By Chris Shore

Dot Net Members can look forward their exclusive audio review of WWE Elimination Chamber pay-per-view with Jason Powell and Chris Shore after the show tonight. Join us on the ad-free version of the website by signing up right now via the Dot Net Members' Signup Page. We also encourage you to download our FREE apps on iPhone, Android, and Amazon Fire.

WWE Elimination Chamber
Aired live on pay-per-view
Milwaukee, Wisconsin at Bradley Center

A video hyped the elimination chamber structure with highlights from previous matches, and tied it all together with it being on the Road to WrestleMania. The opening pyro popped and Michael Cole, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and Booker T welcomed us to the Elimination Chamber. The set is a regular set with a fake Chamber type structure above the stage. The Chamber lowered and Justin Roberts ran through the rules. The WWE Championship is up first...

1. CM Punk defeated Chris Jericho, The Miz, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, and Dolph Ziggler in an Elimination Chamber match to retain the WWE Championship at 32:34. Kofi and CM Punk started. Punk took his time going to each pod showing off his belt and to Kofi as well. Kofi and Punk started with cool looking Irish whip spot that saw Kofi jump over the ropes and land on his feet, and then a crazy long run of pinning positions. Kofi hit a flying foream and tried for the Boom Drop and Punk kicked him in the head.

They battled to the steel floor and Kofi lifted Punk for a back suplex. Punk flipped out but landed awkwardly. Not sure if that was a botch or a spot just to look ugly. Punk reversed a slingshot to slingshot Kofi into Jericho's pod. Punk hit a suplex on the steel and both guys sold it.

Ziggler was the first guy in and attacked Punk immediately. Hit hit a fireman's carry slam onto the steel floor and then did crunches on the steel cage before hitting the Fameassor on the steel on Punk. Ziggler hit a Stonger splash on Kofi, but missed one on Punk and Punk and Kofi took turns beating up Ziggler.

Punk and Kofi went for slingshot strikes on Ziggler at the same time. Ziggler moved and both men collided. Great spot! Everybody sold and then Truth came in about a minute early (based on real time, not WWE time). Truth hip tossed Ziggler over the top rope onto the steel and followed with a slingshot splash on the steel for two.

Punk hit a high knee on Truth on the top rope and followed with a superplex for two. He slammed Truth and went to the top turnbuckle in front of Jericho and hit the top rope elbow to eliminate Truth. R-Truth was eliminated by Punk at 11:40.

Ziggler tried to roll up Punk. Punk rolled through and Kofi hit Trouble in Paradise on Punk. Ziggler and Kofi fought to pin Punk and Kofi tossed Ziggler over the top rope onto the steel, and then jumped from the rope to the cage, and then off to hit a DDT on Ziggler. The crowd broke into a "Holy shit!" chant.

Shore's Slant: What they said!

Miz came in about four and a half minutes later and attacked everybody. He hit a kneeling DDT on Punk for two. Punk fought back and hit a powerslam for two. Miz kicked out into the Anaconda Vice, but managed to hold on until Jericho entered the match at 18:00 and Punk broke the hold.

Jericho and Punk squared off and then went rapid fire on offense. Jericho h it a Lionsault on Punk for two. Ziggler rolled Jericho up for two and Jericho returned the favor with a Codebreaker. Dolph Ziggler was eliminated by Jericho at 19:17.

Punk and Jericho continued to battle and Punk hit a slingshot over the top rope to have Jericho taste the cage for the first time. Punk went after him and Jericho tried to lock himself back in the pod. Punk got in and attacked him, but Jericho fought out and slammed Punk into the door, and then slammed the door on Punk.

Jericho went after Kofi next. Kofi fought back and hit the SOS on the steel. Both men sold it big and and Miz tried to cover Jericho but only scored a two count. The ref checked to make sure Kofi wasn't out on his feet and Miz and Kofi battled. Miz tried for a superplex, but Punk came over and hit a powerbomb into a bridge on Miz. Miz kicked out at two, but Kofi hit a cross body on Punk and Miz from the top of the pod.

