By John Moore
WWE Talking Smack
Aired March 22, 2017 on WWE Network
-Renee Young and Daniel Bryan checked in from the Talking Smack set. Renee and Bryan were super hyped about Shane McMahon’s latest stunt. They also called him crazy. Renee wondered if Shane will stay in this mode leading into WrestleMania. Bryan called AJ Styles the best in the world and saying that Shane has to keep it away from being a pure wrestling match and more towards a fight in order to defeat AJ.
-Bryan said it was a bit embarrassing that Shane can probably jump further than him. Renee Young said she might be able to jump further because her thighs were like a grasshopper.
-Dean Ambrose strolled into the set and dared Baron Corbin to take a shot at his title. Dean said if you’re in the ring with him you better be prepared to get your nails dirty because this is not a baby’s game, it’s the intercontinental championship. Dean said this was the real thing. Dean said at Mania we’re going to find out what that bastard is really made of. Dean thanked Renee and Bryan and called Talking Smack his favorite show as he walked off.
-Daniel Bryan said it was an achievement to be Dean Ambrose’s favorite show. Renee used this to transition to talking about Dean vs. Baron at WrestleMania. They also brought up the forklift. Daniel Bryan said this version of Dean Ambrose is the version he likes to see. Bryan said this is the Ambrose that bloodied him up six years ago. Bryan said Corbin is not as gritty as Dean Ambrose can be. Renee said Baron Corbin probably has that grittiness in him.
-Renee Young said the “New Version” of Bray Wyatt was scary. Bryan talked about Luke Harper verifying that Bray Wyatt has gained new powers. They hyped Luke Harper vs. Bray Wyatt for next week. Bryan said Luke Harper was really gaining steam before his sudden disappearance from TV the past few weeks. Renee talked about Harper being in really good shape. Daniel Bryan said he thinks that Harper was the winner of that Battle Royal a few weeks ago (ha! no kidding!).
-The Smackdown Tag Team Champions, The Usos, were the next guests. Jimmy asked Bryan if they have something planned for the Usos like the Raw Tag Teams already have. Bryan said he was working on it, which means WWE Creative doesn’t know what to do yet. Jimmy and Jey compared their titles to hall passes from school. Jimmy talked about hall passes having the capability to allow you to holla out to your homeboys in the other classroom and if the hall monitors try to put you down, you just hold out your hall pass in front of them to allow you to get your wave on with your friends. Jey said this was the hall pass to WrestleMania.
-Renee Young took cell phone photos of the Usos. Daniel Bryan said the Usos deserve to be on WrestleMania. Renee Young reminded Bryan that wasn’t confirmed even though he was GM (probably by the creative powers that be). Bryan was confused a bit as to why he couldn’t book matches and said he was going to “petition” for the Usos. Bryan asked the Usos for possible match requests. Bryan said he was personally thanking the Usos for having such a great match.
-Jimmy said it was right to fight the best of the Tag Team division. Jimmy wanted to fight “The Bullet Club”. Jimmy said they can combine the red and blue belts to make purple titles. Renee said that was the 205 live titles. Jey said they can make 305 live for bigger dudes. Renee brought up the Roman Reigns congratulatory tweet. Daniel Bryan called the Usos cool and gave them a high five. Jimmy gave DB an Uso hat and started to freestyle with him. Renee clapped along with them. Daniel Bryan said their collaborative rap name should be “Cool Beets” like the vegetable. Jimmy took away the coolness hat from DB for making a lame pun. This ended the interview segment. Bryan tried to change the name to “Sweet Beets”.
John’s Thoughts: I know they’re breaking continuity and consistency by making the Usos babyface on Talking Smack continuously; but I have to say, they are really showing that WWE’s been holding them back because their personalities have been awesome on the new Smackdown, Talking Smack, Total Divas, and UpUpDownDown! I was a huge fan of the Usos’ promo ability ever since their first ever debut promo (until Tamina made that promo a bit lame).
-Daniel Bryan said if the fans think the Usos should be at WrestleMania, they should make their voice heard on twitter by tweeting #UsosWrestleMania.
