By John Moore, ProWrestling.net Staffer (@liljohnm)
Impact Wrestling TV
Taped October 25-26 in Windsor, Ontario at St. Clair College
Aired November 5, 2019 on AXS TV
[Hour One] The show started off with highlights from last week’s Impact Wrestling. Sami Callihan and the rest of OVE were shown drinking beers and cheering with a bunch of people in front of a brick wall somewhere. Sami Callihan said they’re here drinking beer like men and not bubbly like “a bunch of bitches” (a shot against fellow heel Chris Jericho for some reason?). Callihan said he predicted that OVE would start a revolution and now they’re at the top of the mountain in not only Impact Wrestling but they are at the top of all companies in pro wrestling because OVE is for Ohio, by Ohio, and they will take over Everything… Everything! EVERYTHING!!! Thumbs up, Thumbs down…
Impact’s now new, red, and more hip hop intro theme aired…
Josh Mathews welcomed viewers to a “sold out” St. Clairs College in Windsor, Ontario, Canada where he said Sami Callihan being world champion is like a dark cloud in Impact. Josh Mathews and Don Callis were the commentary team…
1. Moose vs. Willie Mack. Moose opened up the match with a headlock and shoulder block. Mack showed off agility with a leap frog. Moose went for the Game breaker (which he never hits) and missed. Mack came back with a few huracanranas. Mack went for a Tope, but he ran right into an uppercut. Mack spilled Moose to ringside and then sorta botched a Tope Con Hilo. Thank God Moose was there to catch Mack, but Callis did note that the move didn’t go as intended by Mack.
Callis noted that after beating Shamrock, Moose started throwing shade at former Impact Wrestler Monty Brown. Mack recovered and gave Moose a few corner splashes. Moose gave Mack a few delayed high angle dropkicks which Callis compared to Kazuchika Okada in terms of the air time he gets. Moose started working over Mack with methodical and torturing offense. For some reason, Josh Mathews wanted to know if Ken Shamrock was going to touch Joey Ryan’s penis. Callis said he understands that Ryan has the “power of the penis”. Callis said he knows this because Callis has “studied the penis” according to Callis.
John’s Thoughts: I know it’s a high school level joke, but Callis took what was a weird comment by Josh Mathews and cracked me up from it. That wasn’t supposed to crack me up, but it did.
Moose hit Mack with the Go To hell, one of his finishers, and got a two count off of it. Moose started jawing at Mack. Moose gave Mack a face wash slap. Mack started to Mack Up with the no-sells of punches and chops. Moose and Mack then had a strong style exchange with Moose doing the selling and Mack showing the fighting spirit. Moose faked a chop and then gave Mack an eye poke. Moose gave Mack a pump kick, but Mack rolled right into his signature Stone Cold Stunner. Moose didn’t fall off his feet so Mack gave Moose a follow-through clothesline that turned Moose inside out.
Mack gave Moose his Samoan Drop and Moonsault combo to get a two count. Mack went for a Five Star Frog Splash, but Moose recovered and crotched Mack on the top rope. Moose went to the top rope and hit Mack with a sick looking Superplex (sick, because Moose is a tall dude on the top rope). Moose beat the ten count by doing a kip up. Mack no-sold Moose’s superplex by kip’ing up too (ugh, I wouldn’t have laid things out like that). Mack got a shot in, but Moose gave Mack Snake Eyes followed by a flip Spear for the victory.
Moose defeated The Mack via pinfall in 9:15.
John’s Thoughts: A decent match, but I have mixed feeling on the composition. For one, given my experience watching Willie Mack vs. Brian Cage matches from the California/Mexico indie scene, I had my expectations a bit higher and comparable to a Keith Lee vs. Dominik Dijakovic match in terms of agile heavyweights. I also didn’t like that if they were going to have Moose go over strong, then why would Mack kick out of two moves that should have been finishers (The Go To Hell and Superplex)? Given that Mack hasn’t quite received that singles credibility yet, I would have just had Moose dominate to set up for Moose’s next big feud.
Some random lady was talking with Alisha Edwards backstage and she was happy for Alisha going on a date with Ace Austin. Alisha said she’s a bit confused and doesn’t want this to be seen as a date. The unnamed lady said that if Alisha wants to talk things out a bit, Ace is in the next room. Alisha left to the next hallway and overheard Ace Austin, Adam Thornstowe, and Luster the Legend hanging out in a stairwell braging about how Ace is about to have sex with Alisha.
