By Chris Vetter, ProWrestling.net Contributor (@chrisvetter73)
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JCW “Big Ass Extreme Birthday Bash”
Replay available via YouTube.com
June 3, 2023 in Ridgefield Park, New Jersey at Knights of Columbus Hall
Fitting with the theme of the show, there are balloons all around the building. Attendance was perhaps 300 and many of the fans wore birthday hats. Veda Scott and Nick Knowledge provided commentary, and Veda said this was a capacity crowd. (Prior to the main event, Veda said this was a record attendance, and based on looking at the crowd, you can’t argue with her.)
1. Blake Christian defeated Beastman to retain the GCW Heavyweight Title at 10:47. Beastman popped some balloons and tried to eat them. He is much bigger than Blake, and Christian stalled on the floor. Beastman dove through the ropes, landing on several security guards; it appears Blake was able to avoid it! Beastman went for a running cannonball; Christian moved again and another guard got flattened. In the ring, Blake hit Beastman with a crutch at 4:00. Blake dove through the ropes but Beastman caught him and locked in a bearhug.
In the ring, Blake rammed Beastman’s head into the turnbuckle; Beastman did it several times on his own. He hit a flying crossbody block for a nearfall at 7:30. Blake gouged Beastman in the eyes with a party hat! He hit a doublestomp on Beastman’s back. Beastman went to ther corner; Blake got underneath him, put Beastman on his shoulders and hit a Death Valley Driver. Blake hit a springboard 450 Splash; he went for a Stomp but Beastman fought it off.
They fought on the ropes in the corner; Blake tried to get a sunset flip but Beastman sat on his chest for a nearfall at 10:00. Blake grabbed Beastman’s bone and he hit a low blow! Blake hit Beastman in the side of the head with the bone, then he hit the Rollins-style Stomp to the head for the pin. Decent big man/little man match.
2. Mao defeated Mike Bailey at 14:41. Bailey was in the Dallas area for PWR on Saturday. Mao (rhymes with “how”) has short uncombed, messy hair. Veda said they have never fought in the U.S. before. Quick reversals to open and Nailey hit a Triangle Moonsault at 1:30. Mao dove off a stage onto Bailey on the floor. In the ring, Bailey hit his series of Speedball kicks to the ribs at 4:00, then he applied the Jamie Noble Trailer Hitch leglock but Mao reached the ropes. Bailey hit a running Shooting Star Press for a nearfall. Mao hit a dropkick and a running knee in the corner at 6:00, then a Split-Legged Moonsault for a nearfall.
Mao went for a move in the ropes but Bailey hit a kick to cut him off. Mao hit a stunner after the ref accidentally got in the way. Mao accidentally hit a Helluva Kick on referee Scarlett Donovan and she was down. Mao hit a Tiger Driver for a visual pin at 8:00 but we had no ref. Bailey hit a low blow uppercut and the crowd booed! Mao put Bailey on his shoulders and tossed him like a javelin onto a door in the corner of the ring for a visual pin. Yoshihiko (the stuffed doll!) was thrown in the ring, wearing a referee jersey, and ‘made a two count’ on Bailey. They traded rollups, and Bailey hit a moonsault kneedrop to the chest. Yoshihiko ‘made a slow count,’ and Bailey got angry at the doll and slapped it in the face. Yes, this is all very silly but the crowd is playing along.
Bailey tossed Yoshihiko deep into the crowd, earning a ‘holy shit!’ chant. Ref Scarlett Donovan finally got back in the ring, as Bailey hit the Green Tea Plunge/modified Spanish Fly for a nearfall at 13:00. Mao hit a superkick. Bailey hit a series of kicks. Mao hit a Tornado Kick. Mao tried an Ultima Weapon but he completely missed it. Funny. “Mao tried using Mike Bailey’s own moves against him,” Veda shouted. Mao hit a second-rope Michinoku Driver for the pin. Good action, even with the silliness in the middle.
* Effy joined commentary.
3. Griffin McCoy defeated Gringo Loco, Cole Radrick, Jack Cartwheel, and Jimmy Lloyd in a No. 1 contender’s scramble match at 7:48. Radrick is the dork who is inexplicably over with the GCW/JCW crowds. Cartwheel has appeared on AEW Elevation and he’s a top talent. The crowd taunted Griffin because he refused to do a cartwheel; the other four attacked him to kickstart the match. Cartwheel and Gringo — teammates a night ago — traded offense, with Jack hitting a headscissors takedown. Radrick hit one on Jack.
McCoy, the tallest man in the match, hit some roundhouse kicks. He clotheslined Loco to the floor. Lloyd hit a dive to the floor at 3:30. Radrick hit a dive. Jack hit a top-rope corkscrew press to the floor on everyone, and they were all down. Jack hit his slingshot elbowdrop into the ring, then a rolling Death Valley Driver. Loco hit a fallaway slam on Jack, then a standing moonsault for a nearfall at 5:30. McCoy hit a Helluva Kick on Loco. Radrick hit a twisting faceplant on Lloyd, a 619, and a dive to the foor. Loco hit a flip dive to the floor!
