4/19 Impact Wrestling TV Results: Moore’s review of Pentagon Jr. and Fenix vs. Eddie Edwards and Eli Drake, Scarlett Bordeaux and Fallah Bahh vs. The Desi Hit Squad, Knockouts Champion Taya Valkyrie vs. Madison Rayne, Madman Fulton vs. Tommy Dreamer, Tessa Blanchard invades Robert Irvine’s restaurant


By John Moore, ProWrestling.net Staffer (@liljohnm)

Impact Wrestling on Pursuit (simulcast on Twitch TV)
Taped March 22-23, 2019 in Windsor, Ontario at St. Clair College

A narrated video package aired recapping the Johnny Impact and Taya Valkyrie heel turn as well as the coinciding feud with Brian Cage…

Scarlett Bordeaux made here entrance in her S&M like ring gear (which ironically covers more of her than her “street” clothes. She tag teamed with Fallah Bahh. Gama Singh followed their entrances with one of his bored ass introductions. It was so bored and ass that the mic couldn’t hear the first part of the introuction…

John’s Thoughts: Is it just me or does it look like Fallah Bahh lost a substancial amount of weight? If so, good for him. For those wondering, Gursinder Singh was the one that asked for his release, the guy from Desi Hit Squad 1.0. Therefore sadly, the jobberiffic Desi hit Squad 2.0 lives on (and it’s not even Raj’s and Rohit’s fault, it’s Gama being their representative and always sounding like he rather be taking a nap).

1. Fallah Bahh and Scarlett Bordeaux vs. “The Desi Hit Squad” Rohit Raju and Raj Singh (w/Gama Singh) in an intergender tag match. Bahh counted down several times and led the crowd in chanting the melody of Scarlett’s entrance music. Bahh no sold Rohit’s punches with Bahh’s and his Mutombo finger wag. Raj tagged in and the crowd chanted “baldy”. Bahh continued to lead the crowd in singing Scarlett’s theme. Callis confirmed my suspicion that Bahh has lost weight and is even moving faster in the ring as a result.

Scarlett tagged in. Raj and Rohit traded reluctant tags with each other because neither man wanted to wrestle a women. Scarlett tagged in Bahh to end the stalling. Callis said Scarlett gives new meaning to “hot tag”. Rohit and Raj looked like they had a bit of momentum but Bahh ran through them with lariats. Callis said Bahh is a lot more explosive off his feet with the new cardio and weight loss. Raj hit Bahh with a spinebuster off a Rohit distraction. Bahh then no sold Raj’s strikes by Bahh-ing up. Raj managed ot get Bahh to the mat with a basement dropkick.

Rohit tagged in and the duo pummeled Bahh. Callis noted that losing about 25 pounds might be the perfect amount of weight loss for Bahh because he’s a lot faster now and he still maintains durability to tire out his opponents. Bahh fought off the DHS with palm strikes and then ducked them to cause them to crash into each other. Bahh tagged in Scarlett. Raj and Bahh took each other to ringside. Scarlett teased a flip dive but Rohit intercepted Scarlett. Scarlett hit Rohit with a few chops and a huracanrana. Scarlett held open the ropes so Bahh could hit DHS with a suicide dive.

Scarlett hit the DHS with a top rope crossbody. Callis said Scarlett may be the best tag partner that Bahh has ever had (RIP Rocket Rac-KM). Bahh got Raj seated in the corner so Scarlett could wipe his face with a stinkface. Rohit pulled Raj and took his place voluntarily asking for a stink face like he was a horny patron at a strip joint. Callis said “this I understand”. Scarlett told Rohit to close his eyes and he agreeed. Rohit put his hands out and felt two cups of Bahh’s ass which led to Bahh giving Rohit a stinkface. Callis was cracking up on commentary. Raj entered the ring and hit Bahh with paydirt.

Scarlett tried to German Raj but he was to heavy. Raj then no sold a Scarlett jawbreaker. Raj did run right into a Belly to Belly from Bahh. Bahh then piggy backed on Bahh. Bahh and Scarlett then hit Raj with a double Banzai Drop. Scarlett picked up pinfall win.

