By John Moore, ProWrestling.net Staffer (@liljohnm)
Impact Wrestling TV
Aired November 25, 2021 on AXS TV
A recap video aired of Wrestle House 1 to introduce Wrestle House 2. It sounded like it was narrated by James Mitchell…
The show started with the cast of Wrestle House teleported to the Wrestle House set. The cast bickered a bit. Johnny Swinger said Wrestle House sucks (I totally agree) and that he was leaving. Sadly, he wasn’t able to because Rosemary explained that there was some sort of magic force that kept them trapped and that anyone who tries to escape will have to face their worst fear.
Swinger said he saw “the ghost of rizzat’s past” when he tried to escape. Rosemary noted that the reason they are here are to cheer Johnny Swinger up, per John E Bravo’s request. One of the Swinger Girls noted that everyone likes Wrestle House, but not the dirt sheets. For some reason, Chris Sabin was shirtless and given a slow mo montage after he got out of the shower…[c]
John’s Thoughts: Ugh, I hope this is a one week holiday thing.
They cut back to Wrestle House and a day passed. I forgot to mention earlier that this was set 7 days before Thanksgiving. Kaleb Konley felt insecure, and decided to fight Chris Sabin. This caused the cast to teleport to some indie wrestling ring…
James Mitchell, Ross Foreman, and Sinn Bodhi (a.k.a. Kizarny, that guy that wrestled MVP once and got released in WWE) were on commentary…
1. Chris Sabin vs. Kaleb Konley in a Wrestle House match. Sabin dominated the match with a ton of armdrags. Sabin got a two count off a small package. Konley took a selfie while locking in the Rings of Saturn on Sabin. Sabin escaped and hit Konley with the Cradle Shock for the win.
Chris Sabin defeated Kaleb Konley via pinfall in 2:00.
Konley felt like he was getting trolled. Johnny Swinger was shadow boxing for some reason…[c]
They cut back to Wrestle House…
John’s Thoughts: This is going to be the whole episode isn’t it?
Rosemary noted that she and Havok are allowed to teleport out of the house whenever they want. They also continued the “Sexy Sabin” joke that they were doing throughout the episode. Kaleb gave Sabin a shirt. Madison Rayne kept saying she wants to go home for Thanksgiving.
For some reason they decided to watch Ethan Page vs. Willie Mack from their Southpaw Regional Wrestling ripoff from last year. They teleported “Downtown Daddy Brown”, Willie Mack in a throwback gimmick, to try to cheer up Swinger, but he just wanted to fight Swinger for past beef…[c]
2. Johnny Swinger vs. Downtown Daddy Brown in a Wrestle House match. Swinger stalled at the beginning of the match. Mack ended up hitting Swinger with a series of punches. Swinger ended up dominating for a stretch. Mack caught Swinger with a gut punch when Swinger went for a dive. Swinger escaped a sleeper hold by shoving Mack into the ref. REF BUMP!!! Swinger picked up a two count after jabbing Mack in the throat with a walking cane. Swinger struggled to open his fanny pack which allowed Mack to pick up the win after a punch and elbow drop.
Willie Mack defeated Johnny Swinger via pinfall in 3:43.
One of the Swinger girls went to check on Johnny Swinger. Rosemary noted that they teleported Downtown Daddy Brown to some place called “perkins”. Swinger continued to act grumpy. James Mitchell said it felt like a story called “How the Swing Man Stole Thanksgiving…[c]
Back at Wrestle House, everyone was bickering over trying to cheer Swinger up. Rayne argued that this is Rosemary’s fault. Rayne divided the room. Rayne, Hernandez, Kaleb, and Alisha wanted to go home while everyone else wanted to go home. Rayne wanted a match to teleport away everyone who wanted to go. Alisha Edwards wanted Eddie Edwards to teleport for the next match. For some reason, everyone sang Eddie’s theme as he walked into the room. Chris Sabin said “I love this match” which is the magic words to teleport them to the random indie ring…
3. Rosemary, Havok, Crazzy Steve, Black Taurus, and Chris Sabin vs. Madison Rayne, Kaleb Konley, Hernandez, Alisha Edwards, and Eddie Edwards in a Wrestle House match. Rosemary and Havok traded quick tags for tandem offense on Alisha. Rayne tagged in and was scared by Havok’s roar. Havok hit Rayne with a running tackle. Steve and Eddie tagged in.
Chris Sabin tagged in and acted like a goof while working methodical offense. Eddie hit Steve with a suplex. Kaleb and Taurus tagged in with Taurus rallying. Rosemary and Alisha tagged in. All the wrestlers formed a suplex chain. Rosemary hit Alisha with a spear for the win.
Decay and Chris Sabin defeated Alisha Edwards’s team via pinfall in about 4:00.
John’s Thoughts: Well, I’m glad I decided not to review this before Thanksgiving dinner. I wouldn’t have been thankful wasting an hour to review this throwaway show. Maybe someone will get a kick out of this show? But Impact’s problem with comedy is that they drag their jokes for way too long.
