By John Moore, ProWrestling.net Staffer (@liljohnm)
Impact Wrestling on PopTV
Taped November 11-13, 2018 in Las Vegas, Nevada at Sam’s Town Casino
After the Impact theme aired, McKenzie Mitchell checked in from some random white room. She was standing behind a raffle drum surrounded by Thanksgiving decorations. McKenzie Mitchell explained the rules of the Turkey Bowl which was being dubbed “The Eli Drake Gravy Train Turkey Trot” this year (traditionally they called this the TNA Turkey Bowl. Mitchell explained that this was a ten-person tag match where the person who gets pinned will have to wear the TNA Turkey Suit. McKenzie introduced Fallah Bahh as the first team captain who said “Bahh, Bahh, Bahh”. McKenzie said she doesn’t understand the Bahh language. Eli Drake was the second team captain. Drake cut one of his Dwayne Johnson promos. He also pulled down his zipper down in front of McKenzie…
McKenzie Mitchell introduced the Global Wrestling Network Flashback Match of the Week, which was last year’s Impact Turkey Bowl Match. This segment ended with the child referee guy and current NXT producer Jeremy Borash forcing Chris Adonis (a.k.a. Chris Masters) to wear the turkey suit.
It was Fallah Bahh’s turn to pull the name out of the drum for his first random team member. In a “huge coincidence” Bahh picked KM’s name out of the drum. KM was shocked that Bahh would be so lucky. KM suggested that they go gambling with Bahh’s good luck. KM talked about eating Thanksgiving dinner later. Bahh wanted Pizza but KM said that’s not Thanksgiving food. KM and Bahh hyped each other up and shared high fives with McKenzie… [c]
John’s Thoughts: I know they’re self-aware, but I don’t see why Impact/TNA really feels the need to run this show at the expense of the viewers to pop the guys in the back. Of course, let me guess, Bahh will pick all babyfaces while Drake picks all heels “randomly”.
McKenzie Mitchell introduced Eli Drake for his first random choice. Drake wanted McKenzie to yell “spin the wheel, make the deal”. Drake randomly drafted Katarina as the first member of his team. Drake looked like he wasn’t happy with the selection. Katarina walked in and said she’s not a delicate flower. Katarina said her great grandfather was one of the original pilgrims who landed in Boston back in the day, but he saw that it was a mistake and returned home to England. Katarina said she inherited a strong resolve from her ancestor. Drake said that’s fine, but Katarina doesn’t exactly measure up size-wise to KM. Katarina said she’ll show Drake that she’s a great wrestler…
McKenzie Mitchell then cut to the 2nd Global Wrestling Network Match of the Week, which was the 2007 TNA Turkey Bowl which featured AJ Styles losing the match to wear the turkey suit. Jim Cornette and Rudy Charles forced AJ to put it on…
John’s Thoughts: Yep. They aren’t putting any effort into this week.
Back at the random white room, Fallah Bahh and KM picked Japanese masked comedian wrestler Kikutaro as their third member. Kikutaro said some things in Japanese… [c]
Impact cut to the Sam’s Town Casino for the first time this episode. Scarlett Bordeaux made her entrance alongside a fleet of strippers (?). Josh Mathews verified the women do have a show in Vegas. Josh advertised their show.
John’s Thoughts: So, Impact’s television situation is going downhill, and I guess Don Callis and Scott D’Amore figured that the best usage of their time and Anthem’s money is to blow it on da bootay. I’m kidding, folks.
