By Chris Shore

TNA Impact Wrestling on SpikeTV
Taped on 11/21 & 22 in Orlando, Florida.

[Q1] The opening video recapped the end of Aces and Eights and the build to the elimination match. Before the show opened, a casket decorated with Aces and Eights gear was shown and Ken Anderson's voice said he would give the club a proper burial tonight… Mike Tenay and Taz checked in on commentary and Dixie Carter made her ring entrance.

Dixie said she hired a chief of staff because she was too busy. An "AJ" chant broke out and Dixie stopped for a second to let it go. She introduced her new chief of staff, Rockstar Spud. Spud made his entrance and put over Dixie as helping him win the UK Bootcamp show. He said his eyes and ears were Dixie's eyes and ears and he would be watching and listening. He said now that he was in the US, she was his queen.

Dixie announced the next round of gimmicks in the title tournament and then said she was doing something another member of her family did in their business and split the talent down the middle for a "winner, winner turkey dinner" competition. She had Spud lift the dome on a tray on the table behind her to reveal a turkey.

Dixie introduced EC3 and he came to the ring to say he had flown in his competitor tonight and he was a guy who used to tear up the roster. He said he was undefeated and some people said he was unbeatable. They did their Carter family gimmick and kissed cheeks to end the segment…[C]

Shore's Slant: I guess they expect everyone to be asleep from turkey already as this was dreadfully boring, not to mention the continual addition of heel authority figures is starting to reach gag levels. Why the hell is Spud an authority figure? He won your damn wrestling competition, let him wrestle. This is so bad and it might be the albatross around their neck that keeps them from really improving.

[Q2] 1. Ethan Carter III vs. Curry Man. Curry Man started to cut a promo but EC3 attacked him from behind. Curry got in a few licks, but EC3 hit the 1 percenter for the win…

Ethan Carter III defeated Curry Man at 3:38.

A video recapped the Gunner throwing in the towel for Storm during the hardcore match. Backstage, Kurt Angle talked to Gunner and thanked him and Storm for teaming with him tonight. Storm walked in and said they would settle whatever problems they had later because they had to defeat Roode and company tonight. Gunner told Storm he only did what he did because he thought it was right. Storm said, "Yeah" and walked off…[C]

Shore's Slant: After last week's show flew by the first 20 minutes of this show has dragged on. Tenay narrated the flashback video and it was every bit the lifeless dreg you would imagine it would be. It seems TNA can't put two decent shows together back-to-back.

Backstage, Bro-Mans introduced their new DJ, Zema Ion. ODB and EY walked up and told them they were wrestling Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes and they loved the idea. Or something, I quit listening. This shit is terrible…

[Q3] 2. Velvet Sky vs. Lei'D Tapa (w/Gail Kim). Tapa started with power and Velvet only got in anything by moving when Tapa would charge at her. Kim tripped Sky at one point and the ref banished her to the back. Tapa almost kicked his ass and hit a stunner type move out of a fireman's carry for the win…[C]

Shore's Slant: Tapa is better but still pretty green. I guess that's why we don't see her with the title, but putting her in the ring as Kim's body guard doesn't make sense. All of these other girls they are bringing in to face Kim could be fodder to give Tapa ring time to get better AND establish her as the Goldberg-esque (or Kong-esque if you like) monster of the division.

A video showed the beginning of the Aces and Eights funeral. There were a few babyfaces in the congregation… A video tried to hype the turkey suit match. The video made me laugh, but I'm high on pecan pie and homemade Chex party mix so it could just be me. EY and ODB came out with the turkey suits.Zema Ion introduced Bor-Mans while making a shitty sound with his DJ gear. Oh my god I'm going to kill someone. Fernum and Barnes came out next and the Bro-Mans cut a shitty promo on them while Ion kept making that sound.

Shore's Slant: I WILL GIVE SOMEONE 100 BILLION DOLLARS TO KIL HIM!

3. The Bro-Mans vs. Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes in the turkey suit match. Jesse slapped one of the guys and they attacked him to start the match, but the Bros hit their finisher…

The Bro-Mans defeated Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes in the turkey suit match at 0:15.

[Q4] Robbie screamed "Ca-Caw!" over and over at the men while they put on the suits and then demanded they dance so they did to some music….why the hell am I typing this…[C]

Shore's Slant: I swear to god that if I was a casual wrestling fan who turned on TNA since there isn't anything on tonight and saw that shit I would never try TNA again. I seriously considered tapping out myself and telling you guys to watch the rest of the show for yourselves. It wasn't even close to funny. At all. Not even a little. Not even when Will Pruett lies to you and tells you it was. Not even stupid mindless funny. Oh my god.

The AJ Styles commercial was him defending in AAA again. And again, Dixie had a meltdown. This time she called a camera man over and said she gave him that title to go home and play with. She also threatened him with legal action again, but this time told him he had one week to return the title as she was putting him on notice. She also made a shoe joke in the middle of it. No, seriously…

Bobby Roode talked up his team and then started cracking jokes. Roode said he appreciated a good joke but tonight they prove he is better than Kurt Angle… The Aces and Eights funeral was hyped for next…[C]

Shore's Slant: A show joke in the middle of a legal threat? I can't…

Rockstar Spud yelled at a caterer about Thanksgiving dinner. Who the hell wrote this show?... Kurt Angle thanked Magnus for teaming with him and they also hyped their match for next week…

[Q5] The Aces and Eights funeral started. Magnus was playing on his phone. Samoa Joe was eating. EY was crying and Tenay asked him why. EY didn't know. The casket opened and Anderson crawled out. He cracked wise about how many segments they had on the show in the last year. Angle pulled out a D-Lo Brown bobble head doll. Joe passed out beers and drank them while eating from the deli tray that Bully's "ex-wife and her dad" sent over. He even teased giving Angle one and then said maybe not him and took it away.

