7/19 Moore’s Impact Wrestling TV Review: Slammiversary go-home show with Petey Williams vs. Killer Kross, Madison Rayne’s cinematic funeral, Allie and Kiera Hogan vs. Tessa Blanchard and Shotzi Blackheart, Moose and Austin Aries meet in the ring

By John Moore, Prowrestling.net Staffer (@liljohnm)

Impact Wrestling on PopTV
Taped June 1-2, 2018 in Windsor, Ontario at St. Clair College

The intro teaser contained clips from last week’s episode of Impact while also hyping up Slammiversary. The Impact intro theme aired…

Josh Mathews and Don Callis were on commentary. The Canadian anthem theme aired with Petey Williams making his entrance covered in a Canadian Flag. Killer Kross made his entrance wearing a trenchcoat. Josh Mathews noted that Kross uses a signature move called the “Doomsday Saito”. They aired a recap of Kross hitting Fallah Bahh with the Doomsday Saito and they bill Bahh as 400 Pounds. Don Callis said that besides being a sociopath, Kross is also an accomplished wrestler…

1. Petey Williams vs. Killer Kross. Josh Mathews noted that Kross has a background in bareknuckle fighting and Judo. Kross caught a jumping Petey and rammed him into the turnbuckle. Josh Mathews wanted Don Callis to explain the tattoos of Kross. Callis said he can’t explain them so he stated the obvious, it’s a centaur with a stag head (Don Callis is the best, in a fun and good way, at stating the obvious). Callis said he didn’t want to ask Kross about them out of fear. Kross no-sold a punch from Petey and Petey showed off his fighting spirit with a war cry.

Kross no-sold Petey’s flurry of offense and caught his leg into a suplex. Josh noted that Kross was laughing at this. Don Callis said Kross is like a starving man eating steak or a thirsty man craving water except his water is violence. Petey tried again with the forearms but Kross caught Petey’s arm with his chin and then he tossed around Petey again. Petey managed so sidestep Kross who had a head full of steam. Petey staggered Kross with a slingshot codebreaker. Petey followed up with a nice tilt-a-whirl DDT. Petey telegraphed his Canadian Destroyer attempt. Don Callis said Kross is too heavy and Callis was right because Kross reversed it.

Kross drove Petey’s head into the mat with the Doomsday Saito. Kross then locked in a Half-Nelson Choke which Josh Mathews called “The Kross Jacket”. The referee plead for Kross to stop the choke. Callis noted that the referee could threaten Kross with disqualification but since Kross is so scary the referee is fearing for his life and family. Kross helped up Petey and told Petey “go ahead, you can do the Canadian Destroyer”. Petey slowly went for the Destroyer but Kross no-sold it and wore Petey like a dead weight backpack. Kross then hit Petey with the Alabama Slam. Kross locked in the Kross Jacket and Petey went limp.

Killer Kross defeated Petey Williams via ref stoppage in 5:00.

Kross glared straight ahead while not letting go of the submission. The referee attempted to rip off Kross from Petey but Petey quickly turned his focus on the referee and the referee bolted. Kross pointed to his wrist like a watch. Kross grabbed a calling card out of his jacket pocket and put it on Petey. Callis said that it is scary that Killer Kross feels no pain…

John’s Thoughts: That match went a little bit longer than I expected, but kudos to Petey for doing the job and making Kross look great. It may come off better live, but Kross got to show off some of the things that I’ve been hyping up for years when I saw him work this kind of squash at Lucha Underground’s Temple in dark matches. He’s a comic book villain come to life. One thing Impact viewers (and Lucha Underground viewers too since he just made his debut there) have to look forward to is him increasing the violence in future matches while also working decent matches. Another kudos to Don Callis and Josh Mathews for providing good exposition for the Kross character.

