By Chris Shore

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WWE Elimination Chamber
Aired live on pay-per-view
New Orleans, Louisiana at New Orleans Arena

Pre Show

Tony Dawson and Matt Striker opened the show and ran down the card. A video recapped the Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry match from Smackdown, and then Josh Matthews interviewed Orton. Orton said he was going to use the chamber against his opponents. He said a dangerous man was one that had no remorse for what he does. He said his opponents would find out exactly how dangerous he is. Matthews told him to have a good time…

Shore's Slant: Have a good time? Seriously Josh? Have a good time? Wow. Oh, this is the first time since the pre-show was added to PPVs that I have caught the thing from the start.

A video hyped the six man tag match…Rhodes Scholars made their entrance as Damien Sandow cut a promo. Sandow said people had been demanding a reunion ever since they broke up. Cody took over and said after lengthy litigation, they were there to give the people that they wanted. They demanded the people give them a reunion round of applause. They did get a few people up. Brodus Clay came out with Tensai. Tensai was wearing a beret. They got no response from the crowd. A video recapped how the two men became a team…

Rhodes Scholars vs. Brodus Clay and Tensai (w/The Funkadactyls). Sandow and Clay started. They locked up hard and Sandow fled. Rhodes tagged in and asked for Tensai, who tagged in. Tensai slammed Cody in the corner and teased for a splash by doing the Cabbage Patch Kid on the second rope. Cody moved and hit Tensai with the Disaster Kick to take control. Tensai got a surprise hot tag and Clay came in destroying everyone. They hit a combo standing splash on Sandow, and then a combo splash on Cody Rhodes for the win…

Brodus Clay and Tensai defeated Rhodes Scholars at 4:06.

Shore's Slant: Quick and relatively painless. I don't like the dancing fat guys act but this was no surprise either.

A WrestleMania video aired…A video hyped the Elimination Chamber match…A video hyped the CM Punk vs. Rock feud. The show ended six minutes before the top of the hour…

Elimination Chamber PPV

A video hyped the big matches on the card…The opening graphic aired, followed by the pyro, and Michael Cole, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and JBL checked in on commentary. Big Show made his entrance as a video showed the silly garbage from Smackdown two weeks ago. The champ was out next…

1. Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez). Big Show started killing Del Rio at the start and JBL put it over big. Del Rio clipped the leg to start a quick come back. He hit a superkick with Show on his knee, but Show kicked out strong at two. Show hit a spear and the started his methodical dissection of Del Rio. Show hit a splash in the corner for two. Del Rio locked in the cross arm breaker by surprise, but Show made the ropes and swatted Del Rio down.

Show kicked away Ricardo's bucket. He lifted Del Rio for a powerbomb, but Del Rio reversed into a ranna that spilled Show to the floor. Del Rio followed with a dive. Ricardo helped Del Rio back in the ring and Show barely made the count. Show hit a chokeslam out of nowhere for two. He cocked for the WMD, but Del Rio went to the floor. Show dragged Del Rio back in the ring and went for another but Del Rio reversed into a DDT for two.

Del Rio hit his enziguri for two. He locked on the cross arm breaker in the middle of the ring. Show sold it for a moment and then stood up. He slammed Del Rio down and setup for the WMD again. Ricardo jumped on the apron and Show knocked him down. Show picked up the bucket and held it near his head. Del Rio went for the enziguri, missed, and then the second time hit the bucket into the head. Terrible. He hit a few more kicks and then got Show to tap to the cross arm breaker…

Alberto Del Rio retained the WWE Championship at 13:14.

Shore's Slant: Very surprised Show tapped there, but all of it gets swept away by the miss on the kick. It was a silly gimmick added to the finish that didn't need to be there, and they paid for it. Good, not great, but good match up to that point.

A GI Joe trailer aired and then Josh Matthews interviewed two of the actors in the movie as Antonio Cesaro made his ring entrance. Miz was out next wearing his shoulder wrap. A video recapped the attack from Cesaro on Miz…

2. The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro for the United States Championship. Cesaro went after the injured arm and Miz was able to score a couple of roll-ups, but Cesaro hit a shoulder tackle on the injured arm to take control. They had a cool hope spot where Miz jumped in the air and Cesaro caught him for a shoulder breaker. Cesaro worked the arm with various holds and slams on the arm and shoulder.