For some reason, they would switch between “invisible” and “cinematic” cameras (both of which don’t make sense especially since Eddie Edwards has already pointed out you can watch Ace’s schemes on Impact TV). Ace Austin talked about being the Triple X Division Champion. He also talked about how his shirt says “[Ace] Austin 3:16 says I Just Banged Your Wife”. Reno Scum and Ace Austin then walked up the stairs. Alisha was shown mouthing out the words “mother f–ker”… [c]
John’s Thoughts: I mean, should anyone really have any sympathy for Alisha at this point? Josh Mathews and Eddie Edwards have already pointed out that via watching TV, you can figure out what Ace Austin is doing a mile away because he’s doing everything in the open. Eh.
In ad aired for the aptly named Impact Wrestling “Hard to Kill” PPV…
Taya Valkyrie was arguing with Madison Rayne for ditching her last week in the tag match. Kiera Hogan was also there with her arm in a sling. They looked like they were in the same stairwell that Ace Austin was just in. They both mocked each other’s fashion. Rayne said she only did what she did because she was making an executive decision. Rayne wanted a title shot which Taya brushed off and walked away from. Taya walked right into Jordynne Grace around the corner who said she needs a title shot after pinning Taya last week. Taya then avoided the proposal by saying that Grace is facing Rayne tonight…
Josh Mathews and Don Callis checked in from the commentary table. Mathews hyped up the OVE celebration and said that we’ll be seeing that throughout the show. Josh then hyped Ken Shamrock vs. Joey Ryan. Callis said someday he’ll teach Josh about the “power of the penis”. Josh wanted a scouting report. Callis said he’s seen the penis flip a lot of people but he wonders if it can flip the world’s most dangerous man. Josh Mathews then ran through the Impact “Turning Point” card (named after a former TNA PPV). This would end up airing on Impact Plus. This show actually has big matches like Callihan vs. Cage for the world title and RVD vs. Rhino (and I’m assuming Cage won’t get the title because these Plus shows are essentially non-canon)…
2. Michael Elgin vs. Fallah Bahh. No TJP to be seen (who I believe is working with New Japan again for now). Josh noted that over his run in Impact, Bahh has gotten more serious and has lost over 100 pounds. Bahh and Elgin traded punches and knees. Then then traded shoulder tackles. Bahh no sold a few boots with his signature Dikimbe Mutombo finger wags. Bahh then fought Elgin back with chops. Bahh blocked Elgin’s corner slingshot attempt with a pop up punt to Elgin’s gut. Bahh then gave Elgin a body slam. Bahh gave Elgin a corkscrew running headbutt for a two count.
Josh and Don noted that while Bahh’s opponents have to spend extra energy to force Bahh off of them, Bahh also expends similar amounts of energy to carry around his weight. Josh then noted that Bahh has connected with TJ Perkins recently due to both of them being Filipino. Elgin sidestepped Bahh and then dropkicked the back of Bahh. Elgin and Bahh blocked each other’s suplexes. Elgin kicked Bahh to ringside and gave him a wrecking ball dropkick. Josh snuck in a plug for AXS’s New Japan show and used that to talk about how Michael Elgin left New Japan. Callis noted that Elgin left because he didn’t want to follow the Japanese formulaic path to a world title.
Elgin hit Bahh with a unique slingshot double stomp for a two count. Elgin and Bahh then traded strong style chops with Bahh showing fighting spirit. Bahh was taken down by Elgin’s pump kick. Elgin gave Bahh a clothesline in the corner. They were about to head to commercial, but Josh then yelled to not go to commercial because Elgin planted Bahh with a suplex and he wanted to know if Elgin would get the pinfall win. Elgin didn’t so they headed to commercial. [c]
John’s Thoughts: Small detail, but I like Josh not immediately sending it to commercial and calling for the hold due to the match possibly ending. It also helps that they do a proper send to commercial as opposed to the WWE “the action rolls on” thing. That said, I still would just want to see a match end during the commercial break one of these days to alleviate the suspension of disbelief that matches magically will never end during commercial because for some reason that’s when all of the headlocks and gloating happens.