Josh Mathews and Don Callis checked in from their Nashville studio. Josh Mathews said that Killer Kross is beating up people legally now. Callis said the problem with crazy people is that you don’t know what they are planning. Callis said Kross is a high-functioning sociopath so he either might be planning something or simply just loves random violence. Josh Mathews hyped up some upcoming segments and said that Moose and Austin Aries were in the building… [C]

Joe Hendry was shirtless and in the middle of a photoshoot. Grado tried to talk to Hendry about Eli Drake. Hendry and Katarina told Grado not to worry about Drake and just shrug it off. Suddenly a polaroid of the trio flashed on the screen saying, “Kat n’ Joe… and Grado 18′” (um… someone thinks this joke is funnier than it actually is). Hendry talked about having a prestigious surprise for Grado. Katarina said he likes surprises. Grado said he likes surprises too. They went back to that lame polaroid joke again…

John’s Thoughts: Random relevant tangent. A Dot Net reader recommended a few weeks ago I search “Joe Hendry Entrance” on YouTube. So, I did this week and man… It’s a freakin’ rabbit hole that I didn’t expect to go down! Before all his matches, he does customized covers of popular pop songs as entrance music for his opponents! How did I not know about this guy? Joe Hendry is awesome! (not for everyone, I know. But with my quirky love for early 2000s and ’90s pop, this is up my alley).

Gama Singh was in the ring. He called the Desi Hit Squad the future of tag team wrestling. Rohit Raju and Gursinder Singh made their entrance. Their opponents were Fallah Bahh and KM…

2. “The Desi Hit Squad” Rohit Raju and Gursinder Singh vs. Fallah Bahh and KM. Don Callis joked that “KMPact Wrestling” isn’t as cool as “Monday Night Jericho” (He kinda screwed up on the joke. It was Raw is Jericho right?). Bahh started off the match with Raju and no-sold Raju’s offense with the Mutombo finger wag. Gursinder Singh tagged in and took a flying crossbody and finger wag from Bahh. Gursinder Singh caused a distraction which allowed Raju to put the boots to Bahh. Gursinder Singh tagged in which allowed Bahh to cause them to run into each other. KM made the hot tag and cleaned house. KM hit Gursinder Singh with a cutter which made Singh DDT Raju.

KM hit a high slingshot splash on Singh and Raju broke up the pin. KM made Gursinder Singh run into Rohit Raju and the two friends hugged (that was jobberiffic). KM and Bahh sandwiched them. Bahh hit both opponents with the steamroller. KM followed up with his version of the steamroller. The crowd was on fire so Bahh and KM gave them an encore. Bahh was about to hit the Rikishi rump shaker on Gursinder Singh but Gama Singh distracted the ref which allowed Gursinder to roll up Bahh for the victory with some help from Rohit Raju who held Singh’s legs on the second rope for illegal leverage.

The Desi Hit Squad defeated Fallah Bahh and KM via pinfall in 4:30.

Josh said it was robbery and Callis said it was tag team wrestling. Josh argued that managers aren’t supposed to be on the ring apron and Callis argued that Gama is a coach. Josh said coaches aren’t allowed on the apron either. Callis said NBA coaches are allowed to be on the court…

John’s Thoughts: The Desi Hit Squad thing isn’t clicking quite yet. Gama Singh doesn’t really deliver much and Gursinder Singh comes off as a generic Create-A-Wrestler. The most talented part of that trio is Rohit Raju who’s really good in the ring, but Impact has established Raju as their designated enhancement wrestler since he made his debut. On the other side of the ring, KM and Fallah Bahh are a nice babyface duo and it’s great they put the band back together. KM is vastly underrated and Bahh is one of the most naturally charismatic wrestlers on the Impact roster. Aside from LAX, Bahh is perhaps the only person who was able to make the upper deck at Universal Studios cheer for something, which shows talent.

A Konnan vignette aired. He talked about how Eddie Kingston tried to make Ortiz and Santana turn on him and thus breaking up family. Konnan said the biggest mistake King made was trying to take him out. Ortiz said there’s a code in the streets and it’s obvious that King doesn’t have a code, especially the code of loyalty. Santana said King played them for suckers and he should know what happens to suckers on the street. Konnan talked about how he raised King like a little brother. Ortiz said blood is all you got. Santana said when the money, the broads, and everything runs dry, family is all you have. Konnan said he never thought Homicide and Hernandez would turn on him and they are going to pay 5150 style. Santana and Ortiz gave old LAX credit for paving the way but said OG LAX not having the fire anymore. Santana and Ortiz promised to bring back the fire. Sound bites aired of last week’s Eddie Kingston promo. Santana said LAX are two rabid ass pit bulls ready to break up some links. Ortiz said they are going to have to pry this spot from the dead bodies of LAX. Konnan said Kingston isn’t going to have any more blood after this…