Fallah Bahh and Scarlett Bordeaux defeated The Desi Hit Squad via pinfall in 8:25.

John’s Thoughts: This was really fun and (oddly enough) logically booked in terms of an intergender match. I like that they don’t try to make Scarlett out to be superhuman, but rather they put her in realistic positions to succeed. As much as I would like to see Raj and Rohit succeed, they are enhancement fodder at the moment and played that role well here in terms of comic relief. I would also like to see more from Scarlett than just being relegated to midcard fanservice, but for now it works (but her YouTube numbers aren’t as hot as they used to be showing that the fans are starting to move on in terms of interest). As Callis noted, the highlight of the match might be Bahh’s noticeable weight loss. He’s still a big boy, but the gut is smaller and he’s moving faster in the ring.

The show cut to one of those odd Lucha Brothers promos. Both men talked about how they’re the best tag team in Impact Wrestling while also addressing their upcoming match with Drake and Edwards. Fenix was about to say something about LAX, but instead let Pentagon end the promo by saying “Cero Miedo”… [c]

John’s Thoughts: I know I come off as sour during these over-produced, but dry Lucha Brothers promos, but that’s only because I’ve seen Pentagon and Fenix come off so much better in promos in Lucha Underground. Pentagon can be one of the top promos in the industry if allowed to improvise and be a lovable a-hole. Fenix needs to calm down and he’s come off extremely well in cinematics and sitdown interviews.

It was time for another Deaners vignette. Cody was in a barrel while the other Deaner picked up a beer bottle. A campy training montage ensued complete with royalty-free 80s inspirational music…

Eli Drake was drinking water out of a gallon jug while Eddie Edwards was acting like Zach Galifianakis singing the “Three best friends” song from The Hangover. The third friend was “Kenny” if you didn’t figure that out. Drake then went on to inspire Edwards to go after the tag team championships. Drake talked about how he and Edwards have been like Hot Sauce in Impact and everything is coming to fruition. Edwards walked away singing his Hangover song while Drake said that the Rebellion match is going to be a three way with Eli and Eddie as champs…

Josh Mathews and Don Callis checked in from commentary. Mathews was cheesy as he asked Callis if Callis should be suspected to be in cahoots with Johnny Impact. Callis said he’s more surprised than anyone that Johnny managed to get Impact’s senior official in his back pocket. Josh said Rolando Menendez will interview Johnny Impact at John’s home. Josh also struggled to figure out Rolando’s last name. Josh then ran through the advertised matches from this show…

Josh sent the show over to a Tommy Dreamer promo. Dreamer was wearing a Ric Flair Four Horsemen t-shirt with the Big Gold Belt on it. Dreamer said he does research before going against new opponents and he found out that he and Fulton are very similar. Dreamer said he was trained by WWE Hall of Famer Johnny Rods and Johnny’s brother in law Charlie Fulton. Dreamer said Charlie trained Madman in Ohio. Dreamer noted that Madman has good size but Madman was “kicked out [of WWE]” because of “something of sanity” (a not-so-subtle reference to Sawyer Fulton being replaced in Eric Young’s Sanity faction by Killian Dain after Fulton was injured). Dreamer said Fulton is a rebel who doesn’t like the corporate structure [of WWE].

Dreamer said he knows what being a rebel in an extreme revolution is all about. Dreamer said both men listen to madmen in their minds. Dreamer said Dreamer’s madman is a man with a cause while Fulton’s is selfish. Dreamer said people see heart and passion in Dreamer’s eyes while people see hate and violence in Fulton’s eyes. Dreamer said Dreamer is the perfect person to combine violence with. Dreamer said he’s fought bigger people before and will get violent “on you”…

John’s Thoughts: The promo was wordy as Dreamer promos tend to be, but I thought the promo was solid in providing a character profile for Sawyer Fulton. Dreamer has a knack for making any promo he delivers sound good and passionate. The only little nitpick I had with the promo was I thought that it was starting to get a little bit WWE centric. The only thing that put that over the top was him dubbing Johnny Rods as a “WWE hall of famer” (which is all fine and good, but doesn’t Impact have a Hall of Fame they’re trying to get over too?).

