By John Moore
Lucha Underground TV
Taped in March in Los Angeles, California
In this week’s teaser, Dario Cueto being arrested and released from jail was recapped. The Dr. Claw impersonator was shown in the limo again. Famous B’s betrayal of Mascarita Sagrada was shown. The Weapons of Mass Destruction match was hyped for the main event. This week’s episode was titled, “The Amulet”…
Some jazzy music played, which means that dumb LAPD storyline from last season is continuing. Ricky Reyes, Joey Ryan, and Captain Vazquez were shown “after Ultima Lucha Dos” listening to the death of Mr. Cisco through their recording devices. Reyes said he was bringing in Dario Cueto tonight. Vazquez said not to because the case was bigger than some street thug getting killed. Reyes said Mr. Cisco was his friend. Joey Ryan taunted Reyes and they had a little fight. Vazquez said there was a war coming and it was more important than everyone and even Cisco. Reyes said “that’s Mr. Cisco”…
The Chimpz were the house band again for week 2. Matt Striker and Vampiro checked in on commentary and talked about the Weapons of Mass Destruction Match. They said it would be brutal. Striker said it would be bien in order to transition to Dr. Wagner Jr’s match. Melissa Santos tried to handle ring introductions but Famous B cut her off and said she wasn’t famous enough. He introduced Dr. Wagner Jr who was accompanied by “his nurse”, Brenda. Mascarita was out for revenge next…
1. Dr Wagner Jr (w/ Famous B and Brenda) vs. Mascarita Sagrada. Wagner is still as ripped as ever. He taunted Sagrada by saying he would punt him. Sagrada managed to get the rear waistlock. Wagner no-sold it by walking around the ring. Wagner converted it into his own hammerlock. Sagrada escaped with an armdrag. Dr Wagner came right back with the Dr Driver (a Michinoku Driver) for the victory…
Dr. Wagner Jr Defeated Mascarita Sagrada via pinfall in 0:54.
Famous B taunted Sagrada by bringing a stethoscope and checking his heartbeat. They moved to a unique bumper card showing Killshot and Marty the Moth in front of an explosion to hype the main event…
John’s Thoughts: Eh, that was a pointless match, but at least it was harmless. Sagrada has shown that he could have fun comedy matches and I’ve witnessed Dr Wagner Jr put on some really solid matches for a guy that’s over 50 years old. He’s much better than Blue Demon Jr, trust me. I hope that this is not the end of this feud because I don’t want to see the disjointed continuity errors of Season 2 creep back up. Please don’t let that happen?
We were back to, what I think may be Los Angeles, 2000 years in the past where we saw that tribal guy and his child. The little girl was talking to an elder and said “papa”. Papa, said it was too late for him and that she must lead against the gods. He said there was a war coming. The old dude said fighting this Lucha was more important than everyone including him. He handed her the “Piedra Immortal” amulet that only works on females. She asked “que es”. The papa said that once she becomes a woman it will keep her from getting old and make her immortal. She pleaded for her papa to stay alive. He said even if it takes over a thousand years this war was too important to lose. She reluctantly said “si, entiendo”. he said “bien” as he passed away…
Cut to a thousand years later in Los Angeles, and we see that this immortal girl is Captain Vazquez who only has half of the amulet now. Ricky Reyes walked in and she hid the amulet from him. He said Cueto was going down. Vazquez said that Reyes was going down. Vazquez said the commission was sending a task force to the temple by the time Ultima Lucha Dos wraps up. Reyes said that was good right? She said that was wrong since Reyes has seen the strange things that happen in the Temple, things that need to be stopped. Reyes said that it’s logical that with Dario locked up that would be easier. She yelled no since Dario was their “link” to greater enemies. She suspended Reyes and said he should come back when he decides what side of the war he wants to be on…[c]
John’s Thoughts: Why is the amulet sexist and only works on women? Anyway, I really like the return of the ancient Los Angeles storyline and how it introduced more mythical artifacts to the lucha lore. I want more of these time traveling storylines. I almost for sure thought the little girl was Catrina since she’s an immortal witch but it looks like it was Captain Vazquez. Maybe Catrina has the missing half, that’s my guess. What I don’t like is that this connects somehow to that dumb LAPD storyline and Vazquez doesn’t make sense at all in the storyline. It’s not even grindhouse bad, the characters are all either just dumb or dumb actors…
2. Argenis vs. Mil Muertes (w/ Catrina). Argenis is the brother of Sin Cara 1.0/Mistico. Mil tossed Argenis to the corner but he dodged and kicked Mil. Mil no sold the kick and hit a hard punch on Argenis. Argenis was planted by a strong release power bomb. Argenis managed to ground Mil with a kick. Argenis only got a one count after a springboard moonsault. Mil tossed Argenis and hit him with a spear. Mil lifted up Argenis for the Flatliner as Matt Striker made some annoying beeps to try to mimic a lifeline. Mil won.
