WWE Raw on the USA Network
Live from Los Angeles, Calif.
[Q1] A brief video paid tribute to the Memorial Day holiday... The opening montage aired... Michael Cole and Jim Ross introduced the show. Ross hyped Ric Flair confronting Randy Orton for later in the show...
Powell's POV: Just posted the WWE Superstars match spoilers. Two matches were taped before tonight's WWE Raw show in Los Angeles.
Lillian Garcia introduced Denver Nuggets owner E. Stan Kroenke. Some dude dressed up like Kroenke walked out wearing a horrible wig, a suit, and carrying a basketball. Cole set up a video that filled in viewers who had no idea what the hell was going on. Well, assuming they didn't say, "Damn, I forgot the NBA playoff game is on."
Kronke came out and shook hands with a group of impersonators. He handed the ball to some guy who was apparently dressed up like Jerry Buss of the Lakers. Ugh. The Kroenke impersonator entered the ring and said he can't stand WWE or it's fans. He said he didn't care that he screwed WWE fans. He said he's a respected businessman and a tycoon millionaire. He said he's been made fun of by WWE, the media, and the fans. The live crowd actually booed this shit.
Powell's POV: I couldn't pick Buss out of a lineup because, well, the NBA sucks, but the Stern impersonator barely resembled him, and there was a Jack Nicholson impersonator who also sucked.
The impersonator had a graphic that showed him with devil horns and a tail, and a halo on Vince's head. The impersonator said he's no devil, and Vince is no angel. The impersonator was interrupted by Vince McMahon's entrance music. Vince received a big pop from the live crowd. Cole said Denver's loss is Los Angeles's gain as Vince entered the ring.
Vince took the mic and announced the formation of a new professional basketball league. He said it would rival the NBA. He named it the XBA. After clowning around about that, Vince mocked Kroenke for using the "E" initial in his name. He said the "E" stands for "Enos" and questioned how his parents could have done that to him. "You're an Enos," Vince said. The live crowd chanted "Enos" briefly. Vince noted that Enos rhymes with...venus. "You thought I was going to say something else, right," Vince said with a smile.
Vince said Kroenke has a serious case of Enos evny. He said Kroenke didn't realize that when people push the WWE Universe, they push back. Vince shoved the Kroenke impersonator. Vince started to leave the ring but was interrupted by The Miz's entrance music.
The Miz came out and said he had no intention of interrupting Vince. He walked to the ring while saying that he became a star in Los Angeles. He said everyone think the Lakers will be the next NBA Champs, but he's actually from the city that possesses the next NBA Champs. Miz revealed that he was wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers jersey.Miz said John Cena is a poser, much like Kobe Bryant, and vowed to become 6-0 against Cena.
[Q2] John Cena walked to the ring minus entrance music. Just as he reached the ring, he was attacked from behind by Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes. Batista ran out for the save and got the better of the three heels. However, Big Show came out and attacked Batista from behind. Show turned his attention to Cena, but Jerry Lawler came out and attacked him from behind. Show roughed up Lawler, only to take a double clothesline from Cena and Batista...
Powell's POV: I can't believe the Los Angeles crowd was so kind to Vince during the lame Kroenke skit. It may have been fun if anyone know who Kroenke was before the Denver Debacle, but he's a low profile owner outside the Denver market. WWE generated strong publicity from the double booking, but this better be the last we hear of Kroenke.
The announcers hyped the WWE Divas Title match as shots aired of Maryse and Kelly Kelly... [C]
1. Kelly Kelly beat Maryse by DQ in a WWE Divas Title match. The referee called for the bell because Maryse pushed Kelly over the announcers' table. No, really! [C]
Powell's POV: Did the WWE creative team spend their holiday at the bar like I did? Seriously, what kind of finish was that? I would protest more, but I far be it from me to bitch about anything that will lead to Maryse and Kelly rolling around on top of each other in a rematch. I'm sure TNA employees will piss and moan because I wasn't as hard on this lame finish as I am their lame finishes. Get over it.
[Q3] Backstage, the Bella Twins were all over the horrible Jack Nicholson impersonator. Goldust and Hornswoggle showed up and asked for acting lessons. Again, really! Goldust performed the "You can't handle the truth" scene from "A Few Good Men." The impersonator didn't completely blow them off, so they were pleased...
Powell's POV: I really left the bar for this? How bush league do the Bella Twins, Goldust, Hornswoggle, and WWE look for making a big fuss over a freaking impersonator? Lame.
Highlights aired from last week's show of Randy Orton sucker punching Ric Flair... Backstage, Batista approached Ric Flair, who told Batista he was going to call out Orton regardless of what Batista said. Batista suggested that Flair wait until after he destroyed Orton at the Extreme Rules pay-per-view to call out Orton. Flair told Batista that if he didn't like it, he shouldn't watch it... [C]
Powell's POV: Horrible dialogue. Like Flair was going to say, "You're right, Dave, I'll just wait until after you soften up Orton to call him out because I'm an old man." Seriously, that was lame.