Radrick hit a springboard stunner. Jack hit a top-rope shooting star press. Lloyd hit a piledriver. McCoy hit a Cody-style springboard spin kick to pin Lloyd. McCoy gets a title shot at his former partner in Young, Dumb & Broke, Jordan Oliver! Good scramble.
4. Joey Janela defeated Billie Starkz in an intergender match at 17:42. Joey tied her up early on; she’s of fairly similar height but he clearly has the muscle mass advantage. She hit a series of Yes Kicks at 2:30. He hit a back elbow for a nearfall. They traded forearm shots. She hit a clothesline, and they were both down at 7:00. She nailed a Gory Bomb for a nearfall. Janela nailed a top-rope superplex. They traded forearm shots while on their knees, then while standing; he dropped her with a hard chop and was booed. He hit a top-rope superplex at 8:30.
Janela hit a One-Winged Angel for a believable nearfall at 10:30. She hit a neckbreaker over her knee. Janela hit a Death Valley Driver onto the ring apron. Starkz hit a top-rope Swanton Bomb for a believable nearfall at 13:30, then a Canadian Destroyer. Janela hit a Shining Wizard, then a package piledriver for a believable nearfall; absurd that she kicked out of that move. Starkz nailed a tombstone piledriver for a nearfall. She tried to get him up but she couldn’t, so he hit a German Suplex; she hit her own German Suplex. They traded more forearm shots, and she hit some running boots. Janela nailed a Burning Hammer to score the pin. I just struggled to get into this match because of the size difference.
5. Alec Price defeated Joshua Bishop at 7:18. These two have been feuding for months, as Bishop stole Price’s battlebowl ring, which he got by winning a match. Bishop attacked as Price was trying to climb in the ring. I always compare Bishop to a young Sid Vicious, with curly short blond hair. Bishop got doors and weapons from under the ring. Bishop kept working over Price on the floor; Alec hasn’t had a chance to remove his jersey. Bishop hit a Razor’s Edge-style overhead powerbomb onto several ‘fans’ on the floor at 3:00.
Price finally removed his jersey and hit a dive to the floor on Bishop. He hit his running kneestrikes in the corner. Bishop hit a fallaway slam, tossing Price through a door set up in the corner and getting a nearfall, but he pulled Alec up! They traded forearm shots. Bishop hit a Black Hole Slam at 6:30. Bishop charged at Price; Alec moved and Bishop crashed through a door set up in the corner. Price immediately got a rollup for the pin out of nowhere! Bishop kept beating up Price after the bell, slamming Alec through a door bridge set up on the floor.
* The winner of the Bunkhouse Stampede will win what appears to be a crystal boot, perhaps five inches tall.
6) 1 Called Manders won a Bunkhouse Stampede at 22:17. Participants include: Kaia McKenna, Yoya, Marcus Mathers, Steve Scott, Bam Sullivan, Charlie Tiger, Brogan Finlay. There were others that I didn’t recognize and no on-screen names were shown. This match is a mess and confusing as we start. So, about 10 people started the match, and you throw opponents to the floor to eliminate them. However, Grim Reefer joined one minute in and John Wayne Murdoch joined at 3:00, so it is Royal Rumble rules with staggered entrances. 1 Called Manders joined at 5:30, then Ciclope and Miedo Extremo joined together. They did some silly comedy where one wrestler was sleeping in the corner. (They’ve watched too much Wendy Choo in NXT.) Miedo and Ciclope jabbed skewers in the sleeping man’s head and tossed him.
CPA joined at 8:30, wearing his button-down shirt and tie. Charles Mason and Parrow hit the ring together; Parrow and Bam brawled before Parrow tossed him. CPA tried fighting the massive Parrow but he couldn’t lift him. Yoshihiko (the stuffed life-size doll) joined at 13:30. The doll hit several moves on the wrestlers; of course Veda and Nick Knowledge sold it as real. Yoshihiko eliminated both Miedo Extremo & Ciclope. Once again, Charles Mason was irritated that Parrow was selling for this doll, and Mason beat the doll with a chair, then tossed it out of the ring at 17:30 to massive boos.
We are down to five: Yoya, Manders, Parrow, Mason and Murdoch. Parrow and Mason worked together to toss Yoya at 18:30. Murdoch got tossed. Joey Janella appeared at ringside, reached up, and tossed Parrow. Manders choked Mason with his rope, then he tossed Mason, to win the Bunkhouse Stampede.