John’s Thoughts: That was a nice piece of vignette. Not just for pro wrestling, you don’t see too many good hip hop vignettes these days with heart and soul behind it. Konnan’s a great talker and it’s good he took the serious road in that video. Santana and Ortiz are really good talkers in their own right and showed that off while Konnan was away for hip surgery (that is clear especially when you compare them to OVE who were gawd awful without Sami Callihan’s superb acting skills).

Josh Mathews advertised Slammiversary and told viewers to check out the upcoming sneak peek at the PopTV Swedish Dicks show… [C]

Eli Drake made his entrance. A Josh Mathews overdub cut in to advertise Slammiversary tickets. Joe Hendry did his signature singing gimmick. Hendry led the crowd in waving their hands. Grado struggled to get in the ring. When he got in the ring he did the arm waving off-sync. Don Callis said Joe Hendry is like a boy band.

Hendry received a “local hero” chant. Hendry said that Drake has been expressing an opinion on Hendry, Grado, and Grado’s beautiful girlfriend a lot. Hendry said it was time for Hendry’s opinion. Hendry then rolled footage doing his signature ICW customized entrance music for his opponent. The video was about Hendry discovering Eli Drake’s YouTube channel via his twitter signature. The YouTube had Drake dressed up in drag and various costumes. Drake also called himself a butthole in one of the videos…

3. Eli Drake vs. Joe Hendry (w/Grado, Katarina). Drake jumped Hendry and said he didn’t even know who Hendry was. Drake thanked Hendry for the YouTube plug. Drake manhandled Hendry around the ring while Grado and Katarina showed concern. Hendry made a bit of a comeback but Drake ended it with a neckbreaker. Drake hit Hendry with a guillotine leg drop. Don Callis noted that Impact has re-signed Eli Drake. Josh Mathews noted that Eli Drake won the Impact title when it was in “abeyance”. Don Callis joked about the word “abeyance”.

John’s Thoughts: Nice throwback. When Josh was on WWE commentary it seemed like Vince McMahon would make him use the word “abeyance” a lot during that weird Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan feud from back in the day.

Drake reminded people of his name. Callis noted that it was odd seeing Hendry not in a grove after seeing his past work. Hendry made a comeback with a series of lariats. Hendry hit Drake with a neckbreaker. Hendry ducked under Drake and hit a DDT on Drake. Eli Drake reversed Hendry and hit Hendry with a power slam. Grado hugged Katarina out of concern. Hendry rolled up Eli Drake during a Gravy Train attempt to get the surprise win.

Joe Hendry defeated Eli Drake via pinfall in 3:47.

Grado and Hendry jumped for joy when they hugged each other. Hendry and Katarina then did a similar jump and hug for joy which left Grado looking and feeling awkward. Katrina and Hendry wouldn’t let Grado into the joy for a bit. The trio then locked arms and went up the ramp. Hendry continued to leave Grado hanging at awkward moments… [c]

John’s Thoughts: I wonder if that was supposed to be Eli Drake’s swan song if he bolted to NXT? Impact doesn’t have to worry about that anymore because they have Drake signed for the long haul. On the other side, after going down the Joe Hendry ICW rabbit hole, I’m more intrigued at this storyline. What helps is Hendry has a legit good singing voice. Katarina is obviously going to break Grado’s heart somehow, but I wonder how they are going to use Hendry in all of this and if it isn’t as simple as you would expect.

Andrew Everett made his entrance to DJ Z’s music. Josh Mathews said that Everett looks like a person who hangs out at ECM festivals. Callis said people who hang out at EDM festivals are idiots. His opponent was Dezmond Xavier (who had a solid debut on Lucha Underground last night). The match was not to be since Eddie Edwards ran out with a kendo stick and beat up the referee right after the bell rang. REF BUMP! The referee was crying like a baby (it was awesome).

John’s Thoughts: I mean… Xavier and Everett are wrestlers, why they are afraid of dorky murderer Eddie Edwards, I don’t know. It’s not like he’s Killer Kross.