Did You Know that WWE was the top show on cable TV last week? And by "show" they mean the NBA playoffs don't count...
2. Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy and William Regal in a Triple Threat to earn a shot at the U.S. Title in 11:30. Lillian Garcia announced before the match that the winner of the match would receive a U.S. Title shot on next week's show. The announcers recapped highlights of Kofi Kingston beating William Regal on last week's WWE Superstars.
Powell's POV: If Kofi beat Regal last week, then shouldn't that eliminate Regal from this chance to earn a U.S. Title shot?
Hardy held his broken hand in pain at ringside while the other two wrestlers started the match. Funny. Hardy entered the match and then MVP walked to ringside. Ross said, "Business has just picked up here on Monday Night Raw." The show cut to commercial.
[Q4] [C] MVP was on commentary after the break and he put over the differences of working a Triple Threat match. Kofi hit a couple of dropkicks on Matt and followed up with a ledgdrop for a near fall. Later, Kofi caught Matt with Trouble in Paradise out of nowhere to score the clean 1-2-3. MVP said his opponent next week is explosive. Kofi walked to ringside and pointed at MVP's title belt. MVP smiled and congratulated Kofi. He said he wants him to have a shot at the belt next week...
Powell's POV: No impersonators, so it gets a thumbs up from me. It doesn't take much right now, though.
A shot aired of Ric Flair walking backstage. The announcers said he was going to call out Orton after the break... [C] An ECW commercial aired to hype Vladimir Kozlov...
Powell's POV: With all the great things happening on ECW right now (Christian, Jack Swagger, Evan Bourne, The Hart Trilogy, etc.), they actually picked Kozlov to showcase.
Highlights aired from last week of Ric Flair helping Batista win last week's tag match main event... Ric Flair made his entrance. Michael Cole told us we were watching the longest running weekly episodic television show in history. Jim Ross stood up and ripped Cole's beating heart right out of his chest. Wait, that last part was a daydream.
[Q5] Once in the ring, Flair said Orton sucker punched him and had his way with him. Um, excuse me? Anyway, Flair said it reminded him of what Chris Jericho did to him. Flair said there's no disgrace in getting beat up by the WWE Champion, but he wanted him to do it when they were standing face-to-face. Flair whipped his jacket off and called out Orton.
Randy came out and said that he couldn't beat up Flair. He said it's not because he doesn't have respect for him. He said last week he lowered himself to punch a 60 year-old man. Flair started screaming at him to do it again. Orton fired back and they spoke over each other briefly.
A fan said something Orton didn't like because he stopped jawing with Flair momentarily and shot a look into the crowd behind him. Orton said Hunter kept Flair around in Evolution because he felt sorry for him. Orton said he's even starting to feel sorry for Flair. "It's over, Ric Flair," Orton said. Randy climbed inside the ring and stood face to face with Flair. "Ric, it is over," Orton said.
Flair slapped Orton, who responded by striking Flair a couple times. Batista came out and ran off Flair. Orton fled the ring and grabbed the mic. He told Batista it was "smart" to waste his time with Flair. He said it would be all over for Batista at Extreme Rules once he's finished with him.
Suddenly, Mr. Kennedy's music played and he walked out behind Orton dressed in street clothes. Kennedy's mic dropped down to him on the stage. "You, uh, look kinda surprised, Randy," Kennedy said. "Did you think this was over? Because I think it's just getting started."
Kennedy said tonight marks the official return of the man who will be WWE Champion. Kennedy said he would also be the final guy in the five-on-five main event later in the show. He said that man is known all around the world as Mister Kennedy!!! Orton slowly backed off the stage without saying a word. Kennedy waited and then delivered the "Kennedy" part of his introduction. Cole raved about Kennedy's return to Raw... [C]
Powell's POV: Kennedy has to turn heel, right? Big Show is the No. 2 heel on Raw right now and he has zero heat. I love Matt Hardy and The Miz, but WWE doesn't seem to be pushing them into the main event picture. By the way, the live crowd gave Kennedy a nice reaction when he walked out, but he didn't get much of a reaction for the bit when he says his own name. I hope they aren't bringing back Triple H tonight simply because he needs more time away to make the fans miss him.
[Q6] 3. Santino Marella and Mickie James beat Chavo Guerrero and Beth Phoenix in 1:40. Santino and Chavo started. Beth tagged in and chased Santino, who broke the world record for fastest role out of the ring. Funny. Moments later, Mickie rolled up Beth and scored the pin.
After the match, Vickie walked onto the stage wearing her Miss WrestleMania crown and sash. "Excuse me," she said with Chavo standing next to her. She congratulated Santino on his victory. She said she would be wrestling Santina at Extreme Rules and would have Chavo in her corner. Santino apparently was able to pick the match stipulations for this epic encounter. He picked a hog pen match. The crowd didn't seem to care...
