WWE Slammy Awards 2009 Flashback: Comedian Dennis Miller hosts, WWE Superstar of the Year tournament featuring Undertaker, C.M. Punk, John Cena, and Randy Orton
The following is Jason Powell's live coverage of the December 14, 2009 Slammy Awards. Join us for live coverage of the 2013 Slammy Awards beginning at 7:00 p.m. CT.
WWE Raw on the USA Network
Live from Corpus Christi, Tex.
[Q1] Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show and welcomed viewers to "a new holiday tradition - The Slammy Awards." They hyped the four-man tournament for the WWE Superstar of the Year award...
Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduced comedian Dennis Miller as the guest host. Miller came out and stood at the podium that was set up on the stage for the awards. He received a favorable reaction from the crowd. He said he could have used a heads up on the pyro because he's now borderline deaf and incontinent as a result of the pyro.
Miller cracked a joke that didn't go over well. He said he just wanted to get a feel for the wrestling crew and would be headed backstage for rewrites. He said he was happy to host the awards. He said he's always wanted to do it. He read from a piece of paper he brought with him as he read jokes comparing pro wrestling to politics.
Miller went off on a rant about global warming being fraudulent. The announcers were the only two people in the building laughing by the sounds of it. A graphic popped up with photos of Barack Obama and John Cena. Miller said one was just put through a table and the other has yet to bring anything to one. He continued to read from his notes as he plugged the WWE Tribute to the Troops show and hyped the USACares.org charity.
Slammy Time. Miller introduced R-Truth and Jillian Hall as the first presenters. Meanwhile, the announcers raved about Miller's monologue. Truth and Jillian were there to announce the tag team of the year. The nominees were DX, Legacy, The Hart Dynasty, and JeriShow.
Chris Jericho and Big Show were named Tag Team of the Year. They walked onto the stage and accepted their awards. Jericho said they were the best team of the year or any other year. Jericho thanked Edge for being cowardly and getting hurt. He also thanked himself for choosing Big Show as his replacement. "It was genius and I thank myself for that," Jericho said. Funny.
Show leaned down and said the mic was obviously made for shorter people. He said they would retain their tag titles. He asked Jericho if that was the right word. Jericho said the right word was retain. Show said Jericho is the smart one. Jericho said they wanted a rematch with DX tonight. Show didn't look as excited as Jericho about the idea...
At ringside, the broadcast team of Cole, Lawler, and Matt Striker ran through still shots of John Cena going through the table at TLC, which gave Sheamus the win and the WWE Championship. Striker also teased that Teddy Long and Tiffany will award the Superstar of the Year award. He said Sheamus was the favorite...
Powell's POV: I'm pretty sure Striker meant the rising star of the year or whatever the award is called. Miller's monologue bombed with the live crowd.
[Q2] [C] After the break, they actually aired highlights from ECW as William Regal, Vladimir Kozlov, and Ezekiel Jackson came to the ring. In the ring, Regal said his group is on the same page. He challenged Christian and two partners of his choosing. Christian came out with a mic in hand and said he could barely walk after TLC. He said he found two partners who have had differences in the past, but they've decided to put their differences aside to destroy Regal's team...
1. Kane, Great Khali, and Christian beat William Regal, Vladimir Kozlov, and Ezekiel Jackson in 2:30. There were still problems with Zeke and Kozlov. Vladimir tagged himself into the match, which didn't make Zeke happy. Moments later, Khali chopped Kozlov and pinned him...
Powell's POV: Kane tried to end Khali's career after kidnapping his brother, but now they're putting their differences aside because they don't like Regal? Ugh.
Miller cracked a joke and then introduced Teddy Long and Tiffany to introduced the Breakthrough Superstar of the Year. The nominees were Drew McIntyre, Sheamus, Yoshi Tatsu, and Abraham Washington. The winner of Breakthrough Superstar of the Year is Sheamus.
Sheamus made his first appearance as the WWE Champion. He came out dressed in his ring gear and had the belt around his waist. He took the trophy and admired it with a grin on his face. "I suppose you people take me seriously now, don't you?" he asked. "How about you, John? Do you take me seriously? Do you still think I'm a footnote in WWE history? I beat you, Cena. I put you through a table and I took your title."
Sheamus mentioned Roddy Piper, Paul Orndorff, Curt Hennig, and Ricky Steamboat. He said they are all Hall of Famers, yet none were able to accomplish what he did last night. "I guess I'm better than all of them," he said. Sheamus boasted about being the new champion and was greeted with "You suck" chants from the crowd.