Moose made his entrance wearing his very shiny robe which he showed off last week. His opponent was Dezmond Xavier who they’re now calling just “Dez”, like Dez Bryant… [c]

2. Moose vs. Dez (w/Wentz, Trey). A “let’s go Dezmond” chant ensued, so they didn’t give up on his full name. Dezmond used his quickness to get to Moose’s back. Moose overpowered Dezmond and pet Dezmond on the head. Josh noted that Dezmond is very powerful in addition to his speed. Callis and Mathews talked about how Moose has been so impressive that he can plug himself into the main event picture. Josh said he asked Moose about his pickup strategy. Moose said he asks every woman he runs into to ride in his Bentley. Callis said that’s not a bad line and that Moose aims for volume.

Dezmond went for a huracanrana but Moose held his own. Dezmond went for his signature CQC combo but Moose caught Dezmond’s hand and tossed him across the ring. Moose locked Dezmond in a bear hug but Dezmond escaped and hit a kick combination on Moose. Moose pulled out a desperation Snake Eyes on Dezmond. Callis noted that Dezmond flew like a lawn dart. Moose targeted Dezmond’s neck and then hit him with a catapult into the second rope. Mathews said this domination is similar to Moose’s matches with the other Rascalz where they might have to just throw in the towel.

Dezmond reversed the Go to Hell with a huracanrana. Moose powered back with a pop-up lariat. Moose continued to gloat over his size advantage over Dezmond. Josh said that Moose infiltrated the “tree house” of the Rascalz and he’s out for revenge against the Rascalz for making fun of Moose for striking out with Melissa Santos. Moose continued to gloat and show off his power moves. Moose yelled “how do you like that Don?”. Dezmond gained a moment of respite after Moose ran himself into the ringpost. Dezmond landed a flip dive on Dezmond but Moose caught Dez, slammed Dez into the steel steps, and then power bombed him on the other Rascalz.

Trey Miguel grabbed Moose’s leg for the distraction but Moose manhandled Trey to the other edge of the ring. This distracted the referee so that Wentz could hit Moose with a staggering kick. Dezmond landed a body scissors rollup on Moose for the flukey win.

Dezmond Xavier defeated Moose via pinfall in 8:19.

Callis and Mathews sold this as an upset. Josh said it was like a 16 seed beating a number 1 seed in March Madness. Josh talked about how the Rascalz continue to embarrass Moose…

John’s Thoughts: While the bootleg 70s Show skits may come off as low budget, that’s only a forgettable blemish in what has been a very solid feud. Moose has had three really well put together big man vs. little man matches with each member of the Rascalz. I’m okay with the dirty finish here because it made Dezmond out to be plucky, in a 1-2-3 kid sense, while also protecting Moose (which was so rare early in Moose’s Impact run). If you were to pick one Rascal to give a huge singles push to it would probably be Dezmond who many people speak highly of. A well put together match in what has been a good series so far.

It was time for the weekly interlude into the Dark Realm. Kiera Hogan was walking around in a violet tinted area. Rosemary teleported in telling Kiera that Kiera made a wrong turn and should be hanging out with the other mortals who don’t do what they’re told. Rosemary told Kiera to “go away”. Kiera berated Rosemary for “going away” to the Undead Realm while Allie was getting “consumed by the darkness” (what does that even mean? did Jimmy Jacobs play Kingdom Hearts for the first time or something?). Kiera said she was being a friend.

Rosemary said “Bunny” should have listened to Rosemary’s note that told her not to get consumed by the darkness but it seems like not listening is a common trait amongst mortals like Kiera and Allie. Rosemary noted that the only reason Allie is gone now is because Kiera ran into the Undead Realm and made herself a hostage. Kiera said she saved Rosemary’s ass down there from the Undead Bridesmaids (I guessing since she gave Rosemary Taya or Daga’s giant ass sword). Rosemary said “so be it”. Rosemary choked Kiera, tossed her around the room, and then strangled her a bit with a metal chain. Rosemary said “now there’s one of us” as she teleported away…

John’s Thoughts: Again, I don’t understand why they’re still being stubborn with this pretentious Undead Realm crap. I’m not even saying that cinematics are bad (I’m usually defending this approach as Dot Net’s Lucha Underground reviewer). This writing and production just sucks and to be honest I think I would probably like this a lot better if Jeremy Borash, Billy Corgan, and Dave Lagana were producing the cinematics just like when they produced that really good Rosemary backstory cinematic with Bram back in 2016.