Powell's POV: Poor Jim Ross said that if you've never seen a hog pen match, you'll never forget it. I wonder who fed him that line?
Backstage, Big Show told The Miz that he doesn't like him. He said he gets to face John Cena at Extreme Rules and vowed to make him tap out. "Like you did a Judgment Day," Miz cracked as Show was walking away. Show stopped and asked Miz if he said something. Miz backed down... [C]
Powell's POV: Probably not a good idea for Miz to remind everyone that Show didn't live up to his promise of beating Cena at Judgment Day. They're having a hard enough time making people care about this feud. By the way, as much as I was hoping for a fresh matchup at Extreme Rules, Vickie vs. Santino was not what I had in mind.
Highlights aired from earlier in the show of Vince announcing the formation of the XBA. You know, because it was so damn hilarious they felt the need to show it twice. Sigh...
4. Goldust and Hornswoggle defeated Festus and The Brian Kendrick in 2:10. Carlito and Primo sat in on commentary. Festus came out wearing a Clippers jersey, which didn't seem to generate much of a reaction from the live crowd. Festus made the noise when the bell rang, but he didn't go after Horny. Rather, Kendrick tagged himself in and shoved Horny to the mat a couple times.
[Q7] Horny DDT'd Kendrick and tagged in Goldust. A short time later, Kendrick went to his corner to tag in Festus, who shook his head no. Kendrick slapped him, but it didn't count as a tag for some reason. Goldust ended up pinning Kendrick. Festus stood there with his mouth open after the match. Kendrick grabbed a chair from ringside. Primo left the table and rang the bell. Festus chased Kendrick from the ring...
Powell's POV: Anyone who says Impact isn't better than Raw at this point clearly isn't watching both shows. Seriously, Raw is so horrible that it's killed my Memorial Day buzz. I didn't think that was possible. Again, thanks for trying Stan Kroenke.
Ross hyped the 10-man tag main event for after the break. The graphic featured Kennedy in place of the mystery man photo... [C]
Powell's POV: By the way, Dot Net reader Adam Wright pointed out that Lillian Garcia mistakenly introduced Maryse as being from "Ontario, Canada."
The announcers ran through the pay-per-view lineup at ringside... The Lakers P.A. announcer introduced the five-on-five main event. The heels represented the Denver Nuggets and were assigned positions... [C]
Powell's POV: As I write this, thousands of viewers are grabbing their remotes and saying, "Damn, I forgot the NBA game is on!" Hell, I want to turn the channel to check the score and I don't even care about the NBA.
[Q8] The babyfaces were introduced as starters "for your Los Angeles Lakers." MVP came out wearing Kobe Bryant's jersey number. Check the main page later tonight to find out whether he forced himself upon any women during the commercial break. Kennedy came out wearing No. 4. Ross made a joke about someone from Green Bay wearing the No. 4 jersey. Funny. Batista came out last wearing full Lakers gear and carrying a basketball....
5. Batista, MVP, John Cena, Jerry Lawler, and Mr. Kennedy beat Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Big Show, and The Miz in 20:00. Much like the NBA, just when things started getting interesting, they went to a timeout. [C]
Powell's POV: I lied just for the sake of the joke. It never got interesting.
Tomorrow night on ECW: David Hart-Smith, Tyson Kidd, and Jack Swagger vs. Christian, Finlay, and Tommy Dreamer...
Powell's POV: The longest rest hold during the ECW six-man will be better than anything we've seen on Raw tonight.
After the break, the teams continued to fight in their Lakers and Nuggets jerseys. The heels took turns beating up Kennedy while the live crowd chanted, "Let's go Lakers." Posers. If you really cared about your team, you'd be at home watching them on television.
[Overrun] In the end, MVP hit the Playmaker on Cody and scored the clean pin to win the match for his team. Afterward, a bunch of guys took turns hitting their finishing moves. Show tried to chokeslam Cena and Batista simultaneously, but they fought him off and hit a double suplex. Ross referred to the show as a "two-hour thrill ride." His nose grew so large that it was sticking inside the ring while he was seated at the announcers' table. The wannabe Lakers celebrated to close the show...
Powell's POV: Well, that show sucked. Really, what more can I say? I'm sure I'll think of something when I write the WWE Raw Hitlist and record the "All Access" version of the Dot Net Podcast on Tuesday. Until then, thanks for watching along with me.
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5/25 Powell's WWE Raw Live Coverage: Vince McMahon vs. Stan Kroenke impersonator, Ric Flair calls out Randy Orton, 10-man tag with a mystery partner for the babyface team, Maryse vs. Mickie James for the WWE Divas Title
By By Jason Powell
May 25, 2009 - 10:00 PM
May 25, 2009 - 10:00 PM
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