Bahh no sold being slammed in the corner by hyping the crowd up with Bahh chants. Elgin went for a Uranage on Bahh but Bahh blocked it. Elgin then punched Bahh a few times and hit him with a T-Bone suplex. Bahh came right back at Elgin with a crossbody leaving both men lying. Mathews noted that Bahh’s chest looks like hamburger meat from the chops of Elgin. Bahh hit a rally of strikes on Elgin. Elgin tried to reverse with an Irish Whip, but Bahh bounced off the turnbuckle and gave Elgin a clothesline to take Elgin off his feet.
Elgin went for a power bomb (you could see him calling the spot). Bahh blocked the bomb and backdropped Elgin. Bahh then sat on Elgin with a standing Banzai Drop for a two count. Good nearfall. Elgin tripped up Bahh and hit him with a sliding forearm. Bahh then hit Bahh with a corner lariat which Bahh responded with his own running lariat in the opposite corner. Elgin then pulled out a running low kick (a nice move you surprisingly don’t see too often) to get Bahh to his knees. This allowed Elgin to hit Bahh with a knee lift and Superkick.
Elgin then deadlifted the giant Bahh with a High German Suplex for a two count. Josh compared Elgin’s leg strength to the leg strengh of New York Giants Running Back Saquon Barkley. Elgin put Bahh on the second rope and hit him with an Avalanche Exploder Suplex which Bahh no-sold with a roar and fighting spirit. Elgin kicked Bahh and hit him with a Death Valley Driver. Bahh kicked out at one. Bahh countered Elgin’s punches with a Samoan Drop. Elgin struggled to get to his feet which allowed Bahh to hit Elgin with a running hip attack.
Bahh hit Elgin with a spinning gutbuster slam for a two count. Bahh took too much time going for a top rope Banzai Drop, which allowed Elgin to recover. Elgin went for an Elgin Bomb but Bahh held on to the top rope. Elgin adjusted and then dragged Bahh’s arm down to the top rope like a lever to a fulcrum. Elgin then hit a slingshot stomp on Bahh’s now targeted arm. Bahh escaped an Elgin Bomb. Elgin slipped out of Bahh’s Samoan Drop. Elgin went for the Schoolboy, but floated over into a Crossface. Bahh tapped out.
Michael Elgin defeated Fallah Bahh via submission in 10:44 of TV Time.
John’s Thoughts: Now that was a really good match. Almost a NEVER Openweight style of match between Bahh and Elgin. The complaints I had about the opening match about the no-sells, this match countered with proper usage of no sells. The no selling in this match wasn’t utilized to pop the crowd like a cliche indie spot, but rather they were utilized to show the growing fighting spirit and adrenaline rush of Elgin and Bahh. Great stuff here. Bahh is an unsung hero in Impact as both a babyface and a worker. I’ve seen Elgin wrestle for years and have enjoyed every single one of his matches. The only boring matches I can remember from Elgin are the matches with Rhino, which I blame Rhino more for.
They cut to Alisha Edwards at the stairwell. Ace Austin walked up to her, excited for the restaurant he picked out. Alisha cut him off and with her resting angry face, she pulled out a hotel keycard from her cleavage and told Ace Austin to skip the dinner and meet her at her hotel room. Alisha left. Ace put his sunglasses on and then clinched his fists in celebration… [c]
Jimmy Jacobs was shown chatting to some random guy around the stairwell (they’re really recording a lot of scenes around this stair well). Suddenly Sami Callihan and the rest of OVE bargged in chanting the word “Draw”. A clean shaven and sideburned Dave Crist was walking around with a tiny cake. They all called Jimmy “Jarvis”. Sami then taunted Tommy Dreamer with the cake and called Dreamer a fatass. Callihan then walked away yelling that the cake was a carrot cake…
It was time for the Impact Plus Match of the Week. This week they showed Moose vs. Naomichi Marufuji for the Impact Grand Championship. I totally forgot that Moose won this title that never really caught steam. They didn’t show who won, but Josh Mathews assumed at the time that Moose won via unanimous decision…
They cut to Gabby Loren (host of Afterbuzz TV’s WWE Smackdown Reviews), who interviewed the Impact Wrestling Tag Team Champions All Ego Ethan Page and Josh Alexander about Alexander’s recent loss to Naomichi Marufuji. Alexander claimed that he could have beat Marufuji. Page agreed and said that if Alexander adjusted his training a bit, he has the ability to easily become X Division champion. Page said he has the same adaptability too. Page talked about how Marufuji misunderstood that when the North gave out the open challenge that it was for a tag team match (good point!).