Mil Muertes defeated Argenis via pinfall in 2:35.
Vampiro sounded annoyed at Matt like the rest of us. Catrina went to lick Argenis. Prince Puma was looming near the turnbuckle until he grounded Mil Muertes with a high flying clothesline. Mil made a little comeback until Puma came right back with a missile dropkick. Puma kept Mil outside with a running 2nd rope baseball slide. Catrina held Mil back as he wanted to get at Puma…[C]
John’s Thoughts: Another squash, but I actually don’t mind the squash matches as it keeps Lucha Underground from burying established wrestlers as well as new debuting wrestlers. They also kept the segment from being useless by having Prince Puma jump in and continue the storyline established by him and Vampiro after last week’s post-credits. The show is getting better and hopefully Vampiro smacks Striker to make him get better again as well.
We were at Dario Cueto’s office now. He looked extra paranoid and the subtitle said that this was set “last week”. They were doing a signature Quinton Tarantino single take shot to show Dario walking around in the office. Dario looked at the bull and suddenly Joey Ryan walked in the room. Ryan said he knows that Dario killed Mr. Cisco and revealed that he is a cop. Cueto said that Joey must have some big huevos to make that admission. Joey Ryan said he wants to be on the right side of the war that’s coming and that’s on Dario’s side. Joey Ryan said he could be a double agent and was the guy that is keeping him out of jail unlike his partner. Ryan revealed that Cortez Castro was a cop. Ryan held out his hand for some dollars. Dario Cueto handed over some benjamins…
Cut to present day back at the LAPD headquarters. Reyes was back! Reyes said he made a decision and that was to be on Vazquez’s side. She said it sounds like Reyes is going back to the temple. Reyes thanked Vazquez. Vazquez stared at the half amulet as Reyes walked out…
John’s Thoughts: I hope that Reyes and Ryan die tonight. Not because I think they suck because I think they are both good wrestlers. I just want this dumb LAPD storyline to die with the comedy buddy cops because this does not deserve to be in the main event. We’re getting too much LAPD tonight! Too much!
Oh my! There were missiles, anti-material shells, gas canisters, and all sorts of military ammunition all over the place. Melissa Santos said that all weapons were legal in this match. Marty the Moth was out first sporting military cosplay as well as a machine pistol with ammo belt. Killshot comically slapped Marty in the middle of his entrance to start the match. That was actually funny!!!
3. Marty the Moth vs. Killshot in a “Weapons of Mass Destruction Match”. Killshot gave Marty some right arms on the steps. Killshot tossed Marty into the steps. They fought their way up to a nest area where there was a turret. Killshot hit Marty with the butt of the turret. Marty was bleeding. Killshot tossed Marty around in the bleachers. Killshot hit a loud kick on Marty. Marty came right back and rammed Killshot’s head into the ringpost. Killshot tossed Marty back over the announcer’s table. Killshot tossed an (unprotected) chairshot into Marty’s head.
Marty ran and grabbed Melissa Santos by the neck. Marty tossed Melissa into Marty. Marty escaped to the north stands. Killshot took off his jacket and made his way up. Marty grabbed Killshot by the nuts as Vampiro clearly put it. The crowd chanted creepy bastard at Marty. Killshot ended the onslaught with a flying knee right back. Killshot cleared the audience away and slammed Marty into the barricade. Marty rolled over to escape. Killshot hit Marty with a 450 Senton. Marty recovered and slammed Killshot into an ammo crate. Marty then threw Killshot into some metal ammo boxes.
