GCW “Role Model” results (3/23): Vetter’s review of Matt Cardona vs. Danhausen, Violence is Forever vs. The Rejects for the GCW Tag Titles, Joey Janela vs. Shane Mercer

This show was a sellout and there were 800 or more in attendance. I generally like when GCW plays at night clubs. This ring has an ugly black mat that looks like a shiny Hefty bag. This is one of the venues that allows GCW to have too many bloody, violent death matches. Dave Prazak and Emil Jay provided commentary.

1. Alec Price and Cole Radrick defeated “The Pillars” Malcolm Monroe III and Tommy Vendetta at 7:57. Price and Cole are 0-8 in GCW as a team or in a trio but I think they’ll get their first win here. The Pillars are Detroit-based but I’ve seen them compete several times on the East Coast. Price and Cole hit some quick team offense on Vendetta (think Mark Briscoe.) Prazak and Emil agreed that these two need victories. Price hit a top-rope flying legdrop. MM3 hit a kneestrike on Cole, then a neckbreaker over his knee for a nearfall at 4:30. Cole hit a Swanton Bomb for a nearfall. MM3 hit a stunner. The Pillars hit a team rolling cannonball in the corner on Cole.

Price was up on the stage and he ran and dove off the stage, hitting a double crossbody block on The Pillars at 7:30 and that popped the crowd. Price hit a Cody-style springboard spin kick. Radrick flipped MM3 in the air, and Price caught MM3 and hit a sit-out powerbomb for the pin! They finally get their first win!

2. Gringo Loco defeated Marcus Mathers, Josh Bishop, Oni El Bendito, Karam, and Isaiah Broner in a scramble at 7:24. Karam is quite muscular; I’ve seen him frequently in Glory Pro Wrestling but he’s certainly not a GCW regular. He and the equally muscular Broner hit simultaneous clotheslines. Loco hit a standing moonsault on Mathers. Broner and Bishop squared off and traded chops; lots of BIG men in this scramble! Mathers (stupidly) got between them, and they stopped choppinng each other to chop Marcus at 2:00. Mathers and Bendito (the La Parka clone) hit stereo flip dives to the floor and that popped the crowd.

Loco hit a fadeaway stunner on Karam, then he hit a flip dive to the floor, too. In the ring, Broner and Karam traded more chops. Broner hit a sit-out powerbomb on Loco. Bishop hit a fallaway slam on Mathers at 6:00, then a Death Valley Driver on Karam. Bendito hit a Flatliner into the middle turnbuckle on Bishop. Mathers hit a Canadian Destroyer on Bendito. Loco hit an F5 on Mathers, then a sit-out piledriver on Mathers for the pin. Good match and a nice mix of three high-flyers and three muscular brawlers, and this certainly zipped by.

* Sawyer Wreck was slated to fight Blake Christian for the GCW World Title about a month ago but she got sick the day before and was replaced by Marcus Mathers. If you haven’t seen Sawyer, she is a legit 6’0″ or so, so she’s taller than Blake Christian.

3. Blake Christian (w/Shane Mercer) defeated Sawyer Wreck at 11:14. Prazak said this is a NON-title matchup, which immediately has me speculating we will have chicanery to end this match… because Blake has defended the title every weekend against wrestlers both from within the roster and from outside GCW (such as Tank, Arik Cannon.) Sawyer attacked Blake as he walked to ringside, and she hit some headbutts. The size difference is more stark than I imagined; she really towers over him. She hit a suplex for a nearfall at 1:30. Blake applied a Figure Four Leglock. Emil Jay (who did ring intros) asked Prazak why this is non-title; Prazak responded that the next official title shot is at the JJ Spring Break over Mania weekend.

Mercer choked Sawyer in the ropes. Blake missed a top-rope elbow drop at 5:00. Blake nailed a Lethal Injection and he tied her in a Sharpshooter at 7:30. She hit a rolling forearm and a back suplex for a nearfall. She grabbed a door from under the ring, but he nailed a flip dive through the ropes onto the door, shoving it onto her, at 10:00. However, in the ring, she chokeslammed him through a door bridge for a nearfall. (GCW doesn’t use a lot of replays but they wisely did here.) Mercer grabbed her ankle, tripping her! Blake immediately hit his Stomp to her back and pinned her. Solid match and we didn’t have the chicanery I expected at the top of the show. That said, I hate having the champion on the show so early; I contend it devalues the belt.

* In a backstage promo, Masha Slamavich is eager to get her hands on Shayna Baszler in a Bloodsport ring over WrestleMania weekend. (Masha isn’t here; she’s at a West Coast Pro show in San Francisco.)

