By John Moore
Impact Wrestling on PopTV
Taped November 7, 2017 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada at the Aberdeen Pavilion
No intro teaser this week. The Impact theme played after the signature. Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews checked in on commentary from their darkened commentary area. Borash wished everyone a great Thanksgiving. Borash said on this episode we were getting the “dreaded turkey suit match”, as Borash put it. It was the return of the [TNA] Turkey Bowl. Josh Mathews bragged that it was his birthday. Borash hyped up a celebrity chef who made food for Impact on this episode. Borash then explained the rules of this year’s Turkey Bowl which would have two “randomly” chosen teams of five people and the person pinned has to wear the suit. Borash then cut to a past Turkey Bowl match from 2008.
A younger Jeremy Borash was shown and he had more hair on his head (he was of course shaved bald two years ago by EC3 in the Rockstar Spud storyline). Young Borash explained that the winner of the three-way match would win a check in the form of $25,000 and the loser will have to wear the Turkey suit.
John’s Thoughts: Wait? A company run by Dixie Carter actually paid a wrestler $25,000? That must be kayfabe. What would be even funnier is if we found out that the check bounced. Only in TNA, would something like that happen.
1. Rhyno vs. Alex Shelly vs. Shawn Daivari in the 2008 TNA Turkey Bowl Match. Daivari was the reigning X Division champion at this point in time. Mike Tenay and Don West were on commentary. Daivari and Shelly double teamed Rhyno to start off the match. Rhyno disposed of both X Division wrestlers. Rhyno gave Daivari a belly to belly and went for a pinfall.
The match had a flash edit as they cut to Daivari and Shelly working on Rhyno on the outside. They edited the match again with Shelly and Daivari preventing each other from winning the $25,000. Shelly and Daivari then teamed up again to deliver a suplex on Rhyno. Daivari and Shelly maintained their alliance while also preventing each other from getting a pin. Daivari was the first to break the alliance as he landed a lariat on Shelly. Shelly hit Daivari with a top rope atomic drop. Rhyno gave Daivari a lariat and hit Shelly with The Gore. Rhyno won the Turkey Bowl match.
Rhyno defeated Alex Shelly and Shawn Daivari via pinfall to win the Turkey Bowl Match. Rhyno won $25,000 and Shelly must wear the Turkey Suit.
Rhyno had some generic rock music play for his theme. The referee brought in the turkey suit Shelly who was reluctant. West talked about how greed cost Daivari and Shelly the match. Mick Foley walked to the ring waring a leopard pattern shirt. Foley talked about how Shelly always wrestles good matches but Shelly did know there was a stipulation that if he lost he has to wear the turkey suit. Shelly grabbed a mic and said if he puts the suit on the ladies are not going to like it. Shelly asked Foley if Foley would be happy if the female demographic doesn’t provide the ratings for this episode.
Foley talked about how he was shooting straight with him that he’s one of the most talented, dedicated, electrify, and young wrestlers that he’s seen. Foley said he’ll be okay if Shelly walks away. Foley then went into yelling GM mode. Foley brought up how he “began to deal”. I’m not sure what that means. Foley threatened to fire Alex Shelly if he didn’t put on the suit before the count of ten. Shelly grabbed the suit at the count of six. Shelly put the suit on his leg and said it should count. Foley wanted more. Foley said Shelly made fun of Foley’s ass a few weeks ago. Foley said he’s going to make fun of Shelly’s giblets. Foley then made a boner joke. Shelly reluctantly put on the suit. 2008 Borash hyped up that Sarah Palin was going to appear on Impact the following week. He then called Shelly the “Turkey of the Year”…
John’s Thoughts: Eh. It was fine. I do like that they had actual kayfabe money on the line at the time because it gives the wrestlers incentive to get the pinfall. It’s still campy as hell. It’s also a bit odd that they are essentially turning this episode into the Pluto TV live feed where you can watch classic TNA. That said, the classic TNA footage is better than some of their Border City or AAA footage.