Josh talked about how the “Sexxy Show” is a Thanksgiving treat. Josh also advertised Scarlett’s fan submission email again while cutting to more fan videos. They showed another Shark Boy video. One random guy was beatboxing, one guy was rapping. Another guy wore Michael Jackson cosplay (that one got a chuckle from me). Shark Boy failed at skateboarding…
McKenzie Mitchell introduced Eli Drake’s next selection. Drake’s next team member was Jake Crist. Jake ran in acting like a dork and saying Drake’s catchphrases. Sami Callihan called Jake an idiot. Sami told Jake to just get this over with, so they can all return to Dayton, Ohio to have some “OVE Thanksgiving festivities”. Drake told Jake to just take care of business. Sami said that if Jake returns to Ohio in a Turkey suit he will be forced to eat only Onions for dinner. Jake yelled “not the onions!”. Sami said Jake will eat onions while Sami and Dave eat all the Turkey, cranberry, green beans, potatoes, tomatoes, and everything… everything! EVERYTHING!!!
The show cut to phone camera videos of the Impact wrestlers about their thanksgivings. Ethan Page said it was odd that Impact decided to ask a Canadian about American Thanksgiving. Page said he ate his Turkey and everything a month ago. One lady said she liked Turkey football. A referee said his favorite memory was having dinner with his family which he didn’t see in over two years. Tessa said her favorite Thanksgiving memory is the camera person getting the camera out of her face…
An ad aired for Impact Wrestling Homecoming which features Johnny Impact vs. Brian Cage for the Impact World Championship…
McKenzie Mitchell welcomed viewers back for Bahh’s next draft pick. KM told Bahh that Jake Crist has the help of Sami Callihan and Dave Crist. Bahh kept saying “Every-bahh”. The next member of Bahh’s team was Dezmond Xavier. KM called Dezmond “the flippy guy”. Dezmond walked into the scene and talked about how he was going to beat up KM and Fallah Bahh. KM informed Dezmond that he was on their team. Dezmond continued to act high on weed… [c]
Drake selection time. Drake said he was shocked that Bahh learned the word “Every” from OVE. Drake’s next random draft pick was Rohit Raju. Rohit Raju and the Desi Hit Squad walked in to teach Drake how to pronounce “Rohit Raju”. Gama Singh said he was so thrilled that Eli Drake picked Gama’s boy. Gama said that Drake gets both Desi Hit Squad members. Gama reminded viewers about last week’s promise to come to America and ruin Thanksgiving. Raj Singh said, “by any means necessary”.
John’s Thoughts: Well, Impact/TNA already ruined Thanksgiving for the Impact fans. I’m glad I didn’t watch this live and decided to stick to the football games.
Rohit Raju said he’s a huge fan of gravy. Raj said they don’t eat that stuff. Rohit said it’s fine because it’s just food. Gama slapped Rohit. Drake said Rohit reminds him of a friend named “Ratish” who daddy Drake had to pour gravy on after he drank too much vodka. McKenzie ended Drake’s thoughts and cut to more Thanksgiving memories from the Impact roster…
Rich Swann didn’t know his favorite memory because he just likes Thanksgiving in general. Trey Miguel of the Rascals said his favorite memory was the food. He acted like he was high and had the munchies…
An ad aired to advertise Tessa Blanchard vs. Taya Valkyrie for the Knockouts Championship at the Homecoming show which is being held at the old TNA Asylum…
Fallah Bahh chose the last member of his team. It was “bahh bahh bahh” which translates to Alisha Edwards. KM said this was not good since she’s involved with Eddie Edwards and “Kenny”. KM wondered if Alisha was ready for Katarina. Alisha said, “I’m always ready… for a fight”. Bahh wanted to tell a joke. It was Bahh Bahh Bahh. Which translated to a Plymouth Rock joke. Alisha didn’t like the joke since he’s always pissed off. McKenzie Mitchell hyped Eli Drake picking his last pick after the commercial… [c]
John’s Thoughts: Well… Silver lining here. Even though Impact is putting in a half-assed effort this year (Last year’s was actually pretty fun with the high-quality interviews of the wrestlers Thanksgiving memories and actual matches), at least that makes reviewing this show easier because there isn’t much show to review.