Ethan Page then said they are laying out their challenge again and accept Marufuji as the challenger if he can find a tag partner. Josh Alexander interrupted and said that The North are putting the tag titles on the line. Page said Alexander said that because the North are confident…
Josh Mathews hyped Ken Shamrock vs. Joey Ryan for after the break… [c]
John’s Thoughts: Good attention to detail there because I thought it was weird that when the North laid out a tag team open challenge on the “this is Impact” show, they all of a sudden said that Marufuji accepted the challenge and therefore it was a singles match. I like tying up of loose ends like that. I also wouldn’t mind seeing Ethan Page cut more in-ring promos because the guy is really good on the mic. Beggars can be choosers I guess. That said, everybody knew this guy could talk, but they kept his silent for years with weird gimmicks like being Joe Park’s weirdo nephew and Matt Sydal’s spiritual padawan.
[Hour Two] Entrances for the next match took place…
3. Ken Shamrock vs. Joey Ryan. Josh Mathews plugged Shamrock’s Bareknuckle fighting promotion. Callis noted that Shamrock is wearing tennis shoes and workout shorts which means he isn’t taking Ryan seriously. Ryan started out the match the exact same way he usually does by pouring oil on his junk and putting his lollipop next to it. Shamrock didn’t take this seriously (as he is properly reacting). Ryan asked for a handshake. Instead, Shamrock wanted a high five which Ryan accepted. The match started off with a collar and elbow which Ryan broke with a clean rope break. Shamrock landed a few armdrags off the next collar and elbow.
Joey and Ken then slapped hands out of respect. Shamrock took down Ryan with a tackle. Shamrock then turned a sunset flip into a heel hook. Ryan got to the ropes quickly for the break. A “you still got it” chant ensued for Shamrock (dammit! wrestling fans!). This was also dueling with a “touch his dick” chant (uhm? What does this say about those wrestling fans? uhhh?). Callis mocked Josh Mathews for saying if Shamrock would touch Ryan’s dick from earlier.
Ryan hit Shamrock with a dropkick which impressed Shamrock. Shamrock then reached out for the handshake. Ryan grabbed Shamrock’s hand and put Shamrock’s hand on his dick for his overdone penis suplex spot. Somewhere out there Jim Cornette is gagging and I’m groaning a bit too given how many times he’s done this same oddball spot over the years. Shamrock sold it. Shamrock then fought back with a series of lariats and did his signature pose. Shamrock locked in the Ankle Lock. Ryan quickly tapped out.
Ken Shamrock defeated Joey Ryan via submission in 4:52.
For some reason, Josh Mathews was excited about the potential GIFs that would come out of Ken Shamrock touching Joey Ryan’s penis…
John’s Thoughts: A decent comedy match I guess, but if you live in any city and been to any indie show, Joey Ryan has probably been there several times and has done this exact formula match. That’s not counting all the times he’s done it on YouTube. Hopefully this he’s not going to do this formula in every match in Impact because I know he’s capable of more. Interesting enough, he kept the dick suplex contained to dark matches in Lucha Underground. Even as a comedy wrestler, Ryan can have a great match. One match I would recommend to see his ability range is Joey Ryan vs. Ricky Reyes in a LAPD match from Lucha Underground Season 3 Episode 34 (You can actually watch all of Lucha Underground for free legally here: MGM’s Tubi TV ). As for Shamrock, while he’s been limited somewhat in terms of actual moves, his age doesn’t show and his moves have good impact.