Jericho ran over and locked in the old school Liontamer (Walls of Jericho) on Kofi and Kofi tapped. Kofi Kingston was eliminated by Jericho at 25:31. Jericho wouldn't break the hold at first, and then did only to toss Kofi over the top rope. He rammed Kofi into the cage a few times, and then tossed him out the door.

Jericho turned around into a roundhouse kick from Punk. The door was not closed yet and Jericho fell out the door, hitting his head on a light can (I think) and killed a camera man. The refs checked on him and decided he was unresponsive and called for the doctor. Chris Jericho was ruled unable to continue at 27:15. The doctor checked on Jericho, but it was obviously miked up, indicating a work.

Miz tried to hit his backbreaker/neckbreaker combo, but Punk hit a roundhouse kick for two. Punk jumped off the top rope, but Miz stepped aside and hit the Skull Crushing Finale for a great near fall. Miz pinned Punk in the corner and hit him repeatedly while talking smack. Miz went for a corner splash and Punk moved. He followed with Go To Sleep for the pinfall and end of the match. The Miz was the final contestant eliminated at 32:34. Post-match, Punk looked at Jericho as he left the chamber and then shrugged and walked away celebrating...

Shore's Slant: Great, great, great match with a weak ending. I have no idea what they are doing with Jericho, but I know that right now, I don't care to see it. This is how they get Jericho and Punk together at Mania? Jericho was never really eliminated? Terrible finish to a fantastic match. Kofi Kingston gets MVP for his offense.

Dot Net reader Tim Richardson is at the arena and said Jericho was being taken out on a stretcher...A video recapped why Randy Orton was removed from the chamber and how Santino Marella replaced him. A pre-tape backstage had Santino drink a raw egg only to throw it up. A John Cena hype video that showed him power lifting and hyping his match with Rock aired...

Shore's Slant: I really don't like that they are hyping Mania before Cena even starts his match tonight. I realize it's the bigger match and all, I just don't think it sends the right message. It tells everyone who paid for this show that their match doesn't matter.

2. Beth Phoenix defeated Tamina Snuka to retain the WWE Divas' Championship at 7:13. Beth offered Tamina a chance to leave, but she didn't. Beth called her a coconut head and knocked her head. Tamina grabbed her arm and slapped her in the side. Tamina slammed Beth and started to go to the top. Beth knocked her to the floor and pounced on her, driving her head into the floor. Tamina took until eight to make it back to the ring.

Beth worked the back with rest holds and strikes to the back. Tamina fought back and hit the Samoan slam. She went to the top, but Beth stopped her and hit a superplex that both women sold. Both women made their feet and Tamina worked chops and strikes. She hit a superkick and went back to the top again. She hit the top rope splash for a great near fall.

Tamina went back to the top and Beth rolled to the floor. Tamina attacked her there and rolled Beth back in the ring. Tamina went to through Beth into the corner, but Beth shoved Tamina into the second turnbuckle and followed with the Glam Slam for the win.

Shore's Slant: Not the greatest Divas' match I have ever seen, but a very good one and the best in a long time. And seven minutes is an eternity for the women. Perhaps there is hope yet.

The "B.A. Star" video aired, and then another training video showed Santino punching a ham. He hit the Cobra on the ham and stormed off...Josh Matthews reported from the trainers room that they would have more on Jericho's status later in the show.

John Laurinaitis was introduced, and he came to the ring with David Otunga and introduced himself. He stumbled over his words to tell us that the Board of Directors had decided to keep him on as interim GM and that Teddy Long should receive the same scrutiny. He introduced Alberto Del Rio who made his return in a vintage car.

