Diva on Divas Week 6: Dot Net's resident diva on Total Divas - Jojo wants love but Justin is "spinning game," Brie switches into Brie Mode, Vinny gets crazy wasted, and more Vegas fun!
By Will Pruett
What happens in Vegas is recorded, shown on national TV, and recapped/analyzed by me. Am I breaking some sort of rule here?
A great man once said "Don't hate the player, hate the game." In fact, I believe it was at the beginning of Booker T's WCW theme music for a little while. This is also a truth Jojo was forced to deal with on this week's show. (I know, it's weird. I'm actually doing an essay portion about the newbie girls and not one of the established ones. It's cool, I'm sure I'll get back to Brie Bella next week.)
Jojo developed a crush, which soon grew to infatuation, which developed into a discussion, which transformed into an exchange of numbers, which soon lead to making out. In the timeline of the show, this seemed to happen rather quickly. It seems WWE's South African sensation, Justin Gabriel, is "spinning game" which is what I think Eva Marie called it. Gabriel is spinning more game than there are rotations in his signature 450 splash.
Gabriel seemed to be into Jojo when she was looking at him, but the second she turned around, Gabriel was barking up another tree. Jojo did what any girl who just started dating a guy would do, and invited her new crush to Las Vegas for a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party for TJ and Natty.
This put the 19 year old Jojo in an odd situation. She's barely able to walk down the street in Vegas where alcohol is flowing and the world seems to spin. She can't go into clubs, get on casino floors, or get a drink. Jojo picked the wrong time to be 19. She was wandering around an undisclosed place and she saw Gabriel talking up a lady. She saw him later talking up another one. She kept seeing him with the sweet ladies. Somehow, she was mad, but still seemed willing to be in like with him. This girl probably isn't smart.
Finally, at a fancy dinner, Jojo confronted Justin. He blamed her age, but I would have just blamed her clinginess. This was a classic reality TV romance. Justin, like all the other men, was a great prop.
Picking up the pieces:
- The Total Divas cast visiting Chippendales was far more entertaining than the Breaking Amish: LA kids' visit to Thunder Down Under. I'm not sure why this detail is important or why I watch a show about Amish kids who are totally faking everything in their lives escaping to Los Angeles.
- I want to throw a house party in a poorly decorated apartment. Seriously, had Eva and Jojo even been there for a week?
- According to Nikki Bella, a smiley face means "let's get it on." I've sent smiley faces to countless people and have only wanted to have the sexy time with some of them. The others? They prove Nikki quite wrong.
- This was the show of drunken fun. Brie Bella activated Brie mode, despite "Daniel" Bryan Danielson not being super into it. Brie even fell off of a table and brought back one of my favorite parts of the show, vaginal censorship. It's been weeks since I've been able to use the term vaginal censorship. We all miss it. Hooray for vaginal censorship!
- Bryan's reaction to Brie's hangover was priceless.
- A much less charming drunk was Vinnie, Ariane's boyfriend. Vinny decided to surprise Ariane by showing up in Vegas and proceeding to jump on the bed like a child. Vinny somehow went from soberly abusive to drunkenly childish and weird. Vinny was something else here. It's odd to see a character with no redemptive qualities.
Next week on Diva on Divas: Maxim wants to take pictures of a cardboard cutout, but accidentally books Eva Marie (close enough), Nikki Bella gets hurt, and more feelings. Everyone has feelings.
You know what's great? When your feedback doesn't annoy me. Give it your best shot and feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or to follow me and interact on twitter at twitter.com/itswilltime. Basically, let's be best friends.
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