By John Moore
Impact Wrestling on PopTV
Taped August 2017 in Orlando, Florida at Universal Studios
Impact opened with the camera showing Moose and Stephen Bonnar hauling in title belts in cardboard boxes in a dolly. One of the title belts in the front read “Bellator MMA”. Bobby Lashley, Dan Lambert and the unnamed American Top Team fighters were shown entering from another studio lot. Lashley tossed over a barricade railing. They cut to the teaser which showed highlights from last week’s Garza Jr. vs. Johnny Impact/Mundo match. Mundo talked about Chris Adonis being the person he least expected for sneak attacks. Mundo said Adonis should have faced him face-to-face. Mundo said he wants a one-on-one match with Adonis…
The intro owl theme aired. Chris Adonis came out to new music and had The Terminator on his video wall (is he Brian Cage now?). Johnny Impact/Mundo was his opponent. Dave Penzer said this was a “special grudge match”.
1. Chris Adonis vs. Johnny Impact. Mundo started the match off with ground and pound as well as his signature knees. Adonis fought for his life with desperation punches. Adonis sold pain in the gut. Mundo came back by hitting Adonis with right hands. Adonis came back with a back body drop. Adonis caught Mundo with a bear hug. Mundo fought out and hit Adonis with a Pele Kick. Adonis came back with a delayed spinebuster. Chris Adonis yelled “Masterlock!!!”. Adonis had the Masterlock locked in on Mundo. Mundo escaped the masterlock by going to the apron for the rope break. Borash pointed out how that was a smart way to escape the masterlock.
Mundo went for a sunset flip and small package. Mundo came back with his calculated punches. Mundo hit a feint roundhouse. Mundo then hit the Moonlight Drive on Adonis. Adonis backtossed Mundo to the apron. Mundo then hit a springboard spinning wheel kick on Adonis. [C]
Mundo fought out of a superplex attempt. Johnny Mundo then counted down for his high risk move. Mundo hit the top rope 450 Judo Roll for the victory.
Johnny Impact defeated Chris Adonis via pinfall in 5:44 of TV Time.
I think they were calling his finisher the “Countdown to Impact” (which is a clever name! The name “Impact” still sucks since it’s now the name of the company and show). Eli Drake ran right in front of Mundo and Mundo put the ground and pound on Eli Drake. Mundo ripped apart the pants of Eli Drake leaving him in his underwear. Mundo took Drake’s belt and whipped him with it. Chris Adonis blindsided Mundo and put the momentum back in the favor of the heels. Eli Drake ripped off his shirt and fought Mundo in his boxer briefs. Drake hit Mundo with belt strikes. Garza Jr ran in for the save. Drake and Adonis quickly retreated. Mundo gave Garza a hug to end the segment…
John’s Thoughts: Another fun match by Mundo/Impact and Chris Adonis has had two good matches in a row. Mundo flipping over the ropes for the rope break was a good way to protect Adonis’s masterlock finisher which WWE built up as unstoppable at one point until Bobby Lashley broke it.
Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews were shown in their dark commentary room where Borash hyped up the Bound for Glory match Johnny Impact vs. Eli Drake for the Global Force Global Championship. The graphic shows the title belt still as “Global Force”. Borash announced that the main event of the show is going to be Taya Valkyrie vs. Rosemary. Josh Mathews cut to the clip hyping the return of former world champion Alberto El Patron. It was the same one from last week that said “what…will…he…do…”. They showed the clip of Moose hitting the glass title case. Borash then hyped a “5 Way Match in Cancun” between James Storm, El Texano Jr, El Hijo Del Fantasma (King Cuerno), Eddie Edwards, and Ethan Carter III… [C]
They showed the Bound for Glory ticket ad where they are actually selling $20 tickets for Bound for Glory as well as $15 for the TV tapings. They then cut to the “Pluto TV Rewind of the Week”. Pluto TV is their free livestream. The screen crawler on the screen pointed out that you can download Pluto for free and watch on channel 204. They showed highlights from Samoa Joe vs. Sting…
Josh Mathews said “Impact (the show) truly is Global”. They cut to the five way match in Cancun…
2. James Storm vs. El Texano Jr. vs. El Hijo Del Fantasma vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Ethan Carter III. Madness ensued. The TNA guys outnumbered the AAA wrestlers. Josh and Jeremy talked about how the Impact guys were wrestling as a cohesive unit. Storm and Fantasma brawled to the commentator table. Vampiro and Jeremy Borash were at the table even though we were getting commentary from the Impact Wrestling studio. The Impact wrestlers triple teamed both Fantasma and Texano. Texano tried to rally back but EC3 overpowered him. Carter and Edwards gave Texano a double suplex. Storm went for the pin but Edwards and EC3 asked storm to get off? Huh? The commentators tried to explain this to no avail.