Del Rio came to the ring and trashed Teddy and said Teddy was always trying to hook up with rats. Hilarious. He said that Johnny Ace should be the permanent GM of Raw and Smackdown. Mark Henry's music hit and he came to the ring in his ring gear. Henry said Teddy was a bully who assaulted him two weeks ago, causing Henry to fall for the trick and he was wrongly suspended. Henry turned to Ace and said they had never seen eye to eye, but Ace had never been a bully or throw his power around. He echoed what Del Rio said about GM of both shows.

Ace thanked them and started to speak, but Christian's music hit and he came tot he ring. Big pop from the crowd for him. Christian said nobody knew Teddy Long like he did and if it wasn't for Teddy long, he would be competing for the title tonight. He said Orton was sitting at home faking an injury while he had to compete hurt. He also demanded the Board grant Ace the GM of both shows.

Ace thanked them for their support and then Otunga said they should take a picture. They had to convince Henry, but finally Otunga took a couple of pictures and then one with him in it as well. Then they all left the ring...

Shore's Slant: Zzzzzzz. That sucked. It was cool seeing Del Rio and Christian because that means their return is eminent, but what a terrible waste of time.

Another Santino video, this one with him doing the run up the stairs and then slow motion celebration aired. The ominous music played and the Chamber lowered. Backstage, Josh Matthews interviewed Big Show and asked him considering his "less than stellar" track record at WrestleMania, does he need to win the title tonight to ensure a big WrestleMania moment. Show said he had done it all, but immortality at WrestleMania had alluded him. He said he did need to win tonight and that was all he was focused on...

3. Daniel Bryan defeated Great Khali,. Big Show, Cody Rhodes, Wade Barrett, and Santino Marella in an Elimination Chamber match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship at 34:05. Barrett and Big Show started out, and Santino made it into the chamber so he is in the match. Show attacked first and chopped Barrett all over the ring. Barrett hit a big boot and took control and dumped Show to the steel. He slammed Show into the door and the lock either broke or something because the ref quickly tried to fix it. The door didn't pop open, but it did look like it might.

They tumbled back into the ring and Show shoved Barrett away. Show chopped Barrett all over the ring and then tossed him over the top rope. A chant broke out that was difficult to make out, but I'm willing to bet it was "Boring" because that's what I would have chanted. Why was this not first?

The timer counted down and Show walked and stared at Bryan. Cody's pod was the one chosen and he took his time getting in the ring. When he finally did go after Show, Show drive him back in front of Bryan and hit a big chop. He tossed Cody onto the steel and followed him out. Show drove Barrett into the cage, and then chopped Cody on the cage. He tried to do a splash on on Cody, but Cody moved so Show hit the cage. Cody scampered to the top, but Show gorilla pressed him into the cage.

Show tried to chokeslam Barrett, but Barrett escaped and hit a chop block. He worked on Show's legs, and then he and Cody hit a high-low on Show. Cody covered Show for two, and Barrett tossed Cody over the top rope. Barrett drove Cody into the cage a few times and then whipped him into the side of the turnbuckle.

Cody started to fight back as the timer counted down a little later than it should have. Santino ran in and was a house of fire on Barrett, but turned around to face Big Show. Show drove him into the corner and chopped him and the place turned on Show. Show tossed Santino across the ring and closed on him, but Cody attacked with a chop block.

Cody got in a few shots, but Show powered back into control. He tossed Cody and Barrett over the same rope and stomped on both of them. Both men suddenly fought back and hit a double suplex on Show on the steel. The crowd chanted "Boring" again, but that's not fair this time.

Cody and Barrett started to roll Show in the ring, but Cody attacked Wade and hit a beautiful top rope moonsault for a two count. Cody turned his attention to Santino and worked him on the cage. The timer counted down and Khali was the next to enter.

Khali chopped everything in sight, and then hit a Punjabi Plunge on both Cody and Barrett. Khali shoved Santino down. Big Show hit a spear and Khali was done in less than a minute. Great Khali was eliminated by Show at 16:33. Show stood up and just stared at Bryan in his pod while the other three guys sold.