Sami Callihan and the rest of OVE were continuing their celebration in the locker room. They poured beer on some random wrestler sitting next to a masked wrestler. Jake Crist found Daga’s silver vest and mocked that Daga calls himself “El Jefe”. Daga then snuck up from behind Jake and asked for his jacket back. Sami yelled at Jake to give back the jacket which Jake reluctantly agreed to. Sami then chugged half a bottle of beer, spat in it, and offered it to Daga to drink. Daga said something, but because the guy is so soft spoken it’s hard to hear what he’s saying. The now re-shaved Rich Swann showed up and got in between Daga and OVE. Swann refereed to OVE as his “brothers” and apologized to Daga for his brothers not having any manners. Daga and Swann then walked away to avoid conflict. Callihan then continued his “Draw” chant and the OVE backstage celebration continued…
John’s Thoughts: I say it all the time, but Daga’s wooden personality and soft-spoken voice really hurts all the praise wrestlers backstage give him.
Madison Rayne made her entrance first. Taya Valkyrie and John E Bravo made their entrance. John E was walking around a toy dog. Don Callis said that the dog was named “Hennigan” (a play on her husband John Hennigan’s name)…
4. Impact Knockouts Champion Taya Valkyrie (w/John E Bravo) vs. Madison Rayne in a non-title match. Rayne pointed at her ass for some reason. The commentators assumed she was trying to point at the letters LRL, but she wore the wrong tights today. Taya kicked Madison in the butt which Callis called “a Greco-Roman kick in the ass”. Callis said that Madison probably forgot to do her iron-on. Taya went on to dominate Madison. Callis noted that Taya was wearing pink and used that to continue his Bret Hart joke which he’s been doing during Madison Rayne matches. Josh said someone needs to call PETA on “Hennigan”. Callis asked, “who’s Peter?”.
John’s Thoughts: It’s because Callis’s comedic timing and taste is so good which is why I blame Scott D’Amore for any illogical and bad comedy on Impact. Can you blame me for thinking that?
Taya continued to womanhandle Madison around the ring. Mathews reminded viewers that the reason this is a non-title match is because Taya has historically been known to minimize her title defenses via the 30 day rule (yet Brian Cage can be off television for months and still be champion, that would be a good loose end to tie up). Taya stomped all over Madison and this continued to be a one sided match. Madison got her first offense in after blocking Taya’s signature corner meteora with a drop toehold. Madison yelled at the crowd and gave Taya a stinkface. This cracked up Madison’s husband (Josh Mathews) for some reason and Callis asked him if he was alright.[c]
Rayne gave Valkyrie a basement lariat. John E tripped up Rayne. Callis said John E was just reaching out to protect “Hennigan” and that Madison’s foot was just in the crossfire. Don Callis said that John E Bravo looks like a “70s Porno Guy”. Taya did her Wera Loca battle cry and bragged about being the longest reigning Knockouts Champ. Madison blocked a running Taya with an Octopus hold. Taya escaped the hold with a modified Air Raid Crash. Taya planted Madison with a Blue Thunder Bomb for a two count.
Madison managed to plant Taya with a Tornado DDT for a two count. Taya used a forearm to block Madison’s ripcord cutter. Taya hit Madison with a pop up high knee. Madison blocked Taya’s Road to Valhalla with a Victory Roll for a two count. Rayne hit Valkyrie with a ripcord cutter. John E distracted the referee by throwing the toy dog at Madison to break the count. Callis claimed that the dog “jumped” in the ring to save Taya. Madison took “Hennigan” and threw him in the crowd. Callis said it was time to call PETA and the Humane Society. Taya schoolgirled Madison into a high knee. Taya then planted Madison with the Road to Valhalla for the victory.
Taya Valkyrie defeated Madison Rayne via pinfall in 8:06 of TV Time.
Callis said he’s sick because Rayne threw a real dog in the in the crowd. Taya was celebrating up the ramp. Jordynne Grace walked up behind Taya and continued to demand a title shot. John E got in the way. Grace gave John E an elbow to the throat and an Exploder Suplex. Taya backtracked to the back cradling her title. Grace’s theme played to close the segment…
John’s Thoughts: A well wrestled match (despite Taya having to adjust her malfunctioning ring gear every few seconds). That said, it was also awkward. Yet again, Impact delivered another one of those awkward Heel vs. Heel women’s matches that they’ve been doing for months. While Madison Rayne and Kiera Hogan are doing well as heels, the decision to turn them was suspect because it left them with few babyfaces for their bigger heels to feud with. This match was awkward because not only is it confusing who to cheer for, but you had both Madison and Taya jumping back and forth between heel and face mid-match. Impact needs more female babyfaces ASAP.