Eddie Edwards kept opening his mouth and he tossed the referee to ringside. Edwards grabbed a mic and called for “Dreamerrrrrr”. Edwards said the time has come (a girl in the crowd yelled “shut your mouth” at Eddie. She’s right!). Edwards said it was time for one-on-one on Sunday. Edwards said he doesn’t care about the stipulation. Edwards said pain was going to happen and there is going to be violence. Edwards said there will be blood. Edwards said he wanted to make Tommy bleed. A “Tommy” chant ensued. Edwards said Dreamer will bleed in a puddle of his own blood.

A “we want Tommy” chant ensued. Eddie Edwards got poetic and talked about putting Tommy’s blood in his hands and tasting it. Eddie said Tommy will get up and realize that Dreamer will realize that Eddie Edwards is the real innovator of violence (homegirl in the crowd yelled back “no you’re not!”). Edwards said he will be Dreamer’s never-ending nightmare. Eddie Edwards now has new “extreme” theme music which turned to pop punk (I always will approve of Pop Punk so Eddie got some points from me there). Josh Mathews said he feels bad for Eddie. Callis said he feels bad for Dreamer…

John’s Thoughts: The beatdown angle of the referee was fine and Eddie looked okay for a bit, but I think that promo went a bit too long. While late to the party on this gimmick, Johnny Gargano has started to do the same character on NXT, but is doing a much better job because he’s more natural and subtle. Eddie Edwards is a ham. A ham who’s a world class pro wrestler, but a ham nonetheless. The MVP of that segment was the random unseen girl in the crowd who would respond to Eddie Edwards.

It was time to go back to Madison Rayne’s foray into Lucha Underground… I mean… into the forest? They replayed an abridged version of last week’s cinematic where Madison Rayne teleported to a random forest and was pie faced by Su Yung. The screen went dark and a distorted version of Rayne’s “Killer Queen” theme played. Madison Rayne woke up in a random room and there was a hazy yellow camera filter during this cinematic. She noticed her family pictures around the room (and I think of Josh Mathews? The face was flashed out but the dude had Josh’s hair). Rayne was in a funeral home. Rayne slowly figured out that it was her funeral!!! She opened the coffin and saw her own body in it.

A random creepy bald guy tried to calm down Rayne, who was having a panic attack. The creepy bald guy got creepier when he suddenly got Su Yung’s facepaint. The man told Rayne “your time has come”. Rayne escaped the room and a little girl asked Rayne where her mommy was. The little girl got creepy too and had facepaint on her. Madison Rayne woke up from her dream (?). What? Rayne was back in that random forest she teleported to. Horror movie music played. Someone dropped a bucket of red fluid on Rayne which we’ll presume is (corn syrup) blood. Su Yung and the Undead Bridesmaids did creepy poses behind Rayne. Su Yung told Rayne “your time has come”… [C]

John’s Thoughts: So, is the new interviewer “Alicia”, who has no last name, dead? Well… This is odd… and Random. I have no clue why they decided to make a random right turn into Lucha Underground territory two weeks before Slammiversary without any context. This cinematic was well shot, but it seemed more fit for someone like Allie or Rosemary in conjunction with Su Yung. They could have had more impact with a simpler feud but now it just seems contrived and unnecessary.

A music video highlight vignette aired of the Pentagon Jr. and OVE feud…

Some random guy from Australia named Greg Osborne made his entrance. He carried a boomerang to the ring and was acting like a jobber…

4. Sami Callihan (w/Jake and Dave Crist) vs. Greg Osborne. Sami Callihan had Pentagon’s mask with him and wore some Pentagon Jr. merch on his head. Sami stomped a mudhole in Greg after a pump kick. The crowd was cheering for Sami. Sami called the Crist Brothers. They gave him Pentagon’s mask. Greg Osborne came back with a few punches but Callihan went after the eyes to come back. Callihan hit Greg with a pile driver. Josh Mathews tried to sell this as a sad moment. Callihan put the mask on Greg and asked for a mic.

