By John Moore
Total NonStop Deletion on PopTV
Taped in Cameron, North Carolina
Señor Benjamin handled the opening disclaimer and said that tonight’s Impact contains scenes performed by licensed and trained professionals and that you should not attempt anything you see on this broadcast. Vanguard 1 followed up with the disclaimer that no drones were harmed in the documentation of this epic event. They played an intro video featuring the various Hardy Family members preparing the area for the Total Nonstop Deletion event…
They cut to a faux news reporter named Gilbert Corsey who said it was a day of deletion in Cameron. Gilbert said there was a curfew going on while the Tag Team Apocalypto was happening. Gilbert said Seismic activity was happening for the first time ever in Cameron, North Carolina. They sent it to a reporter named Betty-Sue Fuentes. Betty said she was standing in front of a live volcano that has formed out of nowhere. Betty tried to interview a guy but it was Jeff Hardy’s alter ego Itchweeed. He was incoherent and scared away Betty with his weed whacker…
Josh Mathews introduced Total Nonstop Deletion as they showed a bird’s eye POV shot from Vanguard 1. A deep voiced ring announcer introduced the Broken Hardys who came out of the entrance ramp’s mouth shaped like Matt Hardy’s face. Jeremy Borash joined Josh Mathews on commentary. Josh dubbed Jeremy Borash as “The Documentarian”. Matt grabbed the mic and said “Total Nonstop Deletion, I knew you’d come”. Matt said there were many deleters in the house tonight. Matt said tonight he invited 50 of his most loyal soldiers who were here at their own risk. Matt said the entire city of Cameron, North Carolina has been shut down by the state of NC because Apocalypto tonight. Matt said the seven deities told Matt if he and Jeff don’t prove they are the greatest tag team in all of time that the sacred land of deletion would be decimated.
Matt said they cannot let that happen. Matt said regardless of that, he was here to give everyone the show of a lifetime. Matt said he was going to show everyone what the broken universe was all about. Matt said the sole heir to the Hardy throne, King Maxel, was making his in ring debut. Matt was interrupted by Rockstar Spud’s theme.
Matt called Spud a man worthy of Deletion. Spud said nobody is getting deleted tonight especially not him. Spud said he’s sick of Matt, his brother, his gardener, his drone, his wife, but most of all he’s sick of his greenhorn one year old son taking all of his television time. Spud said it take him, a former X Division champion and future world champion, to come to stinking North Carolina to put this all to rest. Spud said he wants Matt’s stupid kid gone. Matt was pleased at all of the chants for Maxel. Spud said the kid hasn’t even had a match yet and is more over than he’s ever been. Spud said he is going to guarantee that he is going to stretch Maxel and make sure he’s learning respect for the business. Spud said he was going to make Maxel a loser like is weird ass father.
Matt granted Spud his wish as Maxel’s first match replacing the person he initially picked to be Maxel’s opponent. Spud said he’d make the kid look good, carry him, and Matt can push him to the moon afterwards like they do in other promotions. Matt Hardy said he was going to make the match a no disqualification match. Matt Hardy told everyone to stand and praise King Maxel who made his entrance in a miniature truck. Jeremy Borash said it was a Mercedes Benz.
1. Rockstar Spud vs. King Maxel Hardy in a no-DQ match. Maxel walked around the ring and did the Delete hand motions with the crowd. Señor Benjamin snuck up behind Spud and tased him. Maxel “ran” to Spud and picked up the pinfall victory.
King Maxel Hardy defeated Rockstar Spud via pinfall in 0:19.
Maxel Hardy pointed at Señor Benjamin in approval. They cut to Disco Inferno who was happy that Maxel didn’t beat him again. Disco wanted to play poker now. Maxel was raised in victory by Reby. Josh Mathews cut to Bobby Lashley who was approaching the Hardy Compound in a van. Eddie Edwards was walking through the forest to reach the compound for some reason which actually caused Josh Mathews to chuckle… [C]
John’s Thoughts: This show is “different” so far, but not in a bad way. If you like the broken universe, you probably still like it. If you hate it, you probably wouldn’t have changed your mind. King Maxel was great though. He continues to be adorable and his an extreme amount of poise for a baby. Either that or there is some damn good editing when they do it in the Impact Zone, but in Cameron they have unlimited editing
They cut to the reporter Gilbert guy. He cut to Betty who interviewed Gregory Shane Helms and the Helms dynasty as they tried to enter Cameron. Betty tried to warn Hurricane Helms that there was a natural disaster going on. Helms said he was an expert at those things and to “Stand back! I’m coming through”…
The Rock “n’ Roll Express walked to Matt Hardy’s front door as Matt was excited to see the legendary tag team. He called them the express that rock and rolls. They were ready to wrestle. Matt offered them some vegetables, meat, or green beans. Robert Gibson liked the beans. Ricky Morton wanted a beer…
Sienna was already in the ring for a promo. She said she was looking all over the back for Rosemary who wasn’t here. Jeremy Borash confirmed that Rosemary was banned from the Hardy Compound for attempting to abduct Maxel. Sienna said the reason Rosemary wasn’t here was because Rosemary was scared of Sienna. Sienna said since Rosemary wasn’t here she was going to do the next best thing by dubbing herself the number one contender for the women’s championship. Sienna said as a classy lady she was doing things fair by offering an open challenge to challenge her for the contendership.