They cut back to Modern Jeremy Borash where he had a tumbler drum in front of him. Borash said the “random” drawing of names would be happening throughout the night for the Turkey Bowl match. Borash then brought up Food Network’s Restaurant Impossible when he introduced celebrity chef Robert Irvine (a.k.a. Gail Kim’s husband) who would provide the Thanksgiving food for this episode. Irvine said this is a real Thanksgiving meal. Borash said he was hungry as they cut to commercial with Borash and Irvine supposedly about to go eat… [C]
A “Happy Thanksgiving” video package aired where the Impact wrestlers gave their thoughts on the holiday of Thanksgiving. Eli Drake talked about how he was the bass drummer boy at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade back in 1997. Dezmond Xavier talked about going to grandmother’s house as a kid. He talked about how downstairs they would have multiple TV’s set up where he and his family would just play video games while waiting for the meal to be finished (That’s oddly nostalgic for me and back when my grandma lived in Burbank, that’s exactly how my family’s Thanksgivings were. Complete with the video games on the first floor of the house).
Petey Williams was thankful for his opportunities in life, great family, wife, kids, wrestlers, and being a part of the brotherhood. Williams said he was thankful for what he was given. Trevor Lee said his favorite Thanksgiving memory was the Thanksgiving after winning the X Division title. Lee talked about how he brought the title to dinner and how they rewatched his title win. Bobby Lashley talked about “Scrappy” who I would assume is his dog. Lashley talked about how Scrappy jumped on the dinner table and ate all of the food. Lashley said Scrappy choked on a chicken bone and died. Lashley laughed and revealed that the dead dog part was a joke. Allie talked about how her grandma would always make a Thanksgiving dinner and how they would spend time in Canada.
John’s Thoughts: Why isn’t Lashley being pushed? That dead dog joke was the most charming thing he’s done and he continues to prove that he’s one of the most “real” and believable talkers in wrestling. Break Lambert away from him because Lashley is legit money on the mic and in the ring. Moving along, that was a nice video package and more companies should take this approach to holiday themed episodes. This seemed like something NXT would do which was more grounded and I’m a bit tired of the campy Russo or Kevin Dunn approach of other wrestling shows that has plagued pro wrestling for decades. Hell, I was about to gag after reviewing the pumpkin and candy corn episode of 205 Live a few weeks ago.
They cut back to modern Jeremy Borash who was at the raffle tumbler and in front of the Robert Irvine meal. Eli Drake and Chris Adonis walked in and said it was time to talk to ya. Borash ran over the Thanksgiving dinner components and talked about how great the mashed potatoes. Eli Drake talked about how he and Adonis were partying a lot the night before and his voice may be a bit hoarse. Drake told a thanksgiving story. He talked about inviting a friend over to his table last week. Drake ran over the dinner components again. Borash talked about how he really likes yams. Drake said his Robert Irvine’s mashed potatoes does not compare to the mashed potatoes of “Daddy Drake”.
John’s Thoughts: Yep, I saw this a few months ago and Jason Powell pointed it out as well. Drake continues to cut promos in the cadence and voice of Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
Drake talked about how his friend talked about how amazing the potatoes are. Drake said his father said “yeah”. Drake said his father also said that Drakes do two things great: make mashed potatoes and kick keester. Drake said he told his dad to pass the gravy and they enjoyed dinner. Eli Drake then said this year’s Turkey Bowl was not being called the Turkey Bowl. Drake said it was now “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Borash reiterated the line and the rules. Borash picked out the first name who was going to be the “captain”. Borash picked Eddie Edwards.
They cut to McKenzie Mitchell interviewing Eddie Edwards. McKenzie talked about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Eddie Edwards said there are many bucket list items for pro wrestlers. Edwards said he’s checked off being a X Division champion, World Champion, and first foreign GHC Heavyweight Champion. Edwards then said he can now check off “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot” from his list. Eddie Edwards said he’s Mr. Anything is Possible. Edwards said he’s not going to be the man in the turkey suit.
They cut back to Borash who was going to pick the first member of team number 2. Borash grabbed a dinner roll and talked about how great Robert Irvine’s dinner rolls were. Eli Drake slapped the Robert Irvine dinner roll out of the hand of Borash. Borash took out the name of El Hijo Del Fantasma to compete in the “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”.