Eli Drake announced that his last member was “Glenn Gilbernetti”. It was Disco Inferno Glenn Gilbertti from WCW. Disco walked in talking about how his goal for the night is to get married to Scarlett Bordeaux. Disco said since it’s 2018, they were going to use CGI in their match (Class, Good looks, and intelligence). Disco said “Fa Ba La” is going to end up in a turkey suit. Disco said Scarlett is going to marry him and they are going to win because “I’ve got it like that”. Drake said somebody’s feeling the fever as he toasted over cups of water with McKenzie…
An Ultimate X ad aired for Impact Homecoming at the old TNA Asylum in Nashville in January…
McKenzie Mitchell said Ultimate X has been confirmed for January 6th. Glenn Gilbertti walked back into the scene and said, “you guys are still doing Ultimate X?”. Glenn said he invented Ultimate X in 2006. McKenzie said she thought Don Callis invented it. Glenn said in 2006 there were a bunch of idiot X Division guys like Sonjay Dutt, Petey Williams, and AJ Styles. Glenn said he wanted them to have a match where they threw each other off a building but people could die. Glenn said instead he proposed that they tie ropes in the air so the X Division guys can climb like Tarzan and it would be the greatest X Division match in history. Glenn said that match made Glenn look like a genus. Glenn said Don Callis lied and that the last good idea he had died of loneliness. Glenn left and McKenzie introduced an Option C vignette…
The vignette featured Austin Aries creating the Option C concept by handing the title belt over to Hulk Hogan for a chance at the world championship at the Destination X show. They also showed Rockstar Spud and Chris Sabin cashing in. Sabin was shown winning the title after hitting Bully Ray in the head with a hammer. They cut to a clip of Brian Cage cashing in his belt for a title shot at Homecoming…
John’s Thoughts: As that video showed, isn’t the authority figure supposed to come up to you whenever it was time for Destination X when they are allowed to cash in? Instead, Brian Cage cashed in the championship in the exact same way he cashed in “The Gift of the Gods” belt, which is Lucha Underground’s “Money in the Bank”. Someone needs to tell Cage that even though he’s done this before, this is Impact Wrestling, not Lucha Underground and he got the rules wrong.
McKenzie Mitchell was standing next to the child referee guy who has Rudy Charles’ old job of holding the TNA Turkey Suit like a puppet. McKenzie did some final hype for the Turkey Suit Match…
Eli Drake was shown rallying the troops while some patriotic music played. Glenn Gilbertti said they aren’t idiots. Katarina said Alisha looks like a nice little snack. Rohit Raju said the Desi Hit Squad will show Fallah Bahh how Indian people celebrate Thanksgiving. Rohit said he’s also excited to eat turkey. Gama slapped Rohit and told Rohit that it’s all about the real food, “Chili Chicken”. Sami Callihan said somehow in 2018 Jake is teaming up with Disco Inferno. Sami reiterated his threat that if Jake returns to Ohio in a turkey suit he would have to eat onions for dinner. The team started acting dysfunctional until Scarlett Bordeaux walked into the scene dressed as, for the lack of a better term, a slutty pilgrim. Scarlett told Glenn she doesn’t like turkey, she likes “stuffing”. Drake’s team went back to arguing…
They aired the Taya and Tessa advertisement again…
KM and Fallah Bahh went into Rocket Racoon and Groot mode to rally the troops. Bahh told Alisha Edwards “Bahh Bahh Bahh” which translated to “Plymouth Rock”. Alisha continued to look pissed because she’s always pissed. Kikutaro said something in Japanese that included the word turkey. Dezmond acted like he had the munchies. Alisha was angry and said she was going to bring Katarina to England wearing a turkey suit… [c]
Gilbertti made his entrance. Don Callis checked in on commentary for the first time tonight and was over the top. He said, “who booked this moron?”. Callis called Gilbertti a doofus. Josh asked Callis if he listens to Glenn’s podcast. Callis said he doesn’t because Glenn sounds like Kermit the Frog. The rest of the wrestlers made their entrance. Sami Callihan and Dave Crist threatened Josh Mathews.