Powell's POV: Sheamus was okay here. Nothing special about his first appearance as champion. I liked his comments to Cena, though. By the way, fan vote on the WWE website will determine the WWE Diva of the Year. If Michelle McCool wins this then I'll never trust another WWE poll again.
[Q3] [C] The announcers discussed the Slammy Award winners at ringside and then shifted the focus to John Cena. Striker mocked Lawler by saying he should put on an orange t-shirt and sweatband. Funny. He said there were three other wrestlers up for the Superstar of the Year award. A video previewed Cena, C.M. Punk, Undertaker, and Randy Orton as the nominees for the award...
Cole hyped the four-man tournament that will determine the winner of the Superstar of the Year...
Powell's POV: Cena doesn't need it. Taker doesn't need it. Orton doesn't need it. This would be a great way to get Punk rolling again.
2. Kofi Kingston defeated Cody Rhodes by DQ in 0:55. Kofi came out with his left arm heavily bandaged, presumably to sell the pay-per-view injury. Cody went to work on the arm early, but Kofi came right back with a great drop kick. Ted DiBiase hit the ring and attacked Kofi for the DQ. Evan Bourne ran out and made the save.
On the stage, Dennis Miller announced that he had just been given his own Slammy for restarting a match that ended in a DQ and resetting it as a tag team match. He said Jeremy Piven and Al Sharpton could suck it...
3. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase defeated Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston in 7:15. Kofi and Bourne dove onto Legacy at ringside right after the bell rang and the show cut to commercial. [C] Highlights aired from the action that took place during the commercial break with Legacy taking control of the match. Striker said Kofi suffered nerve damage in his arm while blocking the punt kick from Orton at TLC.
[Q4] At 6:30, Evan tagged into the match and hit some flashy offensive moves, including the knee press on Cody and went for a pin. Ted broke it up. Evan was distracted momentarily by Kofi and Ted fighting, which enabled Cody to hit CrossRhodes on Bourne for the win...
The announcers hyped that JeriShow had enacted their rematch clause and would challenge DX for the Unified Tag Titles later in the show... [C]
Powell's POV: I guess we'll find out whether DX care about the tag titles later tonight. My guess is that JeriShow regain the titles so that Jericho can stay on both shows. Plus, I like the idea of putting the belts back on JeriShow and building to an eventual match between then and a reunited Edge and Christian.
Miller stood at the podium and said he's starting to get the hang of it. He apologized for the show opening and said that someone should have told him he could have just said "suck it" and be viewed as a genius. He introduced Vickie Guerrero and Santino Marella, which led to immediate laughter from Cole and Lawler.
The usual big boos for Vickie. There were some cheers for Santino, who put down Vickie by saying she's "slightly overweight." The nominees for Shocker of the Year were Randy Orton DDT'ing Stephanie, Batista attacking Rey Mysterio, C.M. Punk retiring Jeff Hardy, and Sheamus putting Mark Cuban through a table. The winner of the Shocker of the Year award was C.M. Punk retiring for Jeff Hardy.
Punk came out and was in celebration mode. He pumped his fist and hugged Vickie before taking the award. He held it up in the air and looked to the live crowd. He kissed the trophy as the show went to commercial... [C]
An ad for ECW hyped that Kane will be "a special guest"...
Punk stood in the ring and delivered his acceptance speech. He ran through his accomplishments in 2008. He said he's the only man with the courage to tell the fans that they are throwing their lives away. He boasted about getting rid of Jeff Hardy forever and then deemed himself the first ever Straight Edge Slammy Award Winner...
Powell's POV: A short, but effective promo. He got plenty boos when he bragged about being the only man with the courage to tell the fans they are throwing their lives away. It would be fun to see Punk live on Monday nights now that he's heel. Maybe they'll move him back to the Monday night show via the draft next year.
[Q5] 4. John Cena defeated C.M. Punk in a Superstar of the Year tournament match in 1:35. Cole said Cena was more embarrassed than anything over losing to Sheamus last night. Cena dominated the match and won quickly with the STF.
After the match, Cena took the mic and congratulated Sheamus. He apologized "to anyone I may have let down last night." He said there are times when you prepare so hard, yet still fail. He spoke about overcoming setbacks. He said some have lost faith in him. Cena pointed to a fan in the front row who was wearing an "I hate Cena" t-shirt and said, "I absolutely respect your decision to do so."