Mitchell interviewed Fantasma. Fantasma said in Mexico they don’t have Thanksgiving and he doesn’t know about Turkey Gravy trots were. Fantasma said he thinks the turkey trot sounds like a party and a party needs one thing “chocolate” (I’m guessing because he always wears the words “Club Chocolate” on his ass). McKenzie thanked Fantasma. They cut to a Knockouts Title video package. The video package hyped up next week’s Knockouts Title Tournament. The tournament will have Sienna, Madison Rayne, Rosemary, KC Spinelli, Allie, and Laurel Van Ness. It was two three way matches which would lead to a finals…
They cut back to the Jeremy Borash dinner table. Borash said they were drawing more names and were going to show more past TNA footage, this time with Eric Young competing in the Turkey Bowl… [C]
They went back to the “Happy Thanksgiving” interviews. Eli Drake said his family always makes an extra pumpkin because he will always smash an entire pumpkin pie by himself. Sami Callihan said his favorite Thanksgiving food is cranberry sauce and can put the sauce on anything. Callihan talked about how he grew up in a simple home and how he must have weighed around 300 pounds because of the good food. Alberto El Patron said “I eat everything”. El Patron said he sticks to American traditions because his kids were born in this country. El Patron said he wants his kids to have the same traditions the way they have to be. Petey Williams said he likes Pumpkin Pie. Williams talked about how his grandmother makes the best gravy. Some random lady we’ve never seen before said she likes eating. I’m guessing she’s KC Spinelli? Johnny Mundo talked about liking the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, especially Cranberry sauce. Matt Sydal said what he does is takes all the Thanksgiving food and smashes it all together and how he organizes the gravy in a special way on top…
They showed the ringside area where thanksgiving meals were set up at two tables. Josh Mathews then cut to a graphic which showed Eli Drake pointing in a direction and the text said, “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Mathews then cut to the advertisement for next week’s episode which will feature the Knockouts Tournament, James Storm vs. El Texano Jr, Matt Sydal vs. Tyson Dux, Taiji Ishimori vs. Tyson Dux, “Hearing from LAX”, and a grudge match between Johnny Impact vs. Alberto El Patron…
They cut back to the Jeremy Borash dinner table. Borash hyped up Alberto El Patron vs. Johnny Impact for next week. Eli Drake did a sarcastic laugh and talked about how nobody was coming for his title. Borash cut to more past Turkey Suit action from TNA’s past…
2. Eric Young vs. Robbie E (w/ Rob Terry) in the 2011 TNA Turkey Bowl match. Robbie E put the boots to the turkey suit. Robbie then turned his attention to Showtime Eric Young. The referee tried to do the pinfall taps with the turkey suit which made Taz crack up. Taz said this was the craziest match he’s ever called. Robbie E yelled at the referee for not counting the pins fast enough. Tenay said the TV Championship was not on the line. Young made a comeback with some right hands. Young followed up with a crossbody and lariat. EY hit Robbie with a belly to belly. They showed Welsh wrestler Big Rob Terry at ringside.
The referee started to do the chicken dance for some reason. The referee was Rudy Charles and he was acting extra campy on this night for some reason. Rob Terry handed Robbie a white roll or something which Robbie hit Eric Young with to pick up the win.
Robbie E defeated Eric Young via pinfall in 2:13.
Taz said he didn’t know what Robbie used because he was distracted by Rudy’s chicken dance. The white roll fell out from under Robbie’s arm. Rudy Charles then said he was restarting the match. Rudy Charles did some bad overacting.
3. Eric Young vs. Robbie E (w/ Rob Terry) in the 2011 TNA Turkey Bowl match. Robbie and Charles shoved each other. Charles ducked a clothesline. Eric Young hit Robbie E with his finisher at the time which was a jumping pile driver for the win.
Eric Young defeated Robbie E via pinfall in 0:25. Robbie E must wear the turkey suit.
