By Nick Perkins, ProWrestling.net Staffer (@WesternRebel)
Good morning, good evening, wherever you are Dot Nothing but Netters!
Yeah, that was bad. Whatever. You try writing two articles a week. It’s a miracle I even tried to think of a fun name to call readers.
The point is, welcome to Perkins’ Reel Time Thoughts on WWE TLC. This is not play-by-play coverage (you can find that on the main page from the illustrious Jason Powell), but more of a highlight (or lowlight) reel of the matches on the show. I will be writing them as I think them, so there won’t be much of a filter, so reader discretion advised.
This is definitely a show that looks good on paper. But, so did getting a Brazilian wax while I was actually in Brazil. So. Ya know.
In a match that for some inexplicable reason is not on the Pre-Show, R-Truth and Carmella are taking on Jinder Mahal and Alicia Fox. I don’t know why.
And R-Truth and ‘Mella win. It was only a little over a year ago that Jinder was the WWE Champion.
Because of Truth’s win, he is now the No. 30 entrant in the Royal Rumble. The first thing we know about the next PPV is that we’re going to be disappointed towards the end.
The Triple Threat tag team match with Sheamus and Cearo vs. New Day vs. The Usos is next. Cesaro looks good. The rest of this match was a yawner.
Concussions aren’t a fear anymore in WWE. That’s the only reason I can think of for that pin breakup spot.
Kofi crowd surfs! He’s nothing until the crowd surfs him all the way to the ring.
Brouge Kick! Which, for the longest time, I thought was called the “Bro Kick.”
Maybe that could be the name of Matt Riddle’s finisher.
At least they’re getting the Baron Corbin crap out of the way early.
It’s a shame they wasted such a cool theme song on such a crappy wrestler.
The friends I’m watching this show with say that I look exactly like Baron Corbin, which maybe explains my immense resentment towards him.
Is Braun Strowman going to come out at the last second?
Meh. Close enough to the last second.
I don’t know how you could call yourself a man, or even a good person really, while wearing a New Day Unicorn Horn on your head.
Ooo I like surprises.
Kurt Angle?
Oh. Apollo Crews. I’m bored again.
Oh. Chad Gable. And Bobby Roode.
Oh! I see what they’re doing.
Hey, Finn Balor! He’s cool.
This was a clever way to get the desired result without risking Strowman’s health.
I don’t mind spending a portion of my evening watching Baron Corbin get destroyed.
“He even dresses like you!” they shout.
Hey! Kurt Angle! I was right!
I am a genius. Or at least at the intellectual level of a WWE Creative Team Member.
I don’t genuinely wish harm on any of the performers in WWE.
Except Baron Corbin.
Again, good job by WWE Creative for getting themselves out of that situation. See! They can be creative when they try!
But then you get Nattie Neidhardt wearing her dead dad’s coat while she wrestles.
Honestly, this party got started a little late so, to save time, we skipped the Natalya match. Luckily, you can find great coverage of the match, as well as the entire show, in Powell’s live review.
I hope Finn Balor and Drew McIntyre get quite a bit of time. They both deserve it.
These guys are really hitting hard. And I bet they love it!
Tilt-‘o-Whirl backbreakers always really astonish me. It’s easy to forget how athletic these guys really are sometimes.
I would actually like this feud to continue for a while. The problem is, of course, both men need to win. And probably they’ll think of a way for them both to lose.
So Dolph Ziggler, the babyface, interferes in the match and attacks the heel, Drew McIntyre, only to be laid out by the heel. Then, Finn Balor, the babyface, kicks a chair into the heel and wins the match.
Huh?
For the record, I’m not mad that Finn Balor won.
Full disclosure, we skipped most of the Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio match as well. But we saw the ending pinning combination and it was pretty impressive!
Is Rey Mysterio cosplaying as Spike from the Gremlins?
So now the face, Ziggler attacks the other face, Balor. And now they’re going to feud. Which opens up McIntyre for…Strowman? Lesnar? Rollins?
Nia Jax vs. Ronda Rousey does not excite me. But next time I want a promotion, I’m punching my coworker in the face.
Fuggin’ Trent from Accounting. Nobody likes him anyway. Douche.
I guess this match has to be competitive but
Wait what was I saying? That armbar takedown was beautiful.