Melissa Santos looked creeped out at Marty. Marty set up a traditional table next to the ammo table. Marty dragged the action back into the ring to try to suplex Killshot on the table. The staff removed the canisters but left the anti-material bullet. The fought on the apron and Marty gave Killshot a German Suplex on the ring apron. Marty set up some ladders and accidentally hit a fan. Killshot threw a net at Marty and gave Marty a high knee. Marty dodged an incoming Killshot and tossed him into the ladder. Marty went to argue with the fan he hit. Killshot and Marty fought over a ladder. Killshot threw another (unprotected) chairshot at Marty.
Marty tossed the ladder at Killshot and kicked the ladder into Killshot. Marty hit a suplex on Killshot in the ring. He went to put together some cargo containers. Marty yelled at Killshot to die. Killshot escaped a powerbomb but ate a spinebuster to the containers. Marty went to the top rope but Killshot met him up there. Marty escaped and turned the table for a superplex. Marty the Moth hit a suplex on Killshot on top of the containers.
Killshot and Marty fought on the ring apron. Killshot hit Marty with a Death Valley Driver on the ladder. Killshot set up Marty in the ring and hit the double footstomp. Marty the Moth kicked out of the pin attempt in two and a half. The crowd chanted “This is Awesome”. Marty managed to kick Killshot with a low blow. Marty the moth then power bombed Killshot from the ring to tables on the outside.
Marty got a two count in the ring. Vampiro got out of his seat and looked excited (which was probably legit since Vampiro’s signature is these garbage hardcore matches). Vampiro confirmed that he liked this style of match. Killshot managed to hit a cradle driver for his latest nearfall. Killshot sold insanity for a bit with the latest nearfall. Killshot took out another ladder from under the ring. It was a big one. Killshot hit a running knee on Marty. Killshot set up the giant ladder in the ring. Marty came back with a pump kick.
Marty locked in an aggressive chinlock. Marty then set up tables next to the ladder. Marty gave the crowd the middle finger after they chanted “culero” at him. Killshot was placed on the table as Marty took a breather and talked with Melissa for a bit. Marty took his time to get up the ladder. Killshot recovered and made his way up the ladder too. Marty gave Killshot the mandible claw on top of the tall ladder. Killshot blocked the suplex. Mariposa came in and hit Killshot on top of the ladder. Mariposa tried to pull Killshot down but he kicked her down to the table.
Matt Striker made his annoying “equal opportunity” catchphrase. Killshot then grabbed Marty’s balls on the ladder and gave him some headbutts. Killshot punched Marty a few times and got his dogtags back. Marty was slowly fought down and Killshot gave Marty the double footstomp through the table.
Killshot defeated Marty the Moth via pinfall in 22:27 in a Weapons of Mass Destruction Match.
Killshot rolled around in joy with his dogtags. Matt Striker closed out the show…
But Wait? There’s more! Mil Muertes was angry as he beat up a locker. He said “I WANT PUMA!”. Catrina said he would get Puma but to remember that patience is a virtue. She said she has waited hundreds of years to get what she wants. She had the 2nd half of the amulet…
John’s Thoughts: Wow, a 20-plus minute Lucha Underground TV Match. You don’t see that often and from Killshot no less. Personally, I wasn’t a big fan of that match but to Killshot’s credit that was Killshot’s single best performance on Lucha Underground. My displeasure comes in some of the unnecessary risks taken in the main event that you should either save for a climatic match down the road, but I would rather they not try to shorten their lives to get there. The worst parts of the match were Killshot’s unprotected chairshots to Marty which he didn’t need because the rest of the match around that was fine enough. I’ll give credit to Killshot for putting on a good/non-boring match for once but I hope his future matches tone down the risks, and maybe include some more magic tricks. Marty might deserve some of the blame as well.
This was an average episode of Lucha Underground. I actually liked the return of the squash matches as it keeps them from burying new wrestlers to the established stars. What was good from the story perspective are that they are still being forwarded rather than ditched. I liked the return of the millennium storyline. I hate the return of the LAPD and hope that Matanza eats them! I’ll have more to say later in my Audio Review of the show and Hit List later on.
Feedback is always appreciated and feel free to contact me via twitter @liljohnm to tweet and discuss Lucha Underground. You can also comment and discuss Lucha directly with me via email: jmoore3.net@gmail.com.
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