By Will Pruett
Will Pruett watches the 90 minute Hulu edit of Raw because it’s better.
If five top level main event stars are going to participate in one match together, there is only one acceptable match type for it to be. No, a “Fatal Five Way” is not the correct type. It will never be the correct type.
First of all, WWE has used “Fatal Four Way” incessantly despite the fact that no one has ever died during a match. Second, it also shows a massive breakdown in the automatic alliteration acclimator WWE uses to come up with weird match names. Why use “Fatal” twice in a row? Were there no other f-words WWE could come up with?
Fantastic Five Way?
Formulaic Five Way?
Festival Five Way?
Final Five Way?
Fortunate Five Way?
You know what, this shouldn’t even be a problem. WWE’s lackadaisical laziness when it comes to alliteration shouldn’t be a problem, because this match should have just one stipulation.
In 2008, WWE came up with one of the few concepts they would only ever do on one night. It was confusing, but for some reason they had three of these matches on the same show (WWE Unforgiven 2008). The Scramble Match was the flavor of the evening with three matches each featuring temporary champions and a massive amount of pins, submissions, and finishes. This is what we need at Extreme Rules.
This is a match type custom built for five wrestlers. WWE is putting their top five wrestlers on Raw (aside from the always inactive Brock Lesnar) in one match. Why not stagger the entrances? Why not have multiple falls? Why not allow us all to enjoy the goodness of a gosh darn Scramble Match once again?
This is certainly better than a Seth “Freakin’” Five Way at Extreme Rules. This is the future wrestling fans want.
SCRAMBLE MATCHES FOREVER!!!!
And now for some random thoughts:
– Why has Raw been the show with weird welding graphics for years? What is it about Monday nights that makes WWE continuously insist on welding sparks flying across the screen? I’m tired of welding. Welding is lame.
– Roman Reigns and Finn Balor had their second ever match on Raw and it was another good one from the two of them. It’s a weird dynamic to see these two together because the size difference tends to make Balor the more sympathetic option. Also, Roman Reigns (as a character) is kind of an ass. This was a fun match and probably the most worth-watching thing on Raw.
– As far as opening segments with six people saying almost nothing go, the opening of Raw was alright.
– WWE spent time promoting WWE 24’s Finn Balor special on this show and I couldn’t help but think these awesome documentaries should be a part of Raw. They’re a great way to let fans get to know all of the stars. I know it’s not the most exciting thing for a live crowd, but neither is Titus O’Neil and apparently he’s still a thing.
– Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz was almost as good as the Balor vs. Reigns match. This was a solid night for ring work. I enjoyed the disqualification in this match to build for Extreme Rules. It’s a logical way to get to a match between the two with the opposite of Extreme Rules at Extreme Rules.
– Alexa Bliss was sent out with very little text of substance to say. She still made it work.
– The portrayal of Bayley on this show was pretty harmful. I wish Bayley’s character was still clicking, but WWE has done a lot of harm to her.
– A Kendo Stick on a Pole match is almost as dumb of an idea as not having a Scramble Match.
– Seth Rollins is going to be attacked by Samoa Joe for the rest of his life. In every match, this is his destiny. He will never win by anything but disqualification again. Samoa Joe will spend the next 15 years shouting “This isn’t over” at Rollins.
– Jeff Hardy vs. Sheamus was fun, but I’m not sure about Sheamus losing this close to his heel turn. I would prefer some actual momentum behind Sheamus and Cesaro prior to losing again.
– Hulu Raw rarely believes in cruiserweights. I appreciate this.
– It took more self control than I’d like to admit to not say “F—ing Five Way” in my above list.
Got thoughts on this show or my review of it? Hit me up with them! Check the Twitter @wilpruett, leave a comment, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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