Rob Terry entered the ring to check on Robbie E who was knocked out. Young grabbed a microphone and said it was Thanksgiving. Young said everybody knows it’s a time to give and he likes to give. He said he has two things to give. Young said the bad news is that Robbie E can’t wear the Turkey Suit tonight. Taz said “oh! shucks!”. Young said the good news is that with the crowd’s help, they are going to find a replacement. Taz recommended that they pick the referee Rudy Charles. Eric Young started beeping like a metal detector and pointed at Rob Terry. Terry protested. Rudy Charles said with the power vested in him Rob Terry must wear the suit. Charles talked about how the state gave him the power to do this and that if Rob Terry doesn’t wear the suit they were going to strip Robbie E of the Television Championship (Booker T’s red toy belt). Eric Young led a “Turkey” chant. Rob Terry reluctantly put on the suit. Young and Charles childishly laughed at Terry as Young’s babyface entrance theme played. Terry chased Young away…
The show cut back to 2017 Jeremy Borash who was at his dinner scene as they picked the next member of Team Edwards. Eli Drake pulled out Allie’s name. McKenzie interviewed Allie about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Allie hopped into the scene. Allie said McKenzie was pretty. McKenzie said someone was wearing the turkey suit tonight. Allie was excited and said she hopes she is the one wearing the suit because she loves turkeys. Allie wanted to show McKenzie her cell phone turkey photos. Allie said she can’t show up to the Knockouts title tournament with a turkey suit. Allie said McKenzie was crazy. McKenzie said to have fun… [C]
John’s Thoughts: The first match was fine. I’m not sure I would have shown the Robbie E one since it might serve as channel changing material. The Thanksgiving interviews are great. Bro Man Robbie E campiness is no bueno since it just spotlights some of the dumb things of TNA’s past.
Josh Mathews hyped up ShopIMPACT.com’s Black Friday sale. Mathews hyped up the new “Essential Eric Young Collection”, “Essential Bobby Roode Collection”, and the “Essential Samoa Joe Collection” on the site. They also showed you can buy “GFW Amped” on the site.
John’s Thoughts: I understand and commend them for trying to get the most out of their history, but getting too indulgent in hyping up WWE/NXT wrestlers makes them come off as inferior. That was essentially a “Watch WWE” ad in a way just minus AJ Styles. Are these things on their GWN network? I already gave up on that subscription.
Chris Masters pulled out Caleb Konley’s name from the tumbler. McKenzie Mitchell asked Caleb about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Trevor Lee walked in too. Lee said Konley better not lose because the people are going to laugh at his team. Jeremy Borash pulled out Standby Wrestler Richard Justice’s name. Adonis said “I want to see ‘Dick’ in that suit”. Drake gave Adonis a confused look. Drake slapped the dinner roll out of Borash’s hand. Borash said the name “Dick Justice”. Mitchell interviewed Justice about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Justice said he was honored to be a part of “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Justice said he has been cultivating a bit of mass lately and the suit might be a bit snug on him…
Cut back to the “Happy Thanksgiving” interviews. Drake said he’s thankful for being world champion yeah, being in the best shape of his life yeah, and that the gravy train keeps moving forward. Sienna said she’s thankful for her fans and how there are a lot of haters on social media that hate on her. Ethan Carter III said he’s thankful for his endless funds, prestigious upbringing, jawline, and other entitled things. He said he was thankful for “Aunt D”. He said he was also thankful to entertain the fans. Johnny Impact was thankful for friends and family. Matt Sydal was thankful for being reminded of being thankful as well as the food on his plate. Allie was thankful for her opportunities in 2017. She was thankful for facing Gail Kim and for the wrestling training she received this year.
They cut back to the Jeremy Borash dinner table. Borash pulled out KM’s name. Mitchell interviewed KM about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. KM said he doesn’t care about some turkey. He said the only thing he’s thinking about is proving himself to American Top Team. He said he doesn’t care about this interview. They cut back to the Borash raffle. Borash pulled out Laurel Van Ness’s name. McKenzie interviewed Laurel about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Laurel Van Ness wore her old ring gear and had lipstick smeared all over her face. She looked like she was cosplaying as a bad TMZ story. Laurel quacked like a duck. Jeremy Borash talked about how great Robert Irvine’s turkey was. Borash said we will find out the next name after the break.
John’s Thoughts: They are REALLY stretching things out and everything we’ve seen tonight has been a pre-tape. Nothing really in the Canadian Impact Zone tonight. Maybe it’s because Canadians in Ottawa, Canada don’t really give a damn about Pilgrims and American Thanksgiving? I don’t know. I do like the grounded Thanksgiving interviews at least. It’s way better than 205 Live’s pumpkin and candy corn episode.