John’s Thoughts: Damn! Sienna actually has a voice and she wasn’t bad on the mic!
A new entrance theme played as Vanguard 1 flew in to take Sienna up on her offer.
2. Vanguard 1 vs. Sienna in a number one contenders match. Vanguard 1 scanned Sienna and discovered that Sienna was an advocate of bird habitats. The referee entered the ring and said since a drone can’t fight a woman, the match was called off.
Vanguard 1 vs. Sienna didn’t get to start.
Vanguard 1 beeped “You can’t toss me bro!”. He was ejected. Vanguard 1 beeped that this was BS AF. Sienna said she had to be a bit more specific. Sienna said any person in the world that would like to challenge her for the number one contendership can. Sienna told the referee to count towards the forfeit. They cut to a trailer outside which contained the returning ODB who said “Bam!”. ODB made her entrance to the Hardy Compound…
3. ODB vs. Sienna in a number one contenders match. ODB fought Sienna with forearms in the corners. Sienna escaped with a clothesline. Sienna grounded ODB with a Samoan Drop. This led to a nearfall. ODB fought Sienna back into the corner for the forearms. ODB ducked the clothesline this time and executed the Bronco Buster on Sienna. ODB went for another nearfall after the seated Senton. ODB put on the brakes to stop from running into the referee. Sienna couldn’t. REF BUMP!!!
Sienna gave ODB a boot to allow her to get a chair in the ring. Sienna missed wildly and ODB pushed the chair into Sienna. The referee couldn’t count due to being bumped. Vanguard 1 flew in and tried to count the pinfall via his hologram. The referee pulled Vanguard 1 out of the ring and said that Vanguard 1 couldn’t do that since he was not a referee. Sienna took advantage of the commotion to hit ODB in the back with a chair followed up with the Silencer (a.k.a. the bad version of the Pounce). The ref counted the pinfall.
Sienna defeated ODB via pinfall in about 3:26 to become number one contender to the TNA Knockouts Championship.
Sienna held up her pinky in the air as she made her exit. Vanguard 1 was in the ring with ODB. ODB allowed Vanguard 1 to motorboat her which gave it a System Overload…
Matt Hardy told Gregory Shane Helms that his current costume is worse than the one he wore at Trick or Delete. Helms said shat Trevor Lee was wearing wasn’t a costume, it was how he always looks like. Helms said he wants his team in Apocalypto. Matt had a premonition as he summoned Scribe Brad stutts. Matt Hardy predicted that someone will enter the Lake of Reincarnation and it would be the most appalling reincarnation ever. Helms said High Voltage was appalling. Josh Mathews hyped Itchweeed making his in ring debut after the commercial… [C]
John’s Thoughts: That was a good nostalgia throwback with ODB. Also, Sienna gets to win a match. That had to be some sort of homage to the bad TNA era with the ref bump, the overbooking, and even Sienna paying homage to the great Monty Brown, though it was still fun with Vanguard 1 doing things.
Josh Mathews and Jeremy Borash went over how Itchweeed was a character from the “Hardy Show” online series. Itchweeed made his entrance to the Hardy Compound. Jeremy Borash said this match was happening under House Hardy Rules…
4. Itchweeed vs. Chet Sterling. Jeff waddled around the ring early on. Jeff locked in a headlock. Jeff fought back and hit a falling fist on Chet. Chet kicked out of the first pin attempt. Jeff locked in a sleeper on Chet and put himself to sleep. Jeff Hardy managed to beat the referee’s ten count. Jeff and Chet traded blows while standing. Jeff hit the drop toehold leading to Jeff hitting a modified Tiger Feint kick. Jeff Hardy crashed down into chet on the way back. Hardy hit the pesticide elbow to pick up the victory.
Itchweeed defeated Chet Sterling via pinfall in 3:43.
Jeff Hardy acted like he was using the weed whacker on Chet. Josh Mathews hyped Eddie Edwards vs. Bobby Lashley which was coming up next…
John’s Thoughts: To be completely honest, that might have been one of the most uninteresting Jeff Hardy matches I’ve ever seen. Mostly due to Itchweeed not being a great character. Jeff tries to get over some of his auxiliary characters but none of them are as good as himself.