Cena said he wasn't talking to those fans, though. He was talking to his true fans who stand by him. He said that what happened at TLC will never happen again. "It is time to set the record straight," Cena said. "My road to WrestleMania starts right now." He looked into the camera and said he was going to provide a headline for the WWE website. "I will not lose another match until I become WWE Champion."
Powell's POV: Upon further review, maybe Punk should just stay on the Friday night show since they feed him to Cena whenever he shows up on Raw. Ugh. Here's hoping Cena's promo is a red herring in that he'll lose to Taker or Cena later tonight and face more adversity. That would make things a lot more interesting than knowing Cena is going to win every match between now and WrestleMania.
The announcers hyped that the Slammy Award for Match of the Year was coming up next... [C]
[Q6] Miller stood at the podium and praised WWE for the work they do with the troops. He introduced "The Show" Triple H to introduce the Match of the Year award. Yes, he said "The Show." Hunter came out in DX gear and said, "I just want to thank Dennis Milburne for that great introduction." Nice line.
Hunter said that DX will be defending their tag titles later tonight. He introduced the nominees for Match of the Year: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania 25, John Cena vs. Randy Orton at Breaking Point, Jeff Hardy vs. C.M. Punk at Extreme Rules, Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown at Bragging Rights. The winner of Match of the Year is Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania 25.
HBK's music played and he came out to accept the award. Hunter said that if viewers haven't seen the match they need to get the DVD. He said he knows how good the match was because "I had to follow it and I didn't stand a chance." Nice. HBK recalled beating Ric Flair at WrestleMania 24, and he said he came up a little short at WrestleMania 25. He said he's still very proud of what they accomplished that night.
Shawn started to step away and then stopped. "You know something, Undertaker, I can beat you," Michaels said while staring into the camera. "I know it, and, more importantly, you know it. So right here tonight, I'm throwing out the challenge. You and me, WrestleMania, one more time"... [C]
Powell's POV: Wow! Big moment. So much for Taker vs. Cena at WrestleMania apparently. No complaints from me. I'd love to see Taker vs. Shawn again. Nice intense challenge from Shawn. By the way, why was the Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown match among the nominees?
[Q7] 5. Randy Orton defeated Undertaker via countout in a Superstar of the Year tournament match in 3:20. Cole pointed out that Orton is once again allowed to challenge for the WWE Championship because Cena is no longer champion. Taker started out strong and hit Snake Eyes early for a quick near fall. He went for the chokeslam, but Orton kicked him in the gut and clotheslined him to the floor. However, Taker landed on his feet and pulled Orton to ringside.
Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes came to ringside. Taker spotted them and stared them down. They backed up, but then inched closer whenever Taker took his eyes off them. Taker headed back toward Orton, who hit an RKO on the floor. Randy rolled back inside the ring and beat the referee's count. Afterward, Taker took care of Ted and Cody, and then chokeslammed Orton... [C]
Powell's POV: So it's Cena vs. Orton for WWE Superstar of the Year. We got a break from the two of them facing one another, but WWE wasted no time in going right back to the match on the first night they were able to deliver it again. Taker didn't get full revenge on Cody and Ted, so I assume he will help Cena win the match by preventing them from interfering in the main event. I wonder if we'll get some followup with Taker and Cena given that Taker left Cena lying during the last three-hour Raw show.
Dennis Miller stood at the podium and said Vince McMahon was going to name the guest host of the year. He said Vince gave him comedy notes before the show. He mocked the thought of Vince giving him comedy notes. Shit, someone needs to. The announcers laughed and said they've all been there. Funny.
Vince came out and said some months ago he had a vision of having guest hosts on Raw. He said some guest hosts are better than others while glaring at Miller. Funny. He mocked the quiet crowd by asking if they all died before the arrived at the arena. The nominees for guest host of the year were Bob Barker, Shaquille O'Neal, The Osbournes, and Seth Green. The winner of Guest Host of the Year is Bob Barker.
A pre-taped video aired with Bob Barker holding the Slammy in his hand. He said it will have a prominent place in his home. He plugged his book and said he had a wonderful experience being with Vince, the staff, and the wrestlers. "It was a great, great experience," Barker said. He wished everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. "Go for it," Barker concluded.