Edwards tossed Fantasma back in the ring. Borash pointed out that El Padre Del Fantasma was outside. Texano tried to rally back but Fantasma hit Texano with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Huh? Fantasma caught Edwards with a crossbody. Fantasma went for a superplex but the Impact guys helped Edwards escape. Edwards and storm hit a double stomp backstabber combo. Storm went for the win but EC3 pulled Storm off. The three men bickered. EC3 went for the rollup on Edwards to no success. Texano hit Edwards with a spinebuster. Storm hit Texano with a spinebuster. EC3 hit Fantasma with a TKO. Carter and Texano took each other out.
Texano and Storm traded tired punches. Storm and Texano then teamed up to beat up Fantasma. I’m confused! Fantasma rallied up and took down everyone in the ring. Edwards took over but Texano pulled him outside and threw him in the ringpost. EC3 hit an eyepoke on Fantasma. Fantasma blocked the One-Percenter and hit EC3 with “The Thrill of the Kill”. Texano told Storm to attack Fantasma’s father. Texano punched Fantasma away and picked up the win over Edwards.
El Texano Jr. defeated Eddie Edwards, Ethan Carter III, James Storm, and El Hijo Del Fantasma via pinfall in 8:13.
John’s Thoughts: What the hell did I just watch? This match was the definition of “only in TNA”. First, it started off as this strange 3 vs. 2 handicap match. Then the American trio forced it a bit too much in trying to find a way not to pin the AAA guys. Then Texano and Fantasma beat each other up. Then Storm and Texano form an alliance to beat up Fantasma Sr.? Not to mention, they are trying to push that Mathews and Borash are calling the show “live” but then they show a camera shot of Vampiro and Jeremy Borash calling the match? Again, only in TNA.
Borash said it was time to see Ohio vs. Everything in Tijuana Mexico. A logo flashed on the screen of Konnan’s Crash Promotion. Dave and Jake talked while walking down stairs. They talked about having to reunite the tag team titles with konnan one more time. They talked about going to see Konnan… [C]
A Global Wrestling Network commercial aired. Storm and EC3 argued backstage. Edwards cut in and said they lost due to not being on the same page. Edwards said EC3 and Storm have to take care of business next week as a team since he has to defend his title in Japan…
Jim Cornette, Scott D’Amore, and Dan Lambert were having a three way yell fest. They did this in front of a Moose poster…
3. Andrew Everett (w/ Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley) vs. Dezmond Xavier. Josh Mathews said Xavier reminds him of Cam Newton. Jeremy Borash announced that Andrew Everett is a “Former X Division Champion” (This caused me to look it up and no he wasn’t. I can’t blame Borash 100 percent since this X Division has been so homogeneous for so long). Konley distracted Xavier to allow Everett to blindside him. Borash is pushing this “Cult of Lee” name. Xavier hit Everett with a headscissors. Lee tripped Xavier and Everett tried to get a pin. Everett hit a snap suplex on Xavier and jumping leg drop.
Josh Mathews announced that Taryn Terrell is no longer in the women’s four way for the Knockouts title as she was injured by a slap from Gail Kim. Josh announced that the match was now a triple threat. Lee and Konley put the boots to Xavier while Everett distracted the referee. Xavier blocked a moonsault with the knees. Everett did a punch kick combo and neckbreaker. Xavier hit a few running forearms. Xavier gave Konley a pump kick. Xavier hit Everett and Konley with a Tope Con Hilo. Lee distracted Xavier. Everett hit a dropkick. Xavier hit the Eddy Gordo Mars Attack on Everett to pick up the win.
