By John Moore
Lucha Underground TV on El Rey Network
Taped Early 2016 at Los Angeles, California
This week’s intro teaser spotlighted Cage and Texano’s best of five series where Cage leads 2-0, Johnny Mundo continues his quest to get back to the main event of Lucha Underground, and Sami Callahan speaks with his girlfriend Ivelisse. This week’s episode was titled “Gifts of the Gods”…
Dario Cueto was in his office in the intro cinematic. Sexy Star walked in to demand a title match against Matanza next week. Dario said he learned long ago that when a sexy woman makes a request it’s wise to give her what she wants. Dario Cueto said next week it was Sexy Star vs. The Monster Matanza, but of course she has to defend the title tonight against Johnny Mundo. Sexy Star said that Johnny Mundo would make a nice warm up match for her. Dario said that even though she’s a woman, he’s impressed that she has huge huevos. Dario Cueto said that if Fenix, Aerostar, or Drago interfere in the match they would be banned from the temple forever. Sexy Star said she doesn’t need help tonight or next week. She said she can’t wait for Dario to crown her the first female Lucha Underground Champion. Sexy Star left the room and Dario told himself that as his mother can attest to, women don’t fare well against Matanza…
Matt Striker and Vampiro checked in on commentary as Slapback served as the house band for tonight. Striker reminded the viewers that Aztec Warfare was happening in three weeks where Matanza will be defending his title. Striker said it’s not guaranteed that Matanza will be champion at that time since the Gift of the Gods is in play and will be defended tonight. Vampiro said if you’re a fan of integender wrestling you don’t have to wait til the main event since we were getting an intergender match now…
Marty the Moth Martinez and Mariposa were in the ring as Melissa Santos handled ring introductions. Marty invaded Melissa’s personal space as he usually does. Marty’s opponent was Ivelisse…
1. Marty the Moth Martinez (w/Mariposa) vs. Ivelisse. Ivelisse started her attack with kicks and hand strikes. Marty tried to grab Ivelisse by the neck but Ivelisse turned an armbar to an armdrag. Striker called Ivelisse a “Raven Haired Firecracker” (even though she has red hair currently, I think he was misquoting William Regal from NXT who had that quote for her tag partner Paige). Marty caught Ivelisse from a crossbody and hit her with a modified body slam. Marty tried to choke Ivelisse on the second rope. As Marty distracted the ref, Mariposa bit Ivelisse. Marty locked in the Full Nelson. Ivelisse fought out with elbows and got a nearfall. Ivelisse got another nearfall after a Shining Wizard.
Marty recovered and locked in a bear hug on Ivelisse. Ivelisse fought back with a slap and followed up with roundhouse kicks. Marty went for the bear hug again but Ivelisse locked in the guillotine choke. Marty slammed Ivelisse against the rope to escape after being choked for a while. Marty the Moth picked up the victory after a full nelson slam…
Marty the Moth Martinez defeated Ivelisse via pinfall in 4:18.
Marty tossed Ivelisse outside as he celebrated with Mariposa. Suddenly, Sami Callihan gave Marty and Mariposa boots to the face. He gave Marty a boot as he was lying in the corner. Marty went for a power bomb on Mariposa but was double teamed after Marty recovered. Ivelisse evened the odds as they dominated the heels. Marty and Mariposa rolled to ringside to recover. Sami tried to give Ivelisse a hug but they ended up bickering. Sami apologized and Ivelisse accepted his hug. Matt Striker hyped match three of Cage vs. Texano was happening later on… [C]
John’s Thoughts: It looks like Ivelisse is being separated from her trio, probably due to yet another Angelico injury, but it’s cool that they aren’t just forgetting her or Havoc this time around. I also like that they are trying something different with introducing new characters. They are taking their time now and giving these new wrestlers more build. Sami Callihan should be a treat to watch especially since he has years of WWE training under his belt.
Yet another Paul London vignette played. It was another “follow the white rabbit” video. Paul London said he was lost until he followed the white rabbit. He said it led him back to his roots. To his tribe. He said no he’s not lost, he was found. The words “They’ll be here soon” appeared on the screen…
Ivelisse was in the parking lot and argued with Sami Callihan that she didn’t want him here. He said he quit taking orders from people the moment he dropped out of high school. He said Dario Cueto gave him the opportunity to compete and he said yes because it was always his dream to hurt people for money. He said the couple that slays together stays together. Ivelisse said that’s not how it goes. Sami said this is not going to go like her and “that other guy”. Sami said the temple can make them stronger. Ivelisse said “fine…” but Dario Cueto was a piece of crap and if they had to fight each other she will kick his ass. Sami said he likes it when she talks dirty to him. They drove off.