Don Callis noted “we got rid of Grado, and now we got [Kikutaro]”. Sami Callihan started talking with the turkey suit. Josh Mathews said people who have put the turkey suit on in the past, we haven’t seen them again. Callis said he has his fingers crossed because he’s hoping some people in this match don’t show up again… [c]
John’s Thoughts: Wow. They really managed to stretch out one joke over the span of an entire hour and a half. The joke sucks, but they did manage to come up with an hour and a half of filler.
Josh Mathews handled formal ring introductions for the Turkey Bowl match. Josh led both teams in the TNA Turkey Bowl oath…
John’s Thoughts: I feel bad for the wrestling fans who had the unfortunate luck of having to show up for this day of tapings. Hell, I considered going to these Impact tapings myself since they were in the west coast. Thank God I decided to build my travel schedule around going to NXT’s west coast shows instead. That’s a no brainer, right? Eh, I’m still considering going to next week’s Impact Twitch show near San Jose. At least there won’t be any dumb ass TNA turkey gimmicks there.
1. Eli Drake, Rohit Raju, Glenn Gilbertti, Jake Crist, and Katarina (w/Dave Crist, Sami Callihan, Raj Singh, and Gama Singh) vs. Fallah Bahh, KM, Kikutaro, Dezmond Xavier, and Alisha Edwards in an Impact Turkey Bowl Match. Alisha and Katarina started off the match. Katarina dominated the smaller Alisha with her power game. Alisha countered with a huracanrana. Katarina hit Alisha with a Samoan Drop. Callis said he hopes Glenn Gilbertti wears the turkey suit so he goes away for good. Alisha gave Katarina a splash into the ropes. Jake Crist tagged in as Sami Callihan chanted “OVE”.
Alisha tagged in Kikutaro. Jake and Kiku had a stalemate in the center of the ring. Kiku then took down Jake with an armdrag. Dezmond tagged in to continue the chain wrestling. Jake countered and tagged in Drake. Dezmond took down Drake with an armdrag. Dezmond went for a crossbody but Drake caught him. Dezmond got a counter in but Drake countered back with a reverse power slam for a two count. Ronit Raju tagged in. Dezmond used a sunset flip to isolate Rohit in the babyface corner.
Bahh flapjacked Raju and gave him a leg drop. Raj Singh distracted the ref while Gama Singh punched Bahh. Bahh told Gama no no no. Rohit Raju chop blocked Bahh. Glen Gilbertti tagged in and got punches on Bahh. Drake tagged in for some tandem offense with Glenn. Bahh took down Eli and Glenn with a crossbody. Bahh tagged in KM for the hot tag sequence who went wild on Rohit Raju. A bunch of wrestlers formed a contrived human centipede submission in the middle of the ring. Bahh turned it into a centipede Boston Crab.
Scarlett Bordeaux made her entrance. Callis called Gilbertti a douche and a predator. The referee couldn’t take his eyes off of Scarlett. In the line of the night, Don Callis went, “The referee just went through puberty!”. Josh Mathews couldn’t help but laugh. [c]
John’s Thoughts: This show has been a complete waste of time made completely to pop Sonjay Dutt and Scott D’Amore. That said, the best part of this episode is the commentary of Don Callis. That’s some comedy that works. That and some of the Fallah Bahh comedy.
Scarlett Bordeaux found a chair. The child referee kept staring at Scarlett. Kikutaro gave the child referee guy an Irish Whip and said, “what are you doing?”. Drake used the distraction to hit Kikutaro with a neckbreaker. Josh said, “what the hell is going on tonight”. Don Callis responded with a simple, “yeah”. I think Josh and Don joked about how this show was putting them to sleep because Josh referenced tryptophan.
