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Chikara “Cruise Control”
Haverhill, Massachusetts
Report by Dot Net staffer Zack Zimmerman
There were probably about 200 people in the building.
1. Icarus beat Silver Ant with a running Death Valley into the turnbuckles.
2. Flex Rumblecrunch squashed an enhancement guy. Afterwards, Flex’s former allies Max Smashmaster and Sydney Bakabella turned on him and left him lying.
3. Los Ice Creams defeated Rick Rolland and Sloan Caprice with a double suplex in a match where the double suplex was a “magic move.” The principal of the school where the show ran assisted Los Ice Creams in their win. Rolland and Caprice are Hornswoggle’s bodyguards in Chikara. One of them is Rex Lawless, not sure about the other.
Intermission
4. Juan Fransisco de Coronado over Donald Kluger. Kluger’s gimmick is that he rides bikes like Lance Armstrong. He submitted to an inverted cloverleaf.
5. Jigsaw beat Missile Assault Man with a small package. Good match.
6. The Osirian Portal (Amasis and Ophidian) pinned The Batiri (Kodama and Obarion w/ UltraMantis Black). UltraMantis is doing a gimmick where he’s essentially #BROKEN and wheels himself around in a chair. This one went too long and really shined a light on how a lot of the Chikara guys have either plateaued or gotten worse in recent years. The finish came after a badly botched assisted Destroyer.
Overall, Chikara is easy to watch because neither the promotion nor the wrestlers take themselves too seriously, but this show was just very lame.
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