By Will Pruett
In an effort to differentiate my predictions from the other predictions articles on the site (and to be funny), I will be making BOLD PREDICTIONS along with my standard predictions for each match.
Also, follow me on the Twitter @itswilltime since I’ll be live at WrestleMania and a whole bunch of other WrestleMania weekend events.
Triple H vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE World Championship:
Real Prediction: Unlike last year, when Vince McMahon’s feet were a little chilly about Roman being his next top guy, there is no obvious replacement/surprise here. Roman Reigns will pin Triple H to regain the WWE World Championship as the crowd showers him with apathy and rage.
Bold Prediction: You know what? Vince’s feet stay cold (brother has gotta’ start wearing socks) and he decides Triple H is both the hero we need and the hero we deserve. Triple H doesn’t just beat Roman, he destroys him in about five minutes, ruining the nose job Roman recently took time off for. WrestleMania goes off the air with Trips flexing as Motörhead blasts from the stadium speakers. All hail.
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell Match:
Real Prediction: This whole match feels like a bold prediction, so I’m intentionally just saying Shane wins.
Bold Prediction: It’s WrestleMania in front of the biggest crowd of all time and Undertaker and Shane aren’t about to disappoint. They’ll brawl onto the giant Jumbotron until ‘Taker throws Shane O’Mac off. Magically, Shane survives and is aided in winning by John Cena, who reveals himself as a long-lost member of Shane’s Mean Street Posse. The whole dang stadium does Shane’s victory dance with him. Dolla’ Dolla’.
Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose in a Street Fight:
Real Prediction: Brock has not lost a one-on-one match since WrestleMania 29. It would be stupid not to continue his winning ways here. Dean isn’t the right guy for Brock to make. Brock wins.
Bold Prediction: For the last two years, I’ve predicted Brock tearing a limb off of someone, but this year, I think Dean uses that darn chainsaw to detach Brock’s arm. Dean makes the mistake of slapping Lesnar with his own arm, which causes a crazy BORK SMASH rage blackout. Ambrose is never seen again.
Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks for the WWE Diva’s Championship:
Real Prediction: These women work hard to have a NXT Takeover style women’s match and the crowd stays with them through it. Sasha Banks eventually pins Becky to win, giving Charlotte a reason to be upset and Sasha a Butterfly belt to rechristen the Women’s Championship.
Bold Prediction: The women get three whole minutes for their match and Sasha never makes it to the ring when Becky is pinned by Charlotte. Somehow, Ric Flair bleeds.
A.J. Styles vs. Chris Jericho:
Real Prediction: In this, the fourth match of their series together, A.J. finally manages to bring Jericho up to his level. Styles wins his first match on the biggest stage in wrestling, which should be pretty cool. I’ll reserve about 25% of my prediction to say Jericho may beat Styles to send some sort of silly political message.
Bold Prediction: This match goes a full 90 minutes, absolutely stunning fans who expected a 15-20 minute effort. WWE’s lack of time limits allows this match to continue indefinitely. The two main events of the show never happen and the few remaining pay-per-view buyers in the world are disappointed as the show goes off the air without a winner. Weird, right? It’s like that time the Quidditch World Cup went on for weeks.
The New Day vs. The League of Nations:
Real Prediction: The New Day ride flying unicorns to the ring and win.
Bold Prediction: The New Day ride flying unicorns to the ring and win.
Kevin Owens vs. Stardust vs. Sami Zayn vs. The Miz vs. Sin Cara vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder in a Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship:
Real Prediction: This is a grab bag meant to placate insider-ish fans with wrestlers falling off of tall things and reaching for a “brass ring” of sorts. It’s also on WrestleMania. The only wrestlers in this match with characters worth investing in are Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens. On the main roster, Zayn hasn’t even been properly introduced to fans (showing a real flaw in how WWE tells the story of being transferred from NXT to Raw and Smackdown). I’ll pick Sami to win here in a slightly odd mistake on WWE’s part.
Bold Prediction: Zack Ryder gets on his knees and prays under the belt when it falls off the hook-ring-thing and into his waiting arms. Oh Radio. Tell me everything you know.
“The ‘Dre” (aka The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal):
Real Prediction: What part of the show is this even on? Why? I’m confused. Titus O’Neil was a favorite of mine to win this match until he grabbed Vince McMahon for no reason. Who’s left? Is this a Bray Wyatt situation? Are we looking at Darren Young walking out with The ‘Dre? You know what, Braun Strowman exists. Let’s go with him. He’s big. Or John Cena, if he is actually ready to compete. Cena’s had a streak of attempting to compete in this Battle Royal. Could he surprise with a win this year?
Bold Prediction: As always, The Andre the Giant statue grows, comes to life, and enters the battle royal. Possessed ‘Dre proceeds to win the match and enslave the human race. All hail our golden giant overlord.
Kalisto vs. Ryback for the United States Championship:
Real Prediction: This match will be surprisingly good and Kalisto will pull out a plucky babyface win. The crowd will not chant “Lucha” with him.
Bold Prediction: Ryback accidentally eats the United States Championship belt, leading Kalisto to sadness.
The Usos vs. The Dudley “Boyz”:
Real Prediction: I just don’t care. Maybe the beer line will be short at the stadium and I can grab a $9.00 subpar brew.
Bold Prediction: The Usos win this match and start spelling “Usos” as “Usoz” while Bubba Ray and D-von quietly sulk about the theft of their Z.
Team Total Divas vs. Team Bad and Blonde:
Real Prediction: Brie Bella get a major moment and victory in her final WWE match to thank her for years of service. Brie Mode: Then, Now, Forever.
Bold Prediction: Eva Marie puts on a technical classic working as a heel on the babyface team. Everyone marvels at her skill and poise in the ring. She is crowned Queen of the Ring and goes on to have a classic feud with Sasha Banks.
Alright folks, if these predictions weren’t the boldest in all the land, I’ll gladly give you an apology and a handshake. Let’s all party like it’s WrestleMania season because, as Starbucks once said about Christmas, it only happens once a year. Stay tuned to Dot Net for all of your WrestleMania fun time needs! Thanks for reading!
Have your own bold predictions? Hit me up on the Twitter @itswilltime and I’ll happily read and judge them for quality assurance!
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