Tenay put Taz's cut and Brooke's booty shorts in the casket. EY added the turkey suit and cried. Anderson started to bury the casket but said it was a good hammer and decided to keep it. Bully Ray walked in wearing a hoodie and stopped half way down the aisle. He said Anderson took everything from him and he would never forget that. He said Anderson would sleep with one eye open from now on for the sake of his pregnant wife. He said they all thought death was the last sleep, but he saw it as the final awakening. He backed out of the church…[C]

Shore's Slant: I will say that all the stupidity made Bully's promo seem even better than it was, and it was very good. It's too early to say whether or not this character evolution will be any good or not, but you're never going to see me boo character development. There's so little of it in wrestling nowadays.

[Q6] 4. Team Roode (Bobby Roode, Bad Influence, and Chris Sabin) vs. Team Angle (Kurt Angle, James Storm, Gunner, and Magnus) in an Survivor Ser…er, elimination match. Angle and Roode started. That's an odd choice. Roode tagged out quickly and the babyface held a moment of control. Gunner tagged in and the heels distracted the ref to attack him from behind and Gunner took the first heat.

Gunner hulked up in the corner and took out Bad Influence to get the hot tag to Storm. Storm ran his comeback and setup for the Last Call on Sabin. Kaz ran in and took it instead but Sabin rolled Storm up for the first elimination. James Storm was eliminated at 4:46. Storm yelled at Gunner for not breaking up the pin but the commentators no sold it. Mistake there.

Magnus took the next heat but he got the hot tag to Gunner. Gunner was about to eliminate Daniels, but the rest of the team distracted the ref and hit Gunner from behind to eliminate him. Gunner was eliminated at 7:33. Magnus came in and knocked Daniels to the floor. He dove on him on the floor from the apron and sold his knee being hurt. The trainers and Angle checked on him during the break…[C]

Shore's Slant: Magnus quits on Kurt Angle? Could we see the heel turn next week or will they wait for him to face Hardy to do it to make it even more eventful? I favor the latter but we'll see how they play it out.

[Q8] Sabin beat up Angle when the show came back and the picture-in-picture showed the trainers carrying Magnus to the back and Roode clotheslining him from behind during the break. Roode tagged in and accidentally took out his entire team as Angle ducked him. Angle hit the triple Germans on Roode, then Daniels, then Kaz (and Daniels at the same time on the last). He hooked the double ankle lock on Bad Influence and Roode ran in with a chair.

Angle knocked it away and hit the Olympic slam. He teased hitting Roode with the chair while the ref explained he would be disqualified, and then hit him anyway…

Kurt Angle was disqualified for the final elimination. Team Roode won 4-0 at 18:20.

Angle hit everyone with the chair and cleared the ring…[C]

Shore's Slant: Well that was weird. Other than the Magnus setup I don't get it. Are they trying to prove Kurt is crazy or out of control? Didn't they announce his rehab on the show? What more do you need? If not that, why give the heels a clean sweep? I mean, it was a good match but I don't get it as a whole.

A video recapped the elimination match. Roode congratulated his team on their win backstage and said they had to get ready for their dinner. He said he was thankful for being the It Factor and looked at the camera. He spoke to Kurt Angle and said he proved he was better again…

A video hyped the semi-finals for the title tournament next week… Spud showed Dixie the table and she seemed impressed. EC3 walked up and mocked the English having shitty food. She told him their meal was on the plane and left Spud in charge for the meal…

Shore's Slant: Get ready for WWE food fight silliness.

[Q8][C] Spud welcomed out all the winners tonight and they sat down. Kim sat down for Tapa and Ion stood as well. Velvet sat with Sabin. Roode snatched the mic and yelled at Sabin about the table being for winners. Sabin yelled back that he was right and told Velvet to take off. Ion took her seat.

They went around the table and said what they were thankful for. It was all as bad as you would expect. The second they started to eat, Kurt Angle's music hit and he came out. Angle said it looked like a ring full of losers, not winners. Roode dared him to get in the ring. Angle said if they were alone he would kick his ass. He said Roode wasn't alone and neither was he. The match losers came out along with EY and ODB and destroyed the meal and everyone in the ring. Fernum and Barnes hit double turkey splashes…[C]

Shore's Slant: I realize it's Thanksgiving and they don't care, but that might have been the worst show ever. Bleh. You're all welcome. Now I need to drink some turkey to wipe this from my mind.

Questions? Comments? Anyone, anyone? Let me hear from you. Email me at css3238@gmail.com or tweet me @TheShoreSlant with whatever is on your mind.

And read my first work of fiction: The Following Contest is a Dark Match available exclusively on ebook for all eReaders, smartphones, tablets, and PCs for only 99 cents.

RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE: