McGuire’s Monthlies: How much is too much Jelly Roll, AEW is not WCW, great refereeing, five predictions

So, all right. Let’s write about pro wrestling once a month.

DANCING WITH THE DEVIL

How can they miss me if I won’t go away?

That’s a question Jelly Roll might want to ask himself. Or, perhaps, if he isn’t up for that type of conversation, maybe Paul Levesque could step in and ask it for him. The country singer returned to WWE Land on the Friday, March 13, edition of Smackdown, and by God, wouldn’t you know it: By the Friday, March 27, edition of Smackdown, he done wore out his welcome.

Don’t get me wrong. I am Jelly Roll-ambivalent. By all accounts, he seems to have a good reputation among the pro wrestlers (but to be fair, Logan Paul and Bad Bunny both received the same type of “Oh, they take it seriously and they’re shockingly great at this right away!” treatment, too). There’s even that story about how he swept the ring at the PC after training! What a guy. So, God bless him and his weight loss and his fans and country music and whatever else we need to bless before we get to the word, “But.”

But.

Man. When I saw that guy pop up in a backstage segment with Matt Cardona in the third hour of Smackdown on Friday … after already competing in a match … and also being the subject of an R-Truth joke … I began to wonder if this was an episode of “Hee-Haw” that Mr. Roll was hosting. Somehow, someway, he became the Ned Ryerson of Smackdown and he sure as heck-fire thinks swiveling his hips is the funniest thing this side of Bill Murray.

Celebrities in wrestling, as a concept, is something as tried and true as the ring ropes. Part of its appeal, however, is its scarcity. Even in the modern day, as these people pop in and almost instantly receive scores of praise for their “commitment” by wrestlers and insiders alike, that core fundamental principle of moderation rings true. Whenever Bad Bunny decides to get in the ring again, it’s going to matter and not just because he’s Bad Bunny; it’s because he was smart enough to leave for a while.

Jelly Roll, though? Not so much. It hasn’t even been a year since he took that tag-team loss at SummerSlam. These days, he’s getting more TV time than the Raw women’s champion. As such, his appeal isn’t just waning; it’s almost become annoying. At least Logan Paul was doing frog splashes and moonsaults when he first wandered his way into this form of entertainment. Jelly Roll has a chokeslam and an NXT-era Shield outfit. Enough is enough.

It brings back to the front of mind a reality that is sad to type, especially during WrestleMania season: WWE just can’t seem to get anything right these days. Turning Randy Orton, at this stage in his career, just isn’t going to work (unless if the plan is to try a double turn at WrestleMania, but let’s not get started on that). If Danhausen wasn’t so damn charming, the plans for his debut would have sunk him quicker than a curse. Seth Rollins vs. Gunther because … why? And NXT is just … bad these days.

You hate to see it and, most importantly, you have to wonder who it serves. Vince McMahon was such an easy target for People With Opinions to take down whenever WWE felt like it was in a creative lull. Who’s to blame now? TKO? Levesque? Everyone? Whatever the answer is, the problem is more severe in this era. Why? Because we could all count the days to McMahon being gone. “Someday sooner than later, Vince isn’t going to be here and this will turn around,” some of us thought.

Well, what do we say now? Who saves the day? What saves the day? Is it the day Levesque leaves? I don’t think anyone really believes that. Is it somehow becoming un-corporate? It’s too late for that; the toothpaste is out of the bottle. My point is, I don’t see any light at the end of any tunnel that suggests WWE has a chance to right the ship anytime soon. The product is stale, the stars aren’t shining as bright as they once did, the booking is milquetoast and now, they can’t even remember how to not ruin having a celebrity around.

Here’s hoping there’s some flicker of life coming out of WrestleMania.

WHERE THE BIG BOYS PLAY?

I did something I haven’t done in a while on Saturday: I watched AEW’s Collision.