John’s Thoughts: Okay, bravo to both commentators for not being afraid to mention how this show is putting them to sleep. Callis is great!
Rohit Raju put the boots to Kiku. Don Callis said one of Scarlett’s successes in Impact Wrestling was turning the referee into a man simply by looking at him. Dezmond tagged in and hit Rohit Raju with his signature CQC combo. Jake Crist was wearing a bonnet and he was hit by a 619 from Dezmond. Dezmond hit the rest of OVE with a superkick. Raj tried to hold Dez in place for Gama but Gama accidently punched his son in the face. Callis yelled “don’t hit him, he’s a senior citizen!”. Dezmond hit a pile of wrestlers with a handspring Tope Con Hilo.
Drake did a high flying fakeout. Bahh shoved Drake into the pile of people. Bahh hit the pile of people with a splash. Alisha Edwards got a nearfall on Katarina after a crossbody. Glenn tried to sneak up on Alisha, but KM hit Glenn with a spike DDT. KM hit Glenn with the steamroller followed by Bahh. Kiku, Dez, and Alisha also hit Glenn with the steamroller. Callis said that’s the closest that Glenn is going to get to a woman anytime soon. “Kid ref” (as Josh called him) also hit Glenn with the steamroller. An “Impact Wrestling” chant ensued. Callis let out a light exasperated “oh my god…”.
John’s Thoughts: TNA! TNA!
Josh said this was a Thanksgiving tradition. Glenn gout of the way from a Bahh splash. Glenn hit Bahh with a side Russian legsweep. Glenn tried to hit Bahh with a YMCA elbow, but Bahh got out of the way. Callis yelled that he wanted Bahh to stick either his ass or toe in the face of Glenn. Bahh hit Glenn Gilbertti with the Banzai Drop for the win.
Team Fallah Bahh defeated Team Eli Drake in an Impact Turkey Bowl Match in 15:37 of TV time. Glenn Gilbertti must wear the TNA turkey suit.
Callis said it feels like Christmas to see Gilbertti get squashed by Fallah Bahh. Mathews entered the ring to remind Glenn that he took an oath. Glenn said he’s not going to look like an idiot. Glenn said he came back to Impact to wrestle in the main event, not to wear the suit and have the fans yell “gobble gobble”. Glenn said he lied when he took the oath and he’s not putting on the suit. Josh said Glenn can’t jeopardize the integrity of the turkey suit. Josh kept saying “get back in the ring”. Fallah Bahh’s team formed a barrier on the ramp. Scarlett walked down and escorted Glenn to the ring. The crowd chanted “put it on”.
Scarlett said she finds a man who doesn’t take himself seriously sexy. Scarlett begged Glenn to put on the turkey suit. Glenn said he’d put it on for Scarlett. Glenn put on the suit. Callis said the suit was perfect for Glenn because of Glenn’s nose. Scarlett told Glenn that Glenn looks like an absolute idiot. Glenn took the mic after Scarlett left and said that Scarlett’s just trying to play hard to get. Glenn then did the turkey trot on the ring apron to close the show…
John’s Thoughts: Well, that was a thing. Their annual thing I guess. Seriously, this match was just made to pop the TNA original administrators backstage it seems. To point out some highlights: the child referee was funny, Alisha looked better in-ring than usual, and Callis was solid on commentary as usual. Overall, you don’t have to watch this episode. It’s non-canon and has nothing to do with past or future episodes. I don’t think we’ll be seeing from Kikutaro or Disco Inferno any time soon. Jason Powell should be by later with a Hit List and a members’ exclusive audio review, but this episode barely had any content. It was just one joke stretched to the maximum degree.
Check below for the new Pro Wrestling Boom Podcast with Jason Powell and Jake Barnett discussing the All Elite Wrestling potential startup promotion.
Not a great show, by any means. I did enjoy parts, though. I always keep my expectations low for these Thanksgiving editions of Impact, because I know they *always* phone them in.