Moose was ranting backstage about how the production truck guys should edit out the footage of Moose losing on national television to the Rascalz (does the deer hunting and online video game networks count as “national”? I’m not sure). Moose said the Rascalz ganged up on him and should be suspended. Moose then said nevermind because “two can play that game”… [c]

John’s Thoughts: I can’t praise Moose enough for being arguable one of the most enjoyable wrestlers in all of wrestling coming off his run as the dumbest babyface in all of wrestling (that’s not arguable). A good promo segment that sets up a mystery partner situation with Moose. The obvious pick would be Kross but this petty feud seems way above Kross so maybe he teams up with a team like “The North” to make a trios feud? I didn’t check out the spoilers so this is a complete guess from me.

Josh Mathews ran through the Impact Rebellion card which includes the following matches: Johnny Impact vs. Cage for the Impact Championship, Taya vs. Jordynne Grace for the Knockouts Championship, Lucha Bros. vs. LAX in Full Metal Mayhem where all metal is legal. Josh hyped the subsequent television tapings on the Monday following Rebellion. Josh hyped Rob Van Dam’s return for those tapings. RVD’s hilariously bad Impact theme played as he was front and center on a graphic hyping the 2300 arena tapings…

It was time for the Global Wresting Network Flashback match of the week (which Melissa Santos said, right before the commercial, was voted on by the Twitch viewers). It was the Latin American XChange vs. The OGz in a 5150 Street Fight at Impact Slammiversary 2018. They aired 7 minutes, I wasn’t paying too much attention, and LAX won…

Tessa Blanchard was shown cutting a promo from a remote location. Tessa talked about how Gail Kim cost her a championship match and match against Madison Rayne. Tessa said at first it came off as jealousy but it dawn on Tessa that Gail is trying to stop Tessa’s momentum. Tessa said Gail sees what everyone else is talking about, that Tessa is being called the greatest Knockout of all time at the age of 23. Tessa said she’s a future Hall of Famer and already better than Gail at the age of 23. Tessa said Gail is most famous in 2019 for “screwing some famous chef” (Food Network chef Robert Irvine). Tessa said she wonders if Robert knows the real Gail, a jealous and insecure Gail. Tessa pointed out that she’s at Robert Irvine’s restaurant.

Tessa walked past the host lady saying that she’s looking for Robert Irvine. Tessa threw water in the face of a man who thought that Tessa was his blind date. Tessa then asked everyone if they knew were Robert was? Tessa then took a bite of someone’s chicken drumstick, didn’t like it, and then spit it back in the plate. Tessa assumed that since Robert is a chef then he must be in the kitchen. The host tried to stop Tessa but Tessa said she can go wherever the hell she wants. Tessa took the silverware that an employee was cleaning and tossed them to the ground. Tessa kicked the guy out of the room.

Tessa talked to the prep chef and accused the chef of coming at her with a knife. Tessa cautiously tossed away the knife and said she has lawyers who can come after him. The man revealed he was the head chef. The chef said that Robert Irvine isn’t here today. Tessa said this must mean that Robert is a fraud like Gail. Tessa then splattered various mushy foods on the chef’s coat. The restaurant manager then walked in to try to get things under control. Tessa then tossed the manager’s plate and shattered it. Tessa then took what looked like Italian Wedding Soup and poured it on the manager’s head. Tessa then turned to the camera and said she’s going to see Gail on April 28 at Rebellion. Tessa said Gail wanted this to be personal and now it’s personal… [c]

John’s Thoughts: That was great! Tessa is great and combine that with a well-produced setting. We’re seeing a lot of hit and miss cinematics in Impact these days so it was a bit refeshing to see a more realistic camera setup where Tessa’s character brought a cameraman with her to send a message to Gail Kim. We’ve seen Impact take the Robert Irvine approach with Taryn Terrell in the past, but this blew that out of the water in terms of creativity. Tessa came off as a bully here so mission accomplished on that front.