Rosemary talked to one of the Swinger girls who was in love with Johnny Swinger and wondered if that was the key to making Swinger happy…[c]
Three days until Thanksgiving. Larry D returned as Lawrence D to date one of the Swinger girls in an attempt to make Johnny Swinger jealous. Steve noted that since the whole cast is here they could play the Wrestle House theme…
More bickering ensued…[c]
The show cut to Locker Room Talk with Madison Rayne and Johnny Swinger. Rayne continued to try to cheer Swinger up. Swinger was still depressed, saying that “It ain’t easy, being Johnny Parisi”.
John’s Thoughts: Ok, that Johnny Parisi joke got a chuckle out of me. I was actually a fan of Johnny Swinger when he was the king of WWE Sunday Night heat as the jobber Johnny Parisi.
Rayne wondered who Johnny Parisi was. Swinger said they can’t mention Parisi’s name because they might get sued by WWE’s lawyer Jerry McDevitt. Rayne introduced “Gene Simmons” as the guest to cheer up Swinger. Swinger was super excited to meet Simmons. Instead of Simmons, we got the Kiss Demon. Swinger talked about how he sent the Kiss Demon packing for trying to impersonate Simmons. “Simmons” said the demon is a nice guy. Kiss Demon asked Swinger what his obcession is with pizzles and rizzats. Kiss Demon said that might be Swinger’s problem and he might need to find love to find happiness. Swinger ended up leaving and Rayne thinks they might have made progress in making Swinger happy…
They cut to Eddie Edwards and Alisha Edwards making out with Alisha also holding a Kendo Stick…
Back in the living room, the Wrestle House cast continued to try to find a way to teleport out. Johnny Swinger showed up looking happy because he met “Eugene Simmons”. Swinger confessed his love for the Swinger-ella. Lawrence D took exception to this. Chris Sabin teleported them to the indie ring…
4. Johnny Swinger vs. Lawrence D in a Wrestle House match. Larry kicked Swinger in the gut. Both men worked methodically. Larry dove into Swinger’s boot to give Swinger recovery time. Swinger hit Larry with a punch combination. Larry hit Swinger with an eye rake. Larry punched Swinger. John E Bravo refused to count the pinfall because he smelled Larry’s magic purfume, which led to Larry shooting Bravo with a gun last year. Swinger sprayed something in Larry’s face and picked up the win.
Johnny Swinger defeated Larry D via pinfall in 3:18.
Johnny Swinger proposed to Swingerella 1 and she accepted. Rosemary noted they can’t teleport away until the marriage happens…[c]
Alisha Edwards yelled at Eddie, which she usually does. She said Eddie isn’t taking the wedding preparations seriously. Johnny Swinger asked Hernandez to be his best man. Hernandez told Alisha Edwards that he has a bad feeling about the wedding coming up…
For some reason, Rosemary teleported Hernandez and Black Taurus to the indie ring when Hernandez was unhappy about Rosemary trapping them in Wrestle House…
5. Hernandez vs. Black Taurus (w/Rosemary, Crazzy Steve, Havok) in a Wrestle House match. Taurus dominated Hernandez with a heel hook and strikes. Hernandez came back with a lariat. Hernandez hit Taurus with a slingshot tackle. Hernandez hit Taurus with a running senton. Taurus hit Hernandez with a enzuigiri and Hernandez came back wtih a big boot. Taurus escaped a Border Toss. Havok and Rosemary distracted Hernandez which allowed Taurus to chop block him. Hernandez ripped his pants. Taurus rolled up Hernandez for the win.
Black Taurus defeated Hernandez via pinfall in 2:32.
Alisha Edwards thought Hernandez started acting weird once they teleported back…[c]
Swingerella 2 got rejected by Kaleb. Chris Sabin agreed to go to the wedding with the Swingerella as friends because Sabin’s a happily married man…
At the wedding, Hernandez was dressed up in the TNA Turkey Bowl suit. James Mitchell teleported to be the minister of the wedding. Mitchell called Swinger an ass for showing up last. Mitchell ran though the wedding. Eddie Edwards ended up stumbling in drunk as a throwback to the Brian Cage and Melissa Santos Impact wedding. Eddie tried to say that Rosemary was using magic on him to make him that way. Hernandez revealed that Rosemary was trying to kill John E Bravo.
Rosemary said that John E agreed to the death. John E said Rosemary can’t get virgin blood because John E is not a virgin anymore. Swingerella 1 said she slept with John E. Swinger was still happy because he said you shouldn’t fall in love with a Rizzat. John E Bravo proposed to Swingerella 1. James Mitchell pronounced John E Bravo and Swingerella 1 as husband and wife. James Mitchell narrated an outtro to the show while Wrestle House’s cast shared a Thanksgiving dinner. Santa Claus showed up for some reason. It was Willie Mack again…
John’s Thoughts: Welp, that show’s done. For some reason, Impact really likes to really really drag out their jokes. There were a few good chuckles in the Wrestle House episode, but there’s only so much you can get out of dragging a joke out for 2 hours. At least I reviewed the show the next day while watching the show in 2x speed. Happy Holidays everyone!