fun and harmless spotfest. Trey looked really good and showed a bunch of upside. TJP really would be best utilized as a heel because he showed upper card heel mic work at the end of his 205 Live run. He reminds me of main event Austin Aries in what he can do on the mic and in the ring.

Kiera Hogan walked into the locker room and yelled at a random masked luchadora to get out of her seat. A unmasked luchadora walked into the scene to help Kiera yell at the blue luchadora in Spanish. Jordynne Grace walked in to take the blue luchadora’s side. Madison Rayne walked in to calm everybody down. Rayne called herself a locker room leader and she booked the women in a tag team match to settle their differences… [c]

Teddy Long’s thoughts: You know it’s the Mack Millitant! Commin’ to get it on… uh uh uh. Ey get out my way, i’m coming, The thunder and lighting, I’m striking. And I forget the rest of the words to this song… (Teddy Long joke aside, that was a weird and poorly acted basic skit).

An ad aired for the Impact Wrestling tapings in Las Vegas, September 6-7…

Michael Elgin was cutting a promo in a stairwell. He talked about how Rhino is going to get some consequences for his actions. He hyped up the Falls Count Anywhere stipulation and how it will allow him to power bomb Rhino anywhere. Elgin ended his promo by saying that this is a battle Rhino will lose…

Josh Mathews and Don Callis checked in on commentary and hyped some upcoming segments including Ken Shamrock’s response to Moose’s promo last week…

The Rascalz came out first. Rich Swann and Willie Mack came out next. Rich Swann’s entrance video now has ladies booty shaking. Willie Mack was dubbed “El Chocolate Calliente” (The Hot Chocolate). Of course, Swann was in happy dance mode…

John’s Thoughts: Jason Powell called it in his audio review last week. Rich Swann gets screwed out of his championship rematch one week and is all smiles the next. Disappointing to see the character regression because he was evolving so well in the Sami Callihan feud, with the serious look, the street clothes, and the new haircut. They brought back TJP as a face. That guy should be a heel. They have three guys in Dez, Mack, and Swann who can be top quality babyfaces if the Impact writers really got behind their talents instead of spinning their wheels in the undercard.

2. “The Rascalz” Wentz and Dez vs. Willie Mack and Rich Swann. Josh said that he found out today that Wentz was an MMA fighter before pro wrestling. Mack and Wentz started off the match. Wentz and Mack traded armdrags. They then had a cruiserweight stalemate. Swann and Dez tagged in. Josh said that Dez was the winner of the Super J Cup a few years ago (that was actually Kushida I believe. Josh probably meant Super X cup, back when Jarrett was pushing Dez as a future world champ). Dez sent Rich outside with a headscissors. Everyone then gave each other huracanranas at one point or another.

Dez and Wentz gave Rich bronco busters back from the break. Wentz got a two count. Dez and Wentz hit fast paced offense on Rich. Rich dodged a Dez flip. Mack tagged in and gave Wentz a German Suplex. Dez escaped an Exploder. Mack gave Dez his signature Samoan Drop to a moonsault combo. Mack and Swann hit Dez with a crucifix blockbuster combo. Wentz broke up the pin. Rich tossed Wentz outside. Dez tried to fight off both opponents but Mack gave Dez a right hand. Wentz tagged in and the Rascalz swarmed him with kicks and a double stomp by Wentz, leading to a two count on Mack. Mack caught Dez’s kick and Rich gave him a spinning roundhouse. Mack gave Dez a lariat in the corner. Rich gave Dez a Frankensteiner. Mack gave Dez a Five Star Frog Splash to pick up the win.

Willie Mack and Rich swann defeated The Rascalz via pinfall in 5:53 of TV time.

Swann led the crowd in his dance after the match. Dez and Wentz got up and gave Mack and Swann hugs (can someone turn heel or something?)…

John’s Thoughts: A fun, house-show type of spotfest. Similar to the opening match in a way. Also similar in that it didn’t really do anything for anybody. It might have even made the Rascalz look worse because these guys lose all the time. Wasn’t Swann being presented as a main eventer not to long ago? Anyway, this felt very much like an XPlosion match that didn’t have to make TV on their main show.

