By John Moore
Lucha Underground TV
Taped January 31, 2016 in Los Angeles, California
In this week’s teaser, they replayed Dario Cueto talking to Night Claw and giving him a free medallion. Mil Muertes was resurrected in the next clip and wanted a Death Match with King Cuerno. This week’s episode was titled “Ultima Lucha Dos – Part 2″…
Melissa Santos introduced the crowd to Ultima Lucha. Vampiro said he was hype for this mega event as he talked about the Death Match later on tonight. Matt Striker brought things back to the opening match which was Gift of the Gods. Striker brought up how Fenix successfully cashed in his title earlier in the year…
1. Daga vs. Sinestro De La Muerte vs. Mariposa vs. Marty the Moth Martinez vs. Sexy Star vs. Killshot vs. Night Claw in an elimination match for the Gift of the Gods Championship. Killshot worked on Marty on the outside while everyone else fought inside of the ring. Kobra Moon was pleased at everything Daga did as she sat on top of Dario Cueto’s office. Night Claw got the first pin attempt of the match against Sinestro. Killshot slammed Marty against Dario’s office.
Striker pointed out that Sexy Star was the only person who was in all three Gift of the Gods elimination matches. Sinestro hit Night Claw with a reverse front suplex. Daga nailed Sinestro with a dropkick. Daga hit Night Claw with an RKO outta nowhere as Striker alluded to. Night Claw hit a knee strike to Daga. Night Claw hit Sinestro with a Spanish Fly and eliminated Sinestro de La Muerte… [C]
Night Claw eliminated Sinestro de la Muerte via pinfall
John’s Thoughts: By the way, they piped in cheers for Night Claw as I was in attendance for this and the next episode, and what Night Claw got in his debut were sounds of confusion and laughter at that gawd awful costume. That mask really has a derpy face and looks worse than the cinematic version. As for the match so far, it’s okay, but I can’t help but think that “Six to Survive” was a bit better, so far of course.
Daga and Night Claw ran the ropes back from the break. Claw went to the outside and Daga flew over the top rope to hit him on the outside. Sexy Star managed to hit a corkscrew plancha on all of the people left in the match except Killshot who followed up with a somersault tope. Marty was somewhere else and joined the tope party with a Tope con Hilo. Marty paired off with Daga while Sexy Star with Mariposa. Marty grounded Daga with a pump kick. Daga countered with a crossarmbreaker. Marty powered through and buckle bombed Daga.
Daga locked Marty in a guillotine Choke. Night Claw broke up the choke with a drop kick (in an elimination match… ugh…). Daga hit a forearm on the claw and Claw hit him with a faint kick. Night Claw hit a frankensteiner on Daga. Night Claw then eliminated Daga with the Phoenix Splash.
Night Claw eliminated Daga via pinfall.
The camera zoomed in to Night Claw’s dumb and confused looking face. Kobra Moon was disappointed. The luchadores all did chops to each other. There was a light Killshot chant during this. Suddenly Night Claw walked away to the top of Dario Cueto’s office. Night Claw hit everyone with a moonsault from the office. Killshot isolated Mariposa and hit a death valley driver on her on the apron. Killshot landed a rolling cutter on Marty. Night Claw hit a rana into an armdrag on Killshot.
Killshot and Claw traded kicks. Killshot went for the death valley driver from the top rope, but Killshot reversed into the frankensteiner. Killshot kicked out at two after a standing shooting star. Night Claw wildly with a Phoenix Splash. Killshot hit the One Winged Angel on Night Claw to defeat him.
Killshot eliminated Night Claw via pinfall.
Sexy Star and Killshot formed a truce to face the heel brother and sister. Sexy Star gave Mariposa a stinkface in the corner. Killshot provided momentum to Star to attack the rudo duo. Killshot helped Sexy Star into a crossbody to the outside. Killshot went for a move but Mariposa reversed into a Canadian Destroyer. Marty hit Killshot with a curb stomp. Mariposa landed the Vertebreaker on Killshot to pick up the pinfall elimination.
Mariposa eliminated Killshot via pinfall.
John’s Thoughts: Night Claw may have looked impressive with come cool moves, but it’s hard to look past that horrible mask. Also, Night Claw joins Daga, PJ Black, and Dragon Azteca Jr as one of those guys lost in the shuffle in their debut by having to eat a loss.
Sexy Star fought off Marty and Mariposa with boots. Striker recapped the torment that Marty put Sexy Star through and said now was her time for revenge (didn’t Striker say the exact same statement during No Mas? I’m not sure?). Sexy Star managed to get the upper hand by using quick movements on both of the bumbling siblings. Sexy Star almost won with a fujiwara armbar but Mariposa saved her brother. Sexy Star fought out of the corner with some kicks.