Dario Cueto was at another part of the parking lot as he joined Councilman Delgado in the limo who told Dario that “His ascension was now complete”. Dario said soon the gods will be reunited and no one would stop us. Delgado asked Dario if he has chosen a new host body yet. Dario said he has two in mind. He said they were big strong and almost godlike themselves. Delgado then handed Dario a giant mystical box. Dario said one of these two men might win the opportunity in the next match. Delgado then told then told Dario to get inside. Dario walked out of the limo to epic music with his giant box… [C]
John’s Thoughts: Wait… what the hell? Dario Cueto is now a Spanish Xehanort or Orochimaru? I like how Lucha Underground is back to being an anime again, I just love it! I do laugh at the idea of Cage being Sasuke Uchiha.
2. Texano vs. “They Call Him” Cage in Match 3 of the “Ultimate Opportunity” Best-of-five series. Texano tried to get the early upper hand on Cage and did so. Texano hit the Ruff Ryder Leg Lariat on Cage early. Texano hit a spinebuster to get the nearfall. Cage hit an overhead kick on Texano as Texano went for a tope. Cage tossed Texano into the barricade. Cage gave Texano a side suplex on the apron. Texano fought cage back into the barricade. Texano also tossed Cage into the wooden first row seats. Cage blocked a Suplex into a Suplex of his own. Texano flew over Cage to the outside and hit him with a sunset flip bomb. Cage kicked out at two.
Texano missed wildly with a senton. Cage came back with the Kenta double knee. Cage caught Texano and backtossed him. Cage hit a Superplex on the big man Texano. Cage earned his own nearfall. Texano blocked a powerbomb and reversed it into a celtic cross. Striker pointed out how stamina was the key to these matches and Cage looked tired this time. Cage hit a pumphandle X Factor on Texano. Cage was staggered on the top rope and Texano hit a frankensteiner and leg lariat on Cage to earn a nearfall. Cage hit a surprise discus lariat on Texano. Cage hit Texano with a bucklebomb and F5 for a nearfall. Texano rolled Cage up with the small package to pick up the surprise victory…
Texano defeated Cage via pinfall in 7:35 to make it 2-1 in favor of Cage in the Ultimate Opportunity Series.
Texano’s face sold the thrill of victory with him facing elimination. Cage pointed out how he has two wins over Texano and thus the advantage. Striker hyped Sexy Star vs. Johnny Mundo for the Gift of the Gods Championship as the main event… [C]
John’s Thoughts: Everyone has something to do, that’s amazing. This best of five series just got a bit more intriguing with an anime “soul transfer” on the line. Or for wrestling fans, it’s what Broken Matt Hardy talks about when he says George Washington’s current vessel is his pet Giraffe. The Texano win was predictable since this is how most pro wrestling “best of” series go to stretch things out. Maybe Lucha will break the mold and have Cage win the next one but going the predictable route wouldn’t be bad as well since it allows them to focus on other storylines while Cage and Texano spin their wheels in compelling ways.
Dario Cueto was admiring the blue glow from the magic box as Rey Mysterio knocked on the door to enter. Rey entered as Dario hid the magic soul box. Rey said there may not be much time for him in the temple. Dario said he hoped that Rey wasn’t giving his two weeks’ notice. Rey said he wanted Dario to give Chavo a one week notice. Rey said he knew chavo for a long time and Chavo keeps stabbing him in the back. Rey called Chavo a leach and said his work was too important to waste time on Chavo’s bullshit. Rey said he wants a loser leaves lucha match with Chavo. Dario smirked. Rey said that’s a chance he’s willing to take if he could end Chavo’s miserable career. Dario said we have a main event for next week. Rey said sometimes you have to put a dog down for his own good…
3. Sexy Star vs. Johnny Mundo for the Gift of the Gods Championship. Johnny Mundo went for the quick pin early on. Mundo followed up with mat wrestling. Mundo gained the upper hand with an eye poke leading to a series of kicks. Mundo dominated for a sequence. Sexy Star fought back with punches but Mundo came back with the double leg takedown and running knee. Mundo went for several pin attempts. Mundo locked in a hammerlock sleeper. Sexy Star fought out and kicked Mundo’s shins. Mundo put Star on the top rope and gave her an uppercut.
Sexy Star blocked a superplex but was backdropped when she went for a sunset flip. Johnny Mundo’s moonsault was blocked by the feet of Sexy Star. Sexy Star followed up with an elbow drop. Sexy Star initiated her offense on Mundo next. With right hands and slaps. Mundo missed a spinning roundhouse but hit a roundhouse and knee. Sexy Star hit Mundo with the codebreaker and lungblower. Mundo kicked out at two. Mundo caught Sexy Star and her legs hit Marty Elias. REF BUMP!!! (Wait this isn’t TNA).