4. Microman defeated Dan the Dad at 6:10. I admittedly don’t like seeing adult men sell for Microman, but Dan’s whole gimmick is silliness, so this should be a fun undercard match. Microman kicked out Dan’s legs and hit a flying headbutt to Dan’s groin at 1:00, earning a “holy shit!” chant. He hit a 619. Dan kicked Microman to the mat and was booed; he removed his belt but Microman begged him to stop, so Dan dropped the belt. However, Microman grabbed the belt and spanked Dan with it, then he grabbed a leg and hit a back suplex at 3:00. They went to the floor, where Microman slammed Dan’s head into an open chair. Dan whipped Microman into the first row and again was loudly booed. In the ring, Dan missed a dive. Microman missed a Vader Bomb at 5:00. Moments later, Microman was able to hit the Vader Bomb for the pin. Fun silliness.

* Highlights aired of the bloody Effy-Mance Warner feud.

5. “The Rich and Powerful” Richard Holliday and Parrow defeated Allie Katch and Dark Sheik at 10:13. No Charles Mason with Parrow and Holliday. Parrow is so massive, he towers over both opponents. (This is the sort of matchup that I just can’t buy into. Allie is just not believable against bigger, stronger men.) Sheik opened against Parrow; he easily pushed Sheik off him. Katch punched Holliday in the jaw at 1:30, and she hit a huracanrana. Holliday easily bodyslammed her. Hollida hit a swinging sideslam on Sheik for a nearfall at 4:30, and the heels worked Sheik over. Parrow hit a sit-out powerbomb for a nearfall.

Allie got the hot tag and hit her rolling cannonballs on each opponent in opposite corners. Holliday hit a stunner on her for a nearfall at 7:30. Sheik jumped in the ring and hit low blow punches. Allie hit a piledriver in the ropes on Parrow. Sheik hit a dive, barely clearing the top rope, on Parrow. Sheik and Allie hit a team X-Factor faceplant on Holliday. Mance Warner hit the ring at 9:00 and he punched Sheik. He jabbed Allie in the head with a screwdriver, and he was loudly booed. Holliday grabbed Allie, hit the 2008 swinging suplex, and pinned her. Holliday was staring at Mance, clearly not trusting that Mance wasn’t going to attack him too during the pin.

* A video package aired from the March 10 show where Nick Wayne made a surprise appearance and challenged Jimmy Lloyd to a match.

6. Jacob Fatu and Zilla Fatu defeated Davey Bang and August Matthews at 9:34. Again, I’ve only seen Zilla a few times but he’s built like a college linebacker. He has shorter hair and Jacob’s longer braided hair. The Fatus attacked to start the match! Zilla whipped Bang into a ring post. In the ring, the Fatus beat up the smaller Bang. Bang and Matthews hit stereo dives to the floor at 4:30. In the ring, they hit a top-rope team doublestop on Jacob for a nearfall, but Zilla made the save. Bang hit a Poison Rana on Jacob, and they hit a team Death Valley Driver on Jacob at 6:00.

Zilla nailed a swinging uranage on Bang. Fatu hit a handspring-back-moonsault. Zilla powerbombed Bang through a door in the corner for a nearfall, but August made the save. Zilla charged at August, but August moved and Zilla crashed into a door in the corner. Matthews and Bang tossed Zilla onto the door so it could fully break at 8:30. They hit the Spears Tower on Zilla for a one-count! Bang again went for a Spears Tower, but Zilla caught him and hit a Samoan Drop. Matthews leapt off the top rope, but Zilla caught him with a perfectly-timed Superman Punch for the pin. The winner was never in doubt but this match had great energy.

7. Joey Janela (w/Missy Hyatt) defeated Shane Mercer (w/Blake Christian) at 12:46. I guess I understand why Blake’s match was early in the show, with Shane’s match coming here. Hyatt is carrying a small purse; the suggestion is she might have a brick in the bag. They immediately traded punches; Mercer is much thicker and visibly stronger, and he easily hit a belly-to-belly overhead suplex, then an Exploder Suplex. Janela hit a moonsault press at 1:30. Joey dove through the ropes but Shane caught him and slammed him on the ring apron. In the ring, Shane applied a Bear Hug and slowed down Janela. Shane missed a top-rope corkscrew press at 3:30. They fought to the floor.

In the ring, Janela hit a Buzzsaw Kick to the jaw for a nearfall at 5:30. Mercer hit a fallaway slam for a nearfall. He got a chair and hit Joey on his back with it. Joey hit a Death Valley Driver for a nearfall at 8:00. Mercer hit an impressive second-rope Falcon Arrow for a nearfall. Joey hit a top-rope frogsplash onto Mercer, who was lying on a board bridge. Joey hit a Canadian Destroyer for a nearfall at 10:30. Shane set up for Moonsault & Battery, but Joey turned it into a second-rope Sunset Bomb, and they wwere both down. Blake hopped in the ring with his title but Missy grabbed him! Sawyer Wreck hopped in the ring and chokeslammed Blake! Mercer slammed Sawyer! He grabbed Missy by the throat! However, Joey hit a low blow uppercut on Shane! He grabbed Missy’s purse, struck Mercer in the head with it, and scored the pin!