7. Utami Hayashishita defeated Janai Kai at 9:09. Janai hit a snap suplex for a nearfall at 2:00, then a series of stiff kicks to the spine. She applied a Dragon Sleeper at 5:00, then some roundhouse kicks to the chest, as she has dominated the match. Utami hit a sideslam and a forearm that dropped Kai at 7:00. Janai hit a half-nelson slam. Utami hit a clothesline for a nearfall, then a German Suplex for the pin. That was shorter than expected.
* Effy joined commentary.
8. Lee Moriarty, Kushida, and Alex Shelley defeated Starboy Charlie and “East West Express” Jordan Oliver and Nick Wayne at 22:51. Moriarty is replacing Chris Sabin, who had flight delays. Starboy Charlie and Kushida competed in West Coast Pro on Saturday, while Shelley came from Texas. Veda talked about how Oliver and Wayne’s tag title belts were stolen by Brian XL and Amazing Red. Emil Jay acknowledged it is Nick Wayne’s birthday. Charlie and Moriarty opened with mat reversals, and Lee hit some European Uppercuts. Charlie hit a running Shooting Star Press and he pulled down the straps of his bib overalls.
Kushida and Oliver entered at 2:30 and traded mat holds, with Kushida going to the left ankle. Kushida hit a baseball slide dropkick to the floor; in the ring, he tied Oliver in a surfboard hold, and Kushida’s team tagged in and out to work over Jordan’s arms. Wayne tagged in at 6:30 and the crowd immediately chanted, “Happy birthday!”, as Nick battled Shelley. Effy talked about Nick Wayne’s impending AEW TV debut this week. Oliver flipped Wayne into a slam on Shelley at 8:30. The EWE hit some team moves on Shelley, with Oliver snapping the arm backward.
Kushida got in at 11:00; he and Shelley hit some quick team moves, with Shelley hitting a Dragonscrew Legwhip on Wayne. Moriarty hit a butterfly suplex on Oliver at 13:00; he tied up both arms and leaned back for pressure, and Jordan sold the pain of the submission hold. Shelley locked in a Crossface on Oliver. Moriarty and Charlie jumped in the ring and traded offense, with Lee hitting a clothesline to the back of the head at 16:00. Shelley and Jordan were still the legal men, and Jordan hit his stunner and he made the hot tag to Charlie. Charlie hit a Sliced Bread, then a Thesz Press. The youngsters took turns working over Lee in a corner.
Wayne and Kushida tagged in and traded forearm shots at 19:00, and Kushida hit a Pele Kick. Wayne hit a Dragon Suplex for a nearfall. EWE hit more quick team moves. Oliver hit a Clout Cutter on Lee, then Charlie hit a second-rope corkscrew splash on Lee for a nearfall. Oliver and Shelley now squared off; these two met in the first round of the J-Cup in February (Oliver won the whole tournament.) Kushida and Shelley hit simultaneous Shellshock faceplants at 22:00. Lee hit a faceplant on Charlie for a nearfall. Shelley’s team all applied Border City Stretch holds, and Charlie tapped out! Heckuva match.
* Shelley got on the mic and wished Nick Wayne a happy birthday (it is on Monday.) He called Nick Wayne the future of wrestling. Shelley said Kushida described the team as “the three muskateers.” A nice, classy celebration by these six to close out the show. Nick Gage came to the ring, holding a small birthday cake. Several other wrestlers came out of the back, too, and got in the ring, and the crowd sang “happy birthday.” Wayne held the cake as the show went off the air, making it the first time in pro wrestling HISTORY a cake wasn’t smashed in someone’s face!
Final Thoughts: What an awesome main event. Lee Moriarty was a great last-minute replacement for Sabin, too, as he had Starboy Charlie had some really good exchanges. Just six stellar athletes who know what to do in the ring. I don’t know if Shelley offers much advice to Scott D’Amore… but if Tony Khan doesn’t swoop in and sign Jordan Oliver and Starboy Charlie soon, Impact Wrestling needs to.
I’ll go with Mao-Bailey for second-best, even with the silliness. While it was short, I’ll still go with Utami-Kai for third. Mike Bailey has an upcoming match against Yoshihiko. I personally wouldn’t book a top-level guy like Bailey in such a silly match, but I’m sure he will figure out how to make it entertaining. But I can quickly come up with a list of 50 men wrestling in the northeast or mid-Atlantic who are deserving of a match, and could use the rub, from working with a talent like Bailey.
This was a fun show, and it’s free. While I found it absurd how many big moves Starkz kicked out of (and I’d say the same thing if that was a man being hit by those maneuvers), the match was solid. The Bunkhouse match was a bit flat but it wasn’t terrible. And Price got a big win, but it was a bit of a fluke rollup, so it didn’t hurt Bishop, either.
So how come one match can be a good big man little man match, but then you’ll struggle to get into another because of the size difference? What’s the difference? Except your clear internalised misogyny I mean.