Sexy Star went for the rollup but Marty was bumped. Mundo then accidentally hit Marty with a spear. Ref Bump 2!. Sexy Star locked in the sleeper hold on Mundo. PJ Black and Jack Evans broke up the choke and gave Sexy Star a double superkick. They played that lame sound effect for the air guitar.
John’s Thoughts: Cornball air guitar sound effects don’t scream main eventer. They scream 3MB! Or Rock and Rave Infection.
Mundo and The Underground continued their three on one attack while Marty was still knocked out. Rick Knox ran out as the replacement ref. Sexy Star kicked out at two . Black and Evans beat up Knox. Mundo trapped Sexy Star’s head in the chair and went for Starship Pain. Suddenly Willie Mack ran in and gave PJ Black a Stone Cold Stunner. Mack tossed aside Evans. He hit the Stunner on Mundo. Sexy Star hit Mundo with a (protected) Chairshot to the head. Knox recovered and Mundo kicked out at two. Mack kept the Underground in check outside of the ring. Mundo knocked down a distracted Sexy Star. Sexy Star rolled away from Starship Pain.
Mundo grabbed a chair but Marty Elias recovered and stopped him from using it. Mundo then grabbed brass knuckles and gave Sexy Star the power of the punch (as Striker referenced). Johnny Mundo picked up the pinfall victory.
Johnny Mundo defeated Sexy Star via pinfall in 11:29 to become the new Gift of the Gods Champion.
Vampiro said that this win shouldn’t count because of the way Mundo won the title. Striker gave Mundo credit for some reason. Striker then brought up the question as to will Mundo cash in the title for a title shot before Aztec Warfare as the credits rolled and the show ended…
But wait? There’s more! In the post-credits cinematic, Prince Puma was beating up a training bag with his fist and wooden stick. Vampiro walked in and said Puma should be proud in himself. Vamp said that beating Mil last week was a good first step. He said that Puma is not done with Mil and asked Puma if he remembered what Mil did to Konnan. Puma said he didn’t and didn’t forget the things that Vampiro said about Konnan. Puma said he did hate Konnan but he didn’t stuff Konnan in a casket while he was still alive and send him to an early grave, that was Mil Muertes. Vampiro said to reach his true power, Puma will have to do the same to Mil Muertes. Vampiro then said he hated Konnan but he has always respected Puma. Puma went back to rapid fire training with the bag as Vampiro left…
John’s Thoughts: There was something a bit off about that Gift of the Gods title match. The worst part was the interference this time. What made the interference bad here was Lucha Underground has shown in the past that there are disqualifications in title matches unless Dario Cueto books a no-dq match. We know that this was a no-dq match because Marty Elias kept Mundo from using weapons. Yet Marty and Knox didn’t call for the DQ when all of the interference and ref bumps happened? Give me a break. At the same time the ring work wasn’t bad, but Sexy Star’s defenses against Taya and Jack Evans were better. Mundo is a world class talent which adds to the disappointment of the main event. The part I did like was The Mack running out and acknowledging his history with Sexy Star. I was afraid that with the Trios Champs banned that Sexy Star would get no assistance whatsoever and that they threw away that storyline she had with Mack and Marty. The match was okay, but a tad bit disappointing with the expectations and ref bumps. It was a bit like bad TNA and no one wants to be compared to bad TNA. But at least this show wasn’t Bad-TNA-ish like most of Season 2.
As for Vampiro, the guy’s doing an amazing job so far this season. The one thing I would add to make him perfect would be “Ringside with Vampiro” but maybe that’s asking for too much. Vampiro has become relevant and important. From a commentary side, he’s back to overshadowing the lame parts of Matt Striker while also being more witty than usual. He’s also become a deep character again with a fresh twist away from being Pentagon’s master. This is a huge upgrade over sex dungeon Vampiro from Season 2. Sex Dungeon Vampiro was odd, and pointless.
Overall, this was an okay episode of Lucha Underground. The main event could have been a lot better but everything else on the show developed something. We got Cage and Texano in a battle for powerful souls. We got Sami Callihan. Paul London is on the horizon. They are taking a slower and unique approach to things which is cool. What’s actually interesting is interest in Lucha Underground has dropped. Was it because Season 2 was so bad? Is it because of Broken Matt Hardy? Is it because of WWE Network? Who knows, but let’s see how they are once they get past Aztec Warfare. I hope they are able to maintain this nice deliberate pace of story development. Things are going to get interesting once characters like Sami Callihan and Paul London are up and running. Not to mention, Drago was in line for a push after last week. This week’s audio review will be all access for members and non-members and make sure to check out my hit list as well.
Feedback is always appreciated and feel free to contact me via twitter @liljohnm to tweet and discuss Lucha Underground. You can also comment and discuss Lucha directly with me via email: jmoore3.net@gmail.com.
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