By Nick Perkins, ProWrestling.net Staffer (@WesternRebel)
What a year, huh? I don’t know how things were over at the North Pole, but here in the United States, it’s been a wild ride. I’m not sure if you follow professional wrestling or not but, if you do, I’ve compiled a list of things I want for the coming year. I’d like to think that I’ve been a good boy this year, aside from that whole tax evasion thing. But that’s still under investigation anyway, so nothing has been proven. Oh! And I didn’t know she was married when I met her. So that’s not on me, yeah?
Anyway. I made you this list. I know we haven’t talked since I was a kid, so it’s kinda sketch that the first thing I do is ask you for favors, but you’re Santa Claus. You’re supposed to make magic happen, right? And if anything in the world right now needs your magic, it’s professional wrestling. Yes, forget war and famine and starvation in third world countries. Leave that stuff to God. You’re here for one purpose and one purpose only- to give me what I want for Christmas.
- Please have WWE continue to showcase Daniel Bryan. Whether he’s a good guy or a bad guy, he’s the best all-around performer that WWE has. Please don’t let them turn him into a parody. Please let him continue to have great matches with the likes of Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Samoa Joe, Nakamura and more. More than anything, please keep him safe.
- Could we PLEASE get rid of those godawful belts? They’re a joke. Please deliver some new, actually attractive looking belts or at least bring back ones that actually looked like championships. I’m thinking the “Big Gold Belt” and the classic or updated “Winged Eagle” belts. I know it’s a long shot, but those belts actually looked like championships.
- PLEASE tell Vince McMahon that something needs to change, and that change has to come from him. Preferably, that change IS him…not making decisions anymore.
- I want genuine competition to challenge WWE. Impact tried and failed. But The Elite could be the breath of fresh air that the world of professional wrestling desperately needs. Please let them be successful.
- Could you let Becky Lynch continue to amaze? Don’t let her fan out, please. She could legitimately main event WrestleMania if booked properly. Please tell the powers-that-be to book her properly.
- Could I have a couple tickets to the Chris Jericho Cruise? By all accounts, the first one was a helluva good time for all involved, and I would love to be on the next one.
- I would REALLY like to see a pay-per-view that leaves me completely satisfied and not angry by the end of it.
- Could you please let CM Punk and Colt Cabana be friends again? I hate the idea that money has caused such a divide between the two former best friends. I know it’s a messy situation and I don’t know all that it entails. But Punk and Cabana used to mean a lot to each other, and I would really like them to hug it out. Even though Punk and Cabana won the lawsuit against them, if they don’t make up, it still feels like WWE won.
- Please put the new Young Bucks action figures in my stocking.
- Please could I at least have as many Twitter Followers as a f—ing cat? (@WesternRebel- follow me Santa)
- Could you please TAKE AWAY that third hour of Raw? Give it to the people on the naughty list. They’re the ones who deserve it.
- Give something to Finn Balor? Anything?
- Ditto for Bayley and Sasha Banks.
- Could you bring me abs like Karl Anderson?
- And a goatee like Luke Gallows?
- And hair like AJ Styles?
- Or just hair, period?
- More than anything, please let Roman Reigns be cancer free for now and forever.
I know this is a lot to ask, Santa. But if anyone can make it happen, you can. I believe in you.
Check below for the new Pro Wrestling Boom Podcast with Jason Powell and guest Nick Perkins discussing the idea of the McMahon family vowing changes on WWE television.