Back to the “Happy Thanksgiving” interviews. Eli Drake said he likes how the night before Thanksgiving has the tradition for being a great party night around town. Petey Williams talked about how Canadians celebrate their Thanksgivings on Monday. Petey said instead, his family celebrates Thanksgiving on Sunday so that Monday can just be a rest day. Williams said the trick behind that was to get some discount Christmas shopping done while everyone else was distracted by Thanksgiving. Eddie Edwards said it was hard to pick one memory. Edwards said he likes his family coming together for dinner. Edwards said it was because his family is spread out all around the world so everyone can be together for one night…
John’s Thoughts: What do Canadians eat at their traditional thanksgiving anyway? I know I can google it, but I would like to be surprised or introduced to it by a person. I’m just imagining Poutine with Turkey Gravy and Maple Syrup replacing the Cranberry sauce.
They showed the “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot” graphic. Josh Mathews introduced 2016’s Turkey Bowl. It was another Robbie E match…
John’s Thoughts: Dammit. I thought Bro Mans was gone from my life once and for all. Now I get an entire episode that features multiple Bro Mans matches. Bro Mans? Really? Buh buh buh buhhhhhhhhh ugh…
4. Robbie E vs. Grado in the 2016 Turkey Bowl Match. Billy Corgan’s “enforcer” Aiden O’Shea was at ringside enforcing this match. Josh Mathews talked about how past TNA wrestlers Norv Fernum and AJ Styles have had to wear the suit in the past. Mathews sarcastically said this was a match with main event implications. D’Angelo Dinero was also on commentary. Grado and Robbie did some comedy martial arts. Robbie and Grado slapped each other on their chest. Grado missed the bionic elbow. Grado and Robbie then traded nipple twisters. Yes. Nipple twisters.
Grado and Robbie took each other down with stereo lariats. Mathews said this was Grado’s first Thanksgiving in the United States. Robbie tried to steal the win with a jackknife pin with the feet on the ropes. Aiden O’Shea pushed the feet of the ropes. Aiden showed Robbie the turkey suit which caused him to flip out because he is afraid of turkeys? Grado tried to do the same and O’Shea pushed Grado’s feet off the ropes. Aiden said Billy Corgan would not like that and he scared Grado with the turkey suit. Grado went for a sunset flip and revealed Robbie’s ass to the world. Robbie E sat on Grado for the pinfall win.
Robbie E defeated Grado via pinfall in 2:50. Grado must wear the turkey suit.
Robbie E acted like a Bro Man all over the ring. Grado was reluctant in putting on the suit. Grado put on the suit. Josh Mathews said “Turkey Suit Challenge” was trending worldwide. Grado danced to his entrance theme in the turkey suit. Grado was grinding on Aiden O’Shea…
John’s Thoughts: I wonder if TNA’s “Essential Robbie E Collection” is just past Turkey Bowl matches since we got multiple Robbie E matches tonight. No offense to Robbie E. I said on multiple occasions that Robbie E can be a world champion if he drops the Bro Man act. Problem is, he never dropped the Bro Man/Jersey Shore act. Moving along, a problem with showing past turkey bowl matches is they are reminding people why people stopped watching TNA in the first place. Because of vintage TNA crap. 2016 was a great year for TNA and they pick probably the worst match from that year to showcase.
Back at the Borash dinner scene, they picked out another name Jeremy Borash pulled out Fallah Bahh’s name. They wondered if he would fit in the suit. Mitchell interviewed Bahh about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Bahh walked in and said “ohhhhhhhh! Bahh! Bahh! Bahh!” while slapping his temple. Bahh answered all of Mitchell’s questions with “Bahh”. Mitchell asked if that’s all Bahh could say. Bahh said “gobble gobble. Bahh! Bahh!”.
John’s Thoughts: Why aren’t they protecting this Fallah Bahh guy. They guy oozes natural charisma.
Eli Drake said Bahh said “gobble gobble dummy”. Drake said even though Bahh’s a tub of goo, they’ll find a way to get the suit to fit. Borash said it was time to hide the Robert Irvine Turkey from Bahh. Borash said he’s hungry. They pulled the next name who was Garza Jr. Mitchell interviewed Garza Jr. about “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Garza had his arm taped up, looking like Cesaro. Garza said he doesn’t care about turkey trots or whatever it’s called. Garza said people think he’s going to give up because of the injury. Garza said a Mexican wrestler never gives up. Garza said they also don’t wear a turkey suit.