It was all right. The main event was great. Kevin Knight and Kazuchika Okada had me biting at every false-finish even if it seemed like the outcome was inevitable – and it was, right down to the “Okada cheats to win” part. It reminded me why there’s such a stark contrast between the two leading American pro wrestling companies, AEW and WWE. It also reminded me of perhaps the biggest hurdle I can’t seem to get over when it comes to AEW these days: AEW is not WCW.

And I’m not saying that’s a good thing or a bad thing or a whatever thing. I’m just saying it’s a thing. When WCW vs. WWE was in full effect some 30 years ago, I remember being excited for shows from both companies. Sure, I wavered back and forth between which brand received my attention the most, and yes, some of those times, it was WCW. In fact, during the early days of the NWO, WCW probably had all of my attention, even if I was still a fan of Flash Funk. It felt like two things were happening, it felt like two different worlds that were never allowed to collide existed.

That feeling doesn’t come as part of the AEW package. That’s probably because we’re in a different pro wrestling world these days and a forbidden door became such a known concept that an entire pay-per-view is now named after it. For me, that takes a lot of fun out of the “competing companies” aspect of pro wrestling (the rest of the fun is squeezed out by all the tribalism and such, but that’s a conversation for a different day).

I never expected AEW to be WCW, and it’s definitely better off that it’s not. But I did hope for the feeling of competition, the thrill a fan can feel from watching wrestlers switch companies, and a general feeling of options when it comes to Big Time Pro Wrestling in the 2020s. Watching Collision on Saturday, I couldn’t help but think, “I don’t know where to put this in my brain.”

There’s no use in value judgement – we all like what we like. AEW is a different presentation than WWE, but who’s to say what’s better and what’s worse? That’s in the eye of the consumer. But for all the criticisms AEW takes, “Not giving me the WCW feels” is perhaps the one that disappoints this viewer the most. It’s mostly an indictment on the culture surrounding pro wrestling these days than anything. But it’s a deflating feeling nonetheless.

THREE CHEERS FOR THE REF!

Let’s toast Alice Lane. The TNA referee stopped the main event of Sacrifice in on March 27bafter Steve Maclin came up woozy as a result of a kick from Mike Santana. If you haven’t seen the clip, it’s a lesson in both professionalism and safety, the latter of which, there could never be enough of in pro wrestling. Accidents happen all the time in a wrestling ring and we all know how different the rest of that match could have gone, had the incident happened twenty, ten, even five years ago.

Instead of letting the action continue, though, Lane stepped in and all but demanded the match stop. Maclin reportedly turned out fine, but that’s not the point. Who’s to say he couldn’t have done more damage to both himself and his opponent had he pushed forward, still woozy from the blow to the head. It’s a good reminder that this is entertainment and it shouldn’t be life or death (despite decades of being led to believe otherwise).

So, cheers to you, Ms. Lane, for keeping everyone in that ring safe. Hopefully your peers took note.

PREDICTIONS ARE LIKE WHAT AGAIN?

Last month, we went 4-4 (it would be 5-3 if Raw didn’t announce 5,000 Mania matches Monday night). As such, our overall record thus far stands at …  well … 4-4. Hey. This thing is new. Anyway, onto April:

– For WrestleMania (and the only matches announced so far), let’s go with Punk over Reigns, Ripley over Jade, Orton over Cody, Morgan beating Vaquer, Trick over Zayn, Lynch beat Lee, Femi over Lesnar, Fatu over McIntyre, Evans winning the ladder match, Valkyria & Bayley winning the four-way for the women’s tag titles, Balor beating Dom, and Gunther over Rollins.

– For Dynasty (and the only matches announced so far), let’s go with MJF defeating Omega, Copeland & Cage over FTR, and Ospreay beating Moxley.

– For NXT Stand & Deliver (and the only matches announced so far), let’s go with D’Angelo winning the NXT Championship, Gargano beat Borne, Grey (if she gets there) beating Jayne, and Bravo and Rayo (if they get there) winning the tag team titles.

– The combined announced attendance for WrestleMania will be at least 10,000 seats less than last year’s, which was 118,641.

– The Invisible Man will defeat Sandman in Sandman’s final match at Joey Janela’s Spring Break.