Gail Kim was shown talking on the phone presumably talking with Robert Irvine because she called the person “baby”. Melissa Santos ran up to Gail and talked about Tessa’s acts of vandalism. Melissa wondered if Gail would be pressing charges. Gail said that honestly crossed her mind; but they aren’t pressing charges. Gail said she sees an ugly, entitled, spoiled brat in Tessa. Gail said she sees that because that was how Gail was once upon a time ago. Gail said she had a chip on her shoulder and had to learn the hard way. Gail said it’s up to Gail to teach Tessa a lesson in this case…

Madman Fulton and Sami Callihan made their entrance for the upcoming match. Tommy Dreamer made his entrance with a Fight Network shirt and Dusty Polka Dot pants. Sami prevented Fulton from jumping the gun by holding his dreadlocks like it was a dog leash…

3. Madman Fulton (w/Sami Callihan) vs. Tommy Dreamer. Callihan slapped Fulton several times before the bell to keep him under control. Callis said Callihan treats Fulton like Fulton is a pitbull. Fulton shoved off Dreamer’s collar and elbow attempts. Fulton ran through Dreamer with an axe handle strike. Mathews said the only thing we know about Fulton is that he’s from Ohio because Sami is keeping the details secret. Fulton stompped a mudhole in Dreamer while Dreamer rolled to ringside. Sami tried to smother Dreamer while the child referee guy was distracted. The referee saw that Sami was getting involved. The referee ejected Callihan.

Fulton tried to drag Dreamer into the ring by Dreamer’s nose. Fulton gave Dreamer a boot. Fulton then struck a slither pose over the prone body of Dreamer. Fulton locked Dreamer in a bear hug but Dreamer didn’t fade away. Dream bit Fulton’s face to escape. Dreamer then hit ten punches on Fulton in the corner with some intermittent bites. Dreamer then hit Fulton with an ugly but effective huracanrana to the outside. Dreamer spat water in Fulton’s face. Dreamer caused Fulton to crash and burn into the ringpost with a sidestep. Dreamer thought he had momentum after a chest chop but he acted like he saw a ghost when Fulton no-sold it.

Dreamer then got crotched on the guardrail. Fulton gator rolled into a grounded bear hug. Dreamer got to a vertical base but Fulton landed the release suplex. Fulton hit Dreamer with a splash. Dreamer tried to mount an offense but Fulton powered through with a side slam. Dreamer rolled away from a Fulton diving fist. Dreamer hit two bionic elbows but Fulton didn’t fall. Dreamer bit Fulton’s hand and slammed him to the ground. Dreamer went for his Dreamer pose but Fulton no sold Dreamer’s offense and popped up quickly to take down Dreamer in a heartbeat with a Kane punch. Dreamer kicked and hit Fulton with a DDT.

Josh noted that Dreamer wasn’t going for the pinfall. Dreamer dragged out a Kendo Stick form under the ring. Fulton did the Undertaker sit up as he lifted Dreamer up and hit Dreamer with the End of Days for the victory.

Madman Fulton defeated Tommy Dreamer via pinfall in 7:59.

Fulton grabbed Dreamers jaw, eyes, and nostrils with a claw. Willie Mack ran in with a chair for the save. The Crist Brothers ran out to give OVE the advantage. A clean shaven Rich Swann ran out in jeans to give the babyfaces the advantage again with a Lethal Injection on the Crist Brothers. Callihan came out to tip the scale back in OVE’s favor by choking Swann with the bat while Swann was fired up. Callihan hit Swann with a pile driver. The Crist Brothers then held Swann in place to watch as Sami Callihan Pilmanized Dreamer’s arm in the chair. Fulton forced Mack to watch. Callihan yelled “I love you little brother” as he left Swann lying wiht a bat shot to the gut. The OVE quartet walked up to the ramp chanting “EVERYTHING!”. Callihan dragged fulton to the back using Fulton’s dreadlocks as a leash… [c]

John’s Thoughts: Good singles debut for Fulton. Given Dreamer’s legendary status, it’s fine to have him go in a longer match. Even there, that’s what made Fulton’s no-sells more effective. Fulton also reminded me of Kane in a good way. His offense and no-selling was very similar to the stuff Glen Jacobs does in WWE. The post match stuff was good too. After months of stalling, this Swann vs. OVE feud has finally gotten to an interesting and intriguing level.