Very good end to a typical Ronda Rousey match (which is not a bad thing).
If handled correctly, Becky Lynch vs. Ronda Rousey very well could headline WrestleMania. I did not think I’d be saying that a year ago.
That being said, the Triple Threat TLC match as the main event over Bryan vs. Styles?
I guess TLC is the name of the show.
Forgive me. I was transfixed by that match. It was near perfect. And they still haven’t shown all that they can do yet. I could see this feud ending at the last pay-per-view before WrestleMania, before moving onto Bryan’s Mania challenger.
That ending was perfect too. Bryan used the small package a lot in his ROH days, and it’s nice to see a comeback for the move. What’s even nicer is Bryan going over clean. Maybe WWE realized that not every heel needs to cheat to win. Bryan as a cocky, preaching heel who can back it up in the ring is money. They tried it with CM Punk for a while but he was still too “cool” for some fans to boo. Bryan could do even better because we all know someone like Bryan that we absolutely hate.
Like that Doucher Trent from Accounting.
Pretty good recap on the Ambrose and Rollins feud. That video definitely made the feud seem a lot hotter than it actually is.
Hopefully the match compensates for the lackadaisical build.
COREY GRAVES! LOL.
So far the match has been mediocre and hasn’t really kicked into high gear. Rollins teasing the knee injury is a good way to build sympathy and give him a way out if he loses.
“This is boring,” chants the crowd.
I can’t say I blame them.
Yikes. They’re giving these two the “John Cena vs. Randy Orton” Treatment. I don’t think they deserve it but you can definitely tell this feud has been missing the “must-see” feel.
Thank God Rollins wasn’t made to look like a fool by fist bumping Ambrose after all he did/said.
Barricade-Bomb by Rollins. This is when the match could kick into the next gear. I would even be okay with a Double DQ because they couldn’t help themselves.
I never want to hear Michael Cole yell out “punish him” again.
Dirty Deeds out of nowhere and Dean Ambrose is the new Intercontinental Champion. This was not a bad decision to make if they’re going to extend the feud, which they obviously were.
And now the main event. I’m actually more excited about this match than I thought I would be. Maybe it’s because everything else on this show has been generally underwhelming, save Bryan vs. Styles.
And now for the Triple Threat TLC Match for the Women’s Championship.
My friend Eric just flipped me off and told me to “put that in my f—ing article.” I’m not sure what he’s so upset about.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that I think this match will be as good as the inaugural TLC Match, featuring the Hardy Boys, Edge & Christian and the Dudley Boys (Not the WrestleMania 17 Rematch – that match won’t be topped).
So far, it has not been. Nothing extremely memorable until Becky just leg dropped Charlotte from the top of a ladder onto the announce table. Ouch.
Asuka escaped that situation and began to scale the ladder, only to be averted by Charlotte, who is now beating the shit out of her with a Kendo Stick. Charlotte also just screamed that “this is my title!” and told the audience to shut up.
Sooo…?
Gore! Gore! Gore! That was a vicious spear from Charlotte onto Asuka.
And now Becky is scaling the ladder.
Face off between The Man, who beat The Man to be The Man, and Charlotte, who used to be The Man until she got beat by The Man, who is now The Man.
Oh wait, Charlotte is “The Woman.”
And she just proved this by performing a cannonball senton onto Becky Lynch.
Pretty good exchange of fists by Charlotte and Asuka.
Pretty good exchange of fists by Charlotte and Becky.
And here comes the Rowdy One. Who just pushed Becky and Charlotte off the ladder.
Sooo…?
She’s a heel now?
Pretty tame match-ending fall but it ended how the majority of us thought it would, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This sets up a lot of potential feuds.
I sincerely hope they don’t go with a Triple Threat match at Mania. It needs to be Becky vs. Ronda.
The announcers are framing what Rousey did as “revenge” so maybe she’s not a heel?
IDK, TLC. G2G.
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That was an enjoyable read.
Maybe Jason will let me have my own “reel time”.
Oh wait I don’t have the network because wwe has been generally crappy for so long.
Wow, that read like a “worst of Tumblr” post.
HOW DARE SOMEONE TRY SOMETHING NEW IN A DIFFERENT FORMAT