Gama Singh was backstage yelling at Rohit Raju and Raj Singh for their recent string of disappointment. Raj pointed out that Shera has lost recently too. Gama said not to worry about Shera because Shera is his own biggest critic. Gama said Shera looked good by throwing many people over the top and being one of the last in the ring. Gama said Mahabali Shera has gone back to India on a “Spiritual Journey”. Gama said Shera is going to come back bigger and better than ever (I mean, how much more jacked can Shera get?). Gama yelled at Rohit for getting thrown over the top rope by a penis. Gama introduced a new protege named Bhupinder Singh. Gama said if Bhupinder does well, then either Raj or Rohit is getting kicked out of the squad…
They showed Ace Austin leaving the back of an SUV and approaching Alisha’s hotel. Josh Mathews said Ace is a sleezeball… [c]
John’s Thoughts: So is Mahabali Shera knocking on NXT’s door again or something? Are the Desi Hit Squad back to being goofball enhancement wrestlers?
Rosemary was shown talking to “Susie” Yung. Rosemary recapped the “Undead Realm Saga” (ugh. good lord…). This included Rosemary mentioning how Susie murdered Allie (who’s now in the heavenly realm known as AEW Dark). Susie no-sold Rosemary’s questioning and recapping with “Hi, I’m Susie”. Rosemary talked about how she’s the master of mindgames and she’ll figure out what trick Susie is up to now with the whole “normal” business. Rosemary left and Susie said “nice meeting you”. Susie then introduced herself to Jessika Havok. Susie said Havok looked familiar then dismissed that thought. Susie walked away while Havok looked bewildered…
John’s Thoughts: Two weeks, and the Susie Yung skits have been solid, but Impact’s bad track record with these segments scares me that they’ll find a way to ruin this. Again, I heard that the actress behind the Su Yung character is really knowledgeable behind the folklore behind her character so I kinda hope Impact Creative allows her a bit of creativity with this storyline, similar to Bray Wyatt and his Firefly Funhouse. It’s fine if they go the cinematic route with it. I’m a huge proponent of that technique if done right. But please stay away from the crappy “Undead Realm” crap, like needless murdering, lighting hands, women choking, stabbings, etc.
The ring announcer actually introduced Bhupinder Singh to the ring (as opposed to Gama doing one of his boring ass introductions). Because they’re in Canada, Impact’s Captain Canada, Petey Williams is showed up right on cue covered in a Canadian Flag. His entrance theme is of course, the instrumental of “Oh! Canada”…
John’s Thoughts: Does Petey Williams have US and Mexico Visa issues because he literally disappears every time they go to the US and Mexico; yet he randomly pops up out of nowhere every time they show up in Canada. The guy’s like the Canadian Mansoor.
5. Petey Williams vs. Bhupinder Singh. Bhupinder dominated for a bit but Petey quickly gained control with one of his signature huracanranas. Petey then hit Bhupinder with a dropkick to the upper back. Petey kicked and hit Bhupinder with a huracanrana. Callis noted that the scouting report on Bhupinder is he’s tall. Bhupinder caught Petey at ringside on a dive and gave Petey a backbreaker on the apron. Bhupinder hit Petey with a few leg drops. Bhupinder hit Petey with a backbreaker and side slam for the two count. Callis noted the cover was sloppy.
John’s Thoughts: By the way, the “Bh” in Bhupinder is throwing me off. Therefore, Copy and Paste is my friend today.
Petey used boots to fight out of the corner. Petey then did a headscissors into a side leg sweep. Petey hit Bhupinder with a Flatliner. Bhupinder blocked a Destroyer attempt and hit Petey with a power slam for a two count. Bhupinder caught Petey but Petey escaped and locked Bhupinder in a Sharpshooter to pop the Canadian Crowd. Bhupinder tapped out. Wow. That was unexpectedly lame.
Petey Williams defeated Bhupinder Singh via Submission in 3:56.
John’s Thoughts: Ooof. What was that? So they introduce this new young talent and he becomes the enhancement guy for Petey. Weird. I guess now that Shera is off doing Shera things, that the Desi Hit Squad are back to being lame comedy guys.