Dezmond Xavier defeated Andrew Everett via pinfall in 4:47.
Mathews and Borash talked about how amazing Xavier is. Lee showed off his GFW belt in front of Xavier. Borash cut to a preview for next week where Trevor Lee takes the X Division Championship to Tijuana, Mexico. Lee was in Mexico and he now has an “Impact” X Division Championship since they slapped the Impact logo on it. Lee was shown in front of the arena that The Crash were performing at. Lee said “Together, we are Trevor”…
John’s Thoughts: At least we know Andrew Everett and Dezmond Xavier are alive! Not sure why Everett’s “brainwashed” and back to being a heel. At one point in 2017 Everett looked to be on his way to being one of the next big cruiserweights to come out of the Division. I’m also not sure why they are trying to make Trevor Lee out to be this faux cult leader?
Ohio vs. Everything were shown acting like a couple of dorks looking for Konnan at Konnan’s Crash Promotion. A security guy said that if OVE wants to speak to Konnan they have to defend their titles on the crash show. Dave Crist was sarcastic at this point. OVE wore their Halloween Masks in the entry tunnel to the ring…
John’s Thoughts: Wow! OVE are just a couple of dorks. Also, does Konnan shift week-to-week as a crime lord and promoter of the Crash promotion? Also if that’s the case, why would Garza Jr. attack his boss two weeks ago and last week Garza talked about representing Konnan’s Crash promotion? Only in TNA! That’s why.
They cut to Grado making his entrance. Borash and Mathews recapped Grado being called a “Meal ticket”. Grado told Park to get his ass out here now to face him and the people. Park walked out with his confused-dopey look. Grado said in front of the great fans Park has to stand trial in the court of public opinion. Grado said the people are the judge and jury. Grado said he’s the executioner and he called Park a [bleep] thief. Grado said he was laying out the evidence. Grado said Park stole from him, took his money, took advantage of his good nature, embarrassed him in front of family and friends. Grado said Park treated him like an absolute dog.
Park asked Grado if he likes jokes. Park tried to seduce Grado with his usual jokes and family words of advice. Grado said Park is full of shit. Grado asked the crowd if Park was guilty or not guilty. The crowd chanted “Guilty”. Park said he’s guilty. He said he gave in to temptation. The money, the cars, the girls. Park said he was reminding Grado that Park and his Visa is keeping Grado here. Park said he owns the paper on Grado “son”. Grado said if Park is a man, he’ll hand him the visa right now. Park teased giving it back and pulled it away.
Park said he has a better idea. He said he has a contract for a match at Bound for Glory between Park and Grado. Park said if Grado wins he gets to stay but if he loses he’s gone forever. Grado said he’s in and he signed the contract using Park’s back as a table. Grado said he was going to kick Park’s ass. He said he and the fans are going to continue to live the American Dream, baby! (In Canada?). Park laughed at Grado and said Grado didn’t read the fine print. Park said it’s not going to be a regular match and the boys call it “hard core”. Park said it was going to be a Monster’s Ball match. Park said the match is not going to be against Joseph. Park’s demeanor changed and he took off his glasses. He said it was going to be against Abyss. He changed his voice to Abyss’. Abyss’ theme played. Grado’s face sold that he might be having second thoughts. A Moose vs. American Top Team music video package aired (how many times do we have to watch this recap package of Moose calling Bobby a “Bitch”?). It was the same package as before with added quotes from Dan Lambert and King Mo Lewal… [C]
John’s Thoughts: I wasn’t sure what I would think if they turned Park heel. Just for statistic’s sake, when I first started covering Impact for the site back in 2015, I counted four official heel/face turns for Abyss, so that’s why I didn’t want to see it here. That said, there’s a curious part of me that really wants to see this match. Compared to everything else on the card: it was well built, not a rematch, and the mic work by both Grado and Park was solid. I didn’t expect them to do well when the turned on the serious switch but they did it. It was a bit jarring since they’ve been so lighthearted and suddenly serious, but they did a good job on the promo.