Mariposa and Sexy Star fought on the top rope. Sexy Star escaped and crossbody blocked Marty. Mariposa apprehended Sexy Star for Marty. Sexy Star slipped out causing Marty to accidently punch Mariposa. Sexy Star eliminated the knocked out Mariposa via pinfall.
Sexy Star eliminated Mariposa via pinfall.
The crowd chanted for Sexy Star to “Kill the Moth”. Marty acted creepy like he usually does. Sexy Star hit Marty with chops to the chest. Sexy Star locked in the Black Widow submission on Marty but couldn’t hold on due to Marty’s size. Marty bought himself some rest time after a side slam. Marty landed the punch this time on Sexy Star. Sexy Star kicked out after Marty took his time for the pinfall.
Marty lifted Sexy Star by the neck and said something male chauvinistic. Sexy Star fought back and locked in the crossarmbreaker on Marty. Marty tried to fight to the ropes but was forced to tap out after Sexy Star did the judo hook to the leg. Marty tapped out.
Sexy Star defeated Marty the Moth via submission to become the new Gift of the Gods Champion in about 18:30 of match time.
Sexy Star held up her title while also making sure not to lose track of Marty the Moth who retreated outside. The show cut to commercial… [C]
John’s Thoughts: That was a good Gift of the Gods, but not as good as even the Six to Survive match. The best part of the match is Sexy Star’s continual improvement inside of the ring and she’s already at the point where she’s a solid in ring worker. I like her focus on a submission style which may have been adopted from her AAA tag team partner, Pentagon Jr. By the way, doesn’t Pentagon, one of Lucha Underground’s best promos, have a world title match next week?
Oh hell no… Back to the LAPD storyline! Ricky Reyes (Cortez Castro) and Joey Ryan were sending Mr. Cisco out to spy on Dario Cueto with a wire. Mr. Cisco didn’t want to do this. Joey Ryan threatened Cisco with prison time. Cisco said he was worried about Dario finding out and killing him. Castro said that Dario won’t kill him and if Cisco does this all of his charges will be cleared. Castro said “you got this!”…
Johnny’s Apathy: Can we get the “Texano is Mexico” Storyline back? At least that thing was so absurd that it was fun to make fun of. This LAPD thing is just very hollow and pointless. It’s like TNA’s X Division.
Matt Striker went over the card for next week’s two hour Ultima Lucha finale. Still no Pentagon Jr promo. King Cuerno and Mil Muertes made their entrances for the Death Match.
John’s Theories: The point of a “promo” is to promote, and Lucha Underground seems to have forgotten how to promote things and instead they want to give time to this LAPD storyline which may go nowhere based on a theory I have, I have a feeling this leads to Montel Vontavius Porter somehow and what sucks is he got cut before he got to debut, just call it a hunch, I have no inside info on this. As for the world title. Pentagon Jr is the best promo deliverer in Lucha Underground and he doesn’t even speak English, and it’s a crime that he isn’t allowed to do anything!
2. King Cuerno vs. Mil Muertes (w/ Catrina) in a “Death Match”. Mil Muertes dominated the early clash with an aggressive hip toss. Cuerno also ate an aggressive lariat from Mil. Mil rammed his shoulder into Cuerno in the corner. Cuerno turned the tide with a feint kick. Cuerno then put Mil in position outside for his epic tope, the arrow from the depths of hell. Cuerno hit the arrow sending Mil all the way into the seats. Cuerno went for another, but Mil hit him with a right hand. Mil then planted Cuerno with a TKO.
Mil tossed Cuerno into the chairs on the other side of the arena. Mil and Cuerno then climbed into the area where I was sitting and yes I can see myself there for a second with a grin, ugh. Ultimately, Mil got tossed over the railing and Cuerno followed up with a crossbody to the ground. Mil managed to recuperate first and dragged Cuerno to the band area. Mil and Cuerno fought with El Conjunto Nueva Ola watching them. Mil teased singing a song with a mic but instead hit Cuerno over the head with it. Cuerno grabbed something and threw it at Muertes.
Cuerno slipped and almost slipped off. Mil got up from the drums and stepped on Cuerno’s hand to send him down. Cuerno kept up the pursuit and followed Cuerno to ringside. Mil Muertes set up a table ringside. He then threw a ladder at Cuerno. Mil propped the ladder on the barricade and took the ring steps to Cuerno. Cuerno sat on the stairs and ate a punch. Mil went high risk and Cuerno tripped Mil. Cuerno pushed Catrina as he grabbed a trash can to hit Mil in the head with it.
Mil quickly recovered in the ring and punched Cuerno to knock him out. Mil tossed Cuerno around. Cuerno recovered and staggered Mil on the top rope. Cuerno hit Mil with a frankensteiner. Mil was clotheslined over the top rope to the outside and hit with a Cuerno superkick. Mil powered back with a right hand. Mil dragged Cuerno to the top of the steps. Cuerno pushed Mil’s head into the (sugar) glass on the top of the steps. Mil no sold the effects and slammed Cuerno’s head in the (sugar) glass which Cuerno did sell as he rolled down the steps.