Sami started a “Pentagon” chant and said “bullshit”. Sami Callihan said he accepts the hair vs. mask match. Wait what? Did someone air this out of order? Callihan said people talk crap about Callihan’s hair and wondered if people want to see him lose his hair. Callihan told the enhancement guy that “Sami is going to kill you”. The crowd chanted what Sami said. Sami hit the Get out of Here on Greg for the victory.

Sami Callihan defeated Greg Osborne via pinfall in 4:11.

Sami ripped off the mask from Greg and ordered the Crist brothers to beat him up. Sami said they took care of the trash and it was time to move to bigger and better things. Callihan said Impact management made him come out to put over the PPV because Sami is “The Draw”. Sami then did a “Sunday…Sunday…Sunday…” Monster-Truck-style ad for Slammiversary. Suddenly, Pentagon Jr. popped in on the big screen. Pentagon talked about Sami messing with the most sacred thing that Pentagon has “mi mascara”. Pentagon said he’ll never forgive Sami. Pentagon hyped the luchas de apuestas at Slammiversary. Pentagon said he was going to show Sami that “Impact es mi casa”. Because why? “Por que yo soy Pentagon Jr! El Cero Miedo!” (that’s his catchphrase if you didn’t figure it out) …

John’s Thoughts: I think someone in the production truck screwed up here? This isn’t the first time they did this botch to OVE since they did a similar production botch last year when Dave Crist accepted Konnan’s challenge after promos aired of the match being accepted. A rare “only in TNA” moment. It was decent hype but it seemed out of place. I’ll take this over random indie footage. Another good part about this set of tapings? We got no random bootleg indie filler matches. God Bless Impact Wrestling.

Allie cut a promo from a stairwell. Allie said she feels a bit sorry for Tessa Blanchard and it’s sad. Allie said that Tessa sounds like she doesn’t care about anyone else probably because people don’t care about her. Allie said that Tessa keeps bragging about her wrestling heritage. Allie asked what has Tessa actually learned from her dad and grandpa? Allie said Tessa is a great wrestler but so is Tessa. Allie talked about how she’s a former two-time Knockouts Champion. Kiera Hogan interrupted the promo and was excited to accompany Allie to the ring… [C]

Moose entered St. Clair College and said that he’s here. A video package aired which was a combination of past Moose and Austin Aries video packages…

A Tessa Blanchard video package aired. Tessa talked about how if you get in her way she’ll run you over. Tessa said Madison Rayne disrupted her plan. They showed Madison Rayne beating her up twice. Allie said she understands that Madison Rayne beat Tessa twice. Allie said that’s no excuse to attack people. Tessa said that Allie came to save the day but her best friend is “dead”, she got put in a casket, and she can’t save herself. Tessa said she’ll make Allie think twice and if Allie wants to play hero the Tessa will have no problem playing villain…

Shotzi Blackheart made her entrance. The camera focused on the crowd giving Shotzi boos. Tessa Blanchard made her entrance. Don Callis said if he has a daughter he wants the daughter to be exactly like Tessa…

John’s Thoughts: In unfortunate news, I believe it was Dave Meltzer who reported that Shotzi Blackheart suffered a broken ankle during a Hoodslam event July 6 in Oakland (I didn’t attend that even since I was more focused on the New Japan event in the same area that weekend). Sad news because I thought she could have made a strong top babyface in Impact Wrestling. Here’s wishing her the best in her recovery.

5. Shotzi Blackheart and Tessa Blanchard vs. Allie and Kiera Hogan. Kiera had to hold back Allie from attacking Tessa. Don Callis said he likes that Allie is pandering less to the hands. Josh referenced once calling Allie an Easter Egg. Kiera and Shotzi wanted to start the match, but Tessa insisted that she has got this. This got on Allie’s nerves. Kiera and Tessa started the match. Tessa shoved Kiera against the ropes. After the separation, Kira returned the favor. Kiera then dominated Tessa with a flurry of offense. Kiera hit Tessa with a running X-Factor. Tessa retreated and tagged in Shotzi.

