By Jason Powell
TNA Impact Wrestling on PopTV
Taped in January in Orlando, Florida at Universal Studios
[Q1] Impact opened with a recap of last week’s segments with Broken Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy after they had been teleported to Mexico. Graphics hyped their match with Super Crazy and Psicosis for later in the show…
A video recapped Davey Richards costing Eddie Edwards his title shot against Lashley… Josh Mathews and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero were on commentary…
1. Rosemary and Crazzy Steve (w/Decay) vs. Brandi Rhodes and Moose in a mixed tag match. Footage aired of Moose saving Brandi from Decay last week. Madison Rayne was on commentary for the match and spoke about how she talked with Brandi, who told her that Moose took her under his wing. Moose wore a shirt with a moose logo on the front and his name on the back.
Abyss took a cheap shot at Moose at ringside and eventually rolled him back inside the ring. Later, Moose powerbombed Steve over the top rope and onto Abyss at ringside. Wow. Rosemary climbed onto Moose’s back and choked him. Brandi pulled her off and then threw chops at her. Brandi went to the second rope and threw a missile dropkick.
Steve returned to the ring to join Rosemary in taking the Moose style punches and clothesline from Moose and Brandi. Moose covered Steve and pinned him…
Brandi Rhodes and Moose defeated Rosemary and Crazzy Steve in 5:45.
Eddie Edwards told a backstage camera that he wasn’t there to talk. Edwards was taping up his wrists and searching for Davey Richards… [C]
Powell’s POV: Brandi’s missile dropkick looked much better than her awkward chops. Most people will focus on how green she is. It’s certainly a valid criticism, but I’m actually more concerned by the way the Knockouts Champion is becoming just another wrestler. Rosemary had a sense of danger to her that is fading quickly.
[Q2] Mathews recapped the opening match… Backstage, Moose and Brandi celebrated their win. Moose told her she did great (ignoring her horrible clothesline). She thanked him and he said she had his number and could call if anyone messes with her…
Mathews recapped the Lashley vs. Edwards match from last week that featured Davey Richards and Angelina Love turning on Eddie Edwards and Alisha…
Eddie Edwards came to the ring for a promo (so he is there to talk?). He said his best friend and partner turned his back on him. He said Richards even had his wife attacked. He said that’s a line that should not be crossed. Edwards called for Richards to come out and take his ass whipping like a man.
Angelina Love walked out and said Edwards gets Davey when she says he gets Davey. She asked what he was so mad about. She asked where Edwards was when Davey tore his ACL when she was nine months pregnant. She claimed he didn’t call or even text. Angelina introduced “The American Wolf” Davey Richards.
Richards came out and put his arm around his wife. Angelina started to talk. Edwards told her to give Richards his balls back from her purse. Richards took the mic and said Edwards was a nobody until he carried him. Richards said he created the Wolves. Richards told Edwards to leave or he would come to the ring and “expose you for the little bitch that you are.”
Edwards ran to ringside and fought with Richards. Security ran out and pulled them apart. Edwards got free and rolled in with a mic. Edwards said it’s not over, it’s just the beginning, and challenged Richards to a street fight for later in the show…
Footage aired from “last night” of the Braxton Sutter bachelor party that Mike Bennett threw for him. Bennett claimed he invited all of Sutter’s best friends. Sutter said he didn’t know anyone there. Bennett said that wasn’t important. Bennett pointed to a guy named Kenny and said he could get him anything he wants. He pointed to an older guy and said he was only 28 and spent too much time in the sun. Bennett called for the bachelor party to begin… [C]
Powell’s POV: They really need to have Edwards dispute Angelina’s claim that he never reached out to Richards. The explanation can be as simple as Angelina controlling Richards so much that she deleted texts and voicemails, which she can deny. As it stands, nice guy Edwards looks like a bad friend who never called his injured buddy when his wife was nine months pregnant.
[Q3] Footage aired of Matt and Jeff Hardy walking through the concourse of the building in Tijuana and asking to speak to the promoter. The brothers headed into the arena and then onto the stage to big cheers. They headed backstage and approached a guy wearing a mask. The man took off the mask and said his name was Ryan. Matt asked him if he was a tag champion. The man directed him to the promoter. Jeff said, “Gracias.” Ryan told them to speak English. Konnan told a fan to make as much bootleg stuff of the Hardys as they could and to start selling it quickly…
Mathews hyped the Laurel Van Ness and Braxton Sutter wedding for next week… Footage aired from Laurel’s bachelorette party the night before. Allie decorated the room. Van Ness, Maria, and Sienna showed up. Maria said it looked like a child’s party. Maria informed Allie that Laurel is marrying Sutter on Impact next week. Allie pouted…
2. Kingston vs. Jessie Godderz. Kingston did not have anyone in his corner, though Pope noted that fellow DCC members James Storm and Bram are never too far behind. Godderz got the better of Kingston early, but Kingston came back with a uranage. A short time later, Godderz performed a Blockbuster for a two count. Godderz eventually hit a springboard forearm for the win. The lights went out after the match. Storm and Bram were in the ring when the lights turned on, but Godderz had retreated to the stage…
Jessie Godderz defeated Kingston in 4:20.
At the bachelor party, the stoner guy tried to give Sutter drugs or something. Sutter wanted to leave, but he said he hadn’t seen the old guy’s Simon Diamond impersonation. Bennett got the guys to start chanting “Ben the Hen” and then an overweight guy climbed up a ladder and splashed the stoner dude…
Tyrus sat at the Fact of Life desk and said he would be hosting a special edition of Fact of Life after the break… [C]
Powell’s POV: DCC continues to be the worst faction to come along in years. As if not having a real concept in mind beyond the look, they constantly lose unless they have the numbers advantage. And now three guys were just outsmarted by one babyface. Storm and Bram made gun signs with their hands and pointed at Godderz, so I assume they will beat him down, but this faction is just a mess.
[Q4] Mathews hyped the latest One Night Only series pay-per-view… At the bachelorette party, Maria yelled at an overzealous Allie that nobody cares about her stupid decorations. Sienna held up a bottle and asked if they could open it yet…
Tyrus sat at the Fact of Life table and introduced his guest Eli Drake, who came out with his left arm in a sling, which he quickly removed. He called the fans crosseyed mouthbreathers and said they don’t deserve to hear his voice. Drake said Tyrus didn’t clear it with him when he wanted to face DCC in a handicap match. He also said Tyrus dropped the ball when he cashed in the briefcase for a match with EC3. Drake said he enjoyed beating him with a baseball bat, but he should have picked a title.
EC3 said Tyrus should have been watching his back, but he was too busy stuffing cheeseburgers in his fat mouth. Drake said he’s the guy who wrestles the main event and Tyrus is the guy who watches them. “That’s how your career has been and that’s how it’s gonna be,” Drake said.
Drake added that he owns the talkshow set and even Tyrus. Tyrus grabbed Drake by the throat and said nobody owns him. Tyrus said he would beat Drake in the ring. “I’ll see you next week, boss,” Tyrus said before releasing Drake. Mathews announced Drake vs. Tyrus for next week…
In Tijuana, Konnan told the promoter that the Hardys wanted a tag title match for the tag titles. Konnan said they don’t want any money. The promoter, who was originally down on the idea, suddenly changed his tune once he heard they didn’t want to be paid. Konnan confirmed with the Hardys that they don’t want money, then set up the tag title match. A preview of what was still to come was shown…
Powell’s POV: If you’ve noticed the referee’s face is blurred in the Tijuana match, it’s because he is under contract to Lucha Underground. Ouch.
At the bachelorette party, Maria asked Allie if she bought Laurel a gift. She said she did all the decorating. Maria said she is stupid and forgot. Laurel opened her lingerie gift from Maria and said Sutter would love it.
[Q5] Maria informed Allie that she would be a ring bearer in the wedding and told her to wear something presentable and to make sure it’s not pink. Maria yelled at her about and wiped cupcake frosting on her face. Maria, Laurel, and Sienna left the room…
In Tijuana, Matt and Jeff spoke backstage. Matt told Vanguard 1 to work out a strategic exit plan. The Hardys brothers made their entrance while Jeff’s “Obsolete” song played. Backstage, Vanguard 1 said he had to make a phone call. Footage aired from the Hardys vs. Super Crazy and Psicosis match minus commentary. A group of female wrestling personalities entered the room with Vanguard 1 as the match continued.
As Vanguard 1 parties with the ladies, Jeff hit his Swanton Bomb and scored the pin, giving the brothers the promotion’s tag team titles. Jeff sang his song to the crowd, which sang “obsolete” back to him. Backstage, Konnan told a man they had to get the belts back. They went to the room where Vanguard 1 had been located, but he was gone. The man told Konnan they all disappeared.
In the next shot, Matt, Jeff, and Vanguard 1 were at the Hardy compound. Matt had a premonition, saying he would revert to his Egyptian roots and collect gold. A teaser for next week showed the Hardys attempting to become the Mid-Atlantic Tag Titles…
Footage aired of Brooke discussing her feud with Sienna while footage of both women were shown. Brooke said she doesn’t respect her. She said what happened is shit and now she’s going to fix it. Brooke said it was time to shut up Maria once and for all… [C]
Powell’s POV: I was actually hoping to see a lot more of Matt and Jeff vs. Psicosis and Super Crazy. Instead, we got clips along with a forgettable skit. It’s cool to see how over the Hardy gimmick is in Mexico, and it was cool to see Konnan back on TNA television after all these years, but I enjoyed the teasers more than the actual footage.
[Q6] 3. Sienna (w/Maria) vs. Brooke. Yes, Brooke still bends over and shakes her ass before coming to the ring. Madison was back on commentary for the women’s match. Sienna controlled a good stretch of offense and got a two count off a Samoan drop. Brooke sold back pain, but came back with a facebuster from the middle rope.
Maria climbed onto the apron. Brooke grabbed her and Sienna charged, but Brooke moved and Sienna stopped short. Brooke charged at Sienna, who elbowed her. Sienna performed two fallaway slams. Sienna set up for a powerbomb, but Brooke slipped away and performed a schoolgirl roll up for the win…
Brooke beat Sienna in 6:00.
At the bachelor party, Sutter brought up all that had happened, including a cleaner coming to get rid of Kenny, who died because of the splash. Sutter wanted to leave. Bennett said it was time for the moment they had been waiting for. He gave a big buildup a a stripper named Roxy, who had a gravelly voice and, well, wasn’t restaurant quality, as a guy from Oklahoma has been known to say. Bennett slammed the door on her… [C]
Powell’s POV: This show is more about bad, low budget skits than actual wrestling, and it’s not like the in-ring action is making up for it. This show has been embarrassingly bad.
Backstage, Eli Drake interrupted a cameraman conversation about how crazy things were and pointed the camera at himself. He said Tyrus put his hands on him, and next week he’s going to put his hands on him. Drake said the same thing that happened to EC3 is going to happen to Tyrus. He said he would beat him until his career is over…
[Q7] Ring announcer Jeremy Borash introduced Lashley, who made his entrance and told the broadcast team to say something good about him. Lashley took the mic and boasted that he is still the World Heavyweight Champion and the baddest man on the entire planet. Lashley said he told the fans he loves to fight, he lives to battle, and he loves to hurt people.
Lashley said he doesn’t care if it’s wrestling or MMA, there’s not a person alive who can hang with him. He said people can’t walk through the ropes, look him in the eye, and believe they can beat him. Former UFC Champion Josh Barnett made his entrance to generic music and received a flat reaction.
Barnett took a mic and said, “It’s good to see you, Bob.” Barnett said he’s been in the corner for a lot of Lashley’s wins, but he is disappointed in him. Barnett said he had to teach Lashley a lesson in person to bring him up to the level that he knows he is capable of so that he can be worthy of holding the belt.
Lashley told Barnett not to do what the idiot past opponents have done by playing to the fans. Lashley said he wanted to be the first to welcome Barnett to the Impact Zone and shook his hand. Lashley said Barnett has been a top fighter for 20 years and said he just walked through Andre Arlovsky. Lashley said there are rules in MMA, but there are no rules in wrestling. Lashley told him to take his ass backstage and have a seat. Barnett put him in an arm hold briefly.
Lashley said they could fight if that’s what he wanted. Barnett said he’s not afraid of anyone and has fought people all over the world. Barnett told Lashley to put his title on the line and show the people what kind of champion his actually is. “Do it,” the fans chanted. Barnett told him to not punk out. Lashley said he will fight anyone and it will be for the title, and it’s still going to be the same ass whopping… [C]
Powell’s POV: A flat segment. Yes, they got the fans to chant “do it” but Barnett just didn’t come across like a star. It didn’t help that he was given that horrible entrance music and they had him walk out cold. On the plus side, they did manage to establish who he is via the verbal exchange. For those who don’t know Barnett, he is a longtime MMA fighter who has also done a lot of pro wrestling in Japan. He’s also the color commentator of New Japan Pro Wrestling on AXS on Friday nights. Perhaps the biggest positive of all is that TNA didn’t have to blur out his face too.
At the bachelor party, everyone other than Sutter was passed out, including the stripper, who had a cigar in her mouth. Sutter approached Bennett and whispered to him. Bennett mumbled that he didn’t want to wrestle and you can’t make him. Sutter put the stripper on top of Bennett, then took a picture of them, and apparently sent the photo to Maria… Mathews hyped the wedding for next week…
[Q8] 4. Davey Richards (w/Angelina Love) vs. Eddie Edwards in a street fight. Edwards came to the ring first. Love walked onto the stage and introduced her husband, who attacked Edwards from behind. Mathews said he believes jealousy drove Richards to turn on Edwards. Richards dominated the brawl as Love slid a chair inside the ring heading into the break. [C]
Richards continued to attack Edwards. Mathews brought up the new partnership with Pro Wrestling Noah. Pope said there was a lot more coming and told him to stay tuned. Mathews was upset and pressed him for more details. Mathews said he’s in the office and hasn’t heard anything.
Edwards came back with a suicide dive. Edwards picked up a chair. Love entered the ring with another chair and held it up. Edwards dropped his chair and jawed at Love. She tossed the chair to Edwards, then he turned and Richards slammed his chair into the chair that Edwards was holding, driving it into the head of Edwards.
Love and Richards kissed. Richards set up to hit Edwards with the chair. Alisha Edwards ran out and jumped on the back of Richards. Love pulled her off. Edwards threw a couple punches, but Love delivered a forearm shot that knocked her down. Mathews noted that Alisha is an aspiring Knockout. Love pulled out handcuffs and cuffed Alisha to the bottom rope.
Davey handed the chair to Love. Eddie crawled over and covered his wife. Richards took the chair back and slammed it over Eddie several times. Eddie rolled onto his back, then Richards jabbed the chair into him repeatedly while Alisha cried out and asked, “Why” while still cuffed.
Love placed a chair over the head of Edwards’s head, then Richards slammed another chair onto it. Love took out the referee. Richards stood over Edwards with his foot on top of him. Mathews called it a ceremonial victory. Richards and Love kissed while Mathews called them both sick. Mathews called Richards a “rotten son of a bitch” to end the segment…
Davey Richards fought Eddie Edwards to an apparent no-contest in 15:00.
Another Hardy Boys teaser video aired for their independent match that will be shown next week…
Powell’s POV: A solid brawl to close the show, but it was hard to take anything seriously on this night of bad skit madness. I will have more to say about this show in Friday’s All Access Daily Podcast. Plus, Dot Net Members will be hearing the new Dot Net Weekly audio show with John Moore and I delivering the annual TNA roster evaluation.
If they’re going to be about bad skits that fine with me just as long as they stick to the right formula for the audience of young males they hope to attract.