Back at the Robert Irvine dinner room Drake pulled out the last name. Borash called it the Turkey Bowl. Drake reminded Borash and Adonis that it was the “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Adonis forgot the name. Drake pulled out Chris Adonis’s name as the captain of Team 2. Adonis was apprehensive about competing and asked why his name was even in the tumbler. Borash wished Adonis luck… [C]
A shot aired of the Aberdeen Pavilion. Chris Adonis tried to rally up the troops. Laurel Van Ness was quacking like a duck. Fantasma said that Laurel was loco. Adonis he doesn’t like them and they don’t like him but they were brought together with a common purpose, to not wear a humiliating turkey suit. Masters said they have to fight, brawl, and show everyone what they are made off, and that they aren’t stuffing. Eddie Edwards was shown rallying his team. Everyone said they were ready. Richard Justice wanted to know if there was real Thanksgiving food out there. Edwards said no but Allie yelled that it was real food. Edwards was losing control. Edwards said if Justice wins he can get all of the food he wants.
They cut to the Aberdeen Pavilion for the first time tonight. Jeremy Borash explained the Turkey Bowl rules. The wrestlers made their entrances. Adonis’ and Edwards’ teams got their own tables to sit at which each had a Thanksgiving meal set up. Laurel came out wearing her trashy celebrity debutante look. Josh Mathews noted that KM is the doppelganger of Biff Tannen as KM came out to Samoa Joe’s theme music. [C]
They gave the babyfaces full on ring entrances. Bahh did his Dikembe Motombo “no no no” finger wag at Edwards when he tried to get some food. Eli Drake took over on the ring introductions. Eli Drake reminded everyone that it was the “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Drake said in his family it’s tradition to pass the gravy to the left. Grado said that Borash has to make sure that the person who loses has to wear the turkey suit. Borash read a prepared statement from Drake and told the wrestlers to all rise. They had to do a pledge that they solemnly swear that if they lost they would wear the suit in the spirit of Thanksgiving. The match was about to start with over 30 minutes left in the show. God help us.
John’s Thoughts: That was seriously over 10 minutes of ring entrances with maybe even ten more minutes of talking. This episode hasn’t been that bad but you can obviously tell that they are taking the filler approach to this show and just trying to take up time. I do feel a bit bad for Eddie Edwards here as the GHC Championship does come off as the most prestigious championship in the promotion.
5. Chris Adonis (w/ Eli Drake), El Hijo Del Fantasma, Caleb Konley, KM, and Laurel Van Ness vs. Eddie Edwards, Richard Justice, Fallah Bahh, Garza Jr, and Allie in the “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot” Turkey Bowl Match. Justice started off the match with Konley. Justice shoved a dinner roll into the mouth of Konley. Justice went for a three point stance but Laurel rode Justice like a bull. Allie entered the ring and dominated Laurel with forearms. Allie gave Laurel a corner splash. Drake sat at the Adonis table and helped himself to some thanksgiving food. KM and Bahh entered the ring. Bahh led the crowd in a “Bahh” chant. KM dominated Bahh and mocked Bahh’s Dikembe Motombo catchphrase. KM sent Bahh into the ringpost. [C]
Jeremy Borash reminded the viewers that Eli Drake dubbed the match “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”. Bahh hit KM with a crossbody and led the crowd in a “bahh” chant. Garza tagged in. Bahh called the time out in this match so Garza could do his dumb pants rip off thing. Borash was like me in that I was afraid that Bahh was about to rip off his pants. Borash said that’s for Christmas not Thanksgiving. Bahh gave KM a Samoan Drop. Drake was shown eating some Robert Irvine prepared Thanksgiving food as Borash keeps reminding us of the chef.
Fantasma tagged in to work against Garza. Garza was working one-armed due to the injury. Borash talked about how there was never a masked wrestler in the turkey suit. The heels and Fantasma worked over Garza. Borash said KM is trying to make a name for himself in the MMA world. Adonis worked on Garza with a bear hug. Josh Mathews talked about how it won’t make sense to break up pins since the only goal of the match is to not take the loss. Edwards made the hot tag and took down all of his opponents. Edwards hit Adonis with a Blue Thunder Bomb. Madness ensued.