Grado was shown freaked out as he entered his nice car. They then cut to a cinematic camera since there were multiple angled shots. Grado went through the channels on his radio. He turned to channel 666 and Abyss’ entrance theme played. Sinister Minister James Mitchell was in the backseat. Mitchell said Grado is a young boy. Mitchell pulled out a Garden of Eden analogy. Mitchell said Grado is going to be sent to Hell in doomsday. Grado ran out of his car and out of the studio lot…
They cut to the Josh Mathews and Jeremy Borash dark commentary room. Josh hyped up the women’s main event. Borash cut to OVE defending the titles in Konnan’s Crash promotion…
4. Jake and Dave Crist vs. Black Diamond and Black Danger. Jake wrestled in a suit. Jake and Diamond traded counters. Diamond slammed Jake in the turnbuckle. Dave came in and the Crist Brothers advertised that you can find matches like his on the Global Wrestling Network (not yet!). Dave took out both Black guys with a suicide dive. Jake hit them with an Asai Moonsault. Jake tried to get them to chant OVE. Josh Mathews talked about how it wasn’t smart for OVE to try to get the crowd to chant their name, especially when they aren’t wrestling in their home territory!
John’s Thoughts: See, Josh gets it. No one wants to chant this dumb ass tag team name.
Jake whipped Danger into Diamond. They recovered and hit a nice combo popup spear. Dave put Danger on the top rope and hit a nice Superplex Powerbomb combo. Diamond hit a Lethal Injection on Dave. Diamond powerbombed Jake on Dave. Diamond went for a frankensteiner but Dave blocked it. They hit a double footstomp spike piledriver for the win.
Ohio Vs. Everything defeated Black Diamond and Black Danger via pinfall in 3:57.
OVE celebrated their win. They cut to Lashley, Lambert, and American Top Team walking backstage… [C]
John’s Thoughts: This Crash match was way better than that AAA match we got earlier. They seem to be running low on TV material, which would explain why we’re getting independent wrestling footage. Even though OVE are dorks as characters, they are really innovative in the ring. They do unique high spots we don’t see most people do. Maybe if they take Konnan’s criticisms and not look like dorky drug addicts, they might be able to garner fan support. Matthews pointed it out here, the constant begging for chants just makes them look dumb.
Jeremy Borash was about to make an announcement, but Dan Lambert and American Top Team shoved out Borash. Lambert said they came here as a favor for Jeff Jarrett. He said he’s watched Lashley waste his MMA potential despite his judgement. Lambert said he stayed out of the way out of respect for professional wrestling. Lambert said he’s the biggest wrestling fan in the building. He said he’s been a fan for 40 years. He said Japanese pro wrestling like Pancrase introduced him to MMA. Lambert said Wrestling is the reason why he’s running the biggest and baddest pro wrestling team in the world. He said he’s here as the bad guy of pro wrestling. He said he has more pro wrestling knowledge in his pinky than the entire crowd. He bragged about having the largest pro wrestling memorabilia in the world. Lambert showed off that he owns Bruno Sammartino’s original world championship. He then showed that he owns the original belt of Road Warrior Hawk. He then showed off Ric Flair’s Mid-Atlantic belt that he owns.
Lambert then started to talk about more of his trivia knowledge and how he owns some of Jerry Jerrett’s championship belts rather than Jeff. Lambert talked about “pro wrestling” coming into his home to disrespect him and his family. Lambert said they poked a bear up the ass with a poker. Lambert said King Mo and Bobby Lashley are coming to the Impact Zone to do what he says to bring back respect. Lambert said he likes pro wrestling but he’s going to destroy it. He talked about exposing pro wrestling. Lambert proposed a “fight” between King Mo and Lashley vs. Stephen Bonnar and Moose. Lambert said it’s going to be the end of Impact Wrestling.