Oh, I didn’t notice that the referee didn’t have legs. Bhupinder Singh started to bully the legless referee after the match. Petey got back in the ring and set up Bhupinder for a Tiger Feint Kick. The legless referee gave Bhupinder a Tiger Feint Kick. Petey gave Bhupinder a Canadian Destroyer. The legless referee then gave Bhupinder a 450 Splash…
John’s Thoughts: That segment was wholesome I guess, but at the same time it seemed very TNA XPlosion-y.
Ace Austin met up with Alisha Edwards at her hotel room. Ace wanted to get to business but Alisha said she takes it slow. Alisha said she’ll get ready and wants Ace to do the same by wearing a blindfold and his X Division Title. Ace started to undress to his undies and X Title. Ace put on the bandanna a blindfold. Eddie Edwards rubbed his hands on Ace’s face which Ace said was very soft. They played the bad wannabe Lucha Underground music for this again. They stopped the music after Ace took off the blindfold (good for them).
Eddie said “Hi Ace” and went on to ground and pound Ace on the bed. Eddie was wearing a random Japanese shirt (which for some reason looks like Io Shirai’s video wall). Eddie found another “Kenny” from under the bed (ugh dammit! I thought only Tommy Dreamer and Sandman produced these things). Alisha told Eddie to let her handle it as she chased off Ace Austin out of the room by whacking him with the kendo stick. Alisha stepped on Ace’s dick and was about to hit him but Eddie Edwards stopped her from going further (A part of me thinks Eddie might be familiar with this scene. I kid, I kid!). Alisha did threaten to hit Eddie with the stick for stopping her, but the two then started making out in the hallway while Ace Austin ran away. The two were making out and rolling on the ground as Eddie grabbed the kendo stick to join in on the action…
John’s Thoughts: There’s a joke I can make about Eddie, Alisha, and a stick of wood, but I’ll stay away from that for now. Ok. Anyway, I’m okay with them dropping this storyline as it would seem. Ace Austin really benefited from this storyline because he’s shined as a character where before he was just the random guy who liked a playing card. What I hope ends up coming from this is Crazy Eddie going away, but that doesn’t seem the case. At least Eddie presumably doing it with his wife on the hotel hallway floor has prevented his wife from yelling at him this week. There’s a plus for Team Eddie.
Petey Williams ran into Johnny Swinger in the Gorilla Position area. Johnny Swinger told Petey that Petey would make for a perfect New Japan style Young Boy for Swinger. Swinger said the perk there is that Petey can get all of Swinger’s residual “rizzats”. Swinger said Petey needs to trade out his crappy ring gear for a “Swinglet”. Swinger demanded Petey carry his bag. Petey dropped the bag. Swinger said that carrying bags is an easy job and compared that to how Swinger had to wash Giant Baba’s ass back in the day. The Sami Callihan celebration interrupted Johnny and Petey’s bickering. Sami said Swinger looks like a mark. Swinger complained about there being no “rizzats” in Callihan’s party. Swinger left and said it was because Callihan was running a sausage party. Petey also left while OVE continued to chant “Draw”…
Josh Mathews and Don Callis checked in on commentary as Josh announced that Eddie Edwards agreed to be Naomichi Marufuji’s tag team partner in The North’s Tag Team Title open challenge. Josh then ran through the Impact Turning Point Card which was airing on Impact Plus on Saturday…
John’s Thoughts: Believe it or not, that Turning Point Card is actually a pretty good card (also including Ace Austin vs. Jake Crist). If you throw Ken Shamrock vs. Moose in there that would arguably be a better card than Bound For Glory given Turning Point’s matches have proper build towards them. That said, I’m not going to watch it and I’m assuming a lot of people aren’t either because of the unimportant and non-canon nature of Impact Plus and Twitch shows.
OVE’s entrance theme played as the OVE celebration train made their way to the ring. Mathews noted that it seemed like they were all drunk and last time Sami was drunk it led to Melissa Santos eating a bottle to the face… [c]
An ad aired where you can give Impact Wrestling your phone number for some “exclusive content” (Uhm, how bout nooooo…).