Kiera and Shotzi traded forearms. Kiera hit Shotzi with a suicide dive at ringside. Allie tagged in and taunted Tessa while attacking Shotzi. Allie hit Shotzi with a suplex. Tessa yelled “don’t screw this up for me”. Kiera came in and hit Shotzi with an axe handle. Tessa snuck in a cheap kick on Kiera while ref Riley was distracted. Tessa tagged in and beat up on Kiera. Kiera and Tessa took each other out with pump kicks. Shotzi and Allie tagged in with Allie dominating. Allie dropkicked Shotzi in the butt sending her into the second turnbuckle. Allie got a nearfall after a Russian Legsweep due to Tessa breaking up the pin.

Tessa started arguing with Allie. Kiera distracted Tessa which allowed Allie to hit Tessa with the Best Superkick Ever. Shotzi then gave Allie forearms. Shotzi reversed Allie into a neckbreaker. Allie escaped and hit Shotzi with the “Best Superkick Ever”. Shotzi tried to roll to her partner for the tag but Tessa dropped off the apron. Tessa yelled to Shotzi that “This is your problem now!”. Allie hit Shotzi with the codebreaker for the win.

Allie and Kiera Hogan defeated Shotzi Blackheart and Tessa Blanchard via pinfall in 7:04.

Allie and Kiera hugged after discussing Tessa bailing on the match. Allie and Kiera then high fived the fans…

The show then went to cinematic mode with the OVE trio looking for Pentagon backstage. Sami kept banging on doors. Sami was separated from Jake and Dave Crist after a door locked behind him. Sami continued to search without the Crist brothers… [C]

Another vignette aired for the red silhouette lady, except she isn’t a red silhouette anymore. She was indie wrestler Scarlett Bordeaux. Scarlett did various sexy poses over bridges and in a studio. The graphic showed that she was debuting next week…

John’s Thoughts: For some reason, I feel the sudden urge to pull out some dolla dolla bills, and not to pay my telephone bills. I haven’t seen too much of Scarlett’s work but I am aware of her. She does pop up a lot on line due to her sexy Instagram photos. WWE viewers may know her as “Sasha Banks’s biggest fan” when she got squashed by Nia Jax during Jax’s debut matches.

Don Callis also has the urge. He yelled that his new favorite wrestler is Scarlett Bordeaux. Callis couldn’t stop yelling “Oh my god!…. god!!!”…

A Johnny Impact selfie vignette aired. Johnny talked about Slam Town. He talked about being on an island, married, in the jungle, and clearing his head. He said he was thinking about “what do I want”. He said he wants to be happy. He said what makes him happy is Wrestling. Graphics aired for Rich Swann, Taiji Ishimori, and Fenix. Johnny talked about being excited to leave with a “W” because winning makes Johnny Impact happy…

John’s Thoughts: The editing was a bit clunky with the graphics but that promo sure beats the hell out of those crappy WWE selfie promos. As for Johnny, I’m looking forward to seeing how he does during this next Impact run. I chatted with him a bit at an event he was wrestling at during his time off and he did mention how he’s aware of his cornball Worldwide Underground act not clicking in the Impact universe. Here’s hoping he starts taking things seriously because the B-movie comedy prevents people from taking him seriously and he does have all the talent to be an honorable world champion.

Josh Mathews and Don Callis called the four way match an “International Four Way”. Josh also mentioned that OVE was still looking for Pentagon backstage. Callis and Mathews ran through the Slammiversary card…

A Matt Sydal and Brian Cage vignette aired. It contained clips of Sydal’s past in the TNA X Division. It then moved on to showing highlights from the Sydal, Kongo Kong, and Brian Cage interactions. More solid mic work from Matt Sydal…

John’s Thoughts: Sydal continues to show great improvement on the microphone and is ready to take that next step up the card if he can give his character a bit of an edge. Brian Cage vs. Matt Sydal has the potential to be a show stealing match given how both men wrestle high flying hybrid styles…

Clips from past Moose and Austin Aries segments aired. New clips of Aries calling the World Champion the “true Mr. Impact”. He also made jokes at Moose’s mom again…

Josh talked about saying goodbye to St. Clair College. Josh was then informed of sudden footage of OVE and Sami Callihan. They cut to the cinematic camera where Dave Crist was searching backstage. He ran into Jake Crist and was afraid since they were separate. The Crist brothers walked into a studio area and saw a man tied up in a chair wearing Pentagon Jr’s mask. The Crist Brothers beat up on the guy and then realized that it was Sami Callihan. Sami called them dumbasses. Pentagon creeped up from behind and some special effect filters took over the screen. Clips aired of their feud as Pentagon beat up the Crist Brothers in front of Sami. Pentagon hit Jake Crist with the Sacrifice Arm Breaker in front of Sami. Penta yelled “Listen to me! Cero Miedo!”…

Josh Mathews hyped up PopTV’s Swedish Dicks… [C]

John’s Thoughts: Again, not for some, but I can tolerate this type of Lucha Underground cinematic. It’s not hokey, inconsistent, and jarring like the Madison Rayne teleporting stuff.