Miz hit a stiff ass kick to start a comeback. He jumped off the top and Cesaro hooked a cross face type move out of the air. Miz sold the hold and then rolled Cesaro up for a two count before dumping him over the top. Miz tried to dive on Cesaro, but Cesaro caught him. He ran at the stairs, but Miz slid out and Cesaro slammed leg first into the stairs. Miz rolled Cesaro in the ring and hit several knee strikes. He tried to hook Cesaro in the figure four, but Cesaro kicked the foot away. Miz fell with his knee on Cesaro's nuts and the ref called for the bell. That's not a mis-type. Post-match, Miz kicked Cesaro in the balls on purpose…

Antonio Cesaro retained the United States Championship by disqualification at 8:20.

Shore's Slant: Is it gimmick finish night? That was awful. They showed it in slow-mo and you could see Cesaro never touched him, even though he was supposed to. Crazy. The match never really got going, and the lame ass finish means this is your WrestleMania match.

Backstage, Kane and Daniel Bryan did their bickering bit. Kane said he had never been in a main event at WrestleMania so tonight was important to him. Bryan agreed and said they should watch each other's backs tonight. Kane hugged him and said Bryan could watch his back and he would watch his own back as well…The Chamber hype video played while the cage was setup.

Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter made their entrance. Swagger cut a promo introducing Colter. Colter trashed Louisiana and said Thomas Jefferson would not be happy with his purchase. He skewed back to the xenophobic angle and said he didn't defend this country with his life just to see people cross the border illegally and then ask for a hand out. Damn it. Swagger screamed "We the people" until Kane's pyro popped. Mark Henry and Randy Orton were the pod people…

3. Jack Swagger vs. Kane vs. Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Daniel Bryan. Bryan went for the No Lock quickly, but Jericho fought it off. They battled out to the platform and went back and forth on teasing someone hitting the metal. Jericho finally whipped Bryan into the cage after escaping another No Lock attempt.

Swagger was the first guy from the pods to come in and he went immediately after Jericho. After slamming Jericho around in the ring, he slammed Bryan into the cage a few times before driving his knee into Bryan's face on the steel. Jericho hit a clothesline on Swagger, but he missed a splash in the corner and Swagger worked him over against the cage. Bryan hit Swagger with a running knee that looked like it hurt when Bryan landed. Bryan hit a double arm DDT and went for the diving head-butt, but Jericho moved.

Kane was the next man in. He slammed Jericho and Swagger in the corner and then whipped Daniel in to hit his drop kick on both men. Kane tossed Swagger over the top rope and Bryan grabbed him for a quick roll up attempt. Kane kicked out and Bryan begged off. He asked Kane to hug him and Kane refused. They argued "Yes/No" and Bryan shoved Kane. Kane knocked him down, but Bryan ducked a corner splash and hit his drop kick in the corner.

Bryan hit several kicks, but Kane came right back with a throat grab. They fought into the corner and Jericho joined in. Kane hit a Doomsday Device on Bryan on Jericho's shoulders and Swagger covered for two. Kane hit a suplex on Swagger for two. Jericho knocked Kane down and was once again the first guy beat up as Orton entered the match.

Orton tossed Swagger over the top and hit a drop kick on Kane. He hit a slingshot suplex on Bryan and then shoved Kane into the cage. He hit the rope DDT on Kane on the steel. Ouch. All five guys took each other out in sequence and Mark Henry paced back and forth for well over 30 seconds until his pod finally opened.

Henry made his entrance as all five men were still down. Henry just tossed guys around and then hit a World's Strongest Slam on Bryan. Daniel Bryan was eliminated at 16:35. Henry grabbed Orton and shoved Orton through the Lexan on one of the pods. Kane jumped off the top rope for his punch on Henry, but Henry caught him (on the mat) and hit a WSS on Kane. Kane was eliminated at 18:20.

Jericho was next for Henry, but Jericho slid off Henry's shoulder and slammed him into the cage. Swagger ran over and he and Jericho hit a double suplex on Henry on the steel. Jericho clotheslined Swagger back in the ring. He tried for the Walls of Jericho, but Swagger kicked him away. Jericho hit a bulldog and went for the Lionsault, but Henry caught him and tossed him into the cage. Henry gorilla slammed Jericho on Swagger in the ring. He set them side by side in the corner and went for a splash on both, but the both moved.