An Rob Van Dam interview aired. RVD talked about how he’s still been wrestling since the last time we saw him in Impact. He noted that he’s mostly been wrestling all around Europe. RVD said he’s reached out to people who quit watching wrestling and how he’s impacted people’s lives. RVD said he feels like he has a super power to make people happy. RVD said his goals are to be consistent and to teach people who are imitating his moves in Impact that RVD is the whole F’n Show…

Josh Mathews ran through the advertised RVD taping appearances…

Another Deaners vignette aired. Cody said to “giv er”. The other Deaner drove in on a John Deere tractor (I honestly don’t know this guy’s name!). Cody said it was time to go big or go home. The Deaners were then shown riding a bigger John Deere tractor. It said the Deaners are appearing next week..

John’s Thoughts: Somehow, I feel this could indirectly be seen as reparations for Vince McMahon’s bad Mexicool skits. I also feel like somewhere Trevor Lee is laughing due to the Deaners now taking over his spot as the stereotypical redneck cliche (which I feel is a better fit for the comedy Cody Deaner character).

Willie Mack and clean shaven Rich Swann were backstage talking to the Impact “doctor”. The doctor said Dreamer may have a fracture in his shoulder and he’ll make sure to update Swann and Mack. Rich Swann thanked Mack for being a good friend as he walked to the back. After Swann left, Killer Kross walked up to Mack to do his Devil’s Advocate routine. Kross joked about how Swann might not even be Rich’s full name and used that to say that Swann may be dishonest. Kross talked about how Mack cleans up all of Swann’s messes while Swann gets all of the glory while Mack looks like a moron.

Mack said that Kross is a “slender man looking bastard” and the next time they talk about music Mack will show Kross “hip hop, hippidy, all over Kross’s ass”. Moose said he thought Kross was dealing with Johnny Impact and Moose. Mack said Moose is running around like that lame uncle who was not invited to the party who shows up anyway to comment on the potato salad (oddly enough, Mack was spot on with that life experience that a bunch of us have, complete with potato salad). Mack then said if Kross wants to talk then he should talk in the ring. Mack walked away saying “actions speak louder than words, son”. Kross said “did you just call me son?”. Mack yelled from a distance “yeah”. Kross said “checkmate’…

John’s Thoughts: Side note, is it just me or does clean shaven Rich Swann look like Elijah Burke’s long lost son? I’ll tell Swann that next time I see him. Anyway, Kross continues to be a good catalyst in Impact Wrestling and he might be the catalyst that Willie Mack needs to jumpstart his Impact push. Mack came off better here as a personality and his short interactions with Kross have been very beneficial in making him someone we should be looking at.

Madison Rayne made her entrance and her video wall still says “the bee is back” even though she’s been back for weeks. Taya Valkyrie made her entrance and was billed from Slamtown USA. Josh said it was odd that Taya is no longer from Canada and now from Slam Town. Josh also noted that Taya was doing a similar entrance to Johnny. Taya grabbed a mic and said it kinda sucks to be back home in Canada. Taya said Canada is a black hole and the people apologize too much. Taya mocked the Canadian pronounciation of “Soory”. Canadian Don Callis said “what is wrong with her?”. Taya said she’s not sorry. The crowd said “we’re not sorry”. Taya said she’s making the executive decision that she’s not wrestling tonight. Taya told the crowd to enjoy their “double doubles” and “Tin bits” (?) (I’m guessing these are two Canadian products I’m not familliar with)…

John’s Thoughts: So we got two hometown Canadians crapping all over Canada the same week in pro wrestling with Sami Zayn and Taya Valkyire. Does Canada really suck that bad? That’s not coming from me, I’m just referencing the rants of two heel Canadians.