Ken Shamrock was shown cutting a promo from what I assume is his home. They said he was in Reno, NV. Ok. I tried rewinding it too, but it was hard to really hear what he was saying because the audio on his mic was down and for some dumb ass reason, Impact decided to overlay a track of cheesy drama music. From what I could pick up, he talked about tweeting with Cage, Getting into it on Twitter with Moose, being stabbed before, and other macho things? He then ran through his accolades. Again, hard to hear. I tried. He did mention that he was the first Impact World Champion (Via the NWA). He did say he’d see Moose in Vegas…

John’s Thoughts: What the flying f–k Impact? Why? I can’t even tell you if that was a good promo or not because for some reason Impact didn’t want us to hear it. And why did they play evil sounding horror movie music? Is Ken Shamrock evil? What are we supposed to get from that? I think I got the bullet points, but why is Impact obcessed with playing their royalty free music over promos and cinematics? Can we get Willie Mack or Brian Cage on the creative team maybe because of their experience working with a cinematic pro wrestling company for some quality control?

Melissa Santos interviewed Moose for a response. Moose talked about how Shamrock is trying to make a name off of Moose. Moose called Shamrock an “attention whore”. Moose said Shamrock expects the “worlds most dangerous man” moniker is supposed to scare Moose. Moose said that doesn’t work because Moose is 6’5”, 300 lbs, faster than Ken, and stronger than Ken. Moose said only one person is getting hurt in Vegas. Bahh walked into the interview and cut off Moose’s promo. Bahh yelled “MOOSE!!! Me… you… one more time… BITCH!!!”. Melissa’s jaw was dropping due to Bahh saying more than his character’s limited vocabulary… [c]

John’s Thoughts: On the other side of the promo, that was really damn good. No need for dumb ass sound effects! Moose cut a promo that laid out all his action points. Fallah Bahh saying more than “Bahh” and “no no no” was very effective and a good payoff to long term Impact viewers. Again, this company needs to stop being too cute and instead focus on writing a good television show. Don’t try to pop the people backstage and instead try to figure out what intelligent television viewers would like to consume.

Some 70s like graphics showed on the screen. They looked like either Rich Swann’s video wall or Far Cry Blood Dragon staring Kyle Reese of the Terminator. This was a hype vignette for Johnny Swinger who was “coming soon”…

John’s Thoughts: Did John Hennigan go on a disco kick or is this a video for some goofy one-off indy wrestler in Vegas?

Speaking of Henningan, Taya Valkirye was interviewed by Melissa Santos. She had John E Bravo with her holding a 236 sign. Taya bragged about how she’s going to be the longest reigning Knockout’s champion in history. She talked about challenging a person everybody’s talking about. The then said after she wins she’s going to Slam Town to ride out the last two days before breaking the record (by the way? who holds this record according to Impact? Taryn Terrell? Gail Kim? The numbers don’t match somewhere because they aren’t really making it clear either)…

Ugh… it was time for a Deaners and Desi Hit Squad skit. The Deaners were acting like assholes. The DHS were acting like cartoon villains. There were shit jokes. Impact, of course they would, put a track of music in the background. Country themed this time. Ok, there was one good joke in that crap fest. Rohit Raju ended the segment with a pair of horses. He joked, “maybe I should start my own stable”…

John’s Thoughts:

A highlight package of Jessika Havok and Su Yung’s feud aired… [c]

A Sami Callihan and Tessa Blanchard highlight vignette aired…

They cut to a Sami Callihan camcorder promo. Sami said that Tessa comes off like a sore loser after he beat Dreamer last week. Sami said when you go against one member of OVE, you go against of all of OVE. Sami talked about how he’s the Death Machine. Sami said he’s annoyed because Impact Management isn’t giving his entitled title shot. He said they are spoiling Brian Cage. Callihan said that they need to strip the machine of the title and give it to the number one contender.