Swagger hit a big boot on Henry. Jericho followed with a codebreaker. Orton followed with a RKO and it was enough for Henry. Mark Henry was eliminated at 23:18. All three guys sold the effort. Henry started to leave, but he stormed back in and hit WSS on all three men. Every ref on the roster, Teddy Long, and Booker T all came out to demand Henry leave. He did.

All three men struggled to their feet and Orton and Jericho took out Swagger. Orton hit powerslams on both men, but Jericho hit a Codebreaker on Orton. He went for one on Swagger and Swagger slammed Jericho into the corner. Swagger hooked the Patriot Act on Orton. Jericho broke it up and Swagger hooked the hold on him. Jericho reversed it into Walls of Jericho. Orton broke that up and hit his rope DDT on both men at the same time.

The place came unglued as Orton amped up for the RKO. He went for it on Jericho while pointing to the WrestleMania sign. Jericho shoved him off and went for the Lionsault. Orton got the knees up and followed with a full RKO to pin Jericho. Chris Jericho was eliminated at 31:12. Swagger rolled Orton up immediately for the final elimination and win…

Jack Swagger won the Elimination Chamber match at 31:17 and will challenge for the World Title at WrestleMania 29.

Shore's Slant: No real surprises here. Swagger was the number two favorite. I can't believe he gets this spot after just coming back, but good for him. I also hated seeing the Colter promo turn the way it did, but it also gave the ending away too. Tough spot to be in, but I'm interested to see where the feud with Del Rio goes. The match itself started very slow, but it was really good after Henry got in the ring.

A video hyped the six man tag match. The babyfaces were out first The Shield entered through the crowd and the babyfaces attacked. They hit a stall suplex on all three members at the same time and then we finally got the start if the match…

4. John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback vs. The Shield. Ambrose and Sheamus started. Sheamus immediately hit the forearms in the ropes. He even snatched Ambrose's shirt off. Sheamus knocked Rollins down and rolled Ambrose back in the ring. Reigns stared at Sheamus and Sheamus stared back. Ambrose took advantage and kicked Sheamus, giving the heels control.

Sheamus hit Brogue kick to escape and Cena got the hot tag. Cena hit several shoulder tackles but the Shield ganged up on him. A "Feed me more" chant broke out as Reigns hit a Samoan Drop on Cena for two. Ambrose could be heard screaming insanities from the apron. Ambrose tagged in a hit a sick DDT for two.

Cena tossed a charging Ambrose over the top to give him enough separation to tag Ryback. Rollins tagged in and Ryback destroyed both men. Reigns attacked him to stop the clothesline. Sheamus went after Reigns and they spilled to the floor. Reigns speared Sheamus through the barricade. All three men went for the powerbomb, but Cena made the save by dragging Reigns to the floor.

Cena slid in the ring and hit the AA on Ambrose. Ryback lifted Rollins at the same time. Reigns hit a spear on Ryback. Rollins fell on top Ryback, and Reigns distracted Cena to prevent him from making the save…

The Shield defeated John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback st 14:50.

Shore's Slant: Very good match. I liked the finish, and I got a tough pick right not only in the winner, but it Cena being distracted from the finish. It is the right call. It keeps The Shield strong, keeps the feud with Ryback hot, and Cena doesn't look bad in defeat going into the title match at WrestleMania.

Dolph Ziggler and his crew came to the ring. Ziggler started complaining about not being on the show and put himself over. Booker T cut him off and booked him in a match against Kofi Kingston.. At least Kofi gets a check…

5. Dolph Ziggler (w/AJ and Big E Langston) vs. Kofi Kingston Kofi hit a quick monkey flip that Ziggler oversold. Kofi took a shoulder into the post bump and Ziggler took control. Kofi tried a comeback by jumping over Ziggler a few times, but Ziggler grabbed a sleeper. Kofi escaped by dumping Ziggler over the top and then diving on Langston. Langston distracted the ref and AJ slapped Kofi. Kofi ducked Ziggler's attack and hit Trouble in Paradise. He covered, but Langston jerked Ziggler to the floor for the save. Kofi took out Langston again with a dive, but Ziggler caught Kofi on the top with a front suplex and hit the Zig Zag for the win…

Dolph Ziggler defeated Kofi Kingston at 3:55.