-The Women’s Title Picture was the next subject on Talking Smack. Daniel Bryan compared Alexa Bliss to an evil Disney villain. Daniel Bryan then got distracted by James Ellsworth on his replay screen. He called it a “Big Hog” Sighting! Daniel Bryan talked about the Big Hog taking it to the face! Renee Young couldn’t keep it together by this point. Daniel Bryan lost his spot too until he remembered he was talking about Alexa Bliss and Disney.
John’s Thoughts: Who wouldn’t be excited to see “The Big Hog”?!?
-Daniel Bryan reiterated the “every available woman” stipulation to the Woman’s title match.
-Nikki Bella and John Cena were the next guests. John Cena talked about Nikki spearing Tyler Breeze’s breast off. Nikki didn’t expect boobs to fall. She said she was bleeding due to boobies. Bryan said his rap name now is “Blood by Booby”. Renee Young brought up how Brie Bella faked the size of her boobs once. Nikki reminded everyone that those were from tissue paper. John Cena said he felt like he just went to second base with Tyler Breeze.
-Renee transitioned to the Miz skit. Nikki Bella said she thought it was funny. Nikki said people have been making fun of John Cena for years. Nikki said being in reality TV puts her in a position to be critiziced by people and the attention must mean she’s doing something right. Nikki said she doesn’t know if she should feel sorry for Maryse and her jealousy. She said as a woman it’s tough seeing another woman being negative with jealousy. The claimed Maryse was lying and Maryse should be more about empowering rather than hate.
-Nikki said she doesn’t care about Maryse talking about rings because she’s in the ring she loves, the WWE Ring.
John’s Thoughts: Oh gawd! For some reason, that made me think of a Drew Galloway promo.
-Nikki said she’s with the man of her dreams and she “doesn’t need a ring to prove it”. This caused John Cena to chuckle. Nikki said she doesn’t! Nikki talked about not giving up and that’s how she got to where she is after ten years. Nikki then talked about her life and reality show success.
-Daniel Bryan brought John Cena into the conversation. Cena talked about “Mike” doing his best work when he’s imitating someone else which was the point Cena brought up initially in his feud with Miz. Cena said Mike stole Bryan’s moveset and Jericho’s personality. Bryan said Nikki was being polite but he was going to hit Miz in the nose with Smack Talk. Cena said Miz has one more week to make fun of who Cena is, how he lives, and what he does. Cena said after the week is over, Mike (Miz) will go back to being Mike. Cena said Mike was softer than baby crap on a shoe, he couldn’t crush grapes in a fruit fight, and on Sunday Mike will have nowhere to run and just be Mike. Cena said Mike is a guy who holds his own TV show to yell for attention. Cena said Mike is a guy who tells people he doesn’t need WWE because he could be an Actor. Cena talked about being happy doing what he does.
-Cena said he was the low hanging fruit, an easy target, but is still standing here to this day. Cena said Miz would call “Rise Above Hate” a catchphrase, but Cena thinks it means something and those who identify with him. Cena said if you’re great at something people tell you and Miz just told Cena and Nikki they were great. Cena said Miz and Maryse call themselves an “It Couple”, but rather Cena said they are the “shhh-it” Couple. Cena quoted SRW’s Tex Ferguson in saying that Miz is going to be counting the lights cowboy. Maryse said that was awesome as Cena and Nikki left. They used this to hype the mixed tag match at Mania. Daniel Bryan said he was still dubbing this the “Face Punching Extravaganza”.
-Bryan joked about him and Renee being crap compared to Cena’s interviews. Daniel Bryan mocked Triple H’s “Harmless Agreement” from Raw. Renee Young hyped Luke Harper vs. Bray Wyatt for next week. Daniel Bryan closed out by screaming “Sweet Beets” and getting the Usos on WrestleMania.
John’s Thoughts: Bryan is the key to making this show must-see. What’s tough to replace when his contract runs out is the brand of low-key low-brow humor that he’s so good at. I’m feeling we’re seeing an extension of the DB that made jokes at Ryback’s expense on that Table for Three episode. Cena was also in good promo mode tonight. Nikki was good as well from a delivery standpoint but the content might leave something to be desired? I also forgot to mention it earlier, even though it was short and sweet, we also got good Dean Ambrose. There was just a lot of good tonight.