* Joey Janela got on the mic. He told Blake that in just 14 days “that championship comes to a bad, bad boy.” He challenged Blake & Mercer to a tag match on Sunday in Rochester, N.Y.!

8. “Violence is Forever” Kevin Ku and Dominic Garrini defeated “The Rejects” John Wayne Murdoch and Reed Bentley to retain the GCW Tag Team Titles at 10:49. ViF have been champions for several months. The Rejects just lost again last show, so why are they getting a tag title match? It’s just said how wins and losses are utterly meaningless in GCW. Ku and Murdoch opened and traded punches and quickly all four were brawling onto the floor and in front of the fans. In the ring, Murdoch hit a senton onto a glass pane over Garrini’s chest for a nearfall at 3:30; I really hate the use of glass. Ku made the hot tag at 5:30 and he hit clotheslines in opposite corners on each opponent.

Garrini got back in and hit a series of chops. These guys can barely walk across the ring because it is so slippery with all the glass shards. The Rejects hit a dropkick in the corner onto a glass pane in front of Garrini’s face. I can’t believe the stupidity of this move; there are fans on the other side of the ring and they don’t use guardrails in GCW to keep the audience back. They all got up and traded punches and chops; Garrini’s back is shredded and bleeding. The Rejects hit a Magic Killer slam on Garrini for a nearfall at 9:00. Garrini suplexed Reed through a glass pane bridge and pinned him. I hated this. A short break to clean the debris out of the ring.

9. Danhausen defeated Matt Cardona (w/ Jimmy Lloyd and Steph De Lander) at 9:38. Lloyd cut a Cardona-style heel promo. SDL said it’s her first time in Detroit and she ripped on the city. Cardona said he’s “embarassed to be in the main event of this show tonight.” He said tonight he is wrestling “Doink the clown Junior” and that Danhausen is a “f—ing joke” and “an embarrassment to this business.” He is upset he’s not in the main event of the JJ Spring Break show over Mania weekend. Cardona nailed the Radio Silence leg lariat at the bell! He grabbed his title belt but he accidentally hit Lloyd! Danhausen hit Cardona with the belt and got a nearfall, but SDL pulled the ref to the floor.

They shook hands at 1:30, but Danhausen hit a series of punches. SDL grabbed Danhausen’s ankle, allowing Cardona to hit some stomps and take over the offense. Cardona hit Danhausen in the head with an unopen action figure at 4:30, and he shoved the referee. Danhausen hit a Northern Lights Suplex, and now he hit Cardona in the head with the unopened toy. Danhausen hit a German Suplex and they were both down. Danhausen got up first and was cheered, but Cardona hit a low blow uppercut. Cardona hit a stomp to the head in the corner.

Cardona hit Danhausen in the head with a belt and got a nearfall at 7:30. Cardona got a handful of powder, but Danhausen kicked it up in the air! SDL threw powder in Danhausen’s eyes. Cardona hit another Radio Silence for a believable nearfall. They both stomped on Danhausen. Music hit and they looked terrified! Out of the back came Nick Gage! Gage got in the ring and hit a spinebuster on Cardona. Cardona poured his jar of teeth into Matt’s mouth, then kicked him so they went flying everywhere. Danhausen then covered Cardona for the pin. An entertaining comedy match.

Final Thoughts: A typical GCW show that starts strong and ends with garbage matches. I’ll go with the Fatus vs. Bang & Matthews for best match, even though it was a bit one-side. The scramble takes second with Janela-Mercer for third. Blake-Sawyer was solid for honorable mention. The action was good, but there isn’t an ‘absolute must-see’ match here, either. Nice to see Cole Radrick and Alec Price finally get a big, first, tag win here, too.

Obviously, I don’t like hardcore matches. But I’ll take the gusset plates and pizza cutters before glass panes. You can’t control where glass goes. Alex Zayne needed surgery to remove a shard of glass that punctured his eyeball in a GCW hardcore match two yeaers ago. You can’t control when glass flies into the crowd, on fans standing far too close to the ring, because you irresponsibly don’t have barricades keeping them back. All of this is a terrible combination. I’ve written this before, but this is a potential lawsuit waiting to happen, and GCW officials won’t be able to say they weren’t warned. The thing is, all four of those guys can have a decent hardcore match without those panes of glass. And you won’t be able to convince me that those glass panes are somehow less dangerous, because Garrini’s back showed how sharp those shards are.