[Q8] Vince said he was going to go for it. He asked Miller who he would book as guest host if it were up to him. Miller brought up the idea of Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Vince said he didn't think Bret would be interested in doing anything. Miller put it to the people and they cheered. Vince walked off. "The people have spoken," Miller said. He joked that Vince will be at the Chuckle House on Friday night... [C]
Powell's POV: Nice tease for Bret Hart. No, that wasn't a case of Miller dropping Hart's name without authorization. After all, this is the same guy who called Triple H "The Show." My guess is that Bret will be the January 4 host for the head-to-head with TNA Impact special.
Backstage, Miller was on the phone mocking his Slammy Award trophy when Chris Jericho entered the room. Miller cut off Jericho and said he's a black hole of energy. Miller said he wants Jericho anywhere other than Monday Night Raw. Jericho vowed to prove Miller wrong...
Powell's POV: Damn, Dennis Miller really sucks. If anyone is the black hole of energy, it's him on this show. The live crowd is dead and he's a big reason why. Quick, read those notes Vince gave you, Miller.
The announcers said DX is due in Little People's Court next week. Ugh...
6. Chris Jericho and Big Show defeated Triple H and Shawn Michaels by DQ to Unified Tag Titles. Shawn knelt behind the referee and Hunter pushed the ref over for the intentional DQ. Hunter and Shawn mocked Jericho, who had his thigh heavily wrapped, by saying they had given him his rematch and now he was finished on Raw.
Hunter said if only there were a group of guys who hated Jericho as much as he did. Finlay, Hurricane, Cryme Tyme, Shelton Benjamin, Christian, and R-Truth came out wearing DX gear. Shawn hit Sweet Chin Music on Jericho, who then rolled out of the ring. Hunter knelt down and said, "Bye."
[Q9] The other wrestlers led Jericho to the back. "He is out of here," Michaels said. He delivered the "If you're not down with that" line. The camera cut to the back where Jericho was throwing a fit. The group of wrestlers led Jericho out the back door and slammed it shut behind him... [C]
Powell's POV: Clever? Sure. Did it click with the live crowd? Nope. Then again, not much is tonight. Did anyone else find it odd that Christian and Shelton are hanging out in DX gear just one night after having a heated ladder match?
Carlito, Eve Torres, and a shirtless Chris Masters stood at the podium. Masters shook his tits while Carlito tried to deliver the "Extreme Moment of the Year" award. Carlito got upset with Masters and said, "I can do that too." He looked at Eve and asked, "Can you do that to?" Nice. She said he'd never find out and then received some boos.
The nominees were Kofi Kingston for putting Randy Orton through a table at MSG, Big Show chokeslamming John Cena through the spotlight, Jeff Hardy performing a big Swanton off the ladder at SummerSlam, and Triple H attacking Randy Orton in his home. The winner of the Extreme Moment of the Year was Jeff Hardy performing the Swanton at SummerSlam.
Eve introduced Matt Hardy to accept the award for his brother. "This is really cool," Matt said. He started to thank the fans on Jeff's behalf, but Carlito interrupted him and asked why he was accepting the award. Matt tried to blow him off, but Carlito punched him. Carlito took the award and delivered a brief acceptance speech. Masters put Carlito in the Master Lock. Matt recovered and punched out Carlito... [C]
Powell's POV: Wow, another flat segment. Tough crowd, but WWE isn't giving them much to cheer about. It's a good thing they can't hear Cole because he just teased that we'll be seeing The Marine 2 trailer after the break. You know, because after all these award show skits, a movie trailer is just the hook that wrestling starved viewers were looking for.
[Q10] A trailer for The Marine 2 aired. I'm sure it was fabulous...
7. John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, and Mark Henry defeated The Miz, Drew McIntyre, and Zack Ryder in 2:10. Henry got the best reaction of the bunch for his entrance, which isn't saying much. In the end, Ryder delivered his "woo woo woo" line and then ate a Yoshi kick to the head. Yoshi pinned him clean...
A shot aired of a bunch of Divas walking backstage. Lawler said something about a seven-on-seven Divas match and the announcement of the Diva of the Year award winner...
Powell's POV: If you would have told me before the show that they'd tease Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels for WrestleMania 26, and Bret Hart as a future guest host, I would have assumed it was going to be a hot show. Instead, it's been terrible. The host sucks, the matches are short and/or throwaway, and the crowd is deader than Dennis Miller's career. Yes, Vince sent me comedy notes too. By the way, WWE has run out of ideas for "Did You Know" graphics. It's been repeat after repeat tonight.
[Q11] 8. Mickie James, Melina, Gail Kim, Maria, Kelly Kelly, and The Bella Twins beat Michelle McCool, Layla, Rosa Mendes, Beth Phoenix, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Natalya in 1:20 All 14 Divas came out wearing evening gowns. Cole said they were wearing the gowns because the Diva of the Year award was coming up next. Um, okay. Cole said the gowns will probably be auctioned off on the WWE website for charity. Mickie pinned Rosa to end the silliness.
Powell's POV: I'm sure this will shock those of you who aren't watching the show, but the heels team came out to McCool's entrance music. God, this show is such a shit-fest.
Goldust's music played and he walked onto the stage with MVP, who was wearing the Slammy Award on a chair around his neck. MVP reminded everyone that the fans voted for the winner. Goldust said he's known as a Diva. He teased taking the award for himself. He said MVP was on the stage and PMS was in the ring. Ugh. The winner of the Diva of the Year award was Maria.
Maria headed to the stage and thanked the fans. Batista interrupted her and said he wanted to talk about the screwjob of the year. He said he was robbed last night. He said it's not about Maria, it's about him. Two cops came out and escorted Batista off the stage... [C]
Powell's POV: Maria? Really? The only thing more bizarre was seeing Batista wearing a pink shirt with the collar popped up. Is he taking fashion tips from Zack Ryder? If you're a grown man and you don't understand what's wrong with that look, then you should stop reading this right now and seek help for being a an absolute douche. Here's hoping Batista is only doing it for heat.
Miller stood at the podium and introduced Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas, and Big Dick Johnson. Miller paused before saying Johnson's name. Atlas did his laugh while staring at Johnson, who then broke into a Shakespearian voice while setting up the nominees for the "'Oh My!' Moment of the Year" award. Michael Cole won the "Oh My!" Award for throwing up on Smackdown."
Cole ran to the stage and celebrated like it was 1999. He said it was now the era of "Oh My!" and "Vintage" while insinuating that Jim Ross's time had passed. He got a big pop by saying, "Hook 'em Horns" because they were in Texas.
Powell's POV: Wait, was Batista dressed like Kanye West was at the MTV Awards? Okay, that makes a little more sense, but shouldn't they save the spoofing for a comedy figure rather than a main eventer? My guess is that Cole's comments will set up J.R.'s return. Here's hoping he returns to Raw and kicks Cole's ass off the show.
Dennis Miller came out and said he needed to have his eyes removed with a power tool after seeing Big Dick Johnson. He ran the envelope for Cole's award to a kid in the crowd. He plugged USACares.org...
[Q12] [C] The announcers plugged Cena vs. Orton for after the break... A DX holiday skit aired. Hunter accidentally broke a ring that was set up on a table behind him. Shawn was all bent out of shape over it. DX gave Shawn a new DX snuggie. They plugged a bunch of other merchandise. Hornswoggle showed up and gave them gift cards for WWE Shop. Hunter said he's not off the hook just because he gave them gifts. They went after Horny. Hunter ended up punching a head that was underneath the snuggie. It was Shawn. Horny laughed and Hunter ran away...
Powell's POV: Cuter than most of the campy crap on tonight's show, but I'm completely burned out on WWE comedy after tonight.
The guest host for next week's show will be Yankees outfielder Johnny Damon... Randy Orton made his entrance for the main event... [C]
[Overrun] 9. John Cena defeated Randy Orton to become WWE Superstar of the Year for 2009. After and early flurry from Cena, Orton came back and took control of the match. He became frustrated when he couldn't pin Cena, who rolled him up out of nowhere for a near fall. Orton came right back with a clothesline.
Cena made his comeback and the fans delivered the "You Can't See Me" line. Orton came back with an RKO attempt, but Cena dodged it. He went for the STF, but Orton avoided that. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton got his hands on the bottom rope to break up the pin.
Moments later, Orton pulled Cena under the ropes and DDT'd him off the apron and onto the floor. He rolled Cena back inside the ring and went for the cover, but Cena kicked out. Orton went for the punt kick, but Cena moved, hit the Attitude Adjustment, and got the clean win.
As Cena was celebrating, Sheamus walked onto the stage with the WWE Championship in his hand. Sheamus held up the belt and jawed at Cena from the stage to close the show...
Powell's POV: And the award for shittiest television show of the year goes to, the December 14 edition of WWE Raw!!! Thanks for suffering along with me tonight.
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