4. Taya Valkyrie vs. Madison Rayne in a non-title match. Madison Rayne attacked Taya to prompt the bell ringing. A “we want Tin Bits” chant ensued. Taya rolled to ringside and teased walking away. She said “this is the reason I left this country”. Taya said Canada is cold and has “uh” healthcare. Jordynne Grace walked down the ramp and threw Taya back in the ring (shouldn’t this be a DQ? Just saying?). Taya escaped a Cross Rayne attempt and punched Rayne to the ground. Taya yelled that Grace was trying to ruin her life. Rayne gave Taya a schoolgirl rollup for the win.

Madison Rayne defeated Taya Valkyrie via pinfall in 1:02.

Taya was seething on her way to the back as Madison’s theme played. Josh said things are heating up on the road to rebellion… [c]

John’s Thoughts: Taya has been a blast ever since reverting back to her Lucha Underground Wera Loca. Her self-deprecating anti-Canada stuff was fun and drew good cheap heat from the crowd. We saw the same from Sami Zayn earlier in the week and this was slightly different but just as effective. Impact is also doing a great job racking up wins for Madison in her return. This is how they should have been pushing her right before she left (if you remember, for some reason they had pushed her as a powerhouse when she was beating people like Tessa and Taya). Now she comes off as plucky, wholesome, and flukey which gives Madison some pathos while protecting the ethos of the cocky heels who are losing matches to her.

Josh Mathews recapped the last segment…

Impact cut to Rolando Menendez at Johnny Impact’s home for a sitdown interview. Rolando talked about how Johnny betrayed on a good friend in Brian Cage while also turning senior referee Johnny Bravo into an errand boy. Johnny Bravo was shown in the background as Johnny’s pool boy. Rolando said Johnny is orchestrating a lie. Johnny wondered if Rolando expects some sort of apology, because he’s not getting one. Johnny said he’s not doing this for any one else, he’s doing this all for Johnny. Rolando moved on to talking about Johnny’s title defense. Johnny talked about how Brian Cage moves around and wrestles like a Cruiserweight (back when Cage was in WWE, he was actually a high flying cruiserweight named Kris Logan). Johnny said Cage can do all of Johnny’s moves except think.

Rolando talked about how Johnny turned the respected Mr. Bravo into an errand boy. Johnny said that’s a huge upgrade over being mistreated and attcked by that dumb meathead Cage. Johnny said Brian probably can’t understand that it doesn’t matter what people think. Johnny talked about how he and Mr. Bravo do. Johnny bragged about getting to the senior offical of Impact. Johnny said he can probably get to Cage’s mom, girlfriend, niece, nephews, everyone in Brian’s life. Johnny said that is Cage’s downfall, the inability to think and comprehend what matters. Johnny said he knows what matters and that was keeping the Impact Championship. Johnny said Cage will find out at Rebellion what he’s talking about and then go live the rest of his wrestling career listening to the marks saying that Cage didn’t live up to his potential. Johnny went to the camera and said that Cage will not live to his potential because he doesn’t understand the business like Johnny…

John’s Thoughts: Was that Johnny Impact’s best promo of all time? I think that was Johnny’s best promo of all time? And that’s not grading on the Johnny Hennigan promo curve, that was solid. This was something I really hoped Lucha Underground would do (and they teased it) by having Johnny be a cerebral heel. They teased this in his feud with Ricochet but then regressed into having him do Bill and Ted comedy as world champ. Anyway, I like what I’m seeing from Johnny and hopefully he keeps this up. I think they should keep the belt on Johnny at Rebellion so he can continue to have great promos like this and grow as a world champ. Cage is also benefiting from this because he’s no scrub on his end.