Lashley and Edwards made their entrance for the TNA World Championship title match.
5. Eddie Edwards vs. Bobby Lashley for the TNA World Championship. Lashley quickly got to the action by ramming Edwards in the corner. Lashley followed up with fists. Edwards kicked his way out but couldn’t counter a flying crossbody from Lashley. Lashley continued with an elbow drop. Lashley tossed Edwards to the barricade outside. Edwards tried to kick his way out again but Lashley utilized his power to hit Edwards with a clothesline. Lashley started pushing fans which Jeremy Borash pointed out was legal due to the fans signing liability waivers.
Eddie Edwards got some fan help which allowed him to chop Lashley. Edwards gave Lashley a knee into the barricade… [C]
Eddie Edwards was dominating for a bit but Lashley fought back with a clothesline. Jeremy Borash gave credit to Lashley for being a big man with agility. Lashley had the heel insect strength. Edwards tried to fight out again but ate a back elbow from Lashley. Lashley went back to the methodical offense. Lashley locked in the delayed vertical suplex for a bit, but Lashley countered quickly into the Blue Thunder Bomb.
Edwards went for an atomic drop but Lashley came back with the snakeyes. Lashley went back to maintaining dominance over Eddie Edwards. Lashley had a Superplex blocked. Edwards knocked down Lashley with a missile dropkick. Edwards sent Lashley to the outside and hit him with his signature tope. Edwards hit Lashley with the Shining Wizard to get a nearfall. Edwards went for the double footstomp but Lashley escaped. Lashley took down Edwards and went for a spear. Edwards sidestepped. Lashley went high risk and ate a foot.
Eddie Edwards kicked Lashley down. Lashley tossed Edwards into the audience (I’m assuming they are plants). Lashley punched around Edwards ringside. Lashley gave Edwards a spear to the outside. Josh Mathews complained about having to go to commercial.[C]
John’s Thoughts: This was the most grounded match so far of the night, so much that it seems out of place. It’s also a bit odd that there was zero build for this match aside from me finding out about this from Jason Powell’s interview with Broken Matt Hardy. There seems to be a chapter missing here because they were building towards an EC3 vs. Eddie Edwards match and it looks like Ethan Carter III couldn’t make it to the show this night similar to how they looked like they were going to have a knockouts title match but Rosemary couldn’t make it.
Josh Mathews recapped the spear through the door. Lashley was still fighting Eddie Edwards and Jeremy Borash said we had to cut away to the start of Tag Team Apocalypto. Josh Mathews went over the rules which was essentially an elimination match.
6. Tag Team Apocalypto. The Broken Hardys came out first. Matt said it was time to count down to Armageddon and every tag team in wrestling history was invited. The Helms Dynasty were out first. The Rock n’ Roll Express were out next. Decay was the fourth team out without Rosemary. By the way, Jeff was in Jeff Hardy mode.
They went into cinematic mode as they were acting like some sort of explosion was happening. The tag teams brawled in the smoke. Eddie was still fighting Lashley on the outside. Matt handed Jeff and the Express roman candles to shoot at Decay. Everett and Lee were also dodging. The Helms guys used Hurricane’s pickup to escape the fireworks but Matt Hardy chased them to the truck bed. Jeff Hardy was in Jeff Hardy mode and chased them with his dirtbike. Jeff took the referee with him. Matt brawled with Trevor Lee and Andrew Everett on the back of the pickup.
Abyss said it was going to be beautiful as he was surrounded by generic tag teams. Decay brawled with the generic tag teams and eliminated them. Rockstar Spud was waiting for his partner as he was confronted by the Bravado Brothers. The Hardys brawled with the Helms Dynasty at the outskirts of Cameron North Carolina. Decay beat up more jobbers. The Hardys and Dynasty fought alongside running trains. Abyss eliminated a guy by smashing a rock over his head. Spud threatened Decay from outside the gates. Spud’s partner arrived and he was Hornswoggle. Abyss just looked confused.
John’s Thoughts: Hornswoggle has been gone enough to where that was actually a cool return.
Matt took a knee to the face while next to Skarsgard. Trevor Lee went for the pinfall but Skarsgard became sentient for a second and broke up the pinfall. Helms and Lee put the boots to Skarsgard. Jeff Hardy stopped the beatdown. Matt took down Shane and said that Helms needed a change in attitude. Matt pushed Helms in the lake of reincarnation. Matt said the result was revolting as it turned the Helms Dynasty into the boy band tag team 3 Count (just without Shannon More and that third guy). Helms said Lee and Everett weren’t as good as Shannon and the other guy.