Bryan started talking crap and Big Show climbed onto the top rope and tried to reach through the chains on the top of the pod. Show went nuts and started ripping the chains off. He stomped his way through and climbed into the pod with Bryan and beat the holy hell out of him. He continued to beat on Bryan until the door was opened. Bryan hit a thumb to the eye and ran. Show grabbed him and slammed him through the pod, knocking the lexan out.

Show tossed Bryan into the ring, knocked Barrett down for good measure, and ran his offense on Bryan. He called for the choke slam, and hit it, but Barrett ran in and hit a big boot, and then his knees in the rope gimmick. Santino ran in and hooked a roll up on Barrett. Barrett kicked out and tossed Santino over the top rope.

Rhodes hit a Beautiful Disaster Kick from the ropes on Show, and then another from the cage on Show that spilled Show back in the ring. Barrett hit a top rope elbow, and sold the hell out of the elbow hurting him. Cody hit a DDT on Show from the knees to end it for Show.Big Show was eliminated by Rhodes at 22:39. Cody celebrated rather over the top and Santino rolled him up from behind. Cody rhodes was eliminated by Santino at 23:07

Barrett ran in and destroyed Santino, sending him to the steel and tying him into the cage. Bryan and Barrett went at it and Bryan botched his run up the turnbuckle into a back flip spot, but they recovered nicely. Barrett hit a clothesline after dropping Bryan on the top rope, and then hit a buckle bomb into the cage wall. He put Bryan's head in the door of a pod and slammed it shut. He dragged Bryan back into the ring for a two count.

Santino came at Barrett from behind, but Barrett just slapped him down and then a big boot that crashed Santino into the steel floor. Barrett hit several strikes to Santino's back against the cage. Bryan jumped off the top rope and hit a knee on Barrett. He slammed Barrett into two pods and went to the top. Barrett caught him there and slammed Bryan into the pod and the lexan broke, almost causing Bryan to fall back. Barrett started to do a wasteland from the top, but Santino saved Bryan.

Santino climbed up and tried for a superplex, but Barrett shoved him off. He tried for an elbow, but Santino moved. Bryan followed with an immediate diving headbutt and Santino covered fro the pinfall. Wade Barrett was eliminated by Santino at 30:39. Bryan laughed while looking at Santino as his opponent.

They squared off in the ring and Bryan continued to laugh. He swung at Santino and Santino hit a hip toss to send the crowd into a frenzy. They went back and forth for several moves and then Bryan hit a suplex and scampered to the top. He dove off for the headbutt, but Santino moved and pulled out the Cobra sock. He hit the move and covered for a near fall that nearly killed the crowd. Santino sold disbelief and Bryan grabbed his arm to hook in the LaBell Lock. Santino almost fought out, but he finally tapped. Santino Marella was eliminated last at 34:05.

Post-match, Sheamus's music hit and he came to the ring. Bryan tried to kick him, but Sheamus caught it and hit his new finisher before leaving the ring. Guess we know who Sheamus is challenging, huh?

Shore's Slant: A reverse of the first match. It was a slow and plodding match for most part, but it had some hot moments and the live crowd was super hot for the finish and Santino. I cannot believe anybody wants him to be World Champion, but the crowd was certainly into it. Overall though, a lackluster match that lived down to its expectations.

Backstage, Hornswoggle was eating cheese. He asked, "Cut the cheese?" and looked over at Natalya. Natalya farted and left. Dear God. Justin Gabriel walked up and talked to Horny who talked about all the different cheeses there were. He said Jack cheese, and Jack Swagger, who was standing nearby with Vickie, asked Horny what he said. Horny pointed at Vickie and said "Cottage Cheese." Can we go back to the farting? They all bickered and Teddy long walked up and booked a match between the two men. Swagger told Teddy he agreed that one man should be running both shows and it should be Laurinaitis. Teddy said it was a good idea, but the man should be him. He told Swagger the match would be for the US Title...