Josh Mathews and Don Callis checked in from ringside. Brian Cage ran to the announce table to get in Callis’s face about being screwed over by Johnny Bravo and Johnny Impact. Callis went into his usual “I’m just an announcer” routine. Cage threatened Callis by grabbing him by the collar. Callis then went into VP mode and granted Cage a special referee for his match at Rebellion. Cage threw Callis on the ground. Callis got up and then tried to call Scott D’Amore to tell him that Cage is coming to kill Scott… [c]

Scott D’Amore finally picked up his phone as Don Callis on the other side told him to run away to the next town because Cage is coming after Scott. Callis talked about how he told Cage they had a plan even though they don’t have a plan. Cage found Scott and asked for the plan. Cage threatened Scott. Lance Storm interrupted and told Cage to have some integrity and conduct himself like a professional. Cage asked Scott to make Lance Storm the guest referee. D’Amore acted like it was his plan all along…

Pentagon and Fenix wore Samurai themed pre-match gear during their entrance… [c]

5. “The Lucha Brothers” Pentagon Jr. and Fenix vs. Eddie Edwards and Eli Drake for the Impact Tag Team Championships. Eddie Edwards did a victory lap around the ring with his stick before the match. Fenix used his quickness early on to elude Drake. Fenix snuck in a kick on Edwards while rope running. Fenix and Penta then took down Drake with kicks. The LBs went for a spike piledriver but Edwards broke it up andhit Pentagon with a Blue Thunder Bomb. Drake hit Rey with a superplex for a nearfall. Josh Mathews noted that Eddie Edwards is a tag team specialist who teamed with Davey Richards as The American Wolves. Edwards and Eli then cut the ring in half on Fenix. Fenix fended off his opponents with chest chops. Drake and Edwards hit Fenix with a Burning Hammer knee strike combo. Drake and Edwards then hit a team front suplex on Pentagon because Penta did his Cero Miedo thing.

Fenix hit Edwards with a slicing sobat. Fenix and Penta then hit Drake with stereo superkicks. Fenix took out Edwards and Penta got a two count on Drake. Santana and Ortiz ran out to distract the Lucha Brothers. Eli Drake tried to steal one with a rollup and hand full of tights but Pentagon kicked out. Pentagon avoided the Kendo Stick and then the LBs hit Drake with a spike Fear Factor for the win.

The Lucha Brothers defeated Eddie Edwards and Eli Drake via pinfall in 5:15 to retain the Impact Tag Team Championships.

Pentagon and Fenix hugged after the match. Then then brawled with Santana and Ortiz at ringside. They brawled to the back…

Eddie pat Eli on the back and helped Drake to his feet. An “Eli is the weak link” chant ensued. Drake acted conflicted but then hugged Edwards. Josh Mathews handled the outtro while Eddie’s music played. Suddenly, Eli Drake turned on his short lived tag team partner Eddie Edwards. Drake went into ground and pound as Josh asked “why? for what?”. Drake hit Edwards on the shoulder with the Kendo Stick to leave him lying. Eli then followed up with cane shots to the gut. Eli Drake ended the attack with a cane shot to the head (save because he hit the mat next to Eddie’s head. At least he didn’t hit eye). The Impact signature aired to close the show.

John’s Thoughts: Albeit short, this was a fun match as you would expect given the players involved, especially Penta and Fenix. Fenix looks to be back to good health because he was smooth on the tightropes and striking. Edwards and Drake have also developed good chemistry in their short time together as a tag team. That’s won’t last long because Drake’s gone and they did the breakup angle here. Not looking forward to the Eli and Eddie feud because it’s tough to really care for either man. Eli Drake has been right the entire time that Eddie Edwards as the crazy character has left him directionless. In all realness though, we’re probably not even getting this feud because Eli Drake is gone from the company. I’m guessing they scrap things. Hopefully they scrap Eddie Edwards’s “crazy” too. Can Tommy Dreamer take his cane back?

Top to bottom though, this was a really good episode of Impact. I would say the Tessa Blanchard restaurant invasion and the Johnny Impact promo were the highlights but you could also give credit to Madman Fulton’s singles debut and Taya Valkyrie’s fun self deprecating anti-Canada rants. Post review update: I found out that Taya was actually saying “Tim” bits as in Tim Hortons, and Tim-Bits is what Canadians call donut holes.

Twitch Viewership: 5,300 highest viewership (it was 3,000 through the first half hour and rose to 5,275 heading into the last half hour)


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