Post-match, Big E Langston climbed in the ring and brutalized Kofi.

Shore's Slant: Unnecessary match and an unnecessary beat down. If Langston is going to feud with Kofi, who wants to see it after that beat down? Kofi looks so weak. He's badly damaged and this didn't help at all.

Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls were playing with the new action figures. Tensai walked up and Clay called him Sweat T. Tensai didn't like it and asked where his action figure was. Clay said it was too hard to make with the script on his face. He asked what it was and Tensai said it was supposed to be Japanese wisdom but with his luck it was a sushi menu. Cameron slapped him on the ass, called him Sweat T again, and then they all danced…

Shore's Slant: What kind of friggin acid trip was that shit?

The women made their entrances as a couple of video tried far too late to build hype for this match…

6. Tamina Snuka vs. Kaitlyn for the Divas Championship. They set a slow, methodical pace early with several slow roll up attempts. Tamina hit a Samoan Drop and went to the top rope. Kaitlyn moved on the splash and hit a spear for the win…

Kaitlyn retained the Divas Championship at 3:27.

Shore's Slant: Quick and painless. Nothing stood out as bad here. They got in and got out. But it was the second of two buffer matches and I don't think the crowd could have possibly cared less.

The main event hype video aired. Punk made his entrance with Heyman holding the belt. Rock was out next. Justin Roberts had old school ring introductions…

7. CM Punk (w/Paul Heyman) vs. The Rock for the WWE Championship. If Rock gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title. Punk and Rock took a solid minute of dancing around before they locked up. Dueling chants started immediately. Punk scored the first two takedowns and mugged to the crowd. He hit a third, flipped Rock off, and ran the ropes. Rock hit an arm drag and Punk bailed to the floor.

Punk climbed back in the ring and they jawed with each other. Punk slapped him and Rock teased getting DQed while the ref fought with him. Punk stood and spit right in Rock's face. Yuck. Rock clotheslined Punk and sent him to the floor. He followed and slammed Punk all over the ringside area. Punk raked the eyes and rolled in the ring. He attacked Rock when he climbed in the ring and took control.

Punk hit the high knee and a clothesline. He followed with the top rope elbow for two. He dumped Rock to the floor and told the Spanish announcers to split. He cleared the table, but that let Rock recover and attack. Rock rolled Punk back in the ring and tried for a Rock Bottom. Punk reversed into a round house kick for a great near fall.

Heyman distracted the referee and Punk dragged Rock from the ring. He hit a Rock Bottom on Rock on the announce table, but it didn't break. Punk dove back in the ring and Rock made the count at the last split second. Punk blew a kiss at Rock's mom (I think) and whipped Rock, but Rock reversed into a Samoan Drop.

Both men struggled to their feet and traded blows. Rock suddenly had a burst of energy and hit a DDT. Rock stalked Punk and went for the Rock Bottom again. Punk hit elbows over and over, chopping Rock to the ground. He dove off the top rope and Rock caught him for the Rock Bottom for a near fall that nearly killed the crowd.

Punk rolled to the floor and Rock followed. They chased back to the ring and Heyman distracted the ref on the apron. Punk whipped Rock and Rock took out the ref by mistake. Punk hit GTS and covered and the crowd counted to ten. Heyman yelled at the ref, but the ref couldn't do anything. Another ref came down and Punk lifted for another GTS, but Rock slipped out and hit the spinebuster and People's Elbow. The new ref counted another great near fall that the crowd went wild for.

Punk rolled over and the new ref sold his ankle being injured from Punk rolling on it. He fell to the floor and Punk kicked Rock. Heyman got the belt and gave it to Punk. Heyman held Punk and you can guess what happened next. Rock moved. Heyman died. Rock bottom. Pinfall…

The Rock retained the WWE Championship at 20:55.

Shore's Slant: Very good match with a wildly overbooked ending. I get why they did all this, but this was just one of so many matches with gimmicked endings that it didn't quite provide the cover for Punk they worked so hard to build. Punk will be fine, but this feud didn't quite turn out as hot as I had hoped. Now we all have to hope Cena and Rock learned from last year's mistakes and make this thing right for Mania. Jason Powell and I will have more in Member's Exclusive audio later tonight. Sign up now for only $5 and listen tonight. Thanks for watching along with me.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com or tweet me @TheShoreSlant with whatever is on your mind.

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