4. Jack Swagger (w/Vickie Guerrero) defeated Justin Gabriel (w/Hornswoggle) to retain the United States Championship at 3:04. Gabriel got in a ton of offense and knocked Swagger to the floor. He went for a kick, Swagger ducked, and Gabriel kicked the post. Swagger rolled him in the ring and hooked on the ankle lock for the win...

Shore's Slant: What the hell is this, TV? A three minute match? Garbage.

The announce team said Undertaker announced on WWE.com that he would be at Raw on Monday. A video recapped the John Cena vs. Kane feud...

5. John Cena defeated Kane in an ambulance match at 21:19. Justin Roberts explained the stipulation that to win, you must put your opponent in the ambulance and have it driven from the arena. Cena got a mostly negative response from the crowd. The bell rang and it quickly became a slug fest. The "Let's go Cena/Cena sucks" chants started 20 second in, and they went to the floor 30 second in.

They battled up the ramp to the ambulance. Kane hit Cena with the stretcher, Cena hit Kane with a backboard. They battled back to the ring and Cena slammed Kane into the stairs. They rolled in the ring, and Cena hit a punch to take control. Kane went for the top rope clothesline and jumped off, but Cena hit a drop kick in the air. He hit the five knuckle shuffle on Kane and lifted for the AA, but Kane powered out and locked on the suffocation hold. Cena passed out in the middle of the ring.

Kane pulled Cena to the floor and pulled a wheelchair out from under the ring. That's convenient. He put Cena in the chair and started pushing him up the ramp, but Cena came to and fought back. He oversold the smother move, but managed to slam Kane into the ambulance and hit him with the wheelchair.

Cena put Kane in the wheelchair and shoved him into some table with equipment on it. Kane hit Cena with what I think was a laptop. Then Cena hit Kane with a chair, and they battled across the sound board and other equipment in the arena. They battled through the crowd and Cena whipped Kane over the railing near the announce table.

Cena hit Kane with a microphone and then asked Booker if that got him in the "Fave Five." Booker said it did. God I hate Cena. He hit Kane with the top of the stairs and then asked if we wanted to have some fun. He dragged the bottom part of the stairs over to the Spanish announce table and set them up. He hit Kane with the stairs again and then put them together so the stairs climbed to the announce table. He lifted Kane, carried him up the stairs, but Kane slipped out and choke slammed Cena through the Spanish announce table at 16:00.

Kane brought the gurney to ringside and put Cena on it. He rolled him all the way to the ambulance and put Cena in, but Cena escaped before the second door was closed. Cena slammed a side door into Kane and then into the front door. Cena climbed on top of the ambulance and dared Kane to come up. Kane did, and Cena hit an AA from the top of the ambulance onto an area we couldn't see. Cena dragged Kane from the area and tossed him into the ambulance and closed both doors to win the match. Post-match, the ambulance pulled out with lights and sirens as Cena celebrated in the ring and the announce team shifted to talking about the Rock...

Shore's Slant: Ugh, what a terrible match and terrible PPV. No story advancement for Cena, just another overcoming of the odds. I HATE TYPING THAT SENTENCE. Sorry, I'll try to control myself. I can't even make this interesting while joking with myself. I'm stunned this is what Vince thought would be a good show heading into WrestleMania. One thing is for sure. He won't have to worry about this PPV overshadowing Mania!

So let's recap, Raw Chamber match, good with terrible ending. Divas' title, good but the crowd was dead for it. Smackdown Chamber match, not good but some decent spots that the live crowd was hot for. Throw away match. Cena slays another dragon. I can't believe I paid for this. I'll have more to say on the member's only audio review later tonight with Jason Powell. Thanks for watching along with me tonight.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com or tweet me @TheShoreSlant with whatever is on your mind.

And read my first work of fiction: The Following Contest is a Dark Match available exclusively on ebook for all eReaders, smartphones, tablets, and PCs for only 99 cents.

RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE: