5/8 Moore's WWE Main Event TV review: Macho Mandow vs. Axelmania, Adam Rose vs. Zack Ryder, R-Truth vs. Stardust, Bo Dallas vs. Jack Swagger
By John Moore
WWE Main Event
Taped on Tuesday from Ottawa, Canada
Aired on demand on Hulu Plus
The Rosebuds made their way to the ramp as Main Event began. Adam Rose and his newest Rosebud, Rosa Mendes, made his way to the ring for the opening match. Rich Brennan and JBL seem to be our permanent broadcast team for Main Event. Rosa Mendes did the Angela Love rope hump when she entered the ring. Rosa Mendes's love interest from the WWE-ECW days, Zack Ryder, was Rose's opponent.
1. Adam Rose (w/Rosa Mendes) vs. Zack Ryder. Zack Ryder gained early momentum by face planting Rose in the mat. Rose got sent over the top rope. Ryder prevented Rose's re-entry with a dropkick. When Ryder made chase to Rose, Rose tripped him on the apron. Rose used the apron to wail on Ryder's back. Rose then used the ropes to press on Ryder. Rosa got a cheap shot on Ryder when the ref was distracted.
After a pin attempt, Rose slowed down the action with a headlock. The camera kept cutting to Rose's buds singing. Ryder tried to mount a comeback, but was thwarted by a powerful spinebuster from Rose. After another pin attempt, Rose went to ringside to make out with Rosa Mendes for a decent amount of time. This allowed Ryder to sneak in a rollup attempt.
Rose overpowered Ryder and motioned to the crowd in confidence. Ryder reversed a suplex into a neckbreaker. Ryder took advantage of the rattled Rose. Ryder cornered Rose with a missile Dropkick. Ryder motioned for the Broski boot, but Rose ducked out. Ryder had to settle for a baseball slide instead. Rose turned a Ruff Rider into a powerbomb. Rose then hit the Party Foul for the victory.
Adam Rose defeated Zack Ryder via pinfall in 4:29.
Rose and Rosa had an almost-sexual makeout session in the middle of the ring to commemorate the win. JBL treated the situation like he was watching a porno. Ughhh... JBL's in Raw mode again!
John's Thoughts: JBL's in Raw mode, but at least he's calling the matches in good announcer mode. Hopefully Rose picks up some steam given the amazing PR that his ESPN piece has garnered.
Backstage, Renee Young was interviewing Damien Sandow about his future. Curtis Axel entered camera view before Sandow can get into his answer. Axel was flexing his biceps and doing his Hulk Hogan act. Sandow blamed Axel of being jealous of Sandow doing Hogan better. Sandow then went on to do Hogan himself. He then proposed an Axelmania vs. Sandowmania match. Sandow then teased the debut of Macho Mandow...
John's Thoughts: Are we getting the White Machismo tonight?
Jack Swagger headed to the ring still doing his We The People thing without Zeb. He was having a match with Bo Dallas after the commercial... [C]
Bo Dallas made his entrance with a mic in hand to do his weekly cheap heat promo. He started singing, Bo Canada! He then said Canada was a bunch of underachievers that just had to Bo Lieve...
2. Jack Swagger vs. Bo Dallas. Bo escaped an early German Suplex and worked on Swagger in the corner. Bo rallied for cheers after a strong clothesline and only got boos. Bo then told everyone to "Bo-Lieve that!". Swagger managed to turn the tide with a belly to belly suplex. Swagger nailed the Swagger bomb on Bo, leading to the Patriot Lock. Bo Dallas tapped out.
Jack Swagger defeated Bo Dallas via submission in 1:46.
JBL kept trying to defend Bo on the microphone. He also gave Swagger credit for being a good fighter. Damien Sandow vs. Curtis Axel was hyped for after the break... [c]
After Axel did his usual Axelmania entrance. Damien Sandow came out as Macho Mandow to Pomp and Circumstance. Axel wasn't impressed inside of the ring.
3. Curtis Axel vs. Macho Mandow. Sandow laid out Axel with a series of punches. Axel stopped that momentum quickly with a knee to the gut of Sandow. Axel did the shirt rip thing after a nice dropkick on Sandow. Sandow countered the attack of Axel with some elbows. Axel tried to Hulk up, but to no fanfare. Axel ended up Hulking up and did the "you!" point. Sandow got up before he could get to the leg drop bit.
Damien Sandow had Axel in the position for the top rope Macho elbow. Out of nowhere the Ascension came in and ended this match in an apparent no contest.
Curtis Axel vs. Damien Sandow ended in an apparent no contest.
The Ascension hit a sloppy Fall of Man on Axel. They hit Sandow with a slightly better version of their finisher. Viktor had the mic and called both men a joke. He called the 1980s the worst era of "Sports Entertainment". Konnor said the men on the ground wanted to make him throw up, while also stomping on Axel. Viktor said this was a new era, the era of total destruction. This took us to break and Raw Rebounds... [C]
John's Thoughts: Huh? Is this the battle of the Pro Wrestling convention. You have bad Road Warrior cosplayers on one side, and bad Mega Powers cosplayers on the other? At least it gives the men involved something to do; but I really hope Sandow gets the hell out of this situation quick or else he'll end up being impersonator Charlie Haas 2015.
R-Truth got his full What's Up entrance, with the fans actually behind it this time. They even joined him in a "Whoop there it is!". Stardust followed, without the dumb bag of 99 cent store plastic spiders this time.
4. R-Truth vs. Stardust. The Crowd started the match with the usual "Cody!" chants. After a strange sequence of something, the two got to actual wrestling with several armdrags. R-Truth landed his signature flying kick before sending Cody to the outside. things got even more pointless and confusing having to do with crowd chants before we cut to our next commercial. [C]
John's Thoughts: I'm really not sure what happened that first minute or so in the match and before the commercial...
R-Truth had the upper hand after the commercial break over Stardust. R-Truth kept yelling What's up, which allowed Stardust to gain control of the match. Stardust planted R-Truth with a front suplex followed by some theatrics. R-Truth managed to sneak a surprise pin attempt, but Cody kicked out. Stardust continued his attack with various stomps in various parts of the ring.
R-Truth turned the tide with a series of clotheslines followed by his bicycle kick. Stardust kicked out at two. R-Truth hit Stardust with a sloppy stunner, for another two count. Stardust countered with the ropes, leading to a sloppy beautiful disaster kick for the victory.
Stardust defeated R-Truth via pinfall in 7:19.
Stardust went on the announce table and said "there are no wormholes!". Stardust then went on to wear JBL's cowboy hat. JBL called him a Space Cowboy. This closed the show...
John's Thoughts: That match was slightly less stupid than the Raw match involving plastic spiders. It was just there and I'm not sure why these two are paired with each other, but that's a majority of R-Truth's "feuds" these days.
Where Smackdown is the beta testing center for what WWE wants to do on Raw, Main Event seems to be where the alpha build of gimmicks start. This was just another episode of Main Event. Not really must see, unless you're a fan of a bunch of throwback cosplayers.
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