Callihan said he actually wants to pin Cage especially since he was the first person to beat Cage via pinfall (around a year ago). Callihan said he’s giving Impact Management one more week to get an answer on his title match date or else OVE is going to burn this company down. Callihan talked about how OVE will take over everything. Thumbs up, Thumbs down…

Taya Valkyrie and John E Bravo made their entrance to the Fronton Mexico Entertainment Center. Taya cut a promo in Spanish and English. She talked about a “Big… I mean huge, opponent”. The hyped herself as the longest reigning champion in Impact Wrestling History. She said her opponent tonight was “muy muy grande”. Taya’s opponent was a lady named Big Mami. She was a short and stout lady. She did have cool entrance music though. Josh and Don talked about how they totally expected Tenille Dashwood…

John’s Thoughts: Hmmm… that reminds me. Taya was also the longest reigning Queen of Queens champion in AAA (which ended prematurely due to some weird thing Vampiro did to take the title off of her). Surprised she isn’t bragging about that. Maybe to not illicit a babyface response? If so then that’s ok, but a nice accolade that Taya has strong title reigns in the US/Canada and Mexico. There you go, all of North America.

3. Taya Valkyrie (w/John E Bravo) vs. Big Mami for the Impact Knockouts Championship. Josh Mathews said that Mami is the tag partner of Nino Hamburgesa (I know that guy. He’s very popular. Also, short and stout). Mami did a stripper dance in front of Taya. Taya responded with a booty shake. Mami shoved Taya. Mami did an impressive matrix dodge (which Josh Mathews finds a way sound condescending in his complement). Taya put the boots to Mami. Taya dominated Mami for a sequence. Callis joked on commentary that Josh Mathews has stooges in both Jacksonville and Stamford (AEW and WWE).

Josh noted that Taya was trained by Lance Storm. Mami dodged Taya in the corner. Mami slammed her in the corner. Mami gave Taya a stink face. Mami then gave Taya a bronco buster. Mami went for a moonsault. Crash and burned. And I think she might have just missed landing on her head. That was nasty. Taya hit Mami with a high knee and STF. Mami tapped out to the STF.

Taya Valkyrie defeated Big Mami via submission in 3:38 to retain the Impact Knockouts Championship.

Taya grabbed a mic to brag about her win. She called herself the “perra del mal”, Lucha Royalty, y La wera loca. Some random bass music started playing. It was for Tenille Dashwood. She walked out in street clothes wearing Aviators. Josh said Tenille walks, talks, and acts like a star. Taya mocked Tenille’s catchphrases. Taya then got censored for a few expletives. Callis said “she called her an A hole”. Tenille gave Taya a double leg takedown and went for the ground and pound. John E tried to separate them. Tenille gave John E a Claymore Kick. Tenille stood tall in the ring holding up the Knockouts Title. while Taya was jawing from ringside… [c]

John’s Thoughts: Solid heel stuff as usual from Taya who continues to kill it as a strong heel champion. The match was ok. Mami seemed to have a lot of charisma and fan support. The only thing that was nasty was that moonsault and I hope there wasn’t any serious damage done to Mami. Past that, solid and standard introduction for Tenille. Looks like they’re going right into this with Tenille against the top wrestler in Impact. Is it smart for Impact to throw these former WWE castoffs to the top of their roster? I’m not sure. That said, Emma has a lot of untapped potential and I hope they do a better job with her than WWE did at the end of her run.

4. Kiera Hogan and Vanilla (w/Madison Rayne) vs. Jordynne Grace and Chica Tormenta. Chica and Vanilla started off the match. Vanilla went for a sunset flip but Chica rolled up and hit a PK to Vanilla’s back. Tormenta hit Vanilla with a Fisherman Suplex for a two count. Vanilla hit Chica with a lariat. Kiera tagged in and put the boots to Chica. Madison Rayne and Jordynne Grace brawled at ringside to call for the apparent DQ.

Jordynne Grace and Chica Tormenta defeated Kiera Hogan and Vanilla via an apprent DQ in about 1:50.

Brawling ensued at ringside. Rosemary ran out to even the numbers. The unseen ring announcer announced that Impact Management have booked this into a six person tag team match… [c]

John’s Thoughts: Is Teddy Long the new general manager of the Knockouts? Anyway, strange night overall. That and Josh Mathews has been very awkward on commentary all night. Both here and in the Big Mami match, he’s come off as condescending, and not really putting over the babyfaces. That’s causing Don Callis to pull back from his usual heel wit. Oh, that this match reset screams Bad WWE Raw. Impact should not be doing the terrible programming that WWE was doing a few months ago with their resets and stuff.

5. Madison Rayne, Kiera Hogan, and Vanilla vs. Rosemary, Jordynne Grace, and Chica Tormenta. The match was joined already in progress. Rosemary no sold Rayne’s sunset flip. Rayne used the ropes to fend off Rosemary. Rayne yelled “Allie” to taunt Rosemary. Kiera tagged in and hit Rosemary with a high kick. Rosemary countered a huracanrana by Kiera into a side slam. Grace tagged in and hit Kiera with a meteora and basement forearm. Kiera dodged a Vader Bomb from Grace. Kiera and Grace traded rollups. Kiera caught Grace with a superkick. Chica and Vanilla tagged in.

Chica caught Vanilla’s leg into a pumphandle slam. Vanilla botched a Stundog Millionaire. Callis called Vanilla a “Bantam Rooster”. Vanilla hit Tormenta with a slingshot elbow for a two count. Chica and Vanilla took each other out with a lariat. Rayne and Kiera left Vanilla out to dry. Vanilla was left by herself. Rosemary hit Vanilla with a Sitout Atomic Drop for the win.

Rosemary, Jordynne Grace, and Chica Tormenta defeated Madison Rayne, Kiera Hogan, and Vanilla via pinfall.

John’s Thoughts: I said my piece on this trios match already. The whole setup was tacky. One thing that’s glaring is that Rosemary is a shell of her former superstar self, both in-ring and as a character. To be completely honest, I really think Impact needs to cut Rosemary lose becuse she’s both damaged in this company and they don’t know how to handle her. I would actually really want to see Rosemary in the NWA because I know that Dave Lagana and crew did a great job working with Rosemary and taking her to the superstar level that she was once at. Cut Rosemary, bring in Shotzi. How bout that?

Josh Mathews hyped upcoming live events…

It was time for the Impact Plus moment of the week. They aired Malice vs. Ken Shamrock. Is this a repeat from last week? Or did they wrestle twice?

Ace Austin was shirtless and met Alisha Edwards on the beach. Austin was telling Alisha “I lov..”, but before he can say “love” Alisha had a bag with her and was jacked by two masked ninjas (presumably hired by Ace Austin, but Alisha is apparently both stupid and not a fan of the Impact Wrestling show). Austin chased down the hooded ninjas. Impact decided to play another stock music track. This time is was epic music. After Austin “defeated” the ninja, the music went to generic tropical music as they did a baywatch slow motion camera shot of Austin walking in the water. Austin told Aliia that this is what he does for people he cares about. Alisha gave Austin a hug and said she has to leave for a match. After Alisha left, Austin flashed a sly smirk to the camera… [c]

John’s Thoughts: Impact strikes again with their need to add a score to every freakin scene. That aside, on one hand I don’t know if they want people to sympathize with Alisha and Eddie. I’m just assuming Alisha is actually into Ace Austin because he offered her his dick in a box. Eddie needs to really cut a hole in a box. Anyway, the one person really benefiting from all this is Ace Austin who is doing a really good job getting his chickens–t heel act over.

Back from commercial, the hooded ninjas revealed themselves to be Luster the Legend and Adam Thornstowe, the Reno Scum. They argued with Austin about being too aggressive with them during the act. They wanted to get paid. Austin said the money was in the car. They wondered if Alisha bought the ruse. Austin said that everybody buys what Ace Austin is selling…

John’s Thoughts: While I think there’s breakout singles potential with Luster, this is something different from Scum. Usually they just show up in different companies to lose anytime a company goes to the southwest, but this is different and meaningful. Maybe Adam and Luster might work as stooges?

The show cut to an LAX skit. Santana was here this time, and there was no censored alcohol. Oritz was showing Konnan and Santana pictures of “Peaches”, the stripper from Homicide’s strip club. Josh Alexander and Ethan Page showed up and Konnan said he invited them here to the staircase. Page bragged about being champions and even brought a Canadian Flag. Konnan said they were in Mexico. Konnan called The North “Glory hole hoes, bitch made”. Konnan said the North could end up stabbed, shot, kidnapped, or wiped out if Konnan put out the word. Konnan demanded a title match.

Page said it was illogical because they beat LAX a few weeks ago. Konnan said that wasn’t LAX (since it had Daga in it). Alexander said Konnan is talking a lot. The two teams then jawed at each other. Santana and Ortiz talked about how they put Impact on their backs. Santana said Impact is the place to be. Santana talked about paving the way and giving the North a place to work. Ortiz said that the North think they are the best by winning one match. Oritz asked for a rematch where if LAX loses they are out of Impact (I think we all know how this ends). Ortiz said he’s willing to die for all this. Ortiz agreed that LAX will leave Impact if they lose the next title match. Konnan tried to dial Ortiz back. Ethan Page accepted Ortiz’s stipulation and walked off. Ortiz said LAX aren’t worth a damn if they can’t breat these scrubs…

John’s Thoughts: the skit started off a bit rough with Konnan not as witty as he usually is. Things really picked up when Santana and Ortiz started talking. These two are really, really good on the microphone. Honestly, I can wait for The Young Bucks vs. Santana and Ortiz. Not only for the matches, but Santana and Ortiz can really inject some solid talking ability into AEW’s tag team division. I’m sure this is where this stipulation is leading right? LAX ending up in AEW? Maybe as Chris Jericho’s tag partners? Maybe even in a program with the Bucks after the Bucks are done with Penta and Fenix?

Josh Mathews and Don Callis checked in at ringside. Josh announced Jessika Havok vs. Su Yung, Moose vs. Fallah Bahh, and a world championship update…

6. “Unbreakable” Michael Elgin vs. Rhino in a Falls Count Anywhere match. Rhino and Elgin brawled at ringside. Some fans in the crowd chanted EC-Dub, because of course. Ugh. They walked and brawled for about three minutes before entering the ring. More equal brawling ensued. They had a Japanese strong style punch sequence in the middle of the ring. Elgin grounded Rhino with an enzuigiri. Rhino tackled Elgin off the apron. Rhino walked and brawled at ringside with Elgin. [c]

John’s Thoughts: I get Elgin’s doing his best, but I’m pretty sure Rhino knows more thatn walking and brawling. He had a pretty good NXT run where he actually gained experience. Let’s see where this goes. At least it’s easy to follow, albeit tough to stay awake.

They were still brawling at ringside. This time Elgin was on all fours while Rhino was throwing weapons in the ring. Rhino decided to pose like an idiot with a chair while Elgin was totally fine. Elgin jabbed Rhino with a metal chair. Elgin sat Rhino on a chair and gave him a lariat from the apron to ringside. Elgin got a two count. They walk and brawled past the barricade. This lasted a few minutes. More than a few minutes. They are still slowly walking and brawling. They walked and brawled to the stage. There were some slow motion nearfalls. Elgin hit Rhino with a superkick (finally something that isn’t slow walking and brawling). They found themselves back in the ring.

Elgin set up a table in the corner. He jabbed Rhino with a chair. Elgin tried to splash a chair on Rhino but Rhino jabbed the chair into the balls of Elgin. Rhino tried to gore Elgin through the table but Elgin sidestepped Rhino. Rhino speared table. Elgin gave Rhino an Elgin Bomb to pick up the win. Thank you Elgin!

Michael Elgin defeated Rhino via pinfall in 14:24 of TV Time.

Elgin was selling the groin pain after the match to close the show…

John’s Thoughts: They gave them 15 minutes of TV time. Meaning it was longer if you count commercials. I’m actually watching this a day later and I’m glad I didn’t review the show live because man, this was worse than last week’s boring match. As I said, I like Rhino and Elgin. Elgin has one of my match of the year candidates in that his match against Rich Swann was one of Impact’s best TV matches in maybe years (which a lot of people didn’t see due to Pursuit errors). I don’t know what this does for anybody. I don’t even know why Rhino is so mad at Elgin. That and it doesn’t do Elgin any favors to have struggled to beat one of the stars of WWE Main Event.

At least I’m done this week. Hopefully they got all the crap away in the first episode. I’ll actually be by sometime in the next few days with an Audio Review for the show because Jason and I are switching MLW and Impact this week. Sadly, you won’t get to hear his NSFW rant because I tend to not curse up a storm. Instead you might get one of my classic nihilistic rants that I used to do when I reviewed the Vince McMahon written 205 Live, before the show got good.

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