Moose and Stephan Bonnar walked out tossing around the title belts. Moose acted like one of the belts was his dick. Lashley blindsided Bonnar and Moose. The unnamed MMA guys beat up Moose and Bonnar. “Security” ran out with the referees. Randomly, Mahabali Shera ran out and got beat up. Andrew Everett and Caleb Konley got beat up. Lambert called the fans “Mindless sheep” and said “you are dismissed”. The American Top Team struck their Ginyu Force pose…
John’s Thoughts: Eh… that was a thing. It wasn’t good. It was a waste of time, but I’m not going to rant about it. Lambert just talked about how much he’s a wrestling geek and used MMA to get closer to wrestling, which he’s said in interviews prior to his run with the company. Moose still looks like a bitch (based off of their booking). I feel bad for Bonnar who deserves better. Lashley doesn’t deserve to be in this program. This segment was the anti-sell for the PPV. Add that heels Andrew Everett and Caleb Konley ran out to save TNA!
OVE were shown backstage and they found Konnan “training” some of the entrance girls. Dave and Jake talked about how they came to let Konnan touch the belt. Dave said they just want to get paid by Konnan for wrestling in The Crash. Konnan said he never said he’d pay OVE. He said he’s also going to be touching the title all night long after Bound for Glory. Konnan then ordered the Crash roster to surround the ring. OVE tried to quote “roadhouse” and then got their asses beat up by the Crash minis and a few larger wrestlers. Konnan said he warned them. Konnan said to keep the belts warm for LAX. Konnan called OVE “hoes”…
John’s Thoughts: Well, I guess Ohio couldn’t beat everything. Man. Does Impact really think there’s a positive in making their babyfaces look so weak? Moose walks into a gym filled with martial artists and what does he expect would happen when he antagonizes them? OVE walks in and begs Konnan for money and then get beat up like pusses. Ugh. Only in TNA!
A Global Forge preview aired. You can now watch this week’s episode on Impactwrestling.com. A Taya and Rosemary video aired…
5. Taya Valkyrie vs. Rosemary. Rosemary started off with the ground and pound. Rosemary tossed Taya around the ring. Rosemary let out primal screams in her attack. Taya managed to get a shot in on the ring apron. Taya and Rosemary traded chops. Taya pulled Rosemary into the turnbuckle to leave her lying. [C]
Taya put the boots to Rosemary in the corner. Taya kicked the inner thigh of Rosemary. Josh Mathews talked about how Taya is trying to take advantage of the injury Rosemary received from (the not-named) Sexy Star. Taya dominated Rosemary. Rosemary caught Taya with a tarantula. Taya escaped, sending Rosemary to the ground. Taya hit a top rope crossbody on Rosemary. Taya tossed around Rosemary on the outside. Jeremy Borash used this moment to advertise Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns. Taya had Rosemary locked in a chickenwing.
Taya hit a gutwrench suplex on Rosemary. Taya hit her signature double knees. He did her Wera Loca chant. Rosemary caught Taya and hit a German SUplex on Taya. Taya and Rosemary traded forearms. Rosemary caught Taya with a roundhouse and Taya returned the favor. Rosemary was kicked down. Taya did her version of the Undertaker sit up to freak out Taya. Taya hit Rosemary with a Northern Lights into the double stomp. Taya picked up the clean win on Rosemary.
Taya Valkyrie defeated Rosemary in 6:41 of TV time.
Taya did a princess bow after the match. Taya then tried to hit the Road to Valhalla but Rosemary hit Taya with the mist. Jeremy Borash said Rosemary didn’t win the match but may have won the war. Rosemary then talked on behalf of the hive. She said they make Taya see red. Rosemary said they require a different shade of red at Bound for Glory. Rosemary challenge Taya at bound for glory and promised blood. Taya crawled away in fear. Rosemary said “Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!”…
John’s Thoughts: A bit underwhelming given my high expectations for both women, but this is obviously not the last match these two will have. I’m a bit surprised they gave this match away already. I’m also surprised that Bound For Glory is putting on several rematches as their big matchups. There’s a reason why I’m looking more forward to Grado vs. Abyss. I’m still sure that Taya and Rosemary will have some sort of strong bloody battle given Taya’s strong track record.
This was a strange episode again. There was a lot of “Only in TNA”, but that’s been the story the past few weeks. I’m watching this show out of personal obligation. If I were a general fan, I wouldn’t be watching this BS show at times. Bound for Glory is looking to be one of those shows people aren’t going to be hyped for. Jason Powell will be by later with his Hit List and members’ exclusive audio review.
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