Moose made his entrance to the St. Clair crowd. Josh Mathews told us how Moose has already prepared his championship victory celebration by buying champagne and inviting his mom, friends, and family. Don Callis wondered if it was Cristal Champagne. Moose said he has been away from the Impact Zone getting ready for Slammiversary, the biggest night of his life. Moose said if Aries thinks the mind games are getting to Moose then he must be eating too many bananas (wait what? Somebody hand this man a script). Moose told Aries to bring his “bitch ass” and banana out here so he can stick the banana in the ass of Aries. An “up his ass” chant ensued.

Moose talked more about the ass of Austin Aries. Austin Aries appeared on the big screen and said we didn’t need a Moose on the loose. Aries said this thing has been too easy. Aries said Moose is playing checkers while Aries is playing chess and Moose is in check. Aries said he is pulling Moose by the strings. Aries talked about how smart he is. Aries downplayed beating up DeAngelo Williams. Aries said Moose will have to wait until Slammiversary to see Austin Aries in person.

The video was a pre-tape because while Moose was distracted by the video promo, Austin Aries appeared behind him. Austin Aries kicked Moose in the balls because everyone kicks or punches Moose in the balls (seriously, name me one Heel that Moose has faced that hasn’t dick kicked or dick punched Moose). Don Callis said Moose got played. Aries hit Moose in the back with a chair while holding up his title for the crowd to see. Moose started to recover while the crowd did the Moose arm pump (Moose’s balls must have adapted to all of the ball kicks). Moose did his arm pump thing while holding his dong with the other hand behind Aries (that kinda looked super awks). Aries figured out that Moose was okay and slowly figured out that he was screwed.

Moose then hit Aries with a Buckle Chokebomb. Moose went for a chair shot and Aries quickly ducked under it and rolled to ringside. Aries cowered to the barricade. Aries then cowered up the ramps with his eyes showing fear. Aries backtracked up the ramp while the Moose theme played. Josh Mathews told the viewers that he’ll see them at Slammiversary. Impact closed with a trailer airing for the Slammiversary PPV…

John’s Thoughts: A decent go home segment and one of Moose’s better show ending segments on Impact. That’s mostly because most Moose segments end with him either rolling on the ground or kicked in the balls. Aries has done a tremendous job with this feud playing the a-hole heel. I’m afraid Moose might win, and the reason I’m afraid is that I think it’s too soon. We need more scenes with Moose standing tall to wipe away all of the times we saw him as a wimp. This was a step in the right direction. Moose is still a bit clunky on the microphone and I’m not alone in saying that he would do better with his version of Zelina Vega to put him on the right track and talk for him. I do see Impact keeping the belt on Aries though if they are going to go with my long time prediction of building up Brian Cage to cash in the X-Division Title via the Austin Aries Option-C gimmick.

This wasn’t the best of shows, but even by regular wrestling show standards (not the low TNA standard) this wasn’t a horrible show. It was a go-home show with a lot of video packages. There wasn’t much in in-ring action, but they tried their best to build to the PPV. While this episode didn’t get me more excited for Slammiversary, the past weeks of really good material has made Slammiversary the most anticipated Impact PPV since 2016. $40 for a PPV is still too much for a PPV in 2018, but at least I’m not afraid this time of horrendous ref bumps, guitar shots, authority figures, El Patron, yelling commentators, boring matches, and other “Only in TNA” things. This should be a good pay-per-view. Jason Powell will be by later today with the Impact Wrestling Hit List and an audio review. I should be around this week with a prediction article Slammiversary, which Jason will be covering live as it airs on Sunday night.



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