The Bravados went for the rollup but Lee and Everett kicked out. Matt and Jeff went to wrestle with the Rock n’Roll Express. They fought in a ring next to the “volcano”. Lashley and Edwards were still wrestling. Morton and Jeff fought on cherry pickers. Gibson gave Matt the figure four. Jeff missed a Swanton from the cherrypicker. Matt hit the twist of fate to pick up the win. Matt said Jeff was being a spotmonkey. Ricky Morton was stuck on the top of the cherrypicker.
Rockstar Spud and Hornswoggle tried to take advantage of the Helms Dynasty and Bravados being exhausted. Hornswoggle ran in with chairs to allow Spud to Eliminate the Bravados. Hornswoggle hit Spud with a powerbomb and then hit the tadpole splash on Spud. This allowed Andrew Everett to pick up the elimination over Spud. Lashley and Edwards were still fighting in a swamp area. Lashley choked Edwards with his red sweatband. Road Warrior Hawk laughed at Ricky Morton who was still stuck on the cherrypicker.[C]
Abyss and Steve were still wating for more jobbers as James Storm led an army of guys looking like the Jabberwokee dance troupe. Storm actually talked in his own voice. One of the DCC guys was the redneck guy from the Great War. Abyss knocked that guy out to eliminate DCC. Storm was pissed and claimed he didn’t know who the redneck guy was. Storm gave the guy a Last Call Superkick. Abyss said to let the feast continue.
The Hardys brawled with Decay as Edwards fought Lashley near the volcano. Hurricane Helms used his powers to fly around. They cut to the news guy who was reflecting on life. The news guy said the Hardys were fighting for the fate of Cameron, North Carolina. Crazzy Steve and Abyss double teamed Jeff Hardy as the Helms guys threw Matt Hardy against Hardy symbols. Jeff managed to beat both of Decay for a bit until he ate a chokeslam from Abyss. Abyss found Janice. Jeff went for the fireworks but Steve landed the low blow.
Vanguard 1 had a firework cannon and shot it at Abyss. Vanguard and Abyss had a firewark war. Vanguard 1 beeped “Booyah AF”. The Hurricane saved Matt Hardy from the Helms dynasty and Matt thanked Hurricane for being a good guy again. Matt called the referee over and they eliminated the Helms Dynasty. Matt Hardy and Hurricane literally buried Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee. Matt Hardy said the Man with Three H’s (Triple H) would be proud of the way they just buried young promising talent. Matt and Hurricane broke the forth wall with a thumbs up.
Lashley and Edwards fought their way back to the Hardy house. Lashley speared some jobbers and confronted Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle went for a spear on Lashley and Lashley comically shrugged it off. Edwards used this distraction to land a crossbody on Lashley. Vanguard 1 lit the Hardy symbol on the ground which was bigger than the last one. Jeff fought with Abyss in the middle of the fire while Matt fought Steve. They worked their way to the end of the symbol. Decay dominated back in the ring. Abyss went for the Janice nail board to hit Matt. Matt kicked Abyss in the balls and grabbed the nail bat.
Matt said this was going to sting and he hit Abyss with the weapon that could only be used in cinematics. Steve dominated Jeff at the top of the “volcano”. Jeff gave Crazzy Steve a twist of fate that sent him into the volcano. Steve got shot out of the volcano and survived as he shot back to earth. Matt Hardy pinned Crazzy Steve via pinfall to defend the Tag Team Championships.
The Broken Hardys defeated a bunch of people in Tag Team Apocalypto to retain the TNA Tag Team Championships and save Cameron, North Carolina.
Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards ended in a no contest?
Matt, Jeff, Reby, Maxel, Benjamin, and Vanguard 1 celebrated in front of the firework volcano. Reby said they were expecting another family member because she was pregnant. Matt said that was wonderful as fireworks shot in the air. This ended TND.
John’s Thoughts: That was a marathon, but a fun one if you like the Cameron, North Carolina antics. This almost seemed like a sequel to the Great War, where the Great War was a sequel to Delete or Decay, and that to the Final Deletion. More isn’t always better, but more madness works in this case and Matt Hardy has done a good job spacing these things out to keep it from jumping the shark. It is a bit disappointing that they couldn’t get any of the contracted tag teams that Matt had wanted, but that’s not his fault. ROH could have gotten some good pub here by allowing the Young Bucks to appear. The cameos we did get were a bit fun, but it was odd to see more WCW referenced when the Hardys are highly associated with WWE. A good portion of the match seemed to be focused around Hurricane Helms which was odd as well, but still fun and the Triple H fourth wall breaking was great.