Sami told Jake to properly introduce him after the ring announcer did it poorly. Sami did an over the top introduction for the World Champion. Sami told the crowd to stand up and show respect to the new World Champion. Sami talked about how OVE’s been partying for about a week due to Sami correctly predicting his title win. He said he’s taken the party all around the US. Sami was interrupted by Tommy Dreamer. Sami told Dreamer to go to the back “so I can finish my promo”. Dreamer said OVE ruined a banner day in Impact Wrestling last week by being a bully (wait? Who did he bully last week? The giant Brian Cage? Maybe I’m forgetting something). Dreamer said Sami looks like an internet troll. Dreamer said Sami calls himself the Draw and bullies people with Madman Fulton. Dreamer said the real draw are these people, the fans (Oh my, of course Tommy!). Dreamer said the people in the locker room are also the draw because they bust their ass for the fans.
Dreamer said Sami’s minions need to discover how talented they are so they can bust their ass too for the fans and not for a son of a bitch like Sami. Sami did the stick and stones bit. Sami called Dreamer “Mr. Fat Dreamer”. Sami dared Dreamer to enter the ring. Tommy popped the crowd by doing the Classic Mick Foley town cheap pop. Rich Swann, Daga, and Tessa Blanchard then joined Dreamer to even the odds (and Sami is playing this just like Chris Jericho did a few weeks ago when Jericho was in that luxury suite on AEW). And this is a match I guess…
6. “OVE” Sami Callihan, Jake Crist, Dave Crist, and Madman Fulton vs. Tommy Dreamer, Rich Swann, Daga, and Tessa Blanchard in an Extreme Rules Match. Brawling ensued at ringside. Dreamer gave Dave a cutter on the cake. Fulton scared Josh Mathews for a second. Madness ensued. In the ring, Dreamer put Jake in the Tree of Woe and then gave him a running Van Terminator. Dreamer gave Dave a Bionic Elbow. Dreamer bit Jake on the head. Fulton gave Dreamer an Iron Claw Slam in the ring. Fulton gave Dreamer the End of Days (They’ve never gave Fulton’s version a name so I’ll just use the name of Baron Corbin’s move). Daga was caught by Fulton but he escaped and gave Fulton a Tornado DDT. Daga gave Fulton a yakuza kick and corner roundhouse.
Daga gave Fulton a Missile Dropkick. Callihan tossed Daga to ringside. Callihan did his thumb thing. This allowed Rich Swann to dominate Callihan a bit before getting tossed out by Sami. Sami did his gloating again and then backtracked right into Tessa. Sami pie faced Tessa. Tessa fought back with forearms. Tessa gave Sami a cutter. Tessa then gave everybody a cannonball senton to the outside with Swann avoiding the contact. Fulton gave Swann a palm strike at the top rope. Tessa gave Fulton and Rich a Tower of Doom with Dreamer awkwardly being in the middle of this for some reason. Daga gave OVE a corkscrew press at ringside.
Jake Crist begged for mercy in the ring. Sami blindsided Tessa. Rich Swann gave Jake and Sami a double Lethal Injection. Callihan avoided a Phoenix Splash. Rich Swann rolled up Sami Callihan for the surprise win on the world champion.
Rich Swann, Tommy Dreamer, Daga, and Tessa Blanchard defeated OVE via pinfall in 5:51.
Rich Swann sold surprise after the pin while Sami argued “that was 2!”. The babyfaces celebrated in the ring while the heels backed up in heel fashion up the ramp. This scene closed out Impact…
John’s Thoughts: Random note, Rich Swann with a tuft of hair on his chin makes him look that much more like a mini Elijah Burke. Anyway, I wasn’t a big fan of them setting up this impromptu House Show type of match. That said I can conditionally get behind Sami potentially feuding with Rich Swann if it can lead to them continuing their very solid feud from a few months ago. Just this time, hopefully Sami makes it about the title a bit where as Rich Swann seemingly forgot he had a title (the X Title) in their last feud. Rich Swann is the coolest thing next to Rey Fenix in everyday main events, if only the guy would move past being the random guy who dances. Whatever they do, Sami Callihan has made the best of almost every single situation I’ve seen him in the last few years; as a heel in Impact and even as a babyface in MLW at points.
Overall, a solid edition of Impact. This show avoided some of the things that drag down the quality of Impact like smoke circles or Undead Realms. Even the Crazy Eddie stuff was kept to a minimum this week. The low points were the Moose vs. Mack match and Taya vs. Madison match, but those matches simply had minor composition issues. The first match being odd chemistry while the second match I mention was an awkward heel vs. heel match. That aside good show.