By Will Pruett
These rankings are scientifically calculated by the Rank-o-matic 4000 and verified by four out of five top scientists in the wrestling arts. They are to be taken solemnly and with absolute seriousness.
1. Santa Claus. Not only is is guy fixing to deliver presents to the children of the world this week, but he has also split his personality between good and evil to appear on Raw. I'm excited for the epic Santa vs. Santa matchup tonight. WWE could catch lightning in a snow globe here.
2. Magnus. As the man who conquered Dixieland (something doesn't sound right about this), how could Magnus not make the list? He is actually gaining a character and hopefully will gain some consistency in the storytelling behind it. There's an opportunity for a home-grown star to breakout in TNA. Hopefully Magnus can be that guy.
3. Randy Orton. As the new WWE World Heavyweight Western States Heritage United Unified Champion, a Orton has made history only a few men have had the opportunity to make before him. Good for Orton. I still suspect he could be an intricately programmed robot manufactured to infuriate us all and impress us occasionally. Orton had an okay effort at TLC and followed it with a great one on Raw. Good for Robo-Orton.
4. Daniel Bryan. Bryan had a great match on Raw and proposed to Brie Bella on Total Divas. He also is firmly entrenched in the main event scene in WWE. His autumn wasn't pleasant, but he could have a very bright WrestleMania season ahead of him. WWE is protecting Bryan, which is a good sign.
5. Cody Rhodes and Goldust. At this point, if you asked me to guess who would have the best match on any given WWE show, I wouldn't list Daniel Bryan or C.M. Punk. I would answer with the current tag champs. The Rhodes Brothers continue to impress me with every outing. Is anyone else hoping we somehow get Cody in facepaint before this is all over?
6. Kevin Steen. I didn't see him at PWG this weekend, but I did see pictures of Steen in Young Bucks gear. He wins.
7. Gunner. "Senior Intensity" is now Mr. Feast of Fired but Mostly Feast! He has a briefcase with a piece of foam board intricately decorated guaranteeing him a World Championship match (against one of the two TNA World Champions). The briefcase gimmick is silly, but Gunner is looking the least silly he has ever looked in TNA. He might actually be onto something here. A feud with a heel James Storm could help him an awful lot as well.
8. John Cena. Cena had a safe and semi-mediocre TLC match with Randy Orton where he did not become champion. Bummer for him, right? On the plus side, he has a new friend to speak for, in Daniel Bryan. I respect Cena for supporting a man who has somehow lost his voice (did he make a deal with Ursula giving up his voice for superior wrestling ability?). John Cena is a good guy, right?
9. Xavier Woods. Say what you will about the stupidity of this story (and I've said a lot), but Woods must have some pretty legit game. He convinced two girls who were concerned about their longtime friend to ditch him and dance. This is the ultimate in male seduction. Kudos to Woods, who is obviously a talented ladies man.
10. Madison Rayne. Rayne had a great comeback from injury a week ago. She is bolstering what was a fading Knockouts division. She also doesn't look at all like a woman who had a kid just a few months ago. Way to work hard and get that comeback, Madison.
Just missing the cut: Vince McMahon, hugs, Stephanie McMahon, Jeff Hardy, The Young Bucks, C.M. Punk, The Shield, The Uso's, The Funkadactyls, and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Nowhere near this list: Chavo Guerrero, Zema Ion, Kane, Hornswoggle, Mick Foley, Kazarian, Eric Young, Abyss, Monsters and balls, Peyton Manning, R-Truth, old Sin Cara, new Sin Cara, and B-Boy.
Will Pruett writes about wrestling in a facetious and often humorous way. Feel free to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow him and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime.
12/23 Pruett's Weekly Power Rankings: Will Pruett uses his biased eye and tremendous discernment to break down the top ten wrestlers in WWE, TNA, ROH, PWG... hell, the entire industry
Dec 23, 2013 - 03:43 PM
Dec 23, 2013 - 03:43 PM
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