Mil Muertes set up another table. Mil went for the power bomb but Cuerno escaped with a huracanrana. Cuerno hit Muertes with a tornado DDT which gave him time to set up a third table around the ring. Cuerno attempted a sleeper to keep Mil at bay. Cuerno entered the ring while selling fatigue. Mil entered right after him and met him with a right hand. Cuerno tried to come back with a right hand of his own and both luchadores stumbled outside. Mil tried to whip Cuerno into the ladder but Cuerno stopped on a dime and sent Mil into the ladder.
Cuerno set up another table. King Cuerno grabbed Catrina and pointed at her. Mil saved Catrina by giving Cuerno a spear into the table. Mil Muertes finally powerbombed Cuerno through one of the tables. He then powerbombed Cuerno through all of the tables consecutively. Mil grabbed a crowbar from under the ring. Mil hit Cuerno over the head with the crowbar (but not really, he luckily grazed him on the shoulder). Mil Muertes picked up the pinfall victory.
Mil Muertes defeated King Cuerno via pinfall in 14:51 to win the Death Match.
King Cuerno was KO’d on the ground. The crowd chanted Mil Muertes’s name. Catrina entered the ring and gave King Cuerno the lick of death. After that the medics gave Cuerno the stretcher job. Matt Striker recapped the match quickly and shifted to Pentagon Jr vs. Vampiro’s Cero Miedo recap from last year. Striker brought up how Vampiro was trying to distance himself from being Pentagon’s master and asked Vampiro about what he thought of Pentagon’s chances. Pentagon Jr grabbed his drugs and threw them in the trash can. He said he was going to get his student ready and left the commentary table. Striker said he would see us next week! The show ended.
But wait? There’s more! Mr. Cisco was talking to Dario Cueto. Cisco said he was just checking in. Dario said he didn’t need him and to get out. Cisco said he thought that they used to be boys. The awkward delivery bewildered Dario. Cisco said he wanted in to whatever Dario was doing since he was a loyal soldier. Dario questioned Cisco as to why he would need a soldier. Cisco nervously said to count him in to whatever is going on. Dario caught on to the nervousness and asked Cisco if he had a wire. Cisco unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the microphone. Dario Cueto told the cops on the wire that if they wanted Dario Cueto, they should come and get him! Dario asked Cisco what the police wanted him for, murder? Cisco didn’t know. Dario said they would want him for murder now and he bashed Mr. Cisco over the head with the red bull, presumably murdering him. Dario’s bull had blood dripping from it as he picked up the phone with his bloody hands. He said “It’s time!”. The show ended.
John’s Thoughts: That was a fun match overall, but a bit underwhelming, especially after the action packed matches from last week. I don’t want to make it look like I’m singling out negatives from season 2.5, but I can’t help but do so when everything else is just rudimentary by Season 1 standards. This was a good match, but it was more so a showcase match for Mil. Cuerno had his moments, but it was mostly one sided as all Cuerno did was set up for some fun Mil moments. It reminded me of how Willie Mack squashed Marty the Moth a few months ago after they were doing a decent job building Marty. Cuerno got squashed, plain and simple. They did do a good job keeping a squash match interesting for 15 minutes though, so I’ll give them that.
If I were going to draw a graph regarding the intrigue levels of Lucha Underground Aztec Warfare and beyond, it would be trending downwards with the only thing keeping the show somewhat interesting being the in ring portion. Someone seems so in love with this LAPD storyline that’s just fledgling around. Mr. Cisco died, that was a thing, but it just seemed like they just killed a Crew member to meet their dead crew member quota from last year. At least Dario still shines in these scenes.
All in all, this week’s episode was mediocre which I feel so bad to say. The Gift of the Gods was okay, but not amazing. The Death Match was fun, but not breathtaking which you hope for in the season finale. The only hype for the world title match was Vampiro pouring pills in a trash can? Give me a break! And there’s a dream match around the corner and minimal hype was given to that too. I could tell they were pressed for time here which is why I noticed a handful of edits during the matches that I attended, but did they do that all in favor of the fledgling LAPD storyline? That’s one that I don’t mind discarded as opposed to the other interesting stories that were discarded to make room for Rey and Matanza. Last week’s episode was a good standalone show, while this was a miscible one in the continuity of the LU universe. Make sure to check out my LU Hit List coming up as well as Will Pruett’s member exclusive audio review of the show. Next week’s show is an extremely intriguing one with Rey vs. Puma headlining so that’s can’t miss. That will lead into Will and I joining forces on audio to give our overall thoughts on season dos. Trust me, that’s going to be a very interesting show.
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