Josh Mathews said the referee looks like he’s 11 years old. Edwards hit Fantasma with one of his great Suicide Dives. Borash credited Justice’s fatigue on the Turkey tryptophan. Josh Mathews lost control of his laughter and the announcers went dead air for about 30 seconds. Justice and Bahh worked on KM with punches. Konley tried to regain control for his team but was tossed out by Justice. The commentators went dead again with Mathews laughing.
Borash said Richard Justice embodies Thanksgiving as Justice was doing his signature squats. Justice took off the straps to cause Jeremy Borash to cut into laughter and dead air since he couldn’t contain it after Justice exposed his body. Justice fell on everyone who stood their ground. Allie gave everyone a crossbody. Josh Mathews yelled “The Vegan!”. Borash said to give Allie a side of Tofurky. Edwards and Adonis were singled out in the middle of the ring. Adonis hit a strong delayed spinebuster on Edwards. Chris Masters yelled “Masterlock!” since he still Chris Masters at heart. Edwards slipped out of the masterlock and rolled up Masters for the win.
Eddie Edwards, Richard Justice, Fallah Bahh, Garza Jr, and Allie defeated Chris Adonis, El Hijo Del Fantasma, Caleb Konley, KM, and Laurel Van Ness via pinfall in 11:34 of TV Time to win the Turkey Bowl Match. Chris Adonis must wear the turkey suit.
Chris Adonis yelled “no” in the ring to play the reluctant routine as past losers of this match did. They cut to the next commercial with about 15 minutes left in the show. [C]
Jeremy Borash talked about how Chris Adonis must adorn the turkey suit. The other nine wrestlers sat at their dinner tables. Eli Drake said since it’s the “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot”, Adonis won’t wear the suit and one of his teammates randomly should wear the suit. Borash said Adonis has to wear the suit since he took an oath. Chris Adonis agreed to put on the suit. The crowd did a “tur-key” chant. Adonis rolled away from the ring and didn’t put on the suit. Borash told Adonis that he took an oath. Impact “security” kept Adonis from leaving. The child referee held up the suit looking like a mannequin. Mathews said Adonis could face penalties and a fine. The “security” dragged Adonis back to the ring.
Adonis tried to make a break for it but more indy security guards came out. Jeremy Borash said Adonis is “contractually obligated” to put on the suit and if he doesn’t put on the suit Eli Drake must wear the suit. Eli Drake rolled out to ringside and tried to convince Adonis to put on the suit. Drake ordered the indy security guards to put Adonis in the ring. Adonis yelled “dammit!”. Adonis entered the ring and put on the turkey suit. A “gobble gobble” chant ensued. Mathews said Adonis is “clucking mad”. Eddie Edwards threw food at Adonis. A Thanksgiving food fight ensued because this is pro wrestling. Garza threw a turkey at Adonis which Mathews dubbed “cannibalism”. Adonis then accidently hit Eli Drake with a cherry pie to close out the show with Mathews wishing the viewers a Happy Thanksgiving…
John’s Thoughts: Well, that was a thing. This episode showed that this wasn’t the worst Turkey Bowl match because at least it didn’t include Bro Mans like most Turkey Bowls do it seems. I’m guessing Impact is fully aware that people probably aren’t watching this episode on Thanksgiving (I’m watching it the following morning and feel like I wasted a bit of time). The thing to give them credit for is that I really liked the serious “Happy Thanksgiving” interviews because it allowed some of the Impact roster members to show off a bit of personality.
This episode was probably what you expected in that it was a missable one. It’s interesting how they really stretched out meaningless segments across an entire two hours. They essentially had Jeremy Borash and Eli Drake try to kill time with a standup comedy routine and filling time by saying “Eli Drake’s Gravy Train Turkey Trot” which I kept saved on my typing clipboard so I didn’t have to type out that quote every time mentioned. What I also thought was detrimental was reminding viewers of bad-TNA because when you ask former-Impact viewers why they stopped watching TNA they would point out dumb moments like this as well as the company’s lapses in logic. Jason Powell will be by later with a Hit List and All Access audio review. It might be tough with the Hit List since we mostly just saw what was essentially Pluto TV recaps and Borash talking about how much he likes Robert Irvine’s cooking.
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