By Chris Vetter, ProWrestling.net Contributor (@chrisvetter73)
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Glory Pro Wrestling “Ascend” (episode 16)
Premiered December 24, 2023 via YouTube.com
Taped November 19, 2023 in St. Louis, Missouri at South Broadway Athletic Club
Reed Duffy provided commentary and acknowledged it is Christmas Eve. (Makes me wonder when Duffy recorded the commentary, as the release of episodes since Thanksgiving have been all over the map.)
1. Dan the Dad and Luigi Primo defeated Lil Evil and Tiger Pants at 5:13. I’ve seen pizza maker Primo before and, outside of his ability to spin a pie crust, there’s no reason to watch him. Dan got on the mic and he said Primo was busy getting a pizza from the oven so we are starting as a handicap match. Duffy noted Evil and TP are from Texas, I’ve seen the bald Lil Evil before and he’s solid. They worked over Dan. Primo showed up at 3:30. He gave Dan a bite of pizza, which fired up Dan. Primo made the hot tag and he hit the heels with the pizza dough. Reed Duffy was laughing hysterically again at the silliness. Dan hit a backpack stunner to pin Lil Evil. Passable. You really don’t want Primo in there longer than the 30 or so seconds he was in the ring.
* A video package aired of Camaro Jackson pinning Calvin Tankman last week to regain the Crown of Glory title.
2. Xavier Walker defeated Mason St. Goods (w/Cinco) at 8:41. Xavier is a legit 6’6″ or so; think of a much, much taller Chris Bey, or perhaps EJ Nduka. Walker easily shoved St. Goods to the mat. Cinco kept reaching his hand in to trip up Xavier. Xavier hit a vertical suplex at 4:00. St. Goods hit a neckbreaker, then a second-rope elbow drop as Walker was in the ropes. St. Goods hit Walker in the face with a chain for a believable nearfall at 7:00; I thought that was it. Xavier hit a hard clothesline and a swinging neckbreaker. Xavier hit a “Right Hand of God” punch to the face, then a chokeslam for the pin.
* A commercial aired showing that Glory Pro will have a show on Dec. 30.
3. Rohit Raju defeated Kody Lane, Tootie Lynn, and ATM in a four-way to retain the Alpha One Zero Gravity Championship at 11:40. Ring introductions were edited out. Tootie is much smaller than these three guys to the point of it being absurd she could compete here. We had lots of cheers for everyone but Raju. Raju shoved ATM into Tootie. Raju dropped her with a hard running elbow. Lane hit a huracanrana. She hit a Buzzsaw Kick on Raju at 3:00. Tootie hit some spin kicks to ATM’s thighs.
ATM hit a Falcon Arrow on Tootie for a nearfall. Tootie applied a Fujiwara Armbar on ATM, so Kody made the save. Kody held Tootie by her legs and whipped her at the other opponents. Kody hit a slingshot senton for a nearfall at 6:00. Raju hit a swinging neckbreaker on ATM, then a Flatliner for a nearfall. Lane dove through the ropes onto the other men. Kody dove off the top rope onto all three men. She rolled Raju into the ring and hit some Yes Kicks to the chest.
Lane hit a fallaway slam on Tootie and suddenly everyone was down at 9:00. Raju and Kody got up and traded chops. Tootie hit some forearms on ATM. ATM hit a neckbreaker over his knee on Tootie. He missed a frogsplash. Kody missed a Lionsault. Tootie hit a Code Red on Raju for a nearfall. ATM superkicked her. Kody hit a Jay Driller. However, Raju pushed Kody aside and made the cover for the pin.
* Lane was angry at Raju and they argued after the bell. Raju swung the belt at Lane, but Lane grabbed it. Lane got on the mic and challenged Rohit to a one-on-one match next month for the title. Lane then tossed the belt back to Raju.
Final Thoughts: A thoroughly entertaining main event. Lane is really good, and of course Raju has plenty of TNA/Impact experience. ATM is another Kofi Kingston-style athlete with lots of charisma. Xavier Walker continues to impress. I usually like Dan the Dad’s brand of comedy, but he didn’t get to do any of it here… he was beat down from the second the match started until Primo showed up